I highly suggest not reading this if you are apart of Na because I am only writing about the negatives of it. It is not useful if your into NA and such.
I a while ago had been sent to a Rehabilitation center. Time has passed since being there, Ive had low times for for, well, basically my whole life, so i can never call anything my "rock bottom" My life just managed to become a lot lot worse at this time. I had a whole experience there that really, dulled me and beheaded me, for who I greater than, am.
I managed to learn satanic rituals and other possessive rituals while i was there from people. Really leading to my spirituality between god, and life, completely black. I had to preach these 12 steps everyday about how ( worthless and inert ) that I am. Which lead to psychological problems later on after rehabilitation. (becoming possessive over drugs, Not able to cope without drugs, not even able to enjoy the experience of drugs. I know that this came because of this forced "12 step program" That I did not want, nor did I need. However I had to complete the program in order to leave. (took 12 months) And all I can really say is that if I could, I would ask for my time back. I spent 12 months brainwashing my self, that i needed god to be able to live, while learning satanic shit from people.
For years afterwards I was so Socially anxious around people, drugs or not. I had ended up losing all my friends, I realized how puny everybody was that I was long friends with over time. Nobody ever asked me once in the years of talking to them if I was (Okay). Nobody even checked up on me after I disappeared (wanting and trying to commit suicide) Not a call nothing, from so many friends I had before now. I began to have a horrible understanding of god and went to Satan for spiritual leadership. I believed the world is evil, and I dont want "god" as my rightful leader, i didnt see that as anything "creative" I had no person in me. Im sure i was as devil as can me be. I would go job to job to job just because nobody would like me, I didnt do anything, they just hated me. I had 13 jobs in under 2 years. I was frustrated, began to hate people, hate god, hate satan. I hate everything. I hated music, I hated art, I hated the stars, I hated my own soul.
Not until recently have I met a friend from 1st grade one day. We were both in a special needs learning class together. And he has always been christian. And he politely asked me to pray to god. Because that is what he told me I needed. So I did.
I am letting go and letting god.
I wont let Satan take control, I wont let him in.
As it goes for Narcotics anonymous I think that place was a horrible thing to ever happen to me, I cant say much here because some people NEED that help. Not me.
on the side: I would never tell anything personal about me to anybody, I was to kept to myself, until this NA program. Its made me so much smaller than I am. Its degraded me to write about my life online, When I know this is nothing of who I am to "do"
It really made me into something I hate. Something I despise.
Letting go and letting god. ~Bunny
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I don't like NA, AA, it's all brainwash.
Be careful with Christianity and Satanism as well, they're both just different sides of the same coin. You're not screwed up littleton, believe in yourself, no need to put your faith in things which are made up, unless they really help you, but I think you have the power to fix yourself on your own, I believe in you.
If you use a deity as a symbol to stimulate your mind, that's one thing, but be careful if you actually believe a man walked on water, that can be dangerous.
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Yeah AA/NA is kinda horseshit to me too, but I gotta say it is Christianity in general that did a number on you not this particular cult.
Just step back, take a deep breath, and relax. You don't need to be big or small to make changes, you need to be centered and in control. I think this is where AA has it wrong. The do seem to want to break you down and make you dependent on their way of life.
NA especially seems to be lacking in decent people and a cohesive ethos. I have to think that it hurts alot of people's chances for success because instead of just moving forward in life it makes you stay around and mope with all the other addicts, and it seems just like a place where people make hookups to me.
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