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InvisibleHyperboreanDream
blah blah blah
Male


Registered: 08/14/14
Posts: 185
Loc: Engerland
Feeling like I can't say no
    #23916374 - 12/11/16 01:46 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Basically I'm in a situation where I'm doing something I don't want to do (a sport) but I feel like I can't say no because people have put a lot of time and money into helping me. Also everyone around me thinks I love what I do and I just don't anymore.

At the moment, I feel like I've kind of gone too far to be able to turn back. I feel like I'm letting people down if I say no?
I have a medical in the new year that I need to pass to go professional but I think I may fail it, kind of pinning my hopes on it but dreading the thought that I pass.

I know this sounds like silly shit but I do feel trapped. Starting to really get me down.
Do I wait it out and hope for the best or just 'man up' & come right out with it and say I can't do this anymore?


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Invisiblerogue_pixie
faerydae
Female User Gallery


Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 3,977
Loc: UK
Re: Feeling like I can't say no [Re: HyperboreanDream] * 2
    #23916458 - 12/11/16 02:12 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Don't waste your life doing something that you don't want to do just to please others...Tell them how you feel. Life's too short!


--------------------
"Whatever you do, you need to keep moving.  Because when you stop moving you die (physically and emotionally).

Good luck and blessings of happiness and fortune." ~ RandalFlagg RIP



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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,810
Re: Feeling like I can't say no [Re: HyperboreanDream] * 1
    #23916635 - 12/11/16 03:14 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Is sacrificing your own happiness worth it?
Thinking of the future that is.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Feeling like I can't say no [Re: HyperboreanDream] * 2
    #23918431 - 12/12/16 01:40 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Did anyone ask you if you wanted this life OP?

If the answer is no, then IMO all one can do is do the best they can with their time here, shit and hard as it can often be. And, IMO (and I feel very strongly about this) part of doing ones best is making ones utmost effort to be honest and true to oneself first and foremost, and therefore to everyone else also.

If people don't like the real you, fuck 'em, IMO. Trying your best to be your real you is more than most achieve in this life IME.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineKryptos
Stranger
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Registered: 11/01/14
Posts: 12,263
Last seen: 23 hours, 10 minutes
Re: Feeling like I can't say no [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23920751 - 12/12/16 07:32 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Read this yesterday. Reread this today. Here's my two cents:

I once had a friend who couldn't say no. Like, at all. You'd call him up at 3am asking for a ride across town cause you were drunk, and he'd get up and drive you even though he had an exam at 9am and needed the sleep. Then he'd hang out with your drunk ass and play video games until you passed out at 7am. He also, uh, "supplemented" his income on the side, which led to him running all over town making deliveries at all hours of the day.

Right away, I though he was a cool guy, because he was willing to bend over backwards for his friends. It was pretty cool being his friend. As time went on, I noticed that it was negatively impacting him. He would sleep irregularly, miss classes, call in sick to work, basically screw up his real obligations, while prioritizing the happiness of the people around him. While this is sometimes important, the people around him were mostly drunk frat bros and other, not immediately important, people. It didn't help that he lived in a frat house. So, I did something that was unpleasant for everyone involved. Whenever we were hanging out, and he got a call asking for a ride or a sack or whatever, I would (depending on the circumstance) call him out on it, and just leave if he didn't say no. Eventually, he started saying no to the less important people, and then the less important tasks. His life improved almost immediately. Grades went up, got a promotion at work, and his entrepreneurial streak expanded to fewer high volume customers.

This guy seems a lot happier now than when I first met him. He's also a lot less scatterbrained/hectic/all over the place worrying about everything and everyone. However, correlation does not equal causation.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male

Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 13 hours, 7 minutes
Re: Feeling like I can't say no [Re: HyperboreanDream]
    #23921166 - 12/12/16 10:01 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

HyperboreanDream said:

I feel like I'm letting people down if I say no?




Your dilemma reminds me of the well known popular book, "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty"

Some children of particular types of parents (example, overbearing) grow up to be "pleasers"

People (like myself) often have difficulty being assertive and are used to putting others needs first.


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InvisibleHyperboreanDream
blah blah blah
Male


Registered: 08/14/14
Posts: 185
Loc: Engerland
Re: Feeling like I can't say no [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23921704 - 12/13/16 05:02 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Thanks for the responses guys, I know what I should/have to do now. Just sometimes hearing others tell you kind of seems better, kinda like confirmation bias or whatever.

I suppose in a way I'm letting myself down by carrying on with this and owe it to myself and others to be honest as has already been said. Gonna try this week to tell them my situation, especially the fact it's starting to effect me in terms of health. Thanks again.


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