This is my first trip report so ill try my best
Backstory I have some experience with shrooms, the largest dose i had before this was 44 grams of fresh P.C. shrooms, i have done 5-6 times smaller doses 2-3-4 grams dry but never a large amount like this.
Set & setting
My friend Z and I decided that we are going to take a heroic dose of 8 grams of Psilocybe Cubensis aka Golden Teacher mushrooms, no sitter just the two of us at his weekend cabin in the mountains. There is no electricity there so we prepared candles on safe places. We both have experience with psychedelics and we shared a similar trip with the 44 fresh shrooms that i mentioned also without a sitter so we decided not to have one for this experience either.
20:00
We where cooking a tea from the passion flower to drink it right before we eat our doses, considering its an MAO we said what the heck if it has some impact good, if not who cares.
20:30
I personally love to smoke cannabis during trips because of that extra kick so before i eat i usually roll up a few joints, 3 king size for the whole evening is enough, i know its a bit over the top but thats the way i like it. 20:45 We are all about respect for these substances so smudging in Palo Santo and total humbleness is always the way we go into this. We eat our doses precisely 7.9 dried shredded shrooms for both of us. We turn off our cellphones and i set a timer on my digital watch, usually i wait for the 1 hour mark and i fire up my 1st joint to push it over the edge.
10 min in
I can already feel some cramping in my stomach and my body getting euphoric, i keep telling myself its normal, it always begins like this.
20 min in
The body load is getting heavier and heavier, so is the stomach pain, i tried to relax for a few moments in meditation and calm down but the body load was unbearable.
34 min in
This is the last time i check the timer since i feel like every cell in my body is vibrating and about to explode with a 500 megaton magnitude, i realie that i need to lie down because it's already kicking in. I lie down on a blanket near the fireplace so i can be warm and as im still conscious i fire up a joint and toke as much as i can. With that extra kick, things start to get pretty unbearable but i hold on somehow. The experience
I pretty much lost track of time since the 35 min mark so ill just write how i remember it. Im lying down next to the fireplace i can feel the peak wave coming and its a fucking tsunami about to hit me in the face. As time went on the pain in my stomach didnt go away so i believed that the peak didn't arrive yet but if the 8 grams are already destroying me how the hell am i going to live through the peak. I felt very restless during the whole experience but I couldn't move since my spacial depth was totally fcked, moving was impossible, honestly don't know if i had stronger visuals with closed or opened eyes. Opened eyes was really messed up, the entire space around me was constantly moving, morphing and changing shape, i was barely able to distinguish and recognize objects but i belive it was mostly based on memory of where is the table and so on... Closed eyes i honestly don't remember much of what i have seen besides the regular streaming and fractals but i remember that it felt painful to close my eyes so covered my head with the blanket and kept my eyes open. On the other side my friend Z was very lucid, he said he felt like taking 3-4 grams, he said later that to him, everything seemed normal except for me. Z told me he noticed my head was distorted and that i had 6 eyes. Naturally he felt really bored with his trip so he moved around a lot which wasn't helping me at all. I never felt so sensitive, somehow i lost the ability to communicate, language was a big anomaly for me i didn't know if i had to think of a word in my head and then say it, or do words just come out on their own and in my ears other words constantly rang, words that matched the tonality of the words that i wanted to say but had totally different meanings, this side effect lasted definitely 5 hours or more. The trip itself was going up and down, it seemed like i was having the worst trip of my life then 5 mins of bliss then terrifying again.
At one point Z decided he was going to give himself a dot of Kambo, this was probably the worst time for me, i thought he was going to hurt himself badly, all the worst things were streaming through my head but i somehow held it together and relaxed. During the whole trip i felt like i was being torn apart and put back together, both mentally and physically, i had moments where i wanted it to stop but i was never desperate as to take "rape" (tobacco snuff) to ground myself. I think of myself as a very mentally strong person so i knew i could take it all and just wait it out. At one point i started laughing at myself thinking "you fucking idiot, you wanted a heroic dose, you wanted to be totally reset and now when you got it you bitch about it" honestly psychologically i was being ripped to pieces i never imagined my psyche could go this far out. Also, i almost peed my pants, not from fear but because i needed to go to the bathroom and i couldn't move i was just lying there waiting for the shrooms to ease up. During the whole experience my main focus was to control my breathing so i feel that i missed a lot of the actual trip.
01:00
At this point i was starting to get better, i could walk normally, all my motoring functions where working but i still couldn't speak normally. Visuals were still very intense i remember thinking " how can you be normal again after this, how can you return to the ordinary reality". 02:00
Z and me are chilling out, he is doing most of the talking since i still can't put 5 words into a sentence, my visuals are still strong as fck, so i am mostly thinking it all through. Later we decided to eat something and go to sleep.
Aftermath
The thought that is still in my head, that i cannot go back to the ordinary reality is still here, honestly i think a piece of me is either still in that trip or i brought back something with me because i am definitely a different person. I would take a heroic dose again for sure but in other circumstances, alone with or without a sitter is probably the best solution for me. I will need some time to recover because its been only a few days since the experience, i know i had a lot of insights but i can only remember a few. Be aware that taking amounts as large as this is very dangerous especially without a sitter and smoking cannabis can be to much for some people even on 3 grams, its just a personal preference. In my experience cannabis lets me go deep down into my own psyche, sometimes to deep, that is the double edged sword with this, you might not like what you find deep inside.
Trip safely...
|