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OfflinePitviper
Traveler
I'm a teapot
Registered: 08/31/16
Posts: 11
Loc: Just down the street
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on
    #23914606 - 12/10/16 09:38 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

So I never do things like this, but I really dont know where else to go. But I dont really know anyone here so I guess I it doesnt really matter.So here goes, I just found out that the love of my life, mother of my child, and entire world is unhappy and wants to leave. I am completely and utterly destroyed. I am 32, we have been together for almost 10 years and married for 3 and our son will be 2 in Feb. I am truly at a loss as to what to do. I dont really have anyone to talk too. Most of my friends are shared friends or will say something to their wives who are friends with my wife. And I dont want to tell my family yet. We are going to look into counseling, but I have the feeling that her mind is already made up and shes just trying not to totally ruin Christmas. If someone has any advice or anything, please help me out. But I guess Im really just looking to vent a little I dont know. I not real sure about anything anymore.


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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: Pitviper]
    #23914637 - 12/10/16 09:47 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Just talk about your split with her in a calm manner, no reason to argue about things, especially if you guys have a kid.

I am sorry you're going through this around a time of year which many people find joy in, but life will go on, don't be hard on yourself.


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©️


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Invisiblerogue_pixie
faerydae
Female User Gallery


Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 3,977
Loc: UK
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: Pitviper]
    #23915908 - 12/11/16 10:32 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I'm really sorry to hear that. Did she say why she wasn't happy? You have a kid together and 10 years is a very long time. Maybe try and give her as much space as she needs. It might just be that she needs a bit of time to her self to figure things out. I think it's a positive sign that she wants to go to counselling with you. Some people just walk out of the door, never to return again. Wishing you the best of luck :sun:


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"Whatever you do, you need to keep moving.  Because when you stop moving you die (physically and emotionally).

Good luck and blessings of happiness and fortune." ~ RandalFlagg RIP



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Offline5150
phantom
 User Gallery
Registered: 09/01/06
Posts: 5,437
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: rogue_pixie]
    #23916341 - 12/11/16 01:38 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Kinda similiar thing going on with my brother,not divorced
but not happy ,they have a son and dont.wanna split
because of him,happens to alot of couples,dont freak out
Over it ,it is life,stay calm,stay strong


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"the way of the warrior is the resolute acceptance of death"

Miyamoto Musashi


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: 5150] * 1
    #23918444 - 12/12/16 01:48 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Nothing I can say will lessen your pain OP, it is unavoidable in loss. I feel for you. The suffering is a bit of a different matter, as it's self imposed, but also necessary IMO. Try not to go too hard on yourself.

I will just say that about a year and a half ago I went through something very similar - and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
fancy cat
Female User Gallery


Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: Pitviper]
    #23918755 - 12/12/16 07:18 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Pitviper said:
So I never do things like this, but I really dont know where else to go. But I dont really know anyone here so I guess I it doesnt really matter.So here goes, I just found out that the love of my life, mother of my child, and entire world is unhappy and wants to leave. I am completely and utterly destroyed. I am 32, we have been together for almost 10 years and married for 3 and our son will be 2 in Feb. I am truly at a loss as to what to do. I dont really have anyone to talk too. Most of my friends are shared friends or will say something to their wives who are friends with my wife. And I dont want to tell my family yet. We are going to look into counseling, but I have the feeling that her mind is already made up and shes just trying not to totally ruin Christmas.





This is GOOD.

Try to focus on the positive and not let your mind run off with the worst case scenario.

As they say "Worrying is like praying for what you DON'T want"

:hug:


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InvisibleThayendanegea
quiet walker
Male User Gallery


Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation Flag
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: yogabunny]
    #23919570 - 12/12/16 01:14 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Yes....and worrying is also like going crazy with a rocking chair.....a lot of movement, but, it doesn't get you  anywhere.


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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InvisibleJohnnieYen
Okay
I'm a teapot


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: Pitviper] * 1
    #23922493 - 12/13/16 12:22 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I was where you were 2 years ago. My best advice is to give her space, and be your best self. Throwing yourself a pity party will do more harm than good, especially if you try and guilt her into staying. Mine did come back for a few months because of pressure from her family, but it still didn't work out.
We were together 10 years with 2 kids and a house.
PM me if you want to talk or vent


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[center


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male

Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 14 hours, 16 minutes
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: Pitviper]
    #23930836 - 12/15/16 08:31 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Pitviper said:

I just found out that the love of my life, mother of my child, and entire world is unhappy and wants to leave.





In time you might be able to be happy for her - that she's following her heart.

So often our love for people is based on them meeting our wants and needs.

There's wisdom in the idea if we truly love someone, we should be able to let them go. 

(yes, I know, many people hate this saying, but there is deep meaning in it.)


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #23949673 - 12/22/16 05:08 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
There's wisdom in the idea if we truly love someone, we should be able to let them go.



One of the hardest, yet most liberating lessons of my life that is. I think we'd all of us humans do well to learn and know this.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineDoneKildatReason
Chemical in the body
Male User Gallery

Registered: 02/25/05
Posts: 1,061
Loc: Green Country
Last seen: 12 days, 2 hours
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23949861 - 12/22/16 06:45 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

^^^^
Most definitely.  I thought about that the first time I read this a couple weeks ago.... I don't always respond but read quite a bit.... I am curious how things re going o.p. and hope you know, aside from those who post, you also have some good thoughts or vivlbes or ears from some just reading.....how's it going?


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This was an experiment.


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Offlinenuentoter
conduit
Male User Gallery


Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 2,721
Last seen: 7 years, 21 days
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #23952137 - 12/23/16 04:43 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
There's wisdom in the idea if we truly love someone, we should be able to let them go.



One of the hardest, yet most liberating lessons of my life that is. I think we'd all of us humans do well to learn and know this.





Especially our self.


--------------------

The geometry of us is no chance. We are antennae, we are tuning forks, we are receiver and transmitters of all energy. We are more than we know.  - @entheolove

"I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for"  - Georgia O'Keefe

I think the word is vagina


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OfflineOfTheVoid46
Timeless
Male


Registered: 07/10/16
Posts: 148
Loc: USA
Last seen: 4 years, 11 months
Re: Life shattered, seeking advice/shoulder to cry on [Re: Pitviper]
    #23970283 - 12/31/16 09:44 AM (7 years, 30 days ago)

My mother and stepfather stayed together for almost 2 decades unhappy before splitting, for the kids.
They made it work but I know they both regretted it.

Did it help the kids? I don't know. We got to see so much hatred, I don't think so.
Compared to my broken up real dad and my mom, I would prefer the going back and forth vs constant fighting.

If she's unhappy, you'll become unhappy.

If it's at that point then I'd suggest calmly talking it over and letting it run it's course so you two can have a peaceful relationship apart for the children.

Some things aren't worth trying to force even if them ending temporarily causes you pain.

EDIT: Just realized this is over a week old. Either way OP, good luck. Let us know how it goes.


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Edited by OfTheVoid46 (12/31/16 09:45 AM)


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