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Anonymous #1
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Still love someone years later
#23873226 - 11/27/16 07:51 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Around 6 years ago I met this girl I really liked and ended up loving her very much but I ended up going to jail and we went our separate ways. Since then Ive been in other relationships but ive never really cared for the people I was with like I did this girl. I would still think of her and sometimes even have dreams of being with her. Even while I was with someone else I couldn't feel love for them, It always felt like friends with benefits..
I still feel like I love her after all this time and its confusing and frustrating as we only talk occasionally. I get this desire to try to get back with her and noone else. I know she still cares about me although I dont know to what extent.
Is it normal for me to still feel this love for this girl I've only occasionally seen and talked to over the course of 5 years? Even when im in a relationship with a different girl? Should I start talking to her more? Should I tell her how I feel?
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#23873236 - 11/27/16 07:55 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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IMO, and I have learned this very much the hard way, you should learn to not need to be with a girl. You should learn to love you and just be happy with you.
When/if that happens, I'd put money on the fact that the girl of your dreams walks into your life shortly after. Could be her, could be another.
Probably not at all what you want to hear, or what culture programs us to believe, but I feel this to be an ultimate truth.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Anonymous #1
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I agree with ya 100% man but thats the thing, Ive tried hard to forget this girl but I cant.. Its like it comes and goes in waves I wont think about her for a month or 2 then I will have this dream about her out of nowhere and miss her again. I would have thought after all this time I would have stopped caring about her.
I just talked to her the other day and were gonna meet up and hang out when she gets back to this state. Im going to try talking to her more and eventually make a move. I need closure. Gonna follow my gut on this thanks for the advice, Working on loving myself and being happy with myself is goal#1
Edited by Anonymous (11/27/16 08:08 PM)
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23873297 - 11/27/16 08:13 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'd advise forgetting the whole thought train of ever 'making a move'. Just meet her as a friend and and friend only, else I'd give it a 99.9& chance you're gonna fuck it up.
You need to get over her man. Only if you can/do, might something happen. This has been my exact experience with the woman who eventually became my wife and changed my life in every way possible. We were friends for 13 years before, and there was a time between us, but it was not the right time. Only when I moved on from that did she come into my world and turn it upside down, causing me to change everything about myself for the better.
I say this to you from the very bottom of my heart. Please let her go.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23873317 - 11/27/16 08:18 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Easier said than done! =)
I wont "make a move" I mean more like ask her if she wants to get some food or something lol. Im definitely still gonna go see her but I will do my best to take your advice man. Just be a friend ya know.
As for letting her go it would be impossible for me to stop caring for her, That I know I cant do but as for loving her I dont love her like I used to but the feeling is still there.
My question to you is how could I care about this person and want this person but not pursue it? Wouldnt that be worse than fucking it up?
Edited by Anonymous (11/27/16 08:25 PM)
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1] 2
#23873371 - 11/27/16 08:33 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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It's called unconditional love. I had to go through the most gut wrenching, soul tearing, self harming depression fuck shit cunt time of my life to understand it.
When you just love her, no matter where she is, who she's with, what she's done, doing or ever could do, but that in no ways ties in to wanting to be 'with' her, you'll know you've got it.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Anonymous #1
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Well said man. I've tried to not want her before. I can forget about it for a couple months but a dream, a picture something will always get me thinking about her again. I guess I just need to fight the urge to want to be with her and focus more on getting my life together.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23873409 - 11/27/16 08:42 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I guess I just need to fight the urge to want to be with her and focus more on getting my life together.
Unfortunately, as fucking hard as it is. Hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life by far, and I'm still not all the way there. Nearly, but not quite. The dreams don't help, but it is what it is.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Anonymous #1
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Dont you ever feel like you could have done it differently? Why does it have to be guaranteed to not work? I know she still cares about me, I have plans to meet up with her, Cant I just start fresh like if it was day 1? or would that be dishonest?
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23873432 - 11/27/16 08:51 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Cause life, when investigated in depth enough down any path, is by its very nature paradoxical. I wish I could say something more tangible, but years and years of study render me with little more than this observation and conclusion. It is also that of many far, far wiser than myself.
What's done is done, you cannot start afresh. You have to work with what you have now and to achieve the outcome you really want you often must do what is most counterintuitive.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Jokeshopbeard] 1
#23873446 - 11/27/16 08:57 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Should I try to talk to her more and try to become closer friends or just still basically never talk to her? Seems like if I dont go spend any time with her and never talk to her it will be a lost cause.
Thanks for the advice man, Its nice being able to talk about this shit with someone.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23873506 - 11/27/16 09:18 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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You're welcome brother, that's what we're here as a community for.
I don't think it matters much what you actually 'do' with her, as long as you obviously treat her as you would any friend. I think what matters wholly is what you're doing with you.
Do you truly love, honour and respect yourself? Are you your own best friend? Do you feel you've looked at your whole self, every ugly and beautiful aspect of your human condition, accepted it all as it is, and committed to achieving your true potential, not matter how hard or how scary that may be?
If the answer to any of those is no, then you're not ready for the woman of your dreams. Sure you can find a mediocre relationship and/or sex, that shit is ten-a-penny out there, as you and I have both already found out.
But you want the real deal, you gotta do the real work.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Anonymous #1
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Right now im not happy with myself. I've been lazy and dont have a job dont have my car on the road. Thats all being changed, I deleted the addictive ass video games I play im gonna start making something of myself. Been looking hard for a job thats step #1
I believe your right man I need to get to the point that I respect myself and can take care of myself. In the meantime Im going to try to talk to her more, not for a relationship, I miss her as a friend. In the future when I have more respect for myself maybe things can be more than that.
Thanks again for the talk man good luck with your ventures =)
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23873586 - 11/27/16 09:47 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Thanks again for the talk man good luck with your ventures =)
Thank you too man. I'm giving up almost everything I know to move to the other side of the planet in a few weeks in order to find what we're talking about, and I'm fuckin' terrified of the shit I gotta face in myself before I know I'm ready. Fuck, maybe it'll all come easy when I really get my head stuck into it in the right environment. Who knows. I'm making the effort and I'm facing my fears. Can't really go wrong with that combo IME.
Best of luck in yours too.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23873599 - 11/27/16 09:52 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I miss her as a friend.
BTW, I have lots of friends I miss very deeply. Sometimes you just have to let them go. That's what true love is. Love want's nothing in return.
Just bear that in mind if it doesn't go how you want it to. Hey, maybe it will, but it's very unlikely to if you're 'not happy with myself'.
Personally, I'd stick to a phone call and wait until you are before you see her. She'll very likely see straight through it.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Anonymous #1
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Not gonna let this friend go if it can be helped. I know its probably not the right thing to do, Its something that I cant help. Id rather her tell me to fuck off and never talk to her again than not try. I've got to try.
Talkin with you has shown me I need to definitely take care of myself first and that is what im going to do.
As for you make sure traveling across the world and leaving your family is worth what your going for. Family is definitely #1. Make sure you always have a way to come back home and good luck man! I really hope it works out for you.
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23874180 - 11/28/16 04:33 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I think you're crazy OP, its a mental aberration, forget it.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Repertoire89]
#23874188 - 11/28/16 04:45 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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A mental aberration that has stuck with me for 5 years and I have tried to forget it. why do you think im trying to find closure? Do you really think its that strange I care about someone after 5 years?
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23874215 - 11/28/16 05:33 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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No, I think its strange that you can't form attachments to other individuals.
Not trying to be negative, just saying I don't think its healthy at all to be unable to form attachments with other women, not a true love thing so much as a spiritual / mental health crises.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Still love someone years later [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23874268 - 11/28/16 06:19 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Its something that I cant help.
Please don't self sabotage like this. Your actions are ALL you control in this world. You cannot control what's in your head, you cannot control the outer world. All you have is your interface between the two.
Of course you can help it. But, sometimes you have to learn the hard way, so I do not expect you to do the right thing here. I just hope you do, for both your sake and hers.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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