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CrackingTheCode
Miss The Donald yet?

Registered: 04/15/16
Posts: 138
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
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Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am
#23858963 - 11/22/16 10:41 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I haven't really had a "bad trip" but some of my trips have had their scary moments.
The scary moments of my trips all revolve around just one thing.
Remembering or realizing that I am God and this life is all some kind of elaborate game I play by myself in order to distract myself from the fact that I am ultimately and completely alone.
My last trip I had this thought which felt like a memory of making up all these crazy games of hide and seek. It started off by seeing multiple versions of myself in an empty white "box" room. I would walk around the room, kneel down to the floor and place something on the floor. Watching myself in the 3rd person, as if from a control room monitor. The room looked like those "padded" rooms in a mental hospital. But just pure white.
From my perspective as the witness, it appeared I was "hiding" absolutely fucking nothing. Like, hey, what's in my hand? Absolutely fucking nothing!
And then I would see myself do something that kind of scared me. I would turn around, count to 10 or whatever and then proceed to look up and down this empty room for whatever invisible object I hid 10 seconds prior. Sometimes I would "find" it right away and others I didn't until the end.
The image zoomed out to seeing a wall of screens. Think when Neo meets the Architect in that weird TV/Control room.
I interpreted this as explaining how the game works. It's like the whole point of these games (earlier versions of humanity?) was to lose myself so I could find myself.
"You win again!" "You're God!" But I was already God... over and over, forever. Every time I remembered being God, the game would end and I would do it again. It was fucking depressing... I mean, how else do you react to coming to the conclusion everyone you know is really just you. Another reincarnation of you but still you all the same.
At one point I remember thinking humanity was the game perfected. My greatest creation. Through humanity I could completely forget I was God while leaving little clues eluding to it along the way. Maybe this is really just how we grow up.
Sometimes when in the Godhead, I feel like I'm some sort of juvenile God, not quite "grown up" yet.
Who knows?
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Tmethyl
Smear in the shale


Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: CrackingTheCode] 1
#23859030 - 11/22/16 11:15 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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You are still mixed up. Your awareness is still mixed up with this body/mind person, and your language betrays this most common of mixtures. Don't be bothered by these experiences, don't feel any sort of way, don't cling to an idea, don't let the person drag you along for another trip. 
We feel we sometimes lose or leave this. But this ‘I who leaves’ is the mind only – a thought. How can we Leave our Self? Can the wave (the mind) exist apart from the ocean? (the Self) ‘Losing and gaining’ are simply notions arising in the Unchanging presence we already are. -Mooji
-------------------- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,658
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: Tmethyl]
#23859041 - 11/22/16 11:23 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sounds like my first real trip to the T.
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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CrackingTheCode
Miss The Donald yet?

Registered: 04/15/16
Posts: 138
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: Tmethyl]
#23859047 - 11/22/16 11:26 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Believe you're right. I'm still trying to figure this whole thing out. Both times this happened it was because I didn't let go.
First time was my first-ever trip and I just didn't know. Second time I thought I was pretty much done with a trip and decided to deploy my weed before hoping into the shower for that sweet, sweet come down.
Ended up re-starting the trip and at a higher level. Hit me in the middle of some music and I wasn't in a position to simply lay down, close my eyes and let go.
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,658
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: CrackingTheCode]
#23859062 - 11/22/16 11:32 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thank god for normal life
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Tmethyl
Smear in the shale


Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: CrackingTheCode]
#23859074 - 11/22/16 11:35 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
CrackingTheCode said: Both times this happened it was because I didn't let go.
Another trap, another loop.
Even letting go happens in awareness. Therefore letting go is not important, to let go is much like seeking, in the sense that it's something that is going to happen. No, nothing that happens is it. All happening happen in awareness/consciousness. You are already that, you can be nothing other than that. Right now you are that. You don't need to go anywhere, you need to be still and let it be your experience.
"letting go" is like a wave rising out of the ocean, saying to itself "one day I will let go and I will be the ocean." No, the wave is already the ocean.
"seeking" is like a character in a movie looking all through his movie world for enlightenment. But his entire world happens on the movie screen. Awareness is the screen, you are already that. Nothing your character does, matters whatsoever.
Laugh with me.
-------------------- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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CrackingTheCode
Miss The Donald yet?

Registered: 04/15/16
Posts: 138
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: Tmethyl]
#23859200 - 11/23/16 12:33 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I get that I am already the ocean. But could you expand on be still and let it be your experience?
I know what you're saying, but can't quite conceptualize how I can get my ego to just step aside and go along for the ride without care.
Can you give a real life example?
Appreciate your insight!
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Tmethyl
Smear in the shale


Registered: 07/16/12
Posts: 16,431
Loc: Florida
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: CrackingTheCode]
#23859223 - 11/23/16 12:45 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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You cannot conceptualize it for 2 reasons. 1) It cannot be conceptualized, because all concepts arise in awareness, they are just mental objects. 2) The person who wants to conceptualize is itself ego. We don't need to help this one anymore.
The ego does not need to step aside, because you are not affected by the ego, you only watch it. Saying that the ego needs to step aside is exactly the same as the character in the movie asking himself to disappear. Even if he disappears, he is the screen, not the character! The screen was here before the character and after the character. The awareness does not want the ego to step aside, it wants nothing. It is everything.
Attempting to identify with the source is an idea. You are already that.
When I say, let this be your experience, I mean be still. You are only awareness. Unlimited, infinite, perfect.
"Something brought you here. Something inside is delighted to be reminded – you are nobody."
Now, you can continue thinking. Or we can laugh together at the utter simplicity of this. 
-------------------- ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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mt cleverest
clevendafodil

Registered: 08/19/12
Posts: 2,348
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: CrackingTheCode]
#23860715 - 11/23/16 01:39 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
CrackingTheCode said: Sometimes when in the Godhead, I feel like I'm some sort of juvenile God, not quite "grown up" yet.
I like the idea that we are a padawan god who is just meditating, exploring our self in duality, trying to wrap our head around/ accept our shadow. or maybe since we can't escape the dream at will, we are a god who is a little bit retarded or mentally injured in some way which is why we are quarantined away like in your vision, and the rest of the godhead can't help us.
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Zymosis
Carbon Based Lifeform



Registered: 10/17/15
Posts: 237
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: CrackingTheCode]
#23860941 - 11/23/16 03:00 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
CrackingTheCode said: I haven't really had a "bad trip" but some of my trips have had their scary moments.
The scary moments of my trips all revolve around just one thing.
Remembering or realizing that I am God and this life is all some kind of elaborate game I play by myself in order to distract myself from the fact that I am ultimately and completely alone.
My last trip I had this thought which felt like a memory of making up all these crazy games of hide and seek. It started off by seeing multiple versions of myself in an empty white "box" room. I would walk around the room, kneel down to the floor and place something on the floor. Watching myself in the 3rd person, as if from a control room monitor. The room looked like those "padded" rooms in a mental hospital. But just pure white.
From my perspective as the witness, it appeared I was "hiding" absolutely fucking nothing. Like, hey, what's in my hand? Absolutely fucking nothing!
And then I would see myself do something that kind of scared me. I would turn around, count to 10 or whatever and then proceed to look up and down this empty room for whatever invisible object I hid 10 seconds prior. Sometimes I would "find" it right away and others I didn't until the end.
The image zoomed out to seeing a wall of screens. Think when Neo meets the Architect in that weird TV/Control room.
I interpreted this as explaining how the game works. It's like the whole point of these games (earlier versions of humanity?) was to lose myself so I could find myself.
"You win again!" "You're God!" But I was already God... over and over, forever. Every time I remembered being God, the game would end and I would do it again. It was fucking depressing... I mean, how else do you react to coming to the conclusion everyone you know is really just you. Another reincarnation of you but still you all the same.
At one point I remember thinking humanity was the game perfected. My greatest creation. Through humanity I could completely forget I was God while leaving little clues eluding to it along the way. Maybe this is really just how we grow up.
Sometimes when in the Godhead, I feel like I'm some sort of juvenile God, not quite "grown up" yet.
Who knows?
I'm glad you made this post OP because my trips have been showing me stuff like this too and it is has made me the most depressed I have ever been in my life, at least I know I'm "not alone" (at least in this human form)
Part of me is full of wonder thinking about how amazing this whole concept is,that I am not the I that has been known my whole life with this meek human form because that is an illusion and I don't really exist, but "I" am instead the infinite. Existence is a strange thing either way.
The other part of me has been depressed and feeling alone because if this is truth then everyone I have ever known is another incarnation of me. Which means I have been talking to myself all these years. It makes me understand why we have death in this imaginary universe... to refresh things when the game gets old and start with a blank slate in a new body. This thought and the vision of a wheel of humans devolving back to single celled organisms left me laughing hysterically saying "it just goes on and on" while my gf and cats stared at me lol.
What you say about being a juvenile god struck a chord as well. I have had visions that my parents were gods and that this universe was created for me by them. This role they play in my life is an act while they hide the true meaning. But when getting down to it, that seems like a metaphor. They really did create this universe for me by creating me and allowing for my birth, then raising me into the person I am today. So my parents are in fact my "gods" as my creators. When relating this back to the previous idea that this is all an illusion, then that means I am both my mother and father, and am still alone in the end.
This awareness we have is the only constant in an ever changing universe. As babies, we are truer to ourselves than we will ever be in our lives because all we have as babies is that awareness, then we are taught to think and speak and identify which brings us further from that awareness as we build up this false idea of who we are.
It's weird that after a decade of psychedelic use these type of trips just start coming in within the past year... it really feels like nothing in the past actually happened and is all fading away like a dream.
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Trypto-Fan
Warrior



Registered: 10/01/14
Posts: 1,613
Loc: UK
Last seen: 2 months, 30 days
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: Zymosis]
#23861285 - 11/23/16 04:55 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Alan Watts
"There was never a time when the world began, because it goes round and round like a circle, and there is no place on a circle where it begins. Look at my watch, which tells the time; it goes round, and so the world repeats itself again and again. But just as the hour-hand of the watch goes up to twelve and down to six, so, too, there is day and night, waking and sleeping, living and dying, summer and winter. You can't have any one of these without the other, because you wouldn't be able to know what black is unless you had seen it side-by-side with white, or white unless side-by-side with black. "In the same way, there are times when the world is, and times when it isn't, for if the world went on and on without rest for ever and ever, it would get horribly tired of itself. It comes and it goes. Now you see it; now you don't. So because it doesn't get tired of itself, it always comes back again after it disappears. It's like your breath: it goes in and out, in and out, and if you try to hold it in all the time you feel terrible. It's also like the game of hide-and-seek, because it's always fun to find new ways of hiding, and to seek for someone who doesn't always hide in the same place. "God also likes to play hide-and-seek, but because there is nothing outside God, he has no one but himself to play with. But he gets over this difficulty by pretending that he is not himself. This is his way of hiding from himself. He pretends that he is you and I and all the people in the world, all the animals, all the plants, all the rocks, and all the stars. In this way he has strange and wonderful adventures, some of which are terrible and frightening. But these are just like bad dreams, for when he wakes up they will disappear. "Now when God plays hide and pretends that he is you and I, he does it so well that it takes him a long time to remember where and how he hid himself. But that's the whole fun of it—just what he wanted to do. He doesn't want to find himself too quickly, for that would spoil the game. That is why it is so difficult for you and me to find out that we are God in disguise, pretending not to be himself. But when the game has gone on long enough, all of us will wake up, stop pretending, and remember that we are all one single Self—the God who is all that there is and who lives for ever and ever. "Of course, you must remember that God isn't shaped like a person. People have skins and there is always something outside our skins. If there weren't, we wouldn't know the difference between what is inside and outside our bodies. But God has no skin and no shape because there isn't any outside to him. [With a sufficiently intelligent child, I illustrate this with a Möbius strip—a ring of paper tape twisted once in such a way that it has only one side and one edge.] The inside and the outside of God are the same. And though I have been talking about God as 'he' and not 'she,' God isn't a man or a woman. I didn't say 'it' because we usually say 'it' for things that aren't alive. "God is the Self of the world, but you can't see God for the same reason that, without a mirror, you can't see your own eyes, and you certainly can't bite your own teeth or look inside your head. Your self is that cleverly hidden because it is God hiding. "You may ask why God sometimes hides in the form of horrible people, or pretends to be people who suffer great disease and pain. Remember, first, that he isn't really doing this to anyone but himself. Remember, too, that in almost all the stories you enjoy there have to be bad people as well as good people, for the thrill of the tale is to find out how the good people will get the better of the bad. It's the same as when we play cards. At the beginning of the game we shuffle them all into a mess, which is like the bad things in the world, but the point of the game is to put the mess into good order, and the one who does it best is the winner. Then we shuffle the cards once more and play again, and so it goes with the world."
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Duncan Rowhl
Fiducia Christum



Registered: 10/08/12
Posts: 2,659
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: Trypto-Fan]
#23861693 - 11/23/16 07:11 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Everything which occurs in the universe is a microcosmic 'negative film' of the almighty truth.
It's telling you by way of analogy, that you have God within you but you are in a state of amnesia of the divine which you left. You became aware that it's the furthest you are going to get to God before you are send back to square one - symbolic of reincarnation.
You are running the loop of learning to find the sliproad.
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thelastoneleft
Stranger

Registered: 11/08/12
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Re: Coming to grips with enlightenment and who I am [Re: Duncan Rowhl]
#23862319 - 11/24/16 12:34 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I am ultimately and completely alone.
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