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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Mush 4 Brains]
    #23944031 - 12/20/16 05:09 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

yea pretty sure there were sum teachers that wanted to bang me but I just never picked up on the cues :whatyougonnado:

Also This one girl smiled and said hello once, and I smiled and said hello back, and we just kept going our separate ways.. Still regret not banging her, I mean she was practically begging for it

But yea Ive always been gullible af, wouldn't know girls were hitting on me until years later when friends would tell me or when like I'd think back to those moments knowing what I know now..


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InvisibleMush 4 Brains
about tree fiddy
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Registered: 12/19/07
Posts: 8,298
Loc: Tacos
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: zZZz]
    #23944062 - 12/20/16 05:18 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah the regret is the worst. My buddies would always nudge me,"dude she's checking you out, make a move."


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs
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Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,368
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: zZZz]
    #23944100 - 12/20/16 05:29 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Thats what makes it so difficult, the subtle sexual cues.

Its never explicit like "Hey, do u wanna have sex right now?". Nah, u gotta pick up those subtle implicit cues.

For a n00b, it means epic fails.


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InvisibleCowb0yNeal00
Other


Registered: 06/05/13
Posts: 11,059
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Ras Rising]
    #23944478 - 12/20/16 07:46 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Ras Rising said:
My lifes title: Failed sexual escapades.

:feelsoldman:



What does that mean?


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
High on Spite
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Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Cowb0yNeal00] * 1
    #23944508 - 12/20/16 07:57 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

omg I could write a book.  Got so many.

In high school there was this super hot chick that would always hold my hand and rub my legs in class, even though she had a boyfriend who was a year older and already graduated.  I didn't really know him well but he was in the same group of friends.

One day she invites me over her house to "try on outfits" or something.  and basically teased me for hours. 

Later on she coaxed me into inviting her to the prom where I proceeded to drink half a handle of rum then fall down with it in my hand and smash in in her garage.  :lol::facepalm:

Never banged it.  Looking back tho I think it was for the best.  I'm not even someone who is super into respecting other people's relationships, but I can honestly say I have never fucked anyone over in that sense when I knew better.

Once I took a bunch of mushrooms with my friends and they were like, "moonrock, what are you doing?"  and I was like 'nothing!' which was actually true but I still took alot of heat over it.


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InvisibleDoctor Sponge
He's off on a tangent
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Registered: 05/03/12
Posts: 11,795
Loc: the desert
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: moonrockmushy] * 2
    #23944644 - 12/20/16 09:11 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

when i was about 19 i met this lil' weddita chick (white looking mexican chick)

i took her home and we got drunk on bicardi
151 and probably weed too

she was pretty hot

i convinced her to stay the night and ended up putting the moves on to smash

well i begin to unbutton her shirt and shes like "wait"

and im like :wtf:

she start explaining some shit or something but went ahead an let me unbutton her shirt an to my surprise her tits looked like 80 year old women tits  :horrified:

i was a bit taken back even though i was basically drunk

it was awkward but to not make it awkward i sucked on her wrinkled ass tits for about 30 seconds then proceeded to fuck her

turns out she had had a baby even though she was like 18 and instead of sponge stomach she got sponge tits

the next day i took her home and then later that night i realized i caught ghonorrhea

i called her and told her and she hung up on me

i went to the clinic and had the works done (shot in the ass,pills and and q tip)

the funniest shit happened too...the doc was this dykey bitch and the nurse ended up being my friends gf!:rofl:

ill never forget it too,when the doc stuck the q-tip in let out a pain breath and it blew up her bangs like DJ on full house when shes tired of life :rofldrunk:


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Invisibleabltsandwich
JFK = Jelly Donut
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Posts: 11,537
Loc: Dildoville Flag
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Doctor Sponge]
    #23944799 - 12/20/16 10:19 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

All these beta male stories are good for a laugh.
I've never had a failure, and I touch real vaginas all the time.  Game recognize game.  Alpha af.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: nice1returns]
    #23944800 - 12/20/16 10:21 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

nice1returns said:
Im m gonna stab u in the face




:feelsgoodman:


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Offlinestzacrack
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Registered: 05/07/05
Posts: 3,871
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Repertoire89]
    #23945089 - 12/21/16 01:35 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Can't think of one right now cause I'm tired, but yea man I DEFINITELY have these stories :dawerp:


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Invisiblevenetianblinds
cabbage


Registered: 05/25/11
Posts: 2,532
Loc: Flag
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: stzacrack] * 2
    #23945104 - 12/21/16 02:05 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

a couple years ago this girl puked all over my couch from deepthroating my cock. we just met that day and had no shame, just cleaned up and moved to the floor....where she proceeded to barf again from even more intense throatfucking, as requested by her. it was both the best and worst blowjob ever.


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How do you know but ev’ry Bird that cuts the airy way,
Is an immense world of delight, clos’d by your senses five?


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Offlineak47myth
Stranger


Registered: 08/04/11
Posts: 1,306
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: trees]
    #23945108 - 12/21/16 02:15 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

trees said:
I was thinking about this the other day actually, one my first encounters ever, in high school, (i know lame af) but it haunts me still on a terrible level.

I was on a boat in the Bahamas with my friend, his sister, and her friend. Sisters friend (hot af) was seriously trying to get at me, and me being an awkward failure of a human being dodged every attempt she made. I had just turned 18, she was 16, so i kept making up excuses for myself. Oh my god I want to die just typing this out. She tried so fucking hard, and not being subtle either. I just left her in saddness basically.. ooh god NOOOOO!!

I even slept, like sleeping, with her one of the nights, (it was her idea) she was trying to kiss me and I remember I had a boner, and I fucking did not kiss her, and, now I'm ready to kill myself over this memory.

Oh and she unfriended me on FB after that





Yo. This post killed me haha. I had a very similar encounter man. I know those feels.


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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: ak47myth]
    #23945164 - 12/21/16 03:33 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Two I can think of recently :
One time I almost fucked a 45 to 50-year-old deaf and drunk woman . She very vigorously sign languaged to me "me + you" "go to" "my house" (or maybe just that house) because she was pointing at things by then.she was very hot so I was completely down, she grabbed me by the belt and was leading me outside when her interpreter and apparently her husband came out to confront me with knives. I was then told by a tatted Mexican with a shitty Lowrider  that he had just gotten out of prison and had no qualms about going back for killing the person who slept with his best friend's wife . I was in a really rough  neighborhood and also you just know when someone's been to prison sometimes.I basically just went inside the house that I was party up to where the families were and they didn't follow me .

Shit was crazy .

Another time it was mine 22nd birthday and  my friends and I were at a shitty bar piss drunk  and my friend had just bought six drinks for three women that we thought were single . By the time the drinks or poured three more men join them evidently already and in a  double date with a third wheel .so my buddy tells meto bring the few shots of her to please two hot cougars.  One was incredibly drunk but I was about to ask the other one if she wanted a drink . Before I could finish saying "let me buy you a drink" she said it to me . She said what will you have? And I said to the bartender (who was inches away from us) Jack Daniels please and she said no give him the finest whiskey you've got .  Six of my friends were watching this because they were all talking about how they could get these cougars and I was the only one with enough balls to ask. From across the bar they all cheered a little bit like someone just made a touchdown or some shit :lol:  Unfortunately for me right after I asked her what she was doing later that night and if she wanted to do with me and basically, she at first said yes and that they had a house but then her son called her and he's a year older then me.  This immediately turned her off and she went home to care for her drunk friend.  Interestingly enough it was also the drunk friends birthday.


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R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:


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InvisibleMad_Larkin
Registered: 11/29/07
Posts: 18,606
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle] * 3
    #23945186 - 12/21/16 04:10 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Sheekle said:
when I was 15 and my erect dick couldn't have been any longer than an inch and a half




damn, when did it shrink?


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Offlinedesant
Pleiadian Revolutionary
Male

Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 7,038
Loc: Aether
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Mad_Larkin]
    #23945269 - 12/21/16 06:15 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Here's a classic one :gethigh:

I was 15 on holiday in Cyprus with family

One time at night I decided to walk down to the beach... 15 min walk. I'm near the beach when I come by these two girls, 2 prawns sitting by the road, looking hot, willing and ready, about the same age as me. They look at me and shout hi!! I reply "Hi" and walk right by them towards the beach!

:facepalm:


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InvisibleSheekle
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Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 8
    #23945458 - 12/21/16 08:48 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Damn they said "hi" to you? That sounds extremely sexual. They probably were gonna let you molest them in their sleep but you blew it.


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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Offlinesearching
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Registered: 06/08/11
Posts: 4,128
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Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23945764 - 12/21/16 11:00 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

One time I was having sex with my girlfriend in college. We were on the couch and moved up to the bed, well I banged my knee really hard on the bed post and sat there like this for a minute. My boner was gone after that but we had a good laugh.



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Offlinedesant
Pleiadian Revolutionary
Male

Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 7,038
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Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: searching]
    #23945811 - 12/21/16 11:23 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

It was the way they said it, it was more of breaking the ice :shrug:


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InvisibleSheekle
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Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 2
    #23945821 - 12/21/16 11:26 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah, they definitely wanted you to break your fingers into their vaginas while they're unconscious


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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Offlinedesant
Pleiadian Revolutionary
Male

Registered: 03/31/09
Posts: 7,038
Loc: Aether
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: Sheekle]
    #23945861 - 12/21/16 11:45 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I told u in a frigging pm I didn't shove my finger in to someone vagina

For example this chick after a heavy night of partying, we were sitting on a couch and she passed out right on top of me so I kinda put my hand on her thi , what's so bad about that?


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InvisibleSheekle
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Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
Re: Your failed sexual escapades [Re: desant] * 6
    #23945937 - 12/21/16 12:08 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

u frigging put ur fingers in her frigging vagina cuz she said hi and drank ur roofies


--------------------
"Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods
"I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago
"you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard
"The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist
"Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft
"or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees

R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16


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