Home | Community | Message Board


This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Original Sensible Seeds Bulk Cannabis Seeds   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]
Anonymous #1

That one
    #23907507 - 12/08/16 03:57 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Hello all,

I have a bit of a situation im unsure what to do about. I met a girl about 2-3 years ago and we had this instant connection. We had are ups and downs in the past two years but we still share this undeniable connection. We broke up a few months back because she wanted to be with someone else and during that period things were not ao good between us but i knew the conelnection was still there. We talked very little in the months we have been broken up until recently and things seem good between us. She has told me she still cares about me but she needs to see improvement before she can actually want to be with me. She is still with the guy she left me for, and i need anyone who reads this to understand the complexity that is life, she seems to be having doubts in that relationship already and she has made it very clear to me she wants me in her life because of how well i get her and i feel that same way about her.

If this was ANY other girl i would be long gone by now but in my heart and soul i feel like i cant give up on this girl she truly is an amazing person amd i care about her endlessly.

I just want to know if anyones got some advice positive/optimistic or negative/"realist" anyones i put is valid imo.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
Re: That one [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23907753 - 12/08/16 05:16 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I don't know your situation and I can only guess but I think remaining as only friends is the healthiest thing the two of you can try to do.

Like maybe FWB but only if you both feel trust and enjoy each others company.

The only issue with FWB is that it has to stay FWB, which means no emotional attachments and not spending as much time together.

Perhaps seeing each other once or twice a month is something you can both enjoy. If it's going to work that way you'd both have to be able to focus on yourselves and refrain from becoming codependent.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Anonymous #1

Re: That one [Re: sudly]
    #23907827 - 12/08/16 05:41 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

We talk all the time. So co dependency may be an issue here but its hard to just let go of someone who gets you and her just being in my life makes me happy. Her being with someone else does hurt a bit but it nowhere near how hard it is not having her in my life at all. I really feel strongly about this girl and its feels like something really special. She goes to college in another state but its hard for us to just not talk because it feels right.

I do see how there may come a time where we cant really talk much and i will do that of she feels that what she wants but until then i feel like it would be giving up on her or abandoning her.

I can handle talking to her injust dont want to be doing the wrong thing tonher i dont want to mess her up by talking to her. I really care about this girl.
If you got any question on specifics i can answer them but this is a really long story that ive been posting in the S&R threads for awhile now.

Im pretty sure this is that one or at least my first one person that i will love for my entire life whether they are a part of it or not. The past two years we have helped eachother grow alot and she has made into a better person by being real with me. I am now optimistic and positive and a great deal of that is because of her influence on my life.

Im just confused on what i am supposed to do.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
Re: That one [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23907975 - 12/08/16 06:23 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

If she's being real with you then be real with her.

Again though, if you develop strong feelings or become codependent it will end poorly.


Don't they save you're supposed to let go of the people you love?
If it's meant to be you'll stay friends, if not know it's more important for you to focus on your own happiness.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: That one [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23908554 - 12/08/16 09:46 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

What you're "supposed" to do? If only life were that simple!

Well, it's not, and all we can do is try our best: sometimes we do the right thing, and sometimes we do the wrong thing, but it's good that you're trying to do what's best for everyone involved, and as long as you have that desire and the willingness to learn, then you will be fine and some day thrive.

Try phrasing your questions in a new way rather than what am I 'supposed' to do.

Ask yourself, does waiting for her to figure out what she wants make you happy?
Are you happy and loving towards yourself? Could you let her go entirely, never hear from her again or see her again, and still love yourself the way you think you are able to love her?

Because loving ourselves, having compassion for ourselves, is the foundation of self worth, and that self worth is the mirror which we hold up to the rest of humanity. It's great to have virtuous motives or intentions with this girl, but man she doesn't even live in your state... you've got to focus on your own life and take care of yourself.

It's fine to have strong feelings for her and to think that the two of you could be in love some day, but my advice is that you focus on your own happiness and the relationships with the people whom you actually see, and not to wait around for her. It's not giving up on her, it's accepting her fully, or having unconditional love, while you find your own path.


These words are difficult for me to type, as I'm having to learn a lot about letting go these days, but the only way to really love someone is to accept them and, as cliche as it sounds, to let them go.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineAlyssa
consecrated woman ✝️
Female
Registered: 11/25/14
Posts: 1,517
Last seen: 6 days, 2 hours
Re: That one [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23909282 - 12/09/16 06:46 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

The fact that she's said she'll consider being with you if you "improve" says to me that she doesn't give that big of a fuck about whoever she's with now.


--------------------
I'm Alyssa.
I'm consecrated to the Immaculate Heart.
I don't want her to have to look at adultery to save my privileged living cells, so please keep it PG-13.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Anonymous #1

Re: That one [Re: Alyssa]
    #23909967 - 12/09/16 11:59 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I do believe that i love myself and that i can continue to love myself long after shes gone. Alot of that is because of her influence on my life. I am just happy to have met her.

I have let her go before and then she came back into my life i had let her go when everything went down with us and i was about to tell her goodbye for good so she can be happy but she pretty much told me she doesnt want that and she does want me in her life.

I feel more comfortable in life with her in it when we dont talk i still have to go through painful ideas of her being woth someone else and that pain is no where near as bad as the emptiness i feel when we dont talk at all

I like what ive been reading in the responses thank you guys


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisible2shoes
The anti-agar
Male


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 3,124
Loc: Not in a SAB
Re: That one [Re: Alyssa]
    #23909986 - 12/09/16 12:09 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

She's with some other dude talking about wanting to be with you?! Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants.

So let's say she comes "back" to you. How long until she leaves due to finding more improvements to hang over your head. Your not a dog waiting for a treat, you deserve better than that.

I'd cut it off OP. The sooner the better. Not saying forever, at least until she's single for awhile and not just rebounding.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineAlyssa
consecrated woman ✝️
Female
Registered: 11/25/14
Posts: 1,517
Last seen: 6 days, 2 hours
Re: That one [Re: 2shoes]
    #23910157 - 12/09/16 01:04 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

2shoes said:
She's with some other dude talking about wanting to be with you?! Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants.

So let's say she comes "back" to you. How long until she leaves due to finding more improvements to hang over your head. Your not a dog waiting for a treat, you deserve better than that.

I'd cut it off OP. The sooner the better. Not saying forever, at least until she's single for awhile and not just rebounding.



I disagree, I think he should give her a chance rather than rejecting her out of fear and never knowing what could have been. It's a lot easier to deal with having tried and failed than regretting never having tried.


--------------------
I'm Alyssa.
I'm consecrated to the Immaculate Heart.
I don't want her to have to look at adultery to save my privileged living cells, so please keep it PG-13.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisible2shoes
The anti-agar
Male


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 3,124
Loc: Not in a SAB Flag
Re: That one [Re: Alyssa]
    #23910171 - 12/09/16 01:08 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

He already tried. Shes with another dude and talking to him. Sounds like she's just playing games and stringing OP along with word improvements.

If OP cuts ties he'll see where her true feelings lye.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineAlyssa
consecrated woman ✝️
Female
Registered: 11/25/14
Posts: 1,517
Last seen: 6 days, 2 hours
Re: That one [Re: 2shoes]
    #23910206 - 12/09/16 01:21 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

2shoes said:
He already tried. Shes with another dude and talking to him. Sounds like she's just playing games and stringing OP along with word improvements.

If OP cuts ties he'll see where her true feelings lye.



I meant trying now, not before. I've never been in love, but I've recently realized what it means. It means going the distance for the other person no matter how far.

OP, I recommend you give this a real good chance starting from where it is now before giving up. I don't see how it can be considered a lost cause from what you've said. Make the changes she wants to see and who knows, you might end up living happily ever after.


--------------------
I'm Alyssa.
I'm consecrated to the Immaculate Heart.
I don't want her to have to look at adultery to save my privileged living cells, so please keep it PG-13.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisible2shoes
The anti-agar
Male


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 3,124
Loc: Not in a SAB Flag
Re: That one [Re: Alyssa]
    #23910263 - 12/09/16 01:40 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Alyssa said:
Quote:

2shoes said:
He already tried. Shes with another dude and talking to him. Sounds like she's just playing games and stringing OP along with word improvements.

If OP cuts ties he'll see where her true feelings lye.



I meant trying now, not before. I've never been in love, but I've recently realized what it means. It means going the distance for the other person no matter how far.

OP, I recommend you give this a real good chance starting from where it is now before giving up. I don't see how it can be considered a lost cause from what you've said. Make the changes she wants to see and who knows, you might end up living happily ever after.




OR OP makes the changes he shouldn't have to make to be happy with her and end up sad in his own life and divorced with half of his shit because she takes it to her new dudes spot.

I imagine you could find someone that loves you for you and not have to jump through hoops to get her to break up with her current dude.

It's not a lost cause. If you break it off she may come back since now she knows she has you and the current guy she's dating. Knowing she has the pick of the litter will make her be more choosy about the said improvements.

You deserve better OP

I'm also not a fan of dudes trying to ruin someone else's relationship for personal gain. Thats lame. She should tell her current dude how she's feeling but I doubt that will happen since she most likely want both options on her plate.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Anonymous #2

Re: That one [Re: 2shoes]
    #23911898 - 12/10/16 12:19 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

My advice is to stand your ground, be real with her, tell her that you think she doesn't know what she wants and that you are not someone who needs an ultimatum. Tell her when she figures out what she wants she can come speak to you. Talk it out then but don't think so far ahead.

IMO I think it's unfair she is leaving you hanging blowing in the wind. I also think it's immorally wrong to be a in relationship with someone whom you do not care about, as is obvious. She is wasting everyone's time with her in decisions and playing mind games with you over love.

If you are willing to go that far, as you are thinking in your OP, then find someone who emmitts the same energy, the same effort and the same sacrifice towards you cause that's what you deserve

2-Shoes; have you considered that maybe she isn't totally aware of what she is doing? It's not just with women, but when it comes to feelings, a lot of us are quick to jump to the worst conclusions and forget that other possibilities exist too. Maybe she hasn't grown up enough emotionally to make such decisions rationally and is just succumbing to her instcints without even realizing


Edited by Anonymous (12/10/16 12:27 AM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisible2shoes
The anti-agar
Male


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 3,124
Loc: Not in a SAB Flag
Re: That one [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #23912187 - 12/10/16 05:02 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
2-Shoes; have you considered that maybe she isn't totally aware of what she is doing? It's not just with women, but when it comes to feelings, a lot of us are quick to jump to the worst conclusions and forget that other possibilities exist too. Maybe she hasn't grown up enough emotionally to make such decisions rationally and is just succumbing to her instcints without even realizing




Whether she knows it or not OP should have have the audacity to call her on it so at least she can attempt to see the situation from a different perspective.

I'm guessing she knows what she's doing only because she's with the dude she left OP for and still talking to OP months later about having feelings for him. Wouldn't she naturally feel guilty? She's trying to get OP to conform via "improvements" so she can feel safe and satisfied with leaving him for OP. Then once OP gets her back how many months until she gets bored again? What if OP didn't improve enough for her? What if OP sinks back into his old self that is unimproved?

I stand at move on OP. Be yourself and someone will love you for you which is what we all deserve.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinefinalexplosion
Stranger
Registered: 11/04/16
Posts: 370
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
Re: That one [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23912318 - 12/10/16 07:13 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Hello all,

I have a bit of a situation im unsure what to do about. I met a girl about 2-3 years ago and we had this instant connection. We had are ups and downs in the past two years but we still share this undeniable connection. We broke up a few months back because she wanted to be with someone else and during that period things were not ao good between us but i knew the conelnection was still there. We talked very little in the months we have been broken up until recently and things seem good between us. She has told me she still cares about me but she needs to see improvement before she can actually want to be with me. She is still with the guy she left me for, and i need anyone who reads this to understand the complexity that is life, she seems to be having doubts in that relationship already and she has made it very clear to me she wants me in her life because of how well i get her and i feel that same way about her.

If this was ANY other girl i would be long gone by now but in my heart and soul i feel like i cant give up on this girl she truly is an amazing person amd i care about her endlessly.

I just want to know if anyones got some advice positive/optimistic or negative/"realist" anyones i put is valid imo.




A connection when she is getting skull fucked by someone else? Is this real life right now?

OP what is it like being a cuck? Any man with a sense of self respect would tell her to go fuck herself and start banging her hotter friends and thin younger sister.


--------------------
The light of wisdom is driving away the darkness. Look at the ground. Now you can see your own shadow. If you are scared by the shadow that follows you, just remember, wherever shadows fall, light is always nearby.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineAlyssa
consecrated woman ✝️
Female
Registered: 11/25/14
Posts: 1,517
Last seen: 6 days, 2 hours
Re: That one [Re: finalexplosion] * 1
    #23912865 - 12/10/16 11:42 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

finalexplosion said:
A connection when she is getting skull fucked by someone else? Is this real life right now?

OP what is it like being a cuck? Any man with a sense of self respect would tell her to go fuck herself and start banging her hotter friends and thin younger sister.



Oh true, I neglected to address the issue of the male ego. Obviously it's shattered when we have other sexual partners. You guys need to have ownership of the female, don't you. "This girl is either my girl or she's your girl." Come the fuck on. From a female perspective, this situation is not devastating, it's merely uncertain.


--------------------
I'm Alyssa.
I'm consecrated to the Immaculate Heart.
I don't want her to have to look at adultery to save my privileged living cells, so please keep it PG-13.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Anonymous #1

Re: That one [Re: Alyssa]
    #23913428 - 12/10/16 03:09 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

She has come back to me and went well out of her way to be woth me a year ago and she isnt looking for improvement that she told me to make she is looking for improvements that i said i wanted to make for my self when we met and i didnt ever really do or i did just fall back into my old ways. She was happy i believe when i was doing good but when i got bad again she eas not happy and did make every strive to tell me i was losing her but i took her for granted.

I do love her unconditionally i will dp anyhting for her and i am ready to bear the blows to my ego to at the least try for this girl.

Once she tells me shes done i will let her go but only if thats what she tells me she wants because i am the person she has to talk to about anything and i dont want to abandon her.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
Re: That one [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23913438 - 12/10/16 03:13 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I know that unconditional love may sound like the ideal but when does unconditional love become blind love?

But I guess you really do just have to wait to hear what she says she wants, then again she may never say it. :shrug:
I think you're being strung along.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
Re: That one [Re: Alyssa]
    #23913443 - 12/10/16 03:17 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Alyssa said:
Oh true, I neglected to address the issue of the male ego. Obviously it's shattered when we have other sexual partners. You guys need to have ownership of the female, don't you. "This girl is either my girl or she's your girl." Come the fuck on. From a female perspective, this situation is not devastating, it's merely uncertain.




That's why I like having female friends, you don't own your friends :tongue2:
Codependency can be a cruel maiden.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: That one [Re: sudly] * 1
    #23918007 - 12/11/16 09:28 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

monogamy aint the same as codependency, though.

Two people can share a monogamous relationship without feeling ownership or dependency upon each other. Trust is different than requiring someone to fulfill your emotional needs.

It actually takes a lot of strength to know how to love yourself fully yet remain devoted to someone whole heartedly in a relationship, without seeking other sexual partners. It's a challenge, but if you can remain unconditional in your love for yourself and your partner then you can sky rocket your spiritual progression through the process.

It's not for the faint of heart at all, because you have to be able to accept that it could be over at any moment whatsoever, yet still enjoy each moment.

As Bjork says: it takes courage to enjoy it.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1 | 2 | Next >  [ show all ]

Shop: North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Original Sensible Seeds Bulk Cannabis Seeds   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Missing someone uncontrollably
( 1 2 3 all )
Anonymous 562 50 03/24/15 10:38 PM
by Bikerfool
* Dick size
( 1 2 3 4 5 all )
LSDylan 1,396 99 02/27/15 08:53 PM
by twighead
* How to get a date with a busy person Anonymous 364 17 02/12/15 07:59 AM
by mandrin13
* How to nail 2 girls that are both into you Anonymous 383 19 02/20/15 06:33 PM
by Rico1992
* Getting freaky for cash Anonymous 399 13 03/27/15 07:28 AM
by TheGreenArrow

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, Shroomism, automan, yogabunny, CookieCrumbs
436 topic views. 0 members, 3 guests and 1 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.031 seconds spending 0.007 seconds on 17 queries.