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Anonymous #1
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Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay)
#23897673 - 12/05/16 06:03 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I just broke up with my first boyfriend after living on my own and being somewhat more of an adult in college. It's pretty hard and I never knew that breakups literally tear you apart emotionally as hard as they do. It's already quite hard to be a gay male in the bible belt south with a overwhelmingly conservative and Christian family. To be totally honest, I feel alone now. Like I have no clue what I need to do next. I literally didn't cry for like 5 years and now I cry every 30 minutes. I can barely hold myself together in my lectures and classes. Homework has become a complete nightmare to try and accomplish. Even worse was the timing of the breakup: exactly one week before final exams. I'm sad
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finalexplosion
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23897712 - 12/05/16 06:17 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I cannot speak from personal experience with homosexual lifestyle, family opinions or being in the bible belt.
It wont be easy. I can make some suggestions. Get out with your friends. Loneliness is an indicator to reconnect with people. Busy yourself. Go to your gym on campus. Its great way to meet new people and make friends. Furthermore, you can maybe meet someone new. Try grinder. I hear its like gay tinder. Try Tinder. Just force yourself to get up and out otherwise, you just dwell. Good luck.
-------------------- The light of wisdom is driving away the darkness. Look at the ground. Now you can see your own shadow. If you are scared by the shadow that follows you, just remember, wherever shadows fall, light is always nearby.
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ZacksJourney
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: finalexplosion]
#23898892 - 12/06/16 03:20 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I say give it time, feel the loneliness, don't try to repress it, it will only get worse.
If you feel like crying, cry till you have no more tears. Don't feel like doing homework? than don't. Try to take a few days off to deal with the situation.
It seems like a waste of time, but believe me, trying to be "normal" and continue like nothing happened will fuck you up eventually, blowing up in your face at some stage.
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ALL MUSHROOMS ARE EDIBLE, some are just only edible once. Trade List
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finalexplosion
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: ZacksJourney]
#23899195 - 12/06/16 07:56 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
ZacksJourney said: I say give it time, feel the loneliness, don't try to repress it, it will only get worse.
If you feel like crying, cry till you have no more tears. Don't feel like doing homework? than don't. Try to take a few days off to deal with the situation.
It seems like a waste of time, but believe me, trying to be "normal" and continue like nothing happened will fuck you up eventually, blowing up in your face at some stage.
I think he needs to keep active but, it is why a person must have other priorities in their life outside a relationship. Like if a girl goes, my world is not over cause, I have a life outside her. I have passions and dreams. I am active and it keeps my eye on the prize. I agree that repression is not ideal but, giving up your whole life cause someone isn't committed or whatever would only instill the decision was the correct one. I remember stop seeing this girl. I ran into her years later to find out, she is a single mom. I made the right decision cause, that was life path she was on, and would have taken me with her or went her own way with my future child. Its scary cause I am not ready for that and I truly wanted something of a better life for us both. People make their choices and they got to live with it.
-------------------- The light of wisdom is driving away the darkness. Look at the ground. Now you can see your own shadow. If you are scared by the shadow that follows you, just remember, wherever shadows fall, light is always nearby.
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ZacksJourney
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: finalexplosion]
#23899749 - 12/06/16 12:09 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I wasn't talking about giving up. He doesn't need to dwell into it and be voluntarily depressed, but to let it flow and go to where it takes him, without fighting it.
I think that the majority of people's problems are coming from internal conflicts about what they supposed or not supposed to do, instead of the original problem itself.
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ALL MUSHROOMS ARE EDIBLE, some are just only edible once. Trade List
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Rewindicus
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: ZacksJourney] 1
#23905509 - 12/07/16 11:30 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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So im able to chime in as a gay man here in this thread and i will tell you this happens to everyone gay or straight. Your first breakup is rough but your gonna make it. There are likely plenty more breakups in your future too. You being the breaker and the breakee. Its going to get better youll learn ways of coping and being a dating socialized man. Sucks its a week before finals but this relationship is the past man. School is your future you NEED to focus for the next steps in life. Its ok to wallow a bit and lick your wounds but dont still be doin it months from now. You need to move on. Surround yourself with friends. Get social. And i cant stress this enough GET PHYSICAL. Start a workout routine or just start running or biking.
This isnt the end of the world you are going to survive this isnt the first or the last breakup. Carry on good sir!
PS sometimes getting some of that sweet sweet man butt helps get you over a breakup just dont bareback and dont fall in love with the person. OH and drugs are probably a bad idea right now too. Drink LOTS OF WATER AND GET LOTS OF SLEEP.
-------------------- “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss "Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West "If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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Rewindicus
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Rewindicus]
#23905546 - 12/07/16 11:47 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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oh and as for living in the bible belt.....theres a lot of closeted gay guys out there. They dont make good boyfriends. My advice for you is as soon as you can GTFO. Chicago, New York, LA, SD, SF, Portland ect go to a more progressive gay leaning city and then you can really be yourself.
-------------------- “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss "Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West "If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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bloodsheen
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Rewindicus]
#23907882 - 12/08/16 05:54 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Rewindicus said: So im able to chime in as a gay man here in this thread and i will tell you this happens to everyone gay or straight. Your first breakup is rough but your gonna make it. There are likely plenty more breakups in your future too. You being the breaker and the breakee. Its going to get better youll learn ways of coping and being a dating socialized man. Sucks its a week before finals but this relationship is the past man. School is your future you NEED to focus for the next steps in life. Its ok to wallow a bit and lick your wounds but dont still be doin it months from now. You need to move on. Surround yourself with friends. Get social. And i cant stress this enough GET PHYSICAL. Start a workout routine or just start running or biking.
This isnt the end of the world you are going to survive this isnt the first or the last breakup. Carry on good sir!
PS sometimes getting some of that sweet sweet man butt helps get you over a breakup just dont bareback and dont fall in love with the person. OH and drugs are probably a bad idea right now too. Drink LOTS OF WATER AND GET LOTS OF SLEEP.
I can appreciate the truth of your words, but do you seriously think hes ready to hear this? His heart is shattered and you tell the dude to drink plenty of water? If somebody had told me that after my first breakup I would have punched him right in his fucking face
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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Alyssa
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23908155 - 12/08/16 07:16 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Aww, you poor thing. Have a hug, baby. You'll get through it, I know you will. Just remember you have your body (if you're circumcised that's really tough but there are worse things), you're only in emotional pain, which seems really hard but unlike chronic physical pain, you can overcome it. Feel your internal power and strength and lift yourself up.
If you need a friend, I'm here to talk.
-------------------- I'm Alyssa. I'm consecrated to the Immaculate Heart. I don't want her to have to look at adultery to save my privileged living cells, so please keep it PG-13.
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Rewindicus
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: bloodsheen]
#23908177 - 12/08/16 07:22 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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He's not some fragile flower and this is real life. One thing many people do upon being broken up with is the eat bad, don't sleep, turn to drugs/alcohol, get sedentary. All or some. And for the uninformed those things usually make things worse. Just trying to be real with him. And I didn't say just drink water.
Heartbreak is a part of life many people (especially heterosexuals) experience it much younger than gays do. He's behind in the breakup game because often gays don't start dating till college age. It suuucxckkksssss but the reality is its not the last time this is going to happen and though hand holding and hugs are cool so is real constructive advice from people who have been through it.
That's why forums like this are great you get multiple sources of information and opinions.
-------------------- “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss "Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West "If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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bloodsheen
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Rewindicus]
#23908223 - 12/08/16 07:42 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Rewindicus said: He's not some fragile flower and this is real life. One thing many people do upon being broken up with is the eat bad, don't sleep, turn to drugs/alcohol, get sedentary. All or some. And for the uninformed those things usually make things worse. Just trying to be real with him. And I didn't say just drink water.
Heartbreak is a part of life many people (especially heterosexuals) experience it much younger than gays do. He's behind in the breakup game because often gays don't start dating till college age. It suuucxckkksssss but the reality is its not the last time this is going to happen and though hand holding and hugs are cool so is real constructive advice from people who have been through it.
That's why forums like this are great you get multiple sources of information and opinions.
I'm not arguing with you man, you couldn't be more right. I just don't think this is the right time for him to hear that. Honestly, if you wait like 6 months after something happens where you thought "Told ya so" to actually say "Told ya so," lots of people will kinda laugh and be like "Dude, fuck you but I can't really argue with that." If you say it the day after they are more likely to say "How about you go kill yourself you fucking piece of garbage?!"
Its all about timing brah
Edit:
You can just say "Im sorry man, I've been there and its really terrible." My best friend said essentially that to me after my first breakup and it was the single kindest thing a human being has ever said to me and I cried. As time went on I understood more and more where I went wrong and the obviously poor decisions I made. But at that moment I needed someone to tell me that it was ok to feel destroyed. Because it was
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
Edited by bloodsheen (12/08/16 07:46 PM)
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Rewindicus
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: bloodsheen]
#23908891 - 12/09/16 12:01 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I see what your saying. And I totally get it. But I also see the merit in getting advice from all sides of the spectrum. I work in medical so it's made me very pragmatic. Sometimes I come off as cold or an asshole as a result.
But I know we are both in the right place with our varied opinions. So it's all good.
I am curious to see how OP is doin though.
-------------------- “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss "Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West "If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Rewindicus]
#23911149 - 12/09/16 06:29 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I am sorry for not responding sooner. I've kept myself pretty busy the past week. I feel like I am going forwards a bit on auto pilot. But, I have taken some pretty hopeful steps towards developing healthy habits. I finally got a gym membership here which took me about a year to do. The first few days I just sat around smoking a ton of weed and feeling sorry for myself. Now a week in I can somewhat function again. I still feel somewhat that I have a short fuse. I think I get pretty irritated easily. Probably the combination of the breakup, finals, holidays, and cold weather is crushing my patience a little bit. Things seem to frustrate me more than typical (calculus). I've also been sleepy all the time and find it hard to get myself out of bed. I don't believe in new years resolutions, but I do look forward to wrapping this rather average year up already.
Overall I'd say I'm doing "okay". I'm sure that I will continue building myself up over time. Thank you all for the responses!
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Rewindicus
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23911257 - 12/09/16 07:14 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hey man everything your feeling is totally normal. It's great you got a gym membership! Working out is not only good for you physically it's great for you mentally. You can pm me if you wanna chat any. You got a support system here bud!
-------------------- “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss "Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West "If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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OliverJames
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Rewindicus]
#23911502 - 12/09/16 08:56 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Humans are creatures of habit OP. When I broke up with my first really serious girlfriend, it felt like part of my life was literally missing, because it was. She was such a huge portion of my life, even though my feelings weren't there anymore, it was still very difficult for me to move on and fill that gap. I unfortunately haven't been in another relationship since, but I've reconnected with old friends and I'd say I'm arguably happier now than I was then. I wish you the best of luck, just gotta fill that gap up
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: OliverJames]
#23912571 - 12/10/16 09:38 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
OliverJames said: Humans are creatures of habit OP. When I broke up with my first really serious girlfriend, it felt like part of my life was literally missing, because it was
Right, it's like you have to rediscover your "single" self. After spending time focusing on someone else it's pretty weird to just have you to worry about. the upside to that though is it has helped me figure out some holes in myself that I couldn't see while in a relationship due to where I put my priorities.
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Patlal
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23915404 - 12/11/16 07:45 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Where's Koods hen you need him
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Rewindicus
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Patlal]
#23915716 - 12/11/16 09:32 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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i was going to say i really thought by now he would have chimed in by now. the shroomery resident gay mascot needs to get in on this!
-------------------- “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss "Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West "If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me." - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
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Chakra Shock
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Rewindicus]
#23918142 - 12/11/16 10:23 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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It's almost more shroomy for him to completely miss this thread. You know, off on adventures in distant lands and such.
Hey OP, it sounds like you're already healing and recovering. The first break up is always the hardest, but they are necessary in order to teach us how to be happy simply by being ourselves.
In the words of Hendrix: "I am what I am, thank god."
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bloodsheen
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Re: Broke up with first college boyfriend (gay) [Re: Chakra Shock]
#23920240 - 12/12/16 04:38 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Chakra Shock said:
they are necessary in order to teach us how to be happy simply by being ourselves.
Bullshit, you were alone for the first like 16 years of your life minimum, you know how to be alone. I learned from my first breakup that I am physically incapable of being happy without an SO.
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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