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rogue_pixie
faerydae



Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 3,977
Loc: UK
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Quote:
Morgenstern said: Or we can start here. 
A/S/L? :P
-------------------- "Whatever you do, you need to keep moving. Because when you stop moving you die (physically and emotionally). Good luck and blessings of happiness and fortune." ~ RandalFlagg RIP
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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I'm not sure how I deal with loneliness. Drinking I guess. My entire 20s was spent hooked on opiates and that really did a great job masking my insecurities and desire for companionship, so much that I begin to think I'm perfectly ok without these things, but whenever I am sober for even a little bit of time I am quickly reminded that loneliness is a pretty significant factor for heading in that direction in the first place.
For me the things that keep me sane right now are my family, music, the shroomery, and my job. I have a couple good people in my life, I'm making positive steps, and I enjoy what I do every day. I'm happier than I've ever been. I don't even have a problem attracting people or making friends, but letting people get close and maintaining lasting relationships seems impossible for some reason. It's like a reflex to go inside my head when I start freaking out and put up an invisible wall.
Even right now I want to be like "Oh I'm not ready for a relationship I need to work on myself more," but I'm pretty sure that is a lie, I'm just scared.
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MollyLucyMaryJane

Registered: 09/10/11
Posts: 1,302
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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MrBlueYoMind
Don't do drugs (Without me)


Registered: 04/27/11
Posts: 3,753
Last seen: 1 month, 26 days
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-------------------- Confucius say: He who sticks drugs in butthole has head up ass. EVOLUTION REQUIRES REPRODUCTION
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pirate-blues


Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,656
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I don't find myself lonely often - or not the type that can't be solved by calling a friend, or, simply going through long walks in my city that's a cure all for almost anything for me.
When I do then I think volunteering, getting a new hobby, and just trying to put yourself out there in different circles of people and break whatever cycle your in is best. A dating site might work for you too, for me it's really great are making me not want to go on dates pretty fast.
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,674
Last seen: 7 hours, 47 minutes
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It was fate that I am with who I am with today. I believe love will find you as long and you keep doing what you love and not worryimg about it so much
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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LSDollar


Registered: 02/09/15
Posts: 2,361
Loc: Up Up and Away
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I am 23. I feel like I am in very similar boat. I can count how many friends I actually have on one hand. But they are damn good friends. Three of them I have known for 10 years. There has been many people that came and went in my life, and thats just it, its life.
To top it off, this week I got rid of Facebook, and don't have any social media accounts. I messaged said friends with my numb in case they didn't have it saved, and let them know how to get ahold of me.
There is a few people that I would consider "friends" but they know where and when I work, they can always come talk to me. Always had social anxiety and it takes awhile for me to open up to someone. Had a couple GFS but never worked out yet for me.
I wouldn't say its loneliness, more that I am content on where I am at in my life at the moment. I remember 5 years ago I didn't have a phone for a year or two, but people who wanted to stay in contact, did so. Since then I have moved, met new people, and happen to run into some of the said people that have came and went in my life.
Edited by LSDollar (12/01/16 10:50 PM)
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,494
Loc: Texas
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Quote:
Repertoire89 said: Join a sports team
I tried joining the Dallas Cowboys as a quarterback because of the fame and the bitches and the money but they didn't want me

they said something about me having to know how to throw a football or some bullshit
fuck them, their loss
--------------------
HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Quote:
pirate-blues said: ... A dating site might work for you too, for me it's really great are making me not want to go on dates pretty fast.
Yeah it's a great way of making me feel like a fucking loon. I can count on one hand the number of times I have found someone with a profile I find enticing, and they were always unreachable or so skittish and flaky it ended up being an exercise in futility. I end up settling for whoever will see me, and go on dates that make me think I must not be cut out for dating.
Kind of like how facebook is great at making me think I hate everyone I know. Not for me.
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rogue_pixie
faerydae



Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 3,977
Loc: UK
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Yeah... I've had nothing but bad experiences on dating websites. I've been used many times, when a casual hookup is the last thing that I want. The trouble is guys never seem to be upfront about the fact that they only want sex, and pretend that they're interested in a relationship with you until they get what they want. That's not only hurtful, but it's such a waste of my time. The problem is I'm very open-minded, and always kept telling myself not to keep dismissing people or online dating because others have had success with it and there will be someone decent out there but it happens to me every time. I think one of my flaws is that I always look for the best in everyone, so in actual fact I'm not a very good judge of character at all.
-------------------- "Whatever you do, you need to keep moving. Because when you stop moving you die (physically and emotionally). Good luck and blessings of happiness and fortune." ~ RandalFlagg RIP
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rogue_pixie
faerydae



Registered: 07/28/04
Posts: 3,977
Loc: UK
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To the people posting videos (I presume)...all I am seeing is a blank box
-------------------- "Whatever you do, you need to keep moving. Because when you stop moving you die (physically and emotionally). Good luck and blessings of happiness and fortune." ~ RandalFlagg RIP
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watermelon mon
Willow Trees

Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 7,800
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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know how you guys feel being alone isn't so bad though
I am 23 only had one girlfriend before not sure why
like to mind my own bussinuss and give people their space
do better being friends with animals
I would like to find somebody one day feels like it's not worth the problems that someone may cause for me
Some people seem real friendly at first
It's hard becuse so any people don't know what honesty loyalty and respect is they don't give a fuck
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mt cleverest
clevendafodil

Registered: 08/19/12
Posts: 2,348
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For real. That's why you gotta join a church singles group and find a devout christian girl. everyone's an asshole (alan watts calls it the element of irreducible rascality) but those that believe in god as judge will keep that rascality in check more. even if you're an atheist, it's worth it to convert to get a good wife. also try to get yourself a cancer, cancers tend to be loyal.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Get a male siamese cat, preferably a flame point.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
watermelon mon said: know how you guys feel being alone isn't so bad though
I am 23 only had one girlfriend before not sure why
like to mind my own bussinuss and give people their space
do better being friends with animals
I would like to find somebody one day feels like it's not worth the problems that someone may cause for me
Some people seem real friendly at first
It's hard becuse so any people don't know what honesty loyalty and respect is they don't give a fuck
It's the me me me generation.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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finalexplosion
Stranger
Registered: 11/04/16
Posts: 370
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Quote:
rogue_pixie said: How do you deal with it?
It's a feeling that has plagued me for most of my life. However, I thought that by the time I hit 30 I would be married with children by now, but I am very much single. I don't have many friends, not any whom I feel close to, because I never seem to meet people who are on my wavelength. I'm about to officially graduate with a master's degree and I'm doing a PhD in psycholinguistics. So from the outside, my life looks as though it is 'going well', but in actual fact, it feels completely and utterly pointless because I am so lonely and isolated.
Don't get me wrong, I love my own company, and doing things by myself, but doing that for the REST of my life is not something that I want to do. I am getting so tired of 'me' time. Life is infinitely better when it's shared with someone else/others. I am starting to lose the drive to do anything. I feel like a total outsider and it's cripplingly lonely.
Just wondering if anyone else is in a similar position re loneliness and the inability to meet people? It certainly seems to get more difficult with age.
As it been said in another forum thread, I think there is a lot of things in society that are manipulative, that are crippling, and self defeating.
The education bubble is pushed on women; 4:1 women to men. There is this huge push to have a career again to push that education bubble. Have a career "don't need a man" rhetoric and in all honesty, the truth is that, many women would be happier being a stay at home mom. There is nothing wrong with that but, again, thinking freely, picking your fate and or destiny is ideal.
Op, 30 is still young. You got time though, urgency is important. My advice is to begin moving toward what truly resonates. Date men that are good for you not on a hollow construct like attraction but does not have a job.
Advice: Say hello to every male you could see as a potential suitor. Give the online dating a shot. Again, be particular. Be precise.
If it is not illustrated in some of what I write, it pisses me off the horse shit that women are fed, wait to have a family, slut it up, its the cool thing. Spend youth as a booty call. "Don't need a man" narrative. It is so fucking toxic.
We run on different tracks in life. Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses. In the right relationship, we compliment each other precisely, and others, not so much.
OP, put out genuine interest, let a man know, you are not playing, I want a family, I want kids, I want to get married. Some will run. I know I would but, it is a great way to get a good man. Bring truth, honesty, and virtue. Good luck. Please tell me how it goes
-------------------- The light of wisdom is driving away the darkness. Look at the ground. Now you can see your own shadow. If you are scared by the shadow that follows you, just remember, wherever shadows fall, light is always nearby.
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finalexplosion
Stranger
Registered: 11/04/16
Posts: 370
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Quote:
watermelon mon said: know how you guys feel being alone isn't so bad though
I am 23 only had one girlfriend before not sure why
like to mind my own bussinuss and give people their space
do better being friends with animals
I would like to find somebody one day feels like it's not worth the problems that someone may cause for me
Some people seem real friendly at first
It's hard becuse so any people don't know what honesty loyalty and respect is they don't give a fuck
What would you do with your life if you never got married, had a gf or life partner, no kids?
Make the decision you will have all those things NOW! Act on taking action for the life you want right now without that person. I love to travel. I want to explore my consciousness. I want to see the world. On that endeavor, I chat with random strangers, it leads to dates and hooking up. No wife or gf. Just fun for now.
Connect. Be truly vulnerable. Life is way the fuck to boring not to try.
Quote:
rogue_pixie said: Yeah... I've had nothing but bad experiences on dating websites. I've been used many times, when a casual hookup is the last thing that I want. The trouble is guys never seem to be upfront about the fact that they only want sex, and pretend that they're interested in a relationship with you until they get what they want. That's not only hurtful, but it's such a waste of my time. The problem is I'm very open-minded, and always kept telling myself not to keep dismissing people or online dating because others have had success with it and there will be someone decent out there but it happens to me every time. I think one of my flaws is that I always look for the best in everyone, so in actual fact I'm not a very good judge of character at all.
Its a certain subset of man the same way, a certain subset of girls act or are a certain way. I have met a series of crazy but attractive girls over the years. If you have those experience, you see the kind of person that can really fuck your life up, it can give a person a unrealistic perspective of "everyone." Its not that way.
You seem sad. Do yourself a favor. Download Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. He discusses male and female, the polarity, and even emphasizes on homosexual relationships noting the polarity. I think it can help. You may see what you are triggered by, what resonates, and what you like.
Stay open. Stay vulnerable. Be free. You will get married, have a family, and children. In a alternative universe, if you did not, what would you do with your life?
Start here. Begin by living that life. In the process, you will bring that person along. You will find yourself on that life track. You will gravitate more people that are like minded. Break up your routine. I suggest starting a gym membership. High volume of men. Tons of opportunities. You want to break out of redundancy and shitty cycles. There is nothing wrong with what you did or do. If you want change, you must start on a new path.
Miss, its the journey. Not the destination. You want love. Give love. Start by looking in the mirror with yourself. Start the day by telling yourself, "today's the day I meet my future husband." Start saying hi to a perfect stranger. Express your femininity. Express the love and care you want to give to a man, to your future husband, and children. Live like you already have these things now and it will manifest.
Meditate. Checkout the Calm app. Its a great start. Maybe do some yoga. Break up the cycle. I am excited for you and the journey you are on. Do not give up. Avoid cynicism.
As a man, I can only look through the lens as such, and its strange. As a young boy, people in the dating world are closed off; the hungry don't get fed. In teens, start dating a bit, one gf. Hit 20s, start traveling, seeing the world, and dating lots. Mid 20s, it is ridiculous. late 20s, its epic. Something I notice to with age is that, women that were guarded, closed off or into "bad boys" come around. My ego kicks off. When young, thin, and attractive, hard up. Now wants to play house? A girl I had some history with drunk dialed me. Like you, she wants something more serious. It just never happened in the past and I am no longer interested so, I choose not to waste her time. Most men would do it for sport. I wont lie. Trust in yourself. Not on impulse but your heart.
Timing is a bitch. Does a man introduce you to his family? His friends or are you kept a little secret?
-------------------- The light of wisdom is driving away the darkness. Look at the ground. Now you can see your own shadow. If you are scared by the shadow that follows you, just remember, wherever shadows fall, light is always nearby.
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do it
Master of temporary solutions



Registered: 06/01/15
Posts: 151
Loc: Korvatunturi
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
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Quote:
rogue_pixie said: How do you deal with it?
It's a feeling that has plagued me for most of my life. However, I thought that by the time I hit 30 I would be married with children by now, but I am very much single. I don't have many friends, not any whom I feel close to, because I never seem to meet people who are on my wavelength. I'm about to officially graduate with a master's degree and I'm doing a PhD in psycholinguistics. So from the outside, my life looks as though it is 'going well', but in actual fact, it feels completely and utterly pointless because I am so lonely and isolated.
Don't get me wrong, I love my own company, and doing things by myself, but doing that for the REST of my life is not something that I want to do. I am getting so tired of 'me' time. Life is infinitely better when it's shared with someone else/others. I am starting to lose the drive to do anything. I feel like a total outsider and it's cripplingly lonely.
Just wondering if anyone else is in a similar position re loneliness and the inability to meet people? It certainly seems to get more difficult with age.
I can relate to this situation, not as a female though, so I can't say I know exactly how you feel. I do have a couple of somewhat close friends, but they don't live in the same area so my daily contact with most people is somewhat superficial.
For me this feeling of loneliness comes and goes, sometimes it's almost crippling, other times I don't care. But nonetheless it does come back every now and then. When it does, I most often try to remind myself of the fact that I'm happier alone than in a bad relationship. Just thinking about how I've been dishonest to myself in the past about some relationship or looking at couples arguing and getting angry at each other confirms this for me. This way about it is kind of sad, I know, but that's just me coping. If everything gets real bad I get as stoned as I can and that distances me from my feelings to some degree, this sounds even worse but I have depressive traits/mental illness running in the family so my bad moods can get quite awful when they get rolling... So I don't see escaping with drugs as an unthinkable solution, I just try to avoid the really bad ones.
I do find that what really works for the feeling of loneliness is getting into new situations with people. This can be easier said than done, you just have to find some kind of new activity you'd like to try. People here recommended gyms or other exercise and I second that. I haven't met any significant other in doing such but new people anyway. And keeping fit helps with confidence and keeping ones chin up, thus helping attract people.
When I feel lost and down, I have found that the stuff Eckhart Tolle speaks about helps me accept my situation. That and what comedians like Louis C.K. & George Carlin say about life helps me along.
ps. that thing about presenting all your nerdy sides in online dating is probably a really good idea to avoid creeps, make sure the text you write is long, just to narrow down the potential suitors even more.
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LobsterSauce


Registered: 11/09/08
Posts: 19,884
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Re: Loneliness [Re: do it]
#23887171 - 12/02/16 10:38 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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MY LONELINESS.......IS KILLING ME......AAAAAAAAND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
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