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Anonymous #1
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I can't figure out how to end this.
#23898264 - 12/05/16 08:51 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I wish I could have confirmation from one dead person that it was going to be ok once I crossed over. I'd kill myself the second I heard it and knew it to be true. I am so incredibly depressed, sick, lonely, drugged out, a danger to myself, horrible to be around. I haven't ever been this lonely in my life, and it stems from being smothered with love. It just dispersed and now I can't quit binging on everything all day every day. I don't want help or sobriety, I want ten years ago, and I shudder to think how awful the next ten years are going to be. I ache, I feel like a whiny bitch, even progressing just seems futile and hopeless. I don't plan on 2017.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23898275 - 12/05/16 08:55 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Sad you feel this way but you are not alone. I grow tired often, and think i am ready to move on. But i always come to find there is more to life. Our times will come when it is so, might as well enjoy it cuz like you pointed out we arent guaranteed a second go.
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Morel Guy
Stranger


Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 15,577
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#23898277 - 12/05/16 08:56 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Death is all your fears and failed hopes.
Focus on stopping the illegal drugs. Getting the legal ones where you are functioning.
Seek medical help!
Negative thinking is due to disease. Illegal and legal drugs can cause that. Negative living when you know something is going to due you harm causes that.
Death well I think we have been to these places before. Maybe it just seems that way but I know it's ok. We do shed a lot of skin. Being born again is the curse. It's a curse that keeps coming due to having work that needs done.
Try giving some love. Not what you find is love but what people really need. An ear to hear their problems. A young capable person that can help them with some work. Give something of yourself that needs to feel like a whole person again.
It will bring light into your darkness to give some light to others.
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Morel Guy]
#23898293 - 12/05/16 09:00 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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everythings a fucking drug, legal or illegal. doctors are humas, they are not advanced biological beings that give a shit about anything other than lining their pockets, and just like police they have a quota, an agenda, and a god complex. why do you assume I just threw in the towel out of no where with out trying? every song and fucking dance I do just makes me feel like a fucking fool after wards, and every minute that passes I lose way more than I can handle. fuck medical attention, so I can bellow at a stranger and tell them the same fucking sob story they hear 20 times a day? Like depression is really individualized like they'd like you to believe, and not a mass effect of our shit society tearing us down to devour us. fucking shoot me point blank between the goddamn eyes. in fact i had a doctor appointment today, it was so fucking great, my doc took a vacation and I saw another random stranger who gets to dig into my entire life and then had me a little prescription. fuck a fucking doctor in his fucking ass.
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Morel Guy
Stranger


Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 15,577
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23898298 - 12/05/16 09:03 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I have a good doctor. She may not be into psychedelics but that's because there is a lack of viable research.
Unless you have a real mental illness it cannot be that bad by anything other than your lifestyle.
I have known crack heads and shit like that. I smoked crack once and it's not a mental illness like being born schizophrenic. It's an addiction.
Try doing something healthy like legal living and making effort everyday.
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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Morel Guy
Stranger


Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 15,577
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Morel Guy]
#23898304 - 12/05/16 09:05 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Stop trying to end it. Whenever I struggle with using something I know it's better when I forget that I want the suffering to end.
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Morel Guy]
#23898314 - 12/05/16 09:08 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I can grasp a certain sense of how you feel. I mean every individuals story is different but the backbone of it is close enough. I mean I get this certain sense that I'm blocked off from reality sometimes, like I'm living inside my own head and that's it, like nothing around me really matters much. I feel a strong sense that reality isn't what we all think it is, that it's like an agnostic entity that we can never understand. Our egos and perceptions of our own extrospective consciousness really do not amount to what life is all about, like forgotten knowledge that we lost along time ago, and I get to the point where I say fuck it, a bottle of Captain Morgan is just as valid as the rest of these society toe licking assholes and how they view reality; we really are in a dying world.
But i am getting much better, that attitude towards everything becomes more distant from the real me, and I become myself again, I smile and live it up while it lasts, there's always that light at the end of a dark tunnel if you get what I mean.
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Morel Guy
Stranger


Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 15,577
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #3]
#23898322 - 12/05/16 09:10 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Life is kinda like when living in Rome do as the Romans do.
Same with being dead but in both places you gotta do what you gotta do. It's that there are prices to be paid for doing anything.
I can't live a dream I once had but I can carry the dream with me!
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Morel Guy]
#23898330 - 12/05/16 09:14 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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im gonna take meds and go watch event horizon.
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23901766 - 12/06/16 10:48 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Read books. Do your drugs or whatever you binge on and then read. There's something here for you to learn.
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plurfekt
Finally Grateful

Registered: 12/14/09
Posts: 1,919
Loc: USA
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23902109 - 12/07/16 02:09 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I've been dead.
Life hurts, but if you don't reach deep down and find your lost self, and face your demons, your soul will suffer for it.
I speak from experience.
You cannot make accurate depictions of what you want before you even get clean.
I'm going through some hell too. But, experience tells me eventually I'll recover and move on, despite having to face hell first with absolutely no certainty in my "feelings" that it will ever get better.
Get clean, and re-evaluate your life once you have made strides towards recovery, rather than take your drug-addled sense of self as fact.
I'm sorry you are suffering, I am too - but you can beat this, I know I will.
Edited by plurfekt (12/28/16 02:00 PM)
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sudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,811
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23902174 - 12/07/16 03:25 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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Anonymous #4
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23902198 - 12/07/16 04:10 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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MOD EDIT: No flaming, especially when OP feels like he does.
Edited by Jokeshopbeard (12/07/16 05:01 AM)
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23902989 - 12/07/16 11:21 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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You could always find something new to put your energy into, challenging yourself with something new can be very beneficial to you mental health, and might lift the fog from your mind. When we get in positions without growth, we tend to stagnate, and our lives become a mire or negative thoughts.
Please don't harm yourself though, I am sure all of the people that are smothering you with love would miss you very much, many people wish they could be smothered in love, so obviously your loved ones think you're a great person, you just have to realize that yourself now. This is why it's important to do things which will challenge you, this way once you accomplish a new task, you will gain a sense of accomplishment which will motivate you to continue doing new things.
-------------------- ©️
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Alyssa
consecrated woman ✝️

Registered: 11/25/14
Posts: 1,517
Last seen: 6 days, 2 hours
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23908232 - 12/08/16 07:46 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Please don't give up. It's amazing what a bit of empathy can do for you when you're depressed. I'm bipolar, so I've thought about suicide before. The best thing you can do is talk to a caring person about your life and your problems. Me, for example. I agree, fuck doctors, but don't give up on everyone. There are actual celestial beings in this world, I'm one of them. Want me to be your guardian angel? PM me. I promise I won't reveal your username.
-------------------- I'm Alyssa. I'm consecrated to the Immaculate Heart. I don't want her to have to look at adultery to save my privileged living cells, so please keep it PG-13.
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 14 hours, 41 minutes
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23921206 - 12/12/16 10:14 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I wish I could have confirmation from one dead person that it was going to be ok once I crossed over.
Live in peace before you rest in peace.
Quote:
Anonymous said:
I want ten years ago, and I shudder to think how awful the next ten years are going to be.
This is pure fantasy. You want the impossible and fear what doesn't exist.
Drugs are making things much worse and causing disturbing emotions.
Our misery feeds our ego. To be miserable is to be the center of the universe.
A bit of tough love for you . . .
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DoneKildatReason
Chemical in the body


Registered: 02/25/05
Posts: 1,061
Loc: Green Country
Last seen: 12 days, 2 hours
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#23933594 - 12/16/16 08:17 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Don't wallow in self pity. Realise how much worse it could be. Be thankful for something.
-------------------- This was an experiment.
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plurfekt
Finally Grateful

Registered: 12/14/09
Posts: 1,919
Loc: USA
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Just wanted to bump this and let you know I successfully made it through my hell, all the while accomplishing serious feats with my responsibilities and family.
Don't give up, and you WILL make it.
Edited by plurfekt (12/28/16 01:59 PM)
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: plurfekt]
#23963041 - 12/28/16 03:23 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
plurfekt said: Just wanted to bump this and let you know I successfully made it through my hell, all the while accomplishing serious feats with my responsibilities and family.
Don't give up, and you WILL make it.
I'll bump the bump and give you a thumbs up, things get better over time.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I can't figure out how to end this. [Re: Anonymous #3]
#23963294 - 12/28/16 05:00 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Too bad we aren't all a stereotype.
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