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InvisiblehTx
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Your failed sexual escapades
    #23942670 - 12/20/16 08:23 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Post your most cringeworthy failed sexual escapade.

I have so many, it's ridiculous how blind I was in my day, in retrospect knowing what I know now, I could have upped my hot girl bang count Significantly.

Some facepalms ago, there was this really hot chick who was dating a friend of mine.

They liked to do a lot of meth, consequently, my friend would be tweaking out doing all kinds of tinkering , leaving me alone with the girl.
Well she would always say shit like "he can't get it up when he is high and he is high all the time".
She once was wearing a skirt and soon as he would go off tweaking on some shit, she would lift up her skirt revealing a thong on a fatass.

I never made a move.
Not once, even though I thought she was fine as fuck, I figured she couldn't have been hitting on me because her boyfriend was my friend.
In retrospect, I was blind to how obviously she was down and knowing what I know now, would have destroyed that pussy the first time she mentioned being dissatisfied with her bf.

Theres quite a few other hot girls I missed my chance with due to sheer fear, disbelief, and the occasional super awkward guy I sometimes became trying to hookup..


--------------------
zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes
Light up the darkness.


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: hTx] * 1
    #23942673 - 12/20/16 08:26 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

You stayed true to your friend. That is by no means a facepalm. I respect you for that.


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InvisiblehTx
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #23942680 - 12/20/16 08:30 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah, my being loyal / naive prevented a lot of quality hookups.

I should have smashed though, friend in question started stealing shit from me so we no longer talk.


--------------------
zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes
Light up the darkness.


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Offlinedesant
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: hTx] * 2
    #23942686 - 12/20/16 08:34 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I got sooooo many socio sexual fuck ups under my belt it's not even funny


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OfflineA.RichardTrickle
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #23942692 - 12/20/16 08:35 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I knew this super hot girl that I met through a girl I had dated in college.  Long blonde curly hair, like 5 foot ten and an amazing early twenties body.  We became friends, looking back she was just begging me to bang her but I lacked the confidence back then.  I remembered that girls phone number for like 6 years after we parted ways....
We would go to the bar, gaslight about her "theatre" career and so on. She bring me over to her house, ask advice on sexy little outfits she wanted to wear out to the pub with me.  I was young and dumb, never caught on.
One that I really wish I had banged was my sisters cheerleader buddy in high school, she was forever flirting very openly, I was young n dumb......  having a cheerleader sister definately had its perks though :-)
Dick


--------------------
"When eating shit, it is best not to nibble.  Bite, Chew. Swallow. Repeat."
"If you're making love to your old lady, someone else is fucking her"
"Douchebags are children who never grew up, like Sheeklette, we should pity them."
[quote]Niffla said:
[quote]A.RichardTrickle said:
Dick[/quote]
http://www.youtube.com/v/kbwNUOUy-3c[/quote]


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InvisibleBill_Oreilly
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant]
    #23942695 - 12/20/16 08:36 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

i shot coke for a few hours with this girl and had sex with her..wel i could barely perform  because i was so geeked out but she fucked me like a master. i didnt cum of course

then for my virginity i had no idea what i was doing


then one time me and this girl were piss drunk and she couldnt get wet and i couldnt get it up

pretty embarrassing


--------------------
Something there is mysteriously formed,
Existing before Heaven and Earth,
Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging,
All-pervading, unfailing,
I do not know its name; I call it tao.
If forced to give it a name, I call it
Great (ta). Being great, it flows out;
Flowing out means far-reaching;
Being far-reaching, it is said to return.


It's just a shot away..


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Offlinehex_enduction
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: spirit_shadow] * 1
    #23942699 - 12/20/16 08:36 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Can't remember anything too horrible, but I've missed out on a handful of chances to get laid because my sex drive was fucked up for one reason or another and I just wasn't feeling it. Happened a couple times in the past few months.

I almost took a girl's virginity a few months ago who is a close friend of mine just because I was lonely and hadn't gotten any in a while but luckily I came to my senses and didn't go for it.

I recently almost decided against making a move on this girl who was very obviously interested in me because her roommate is a girl I had a thing with and have pretty strong feelings for, but luckily I said fuck it and went for it anyway, and ended up having some of the best sex of my life with an incredibly sexy and interesting girl yesterday :awesome:

I don't get laid much :lol:


--------------------


Connoisseur said:
oh ive cried on drugs

sunshine said:
Tragic.  I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: hTx]
    #23942719 - 12/20/16 08:45 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Looking back on my last relationship, I sometimes wish I was the type of guy that would have cheated, I could have had sex so many times with many different girls.

All of my ex's friends tried to fuck me behind her back, seriously, everyone of them, she always wondered why I didn't like being around her friends but I didn't have the heart to tell her because they propositioned me numerous times for sex, she wouldn't have believed me anyways though, so I would just act distant around her friends.

One time two of her friends wanted some pot, and I was selling pot at that point in my life, so I went to meet two of her friends who lived together, one told me to sit down on the couch while I waited for her other friend, the one girl that told me to sit down sat next to me, then her other friend came out of the shower and sat next to me with a towel on and no underwear, she was spreading her legs right in front of me and looking at her friend and moving sexually, me being loyal I said fuck it and got out of there.

Another time a good friends girl called me in the morning, I was dope sick and looking for someone to throw down on a bag, she said she just picked up 2 $50 pieces and she would gladly front me one, so I ripped over to her place like a bat out of hell eager to fill my veins with heroin, she started telling me how the pants she wore were very comfortable, and how they had a hole in the crotch and how she didn't have panties on, she kept trying to show me over and over again, my mind instantly switched to danger mode, so I kept changing the subject to photography because I knew she liked that, so did I, it worked.  That girl died from an OD not long after that, shit sucks. There were many other times, but those two stand out the most in my mind.

Sometimes I really wish I would have cheated, but I never felt that low about my ex, cheating just seems dumb to me.  I would respect someone that had sexual attraction to another person, and were honest about it, but to cheat just seems stupid because it creates problems which don't have to exists.  I think many people cheat due to not knowing how to talk about their problems properly.

Regarding the side of sexual issues like failure to fuck, I have had a few of those sure, all from being on large amounts of substances though. Sometimes a girl would want sex and I was not in my right mind, but would oblige anyways, not a good idea.  I find that avoiding bad sexual encounters is easy, just don't have sex unless you want to, at least that had worked for me.


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: hTx] * 2
    #23942729 - 12/20/16 08:50 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I started puberty a bit later than most and one time when I was 15 and my erect dick couldn't have been any longer than an inch and a half some girl who liked me kept sticking her hand down my pants repeatedly throughout the night and I would literally run away each time because I didn't want everyone to know how small my dick was, haha.

In retrospect, she seemed to be attracted to me for my youthfulness so perhaps she probably wouldn't have cared.


Not too long after our group of friends wound up kind of breaking apart for various reasons and we went off to do our own things for years. She wound up getting pregnant right after HS to my knowledge.


I wound up running into her at a gas station about a year back, it wasn't awkward at all and we actually had a nice little 2-3 minute long conversation.


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: hTx] * 3
    #23942735 - 12/20/16 08:51 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Man, I find some of the other responses in this thread kind of weird.

You guys wish you cheated? Why? I can guarantee if you actually did you would regret cheating 10x more than if you hadn't, assuming you're not a sociopath.


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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Offlinedesant
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Lucis]
    #23942746 - 12/20/16 08:55 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

In 2000 I chatted up this hot chick in a health club spa... we decided to meet up after and hit the local club, we did and later went to that girls house... to make story short I discovered she was 18 years older than me and for some reason back then (I was 17) was a turn offf and we didn't have sex!! We just chilled round her flat, then around 3 am her friend popped in , we ended up doing few lines and then I just simply went home

I was so dumb back then


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InvisibleRas Rising
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 5
    #23942752 - 12/20/16 08:59 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

My lifes title: Failed sexual escapades.

:feelsoldman:


--------------------
:bliss:To be altruistic and humble, to spread love and positivity where ever I go.*:bliss: 

*Does not include the Romp 
:inlove3::sunny::shroomeryhead::feelsshroomyman::shroomeryhead::sunny::inlove3:
Test Kits? SurRealitys gocchu'!


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Offlinedesant
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Ras Rising]
    #23942790 - 12/20/16 09:16 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Back in 2001

Me and 2 of me mates went out on the town, hit a few bars and ended up in this "70th night club"

It was fun. Good 70th music, Abba and shit. The best bit: I hooked up with the hottest chick! She was thirty ... we ended up dancing and drinking for hours, she put like 3 or 4 hickies on my neck .... it was time for bed, all over sudden I felt like I had too much to drink and was afraid I wouldn't be able to get it up!!! Which was nonsense , girl was smoking hot!!! So I had a "brain fart" - I figured I will meet her again in few days and I won't be drunk and have some viagra on me.... only I never saw this girl again... :sad:

Any way, A+ thread


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InvisibleDoctor Sponge
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23942836 - 12/20/16 09:39 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
I started puberty a bit later than most and one time when I was 15 and my erect dick couldn't have been any longer than an inch and a half some girl who liked me kept sticking her hand down my pants repeatedly throughout the night and I would literally run away each time because I didn't want everyone to know how small my dick was, haha.

In retrospect, she seemed to be attracted to me for my youthfulness so perhaps she probably wouldn't have cared.


Not too long after our group of friends wound up kind of breaking apart for various reasons and we went off to do our own things for years. She wound up getting pregnant right after HS to my knowledge.


I wound up running into her at a gas station about a year back, it wasn't awkward at all and we actually had a nice little 2-3 minute long conversation.



thats pretty damn funny :lol:


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InvisibleBill_Oreilly
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23942842 - 12/20/16 09:43 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
some girl who liked me kept sticking her hand down my pants repeatedly throughout the night and I would literally run away each time because I didn't want everyone to know how small my dick was.





That is sig worthy


--------------------
Something there is mysteriously formed,
Existing before Heaven and Earth,
Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging,
All-pervading, unfailing,
I do not know its name; I call it tao.
If forced to give it a name, I call it
Great (ta). Being great, it flows out;
Flowing out means far-reaching;
Being far-reaching, it is said to return.


It's just a shot away..


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle] * 1
    #23942846 - 12/20/16 09:44 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
Man, I find some of the other responses in this thread kind of weird.

You guys wish you cheated? Why? I can guarantee if you actually did you would regret cheating 10x more than if you hadn't, assuming you're not a sociopath.



Im a sociopath and I still dont cheat, out of principle :shrug:


--------------------
ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
Ban lotto


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Invisiblecivil twilight
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Doctor Sponge]
    #23942848 - 12/20/16 09:44 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Smashleigh and Heroin bitch... just wasn't that into them :shrug:


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"You dropped your pocket..."


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Offlinedaz01
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Ras Rising]
    #23942869 - 12/20/16 09:49 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

A stupid amount. I always had confidence and anxiety problems when I was young, especially during the last time I really socialised (4 years ago at college) It was extremely hard for me to talk to females back then.

3 major fails for me.
I knew her for years because she was my sisters friend. A 9/10.... not only in physical attractiveness but in personality and intelligence. She was a graduated neuroscientist and we had this unique and electrical chemistry. She was a damn nympho as well, from what I overheard in other peoples discussions :lol: We'd flirt and seduce with each other non stop, we'd lock eye contact as she "ate" bananas and sucked her finger when she took the foam from beer/coffee.

She was up visiting my sister one night, we are drinking and we were the last 2 to have not KO'ed. We eventually move up to my room, we are ripping off our shoes and I move in.... my sister barges in and interrupts the flow :lol: I dunno what happened, it just made me choke and my anxiety goes sky high. We cuddle in bed and she wraps her leg around mine. I can feel the intense, radiating heat and energy from her pussy..... I don't make a move. She pretends to fall asleep, though I don't think she did and I lie on my back wide awake the whole night.

:godfuckingdammit:
One of the biggest regrets of my life.
She was pissed off at me for a while but we eventually went back to our flirtatious ways. She got into contact with me in 2014 on FB.... and we also poked each hundreds of times. I was mentally ill and also a opiate addict, I lost interest in females during 2014.
Unfortunately, she's now in damn serious relationship and I cannot do anything :frown:

An other time in 2012 as well. Christmas college party. An averagely pretty 17 year old was drunk and she was begging me, in front of the classroom, to come into the bathroom and fuck her. I refused..... I was mildly overdosing on 6-APB and could barely function :lol:

More recently, last month, when I was free from mental illness and the opiate addiction, out at the club for the first time in 4 years. I was flirting with an attractive women all night. She was saying she had to nowhere to stay tonight, I was teasing her that I knew a guy with a warm double bed.... I never actually got around to telling her shes coming home with me.... I was drunk though.... really drunk. I can't even remember what she looks like :frown:



Now that I am living my life and feel the best I have ever felt, I'm going to be overflowing in women when I get a job and start the yoga/health classes. I promise, no more regrets :kingcrankey:


--------------------
Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #23942875 - 12/20/16 09:51 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

spirit_shadow said:
Quote:

Sheekle said:
Man, I find some of the other responses in this thread kind of weird.

You guys wish you cheated? Why? I can guarantee if you actually did you would regret cheating 10x more than if you hadn't, assuming you're not a sociopath.



Im a sociopath and I still dont cheat, out of principle :shrug:



That's good man, i'm not saying all sociopaths cheat.


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23942917 - 12/20/16 10:08 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
Quote:

spirit_shadow said:
Quote:

Sheekle said:
Man, I find some of the other responses in this thread kind of weird.

You guys wish you cheated? Why? I can guarantee if you actually did you would regret cheating 10x more than if you hadn't, assuming you're not a sociopath.



Im a sociopath and I still dont cheat, out of principle :shrug:



That's good man, i'm not saying all sociopaths cheat.



:seriousthankyou:


--------------------
ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
Ban lotto


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Offlinedesant
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #23942943 - 12/20/16 10:18 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Some good stories here dudes

I would like to hear female shroomery users tell about there sexual adventures :awesome:


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Offlinedesant
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant]
    #23942947 - 12/20/16 10:20 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

:facepalm:


Edited by desant (01/12/17 02:08 AM)


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 5
    #23942983 - 12/20/16 10:31 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

desant said:
Daz, I had a few girls pass out / sleep near me, always ended up fingering them :lol:



You finger girls in their sleep?


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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InvisibleRas Rising
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle] * 1
    #23942996 - 12/20/16 10:35 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
Quote:

desant said:
Daz, I had a few girls pass out / sleep near me, always ended up fingering them :lol:



You finger girls in their sleep?



:awesketch:


--------------------
:bliss:To be altruistic and humble, to spread love and positivity where ever I go.*:bliss: 

*Does not include the Romp 
:inlove3::sunny::shroomeryhead::feelsshroomyman::shroomeryhead::sunny::inlove3:
Test Kits? SurRealitys gocchu'!


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Invisiblecivil twilight
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Ras Rising]
    #23943024 - 12/20/16 10:44 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

There's an old thread called Tales of Craigslist hookup I believe. Check it out...


--------------------
"You dropped your pocket..."


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: hTx]
    #23943217 - 12/20/16 12:04 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Too many to count

I had 2 girls call me and ask which I would rather fuck, but I turned them down because I technically had a gf even though we were broken up at the time (on and off), I already suspected the gf in question of cheating. Same gf propositioned having a 3 way with her gf, I was upset that we werent mono, didnt know she even had a gf... I was a dumb teenager

Turned down one hot mess repeatedly because I was planning on moving, when I did move it was the start of the worste year of my adult life


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Invisiblenice1returns
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: hTx]
    #23943323 - 12/20/16 12:40 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Im m gonna stab u in the face


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Ras Rising]
    #23943339 - 12/20/16 12:49 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Ras Rising said:
My lifes title: Failed sexual escapades.

:feelsoldman:




Same!

A lot of regret from my failed sex attempts. A lot of them were for getting to excited and splooging in my pants before the sex part. So embarassinf.

The other main reasom was i was a helpless romantic and i wanted to find true love before having sex. Bad bad idea and i have a lot of regret cause of it....had so many chances :sad:

Wish i could travel back in time to change the past... :nonono:

But at least reading your stories makes me feel a lil better....


--------------------
"What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin

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Invisibletrees
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #23943384 - 12/20/16 12:59 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I was thinking about this the other day actually, one my first encounters ever, in high school, (i know lame af) but it haunts me still on a terrible level.

I was on a boat in the Bahamas with my friend, his sister, and her friend. Sisters friend (hot af) was seriously trying to get at me, and me being an awkward failure of a human being dodged every attempt she made. I had just turned 18, she was 16, so i kept making up excuses for myself. Oh my god I want to die just typing this out. She tried so fucking hard, and not being subtle either. I just left her in saddness basically.. ooh god NOOOOO!!

I even slept, like sleeping, with her one of the nights, (it was her idea) she was trying to kiss me and I remember I had a boner, and I fucking did not kiss her, and, now I'm ready to kill myself over this memory.

Oh and she unfriended me on FB after that



--------------------


Edited by trees (12/20/16 01:31 PM)


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: trees]
    #23943691 - 12/20/16 02:45 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

trees said:
I was thinking about this the other day actually, one my first encounters ever, in high school, (i know lame af) but it haunts me still on a terrible level.

I was on a boat in the Bahamas with my friend, his sister, and her friend. Sisters friend (hot af) was seriously trying to get at me, and me being an awkward failure of a human being dodged every attempt she made. I had just turned 18, she was 16, so i kept making up excuses for myself. Oh my god I want to die just typing this out. She tried so fucking hard, and not being subtle either. I just left her in saddness basically.. ooh god NOOOOO!!

I even slept, like sleeping, with her one of the nights, (it was her idea) she was trying to kiss me and I remember I had a boner, and I fucking did not kiss her, and, now I'm ready to kill myself over this memory.

Oh and she unfriended me on FB after that





Good idea Trees, just regret your past really hard instead of creating a brighter future. You'll get far in life doing that


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23943746 - 12/20/16 03:12 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Man so many missed opportunities for me. Til the age of 15 i was a chunky homely little bastard. Then the end of sophmore year i lost a bunch of weight, my adult features developed and i started working out hard every day. I got really buff and people noticed in a big way, i made so many new friends and was pretty popular.

I had so many girls drop hints at me but i was dumb and still had the same confidence of a chubby loner kid. God my year book was filled with phone numbers.

There was this smoking hot porcelain skin blonde hair goth girl that dropped so many hints back then. She was gorgeous, double ds, looked like a suicide girl. I always liked her but she never looked twice at me til i changed.

One time this other hottie invited me to smoke alone with her. We went to this spot in the woods, she brought a blanket.... I derped the shit out of that situation and got shit from everyone for it. Easily was a 10/10

Finally a girl who always used to flirt with me came over, poured booze down my throat and fucked the shit out of me. I remember afterwards she whispered in my ear, we couldve done this so long ago.

Now im 28, broke, unemployed and chubby again. Bitches dont look twice any more. Sad panda. I legit kick myself every day for not getting with more girls when they were plentiful


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23943747 - 12/20/16 03:13 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

When life gave me lemons, i turned it into a ball and threw it straight out the window. :nonono:

The only closure i have is that i *may* be reborn in the next creation of the Universe and i may have another shot to have a proper sexual upbringing.

Or maybe i will be born as a girl and my sex life will start when i want to :lol:


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #23943754 - 12/20/16 03:16 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

THis chick was giving me a BJ and she said her knee hurt a bit. Every time she had something going on she had to stop and move her leg. Therefore, restarting the process. She did that like 7 times. After that I just said, nevermind, it's not happening. We never talked to each other after that.


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Patlal] * 1
    #23943760 - 12/20/16 03:18 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

You kinda a dick eh? Did you at least apologize to her per Canadian tradition?


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Mush 4 Brains] * 1
    #23943787 - 12/20/16 03:28 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Mush 4 Brains said:
You kinda a dick eh? Did you at least apologize to her per Canadian tradition?




Nah It was a mutual ackwardness moment. The moment we knew we we're not gonna be compatible.


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InvisiblehTx
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Patlal]
    #23943856 - 12/20/16 04:01 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Another time, a girl from HS I always crushed on but was friendzoned met up with me my freshman year at university, I was determined to get out the zone and smash..

I actually ended up making out with her drunk at a party, and she wanted to crash in my dorm.

I obliged but once in room and alcohol began wearing off, I became so awkward and she ended up leaving at like 3 a.m after it was beyond obvious that I wasn't moving things a long in any kind of smooth way.

It took a few sad nights similar to the one above before I was like "fk it" and actually grew some balls.


--------------------
zen by age ten times six hundred lifetimes
Light up the darkness.


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Offlinespecialpeopleclub
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: hTx]
    #23943873 - 12/20/16 04:05 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

What is a failed sexual escapade? You get 100% wins if you study in the great old tradition of the master Cosbey


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: specialpeopleclub]
    #23943959 - 12/20/16 04:34 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I got the same bday as cosby and henry david thoreau. Talk about a random assortment, both were/are assholes


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OfflineSpaceDawg
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Mush 4 Brains] * 3
    #23944023 - 12/20/16 05:05 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I was fucking my high school girlfriend in the ass and when I pulled out she shit all over my dick.....things weren't the same after that between us.


--------------------
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.


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OfflineEzuma
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: hTx]
    #23944030 - 12/20/16 05:08 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

None spring to mind but I'm not much of a risk taker. I've never expressed interest in a girl who hasn't first expressed interest in me, kind of an ego thing I guess, people have to prove they're worth my time to get my attention :shrug:
but I'm also a pretty conservative dude


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InvisiblezZZz
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
    #23944031 - 12/20/16 05:09 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

yea pretty sure there were sum teachers that wanted to bang me but I just never picked up on the cues :whatyougonnado:

Also This one girl smiled and said hello once, and I smiled and said hello back, and we just kept going our separate ways.. Still regret not banging her, I mean she was practically begging for it

But yea Ive always been gullible af, wouldn't know girls were hitting on me until years later when friends would tell me or when like I'd think back to those moments knowing what I know now..


--------------------
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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: zZZz]
    #23944062 - 12/20/16 05:18 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah the regret is the worst. My buddies would always nudge me,"dude she's checking you out, make a move."


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: zZZz]
    #23944100 - 12/20/16 05:29 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Thats what makes it so difficult, the subtle sexual cues.

Its never explicit like "Hey, do u wanna have sex right now?". Nah, u gotta pick up those subtle implicit cues.

For a n00b, it means epic fails.


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InvisibleCowb0yNeal00
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Ras Rising]
    #23944478 - 12/20/16 07:46 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Ras Rising said:
My lifes title: Failed sexual escapades.

:feelsoldman:



What does that mean?


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Cowb0yNeal00] * 1
    #23944508 - 12/20/16 07:57 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

omg I could write a book.  Got so many.

In high school there was this super hot chick that would always hold my hand and rub my legs in class, even though she had a boyfriend who was a year older and already graduated.  I didn't really know him well but he was in the same group of friends.

One day she invites me over her house to "try on outfits" or something.  and basically teased me for hours. 

Later on she coaxed me into inviting her to the prom where I proceeded to drink half a handle of rum then fall down with it in my hand and smash in in her garage.  :lol::facepalm:

Never banged it.  Looking back tho I think it was for the best.  I'm not even someone who is super into respecting other people's relationships, but I can honestly say I have never fucked anyone over in that sense when I knew better.

Once I took a bunch of mushrooms with my friends and they were like, "moonrock, what are you doing?"  and I was like 'nothing!' which was actually true but I still took alot of heat over it.


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InvisibleDoctor Sponge
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: moonrockmushy] * 2
    #23944644 - 12/20/16 09:11 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

when i was about 19 i met this lil' weddita chick (white looking mexican chick)

i took her home and we got drunk on bicardi
151 and probably weed too

she was pretty hot

i convinced her to stay the night and ended up putting the moves on to smash

well i begin to unbutton her shirt and shes like "wait"

and im like :wtf:

she start explaining some shit or something but went ahead an let me unbutton her shirt an to my surprise her tits looked like 80 year old women tits  :horrified:

i was a bit taken back even though i was basically drunk

it was awkward but to not make it awkward i sucked on her wrinkled ass tits for about 30 seconds then proceeded to fuck her

turns out she had had a baby even though she was like 18 and instead of sponge stomach she got sponge tits

the next day i took her home and then later that night i realized i caught ghonorrhea

i called her and told her and she hung up on me

i went to the clinic and had the works done (shot in the ass,pills and and q tip)

the funniest shit happened too...the doc was this dykey bitch and the nurse ended up being my friends gf!:rofl:

ill never forget it too,when the doc stuck the q-tip in let out a pain breath and it blew up her bangs like DJ on full house when shes tired of life :rofldrunk:


--------------------


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Invisibleabltsandwich
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Doctor Sponge]
    #23944799 - 12/20/16 10:19 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

All these beta male stories are good for a laugh.
I've never had a failure, and I touch real vaginas all the time.  Game recognize game.  Alpha af.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: nice1returns]
    #23944800 - 12/20/16 10:21 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

nice1returns said:
Im m gonna stab u in the face




:feelsgoodman:


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Offlinestzacrack
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Repertoire89]
    #23945089 - 12/21/16 01:35 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Can't think of one right now cause I'm tired, but yea man I DEFINITELY have these stories :dawerp:


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Invisiblevenetianblinds
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: stzacrack] * 2
    #23945104 - 12/21/16 02:05 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

a couple years ago this girl puked all over my couch from deepthroating my cock. we just met that day and had no shame, just cleaned up and moved to the floor....where she proceeded to barf again from even more intense throatfucking, as requested by her. it was both the best and worst blowjob ever.


--------------------
How do you know but ev’ry Bird that cuts the airy way,
Is an immense world of delight, clos’d by your senses five?


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Offlineak47myth
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: trees]
    #23945108 - 12/21/16 02:15 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

trees said:
I was thinking about this the other day actually, one my first encounters ever, in high school, (i know lame af) but it haunts me still on a terrible level.

I was on a boat in the Bahamas with my friend, his sister, and her friend. Sisters friend (hot af) was seriously trying to get at me, and me being an awkward failure of a human being dodged every attempt she made. I had just turned 18, she was 16, so i kept making up excuses for myself. Oh my god I want to die just typing this out. She tried so fucking hard, and not being subtle either. I just left her in saddness basically.. ooh god NOOOOO!!

I even slept, like sleeping, with her one of the nights, (it was her idea) she was trying to kiss me and I remember I had a boner, and I fucking did not kiss her, and, now I'm ready to kill myself over this memory.

Oh and she unfriended me on FB after that





Yo. This post killed me haha. I had a very similar encounter man. I know those feels.


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: ak47myth]
    #23945164 - 12/21/16 03:33 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Two I can think of recently :
One time I almost fucked a 45 to 50-year-old deaf and drunk woman . She very vigorously sign languaged to me "me + you" "go to" "my house" (or maybe just that house) because she was pointing at things by then.she was very hot so I was completely down, she grabbed me by the belt and was leading me outside when her interpreter and apparently her husband came out to confront me with knives. I was then told by a tatted Mexican with a shitty Lowrider  that he had just gotten out of prison and had no qualms about going back for killing the person who slept with his best friend's wife . I was in a really rough  neighborhood and also you just know when someone's been to prison sometimes.I basically just went inside the house that I was party up to where the families were and they didn't follow me .

Shit was crazy .

Another time it was mine 22nd birthday and  my friends and I were at a shitty bar piss drunk  and my friend had just bought six drinks for three women that we thought were single . By the time the drinks or poured three more men join them evidently already and in a  double date with a third wheel .so my buddy tells meto bring the few shots of her to please two hot cougars.  One was incredibly drunk but I was about to ask the other one if she wanted a drink . Before I could finish saying "let me buy you a drink" she said it to me . She said what will you have? And I said to the bartender (who was inches away from us) Jack Daniels please and she said no give him the finest whiskey you've got .  Six of my friends were watching this because they were all talking about how they could get these cougars and I was the only one with enough balls to ask. From across the bar they all cheered a little bit like someone just made a touchdown or some shit :lol:  Unfortunately for me right after I asked her what she was doing later that night and if she wanted to do with me and basically, she at first said yes and that they had a house but then her son called her and he's a year older then me.  This immediately turned her off and she went home to care for her drunk friend.  Interestingly enough it was also the drunk friends birthday.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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InvisibleMad_Larkin
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle] * 3
    #23945186 - 12/21/16 04:10 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
when I was 15 and my erect dick couldn't have been any longer than an inch and a half




damn, when did it shrink?


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Offlinedesant
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Mad_Larkin]
    #23945269 - 12/21/16 06:15 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Here's a classic one :gethigh:

I was 15 on holiday in Cyprus with family

One time at night I decided to walk down to the beach... 15 min walk. I'm near the beach when I come by these two girls, 2 prawns sitting by the road, looking hot, willing and ready, about the same age as me. They look at me and shout hi!! I reply "Hi" and walk right by them towards the beach!

:facepalm:


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 8
    #23945458 - 12/21/16 08:48 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Damn they said "hi" to you? That sounds extremely sexual. They probably were gonna let you molest them in their sleep but you blew it.


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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Offlinesearching
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23945764 - 12/21/16 11:00 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

One time I was having sex with my girlfriend in college. We were on the couch and moved up to the bed, well I banged my knee really hard on the bed post and sat there like this for a minute. My boner was gone after that but we had a good laugh.



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Offlinedesant
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: searching]
    #23945811 - 12/21/16 11:23 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

It was the way they said it, it was more of breaking the ice :shrug:


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 2
    #23945821 - 12/21/16 11:26 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah, they definitely wanted you to break your fingers into their vaginas while they're unconscious


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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Offlinedesant
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23945861 - 12/21/16 11:45 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I told u in a frigging pm I didn't shove my finger in to someone vagina

For example this chick after a heavy night of partying, we were sitting on a couch and she passed out right on top of me so I kinda put my hand on her thi , what's so bad about that?


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 6
    #23945937 - 12/21/16 12:08 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

u frigging put ur fingers in her frigging vagina cuz she said hi and drank ur roofies


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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Invisibletrees
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 5
    #23945949 - 12/21/16 12:12 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

desant said:
Daz, I had a few girls pass out / sleep near me, always ended up fingering them :lol:




You creepy bastard


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Offlinedesant
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: trees]
    #23945951 - 12/21/16 12:13 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Read my last post :facepalm:


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Invisibletrees
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 1
    #23945954 - 12/21/16 12:14 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

It's too late, you spilled the beans long before you tried to redeem yourself. Everyone saw it :haha: owned


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant]
    #23946183 - 12/21/16 01:45 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

desant said:
Here's a classic one :gethigh:

I was 15 on holiday in Cyprus with family

One time at night I decided to walk down to the beach... 15 min walk. I'm near the beach when I come by these two girls, 2 prawns sitting by the road, looking hot, willing and ready, about the same age as me. They look at me and shout hi!! I reply "Hi" and walk right by them towards the beach!

:facepalm:




Ugh that reminds me.  I was working retail and two cute girls came up and were flirting with me and one of them ended up asking me for my number after we talked a bit.  I felt weird because my cunty manager was staring over my shoulder, so I kinda ignored it and said something like, "no, come back and see me another time," instead of giving her my number.  Got fired from the job soon after for being 4 minutes late, or more for being chronically late but that day it was only 4 mins. 

I always wished I had just said, "how about right now," and went and banged her in the bathroom.  That job sucked.


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23946192 - 12/21/16 01:49 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

:yesnod:


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 1
    #23946360 - 12/21/16 03:08 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

heres a two part one for ya'll.

Part One:

I travelled to Portland to go to a rave with my friend Wiley. He had a guy friend too, cant remember his name, lets call him Billy. We were all about the same age, early 20's.

So Wiley drives to the rave in Portland, we all drop acid and then go inside the warehouse.

So we are dancing, and Wiley is doing his typical "girl hopping" thing, getting sexy with a  bunch of different girls, breaking their hearts a bit. Hes a bit of a ladies man. One girl he left, she looked at me as a "replacement" but i didnt make the move. Fail one.

Later, i was dancing with Billy. Hes a beta like me, but we happened to be dancing close to two raver girls. I had a raver girl, and so did he. Both were pretty cute.

We continued dancing with them. At one point, i felt some click, like an instant change. I felt like Billy was being sexual with his raver girl, and i felt the same thing. So i started being more sexual with my raver girl dancing partner. I start lightly bumping and grinding on the raver girl, as i put my hands on her waist. Well, after about 30-45 seconds, she backed off away from me, and looked all scared. I thought i made the right move, i was wrong :facepalm:

A similar thing happened to Billy around the same time, so i dont feel too bad. We both tried and failed together.


Part Two:

Wiley eventually hangs out with this black haired girl, real cute, as the rave was ending. Me and Billy had no girl to hang out with.

We leave the rave and Wiley drops off his friend Billy at his friends house. Me and Wiley descide to crash at the Black haired girls house. I was excited cause i never get to do such things.

We get there, nice house. I walk in the door and see the black haired girl and she gives me a long, tight, sexualized hug. Oh my. i cant help but give the same back.

There was also another girl there, forgot her name, but lets call her Shelly. Turns out, she went to the same rave as all of us. Go figure.

So the black haired girl with the sexy hug goes with Wiley to her bedroom. I head to the couch where her friend Shelly is sleeping for the night. Shes pretty cute but not as much as the black haired girl. Im still horny but scared to make a move.

We stay up almost all night talking and walking this show Ive never seen before called Firefly. It was really cool, enjoying a TV show with a cute girl i just met. I really enjoyed it.

Well, after my failed attempt at the rave, i was afraid to make a sexual moves on Shelly which today i regret. i mean, i could even asked her to snuggle but didnt. I failed.

There is a silver lining for me thou....after staying up almost all night watching Firefly episodes, we fall asleep. Some time in the late morning, we wake up and she asks "would u like breakfast?". i was like "sure!". She made me an awesome breakfast, and i just met her last night! She made scrambled eggs, toast and i think sausage links too. We ate breakfast together and my spirits were lifted from her generous gesture.

Wiley and the black haired girl emerge from her room. During the night, i heard mostly talking from her, not so much sex sounds.

Shelly gets all mad cause she has to leave for something and takes it out on the black haired girl, who was her ride over. She stays nice to me but kinda mean to the black haired girl and Wiley himself.

Me and Wiley eventually leave the house, Shelly gives me a friendly warm hug (nothing sexual), and the black haired girl gives me another sexualized hug again which im all over and she gives a "ohhh!" as we squeeze eachother with sexual energy.

We say our goodbyes and leave. On our way to pick up Billy, Wiley tells me what happened last night: apparently, he didnt have sex either! That really surprized me since hes Alpha male gigalou extrodinare. He said that the black haired girl has only had sex with boyfriends, shes only had a few boyfriends in her life. Wiley also said that at some point, she dry humped Wileys leg but couldnt get herself to have sex with him. So interesting!

I told Wiley that me and Shelly just hung out and watched TV. He told me that they actually made out once which was surprizing cause he likes the real pretty girls and he said maybe thats why she was mean to him at the house.


We picked up Billy and Wiley told his story. I think Billy didnt have sex either, he was likely with a guy friend. Not sure really.

All in all, we all failed to have sex, together.


--------------------
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Offlineergoticmandala
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #23946522 - 12/21/16 04:11 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

yeah trying to read signals on psychedelics is hard, you both probably read the signals wrong at the rave cus u were both on acid


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: ergoticmandala]
    #23946604 - 12/21/16 04:39 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I was at a halloween party at some strangers house who almost didn't let us in. Some cute girl was going around asking for weed, and I told her I only had mdma. She tells me she has no money, but that she could give me a bj to pay for it. Being the beta virgin 17 years old that I was, and because I wasn't freshly shaved or some bs excuse like that, I said no and simply gave it to her. I learnt later that she blacked out and doesn't remember anything because of the pill.

Few months later, I went at Excision's show with a cute girl and a guy. We were all on mdma and supposed to crash at the girl's place afterward. After the show, I asked the girl for the mdma's money, and she answered something like "I could pay you with something else at my place :wink:", with a super sexual tone and face. I thought she couldn't possibly be meaning that, because she had a bf, and I had 0 self-esteem. So I asked what something else, and looking confused and disappointed, she said she could give me some weed.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: ergoticmandala]
    #23946670 - 12/21/16 05:03 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

That is no excuse for me, but thanks anyway :smile:


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OfflineWeAreMushroom
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: ymca] * 1
    #23946710 - 12/21/16 05:16 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

ymca said:
I was at a halloween party at some strangers house who almost didn't let us in. Some cute girl was going around asking for weed, and I told her I only had mdma. She tells me she has no money, but that she could give me a bj to pay for it. Being the beta virgin 17 years old that I was, and because I wasn't freshly shaved or some bs excuse like that, I said no and simply gave it to her. I learnt later that she blacked out and doesn't remember anything because of the pill.

Few months later, I went at Excision's show with a cute girl and a guy. We were all on mdma and supposed to crash at the girl's place afterward. After the show, I asked the girl for the mdma's money, and she answered something like "I could pay you with something else at my place :wink:", with a super sexual tone and face. I thought she couldn't possibly be meaning that, because she had a bf, and I had 0 self-esteem. So I asked what something else, and looking confused and disappointed, she said she could give me some weed.





You made the right choice, girls who offer you sex for drugs are the kind of girls you end up getting STD's from.

:snoopyes:


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Offlineymca
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: WeAreMushroom]
    #23946740 - 12/21/16 05:25 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

WeAreMushroom said:
You made the right choice, girls who offer you sex for drugs are the kind of girls you end up getting STD's from.

:snoopyes:




Idk, it was a pretty normal underage halloween party with normal people and she looked like a good girl. Also I'm super hot, I just didn't know it back then


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Offlineergoticmandala
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: ymca]
    #23946797 - 12/21/16 05:42 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

normal people




Quote:

I'm super hot,




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Offlineymca
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: ergoticmandala]
    #23946890 - 12/21/16 06:11 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I meant regular good kids who don't take drugs and have good grades. Not a bunch of druggies and sluts.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: ymca]
    #23947004 - 12/21/16 06:42 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

it it true that all dudes in the younger generation are bisex?  I read that somewhere.


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: ymca] * 2
    #23947772 - 12/21/16 11:53 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Man nearly every post in this thread is completely normal and in no way a "fail" at all except for that one guy who finger-rapes girls


--------------------
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Offlinespaceyvibess
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23947782 - 12/21/16 11:57 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

yeah wtf I feel like everyone just kind of ignored his sex crimes? wtf mayne aint you heard of consent!?


--------------------
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InvisibleMad_Larkin
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: spaceyvibess]
    #23947824 - 12/22/16 12:27 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

but a girl can't consent if shes asleep


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Mad_Larkin]
    #23947904 - 12/22/16 02:05 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

one time i was having sex with my current girlfriend, and she fell asleep in the middle of me hitting her from behind. It was late at night so understandable...

Anyway, i kept going, just really slow so i wouldnt wake her up. Was that wrong? :confused:


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Offlinetwighead
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23947911 - 12/22/16 02:13 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
it it true that all dudes in the younger generation are bisex?  I read that somewhere.



Idk but in my generation we're aroused by flashing lights and post-modern impressionism.


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #23947917 - 12/22/16 02:20 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
one time i was having sex with my current girlfriend, and she fell asleep in the middle of me hitting her from behind. It was late at night so understandable...

Anyway, i kept going, just really slow so i wouldnt wake her up. Was that wrong? :confused:




:feelsbannedman:


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Repertoire89]
    #23948015 - 12/22/16 03:25 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Noooooooo! :wtfsonic:


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23948062 - 12/22/16 03:50 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
Man nearly every post in this thread is completely normal and in no way a "fail" at all except for that one guy who finger-rapes girls






Look asshole, english is my second language and i didnt phrase it right, and, i told you in pm AND here that all i did was touch sleeping girl's leg, you dont need to give me  so much shit


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant]
    #23948091 - 12/22/16 04:08 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Your original post referred to multiple events


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: hTx] * 1
    #23948143 - 12/22/16 05:34 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Every time i see this thread i see/think  "sexcapades." That word makes me picture a circus act with clowns jumping flipping and swinging off elephants and stuff, doing some crazy acrobatic style fucking.

Lol "Did you hear the sexcapade is back in town, definitely gonna grab some tickets."


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
    #23948161 - 12/22/16 06:02 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

i bet somewhere in Europe, theres a travelling Sexcapade happening right now...


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
    #23948163 - 12/22/16 06:04 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I certainly hope so. Pretty sure in russia, putin does a show with polar bears


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
    #23948167 - 12/22/16 06:08 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Sounds like a great trip setting

:fasted:


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Repertoire89]
    #23948172 - 12/22/16 06:14 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

On a side note Logical, i used to think your avatar was some kind of badger or furry critter poking its head out from the right side of the screen.

Then i clicked to enlarge your avatar and was like oh mushrooms. You see what im saying though? If you look at your avatar without zooming in/enlarging, can you see what i mean?


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Repertoire89]
    #23948173 - 12/22/16 06:16 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Without a doubt. Oh and midgets, any sexcapade worth its salt has to have midgets. They lube everyone up


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
    #23948378 - 12/22/16 08:45 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

sadly, i cannot see anything else than the mushrooms. Since i know it is indeed mushrooms.

Its like those dual pic optical illusions: once u know what the other picture is, u cant "unsee" it.

I think its funny how my avatar is an optical illusion even thou i wasnt trying to make one at all :rofl:


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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 4
    #23948875 - 12/22/16 11:36 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

desant said:
Quote:

Sheekle said:
Man nearly every post in this thread is completely normal and in no way a "fail" at all except for that one guy who finger-rapes girls






Look asshole, english is my second language and i didnt phrase it right, and, i told you in pm AND here that all i did was touch sleeping girl's leg, you dont need to give me  so much shit



First you said you finger passed out girls all the time, then you told me in private that you "just" fondle their ass, legs, and tits all the time, and now you only fondled one single sleeping girls legs one time.

you're changing stories a lot here


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
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"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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OfflineWeAreMushroom
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23949116 - 12/22/16 01:00 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
Quote:

desant said:
Quote:

Sheekle said:
Man nearly every post in this thread is completely normal and in no way a "fail" at all except for that one guy who finger-rapes girls






Look asshole, english is my second language and i didnt phrase it right, and, i told you in pm AND here that all i did was touch sleeping girl's leg, you dont need to give me  so much shit



First you said you finger passed out girls all the time, then you told me in private that you "just" fondle their ass, legs, and tits all the time, and now you only fondled one single sleeping girls legs one time.

you're changing stories a lot here





Sheeks this is one of my favorite posts you've made. :rofl:


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