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Offlinekakashi68
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #23858731 - 11/22/16 08:46 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
sounds pretty awful man.

I would seek a mental health professional. U need therapy and treatment. Hopefully u can afford it as its very expensive.

Get some professional help before u put a bullet in your brain. Seriously.




I am I see a regular drug counselor like every week and I also see another worker for mental health and relationships.

I dont give a fuck how "lucky" I am. Im so miserable and stressed it makes me physically ill.

I have inferior genes, im ugly, i have no confidence, im an addict, i hate myself and no one wants to be around me because of this


--------------------
You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
-Bernard Black



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Invisiblecrackbaby
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: Shiithead]
    #23858739 - 11/22/16 08:48 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Shiithead said:
How many sperm in an ejaculation?? We all pretty much won the lottery.

Think about about your parents now and all the factors that went into them meeting and copulating the day/night you were conceived. Now think of their parents. It is hard to imagine those odds.

That's why I gamble lol




c,mon maaaann...why you gotta go and make me think of my parents and grandparents humping :crankey:


--------------------
:awedance:




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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
    #23858779 - 11/22/16 09:12 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Don't worry about the oxy, that is NBD, especially if you're not really sick.

I've struggled with self hatred, anxiety, addiction, depression, all that for as long as I can remember.  I have been doing pretty well since I have sworn off women and started taking a once daily kratom dose.  I don't know if you've ever tried maintaining on kratom but it is the only thing that seems to keep the cravings at bay for me with minimal life issues that usually come from opioids.  Took me a little bit to actually commit to making the switch, I was just planning to use it to fill in the gaps I think, but I eventually found I was much happier on it compared to my previous lifestyle.

Never give up fighting man.  I know it is hard sometimes but no matter how bad it seems it could always be worse, and even then there is still reason for hope.  I'm sorry you're suffering, never hesitate to reach out because there are people that care about you.


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OfflineRobZombie68
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
    #23858786 - 11/22/16 09:16 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Change the way you think, simple.  Do positive, productive things with your time.  Look in the mirror and see what you want to change,,,, and change it.  :wink:


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Offlinekakashi68
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23858787 - 11/22/16 09:16 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
Don't worry about the oxy, that is NBD, especially if you're not really sick.

I've struggled with self hatred, anxiety, addiction, depression, all that for as long as I can remember.  I have been doing pretty well since I have sworn off women and started taking a once daily kratom dose.  I don't know if you've ever tried maintaining on kratom but it is the only thing that seems to keep the cravings at bay for me with minimal life issues that usually come from opioids.  Took me a little bit to actually make the switch but since I have I don't think my life has ever been better.

Never give up fighting man.  I know it is hard sometimes but no matter how bad it seems it could always be worse, and even then there is still reason for hope.  I'm sorry you're suffering, never hesitate to reach out because there are people that care about you.




Kratom is illegal and since its a big fat powder it basically impossible to get it through customs.

ive tried reaching out to the very very few friends i have and there kinda giving me nothing/its not helping.


Theres only one person that im way to attached to that could make me feel better. I messaged her because I think I really need to sort things out with her.... Im just so afraid that if I leave her its going to get even worse. I know im attached to her unhealthy. But shes the only thing that kept me sober and the only thing that gave me any sort of purpose or happiness :frown:


--------------------
You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
-Bernard Black



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Offlinekakashi68
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: RobZombie68]
    #23858792 - 11/22/16 09:17 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

RobZombie68 said:
Change the way you think, simple.  Do positive, productive things with your time.  Look in the mirror and see what you want to change,,,, and change it.  :wink:




yea ill change my disgusting face.... thats totally possible. dont you think I would have changed my thinking if I could :frown: im sorry thats harsh but im hurt :frown:


--------------------
You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
-Bernard Black



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InvisibleJufin
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68] * 1
    #23858804 - 11/22/16 09:21 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

kakashi68 said:
I took 40mg of oxy when I really shouldnt.... im sorry... im really sad :frown:

Im so tired of being stressed and anxious about everything all the time. I know what my issues are but I cant do anything about them.

Im deathly afraid of being alone yet I push people away because im scared they wont like me. I get way to attached to girls way to fast. When someone doesnt talk to me even for  a week I get so scared because I think they dont like me. I endlessly worry of little things people say and assume they are subtly telling me they dont like me.

I have no self esteem. none. I just dont know how to fix it. I dont want to be alone... but im just so broken. Im just useless piece of shit who cant do anything but sit around doing opiates because its the only time my mind is quiet and I can just sit by myself and not have to worry what people think of me.



It honestly sounds like you're on the path to recovery, because you're being brutally honest with yourself.  And from there, you can sculpt yourself into a person you love.  Also, exercise. It fixes a lot.


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OfflineRobZombie68
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
    #23858805 - 11/22/16 09:21 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

kakashi68 said:
Quote:

RobZombie68 said:
Change the way you think, simple.  Do positive, productive things with your time.  Look in the mirror and see what you want to change,,,, and change it.  :wink:




yea ill change my disgusting face.... thats totally possible. dont you think I would have changed my thinking if I could :frown: im sorry thats harsh but im hurt :frown:




You are too negative, it is the Law of Attraction.  When the light comes from you people will be attracted like moths to a flame.  "Change your mind"


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Offlinekakashi68
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: RobZombie68]
    #23858819 - 11/22/16 09:26 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

RobZombie68 said:
Quote:

kakashi68 said:
Quote:

RobZombie68 said:
Change the way you think, simple.  Do positive, productive things with your time.  Look in the mirror and see what you want to change,,,, and change it.  :wink:




yea ill change my disgusting face.... thats totally possible. dont you think I would have changed my thinking if I could :frown: im sorry thats harsh but im hurt :frown:




You are too negative, it is the Law of Attraction.  When the light comes from you people will be attracted like moths to a flame.  "Change your mind"




As I said I know this.

How the fuck am I just meant to say "oh im just going to forget all this pain and just love myself even though no one else does.

Why have I not thought of this or done this in the past 5 years or so that ive been feeling like this?

come on its really not that simple...


--------------------
You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
-Bernard Black



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InvisiblePatrickKn
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: crackbaby]
    #23858820 - 11/22/16 09:27 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Do you regularly excercise Kakashi? I was depressed for years (from the age of 17 to 24), and had anxiety attacks so bad that I'd hyperventilate quite often and have trouble talking on the phone even with family and stuff. The last two years or so I excercise regularly and eat well (cook or prepare a majority of my meals these days as opposed to eating out constantly) and my depression practically ceased to exist. It's not the fix all solution for everyone, some people are more predisposed to depression and anxiety even with healthy habits, but it certainly worked out well for myself.

I also stopped using harder drugs and alcohol as frequently, and abused them pretty hard for many years. I might drink once every few months as opposed to several times a week, don't get all coked up anymore ever, and might roll on ecstasy a couple times in a year instead of several times a week. I still enjoy psychedelics pretty frequently, and don't think they contribute to depression for myself.

I cook more meals than I eat out, which years ago isn't something I did.

I've never struggled with opiate addiction though, can't even imagine really. But I think without regular excercise it's much easier to fall into addictive habits, and relapse. I don't plan on working night shifts for the rest of my life so long as I can help it, that too contributed a lot to depressive feelings for me. When I say regular excercise, I mean like 6 or 7 times a week - running/cardio and muscular workouts. I'm not a meat head or anything, far from it. I just get regular excercise. After literally years of not doing any excercise whatsoever, smoking weed throughout the day, drinking constantly, eating like shit, not drinking adequate water, getting shitty sleep - it's really no wonder I was depressed and at times suicidal. I had trouble socializing with all but a few as well, as it could be nerve wracking for me.

It's cliche to say most of that though, and when I read other people saying it, it left a bad taste in my mouth. But it really turned my life on it's head and changed my outlook.


Edited by PatrickKn (11/22/16 09:34 PM)


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InvisibleJufin
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: PatrickKn]
    #23858824 - 11/22/16 09:29 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

PatrickKn said:
Do you regularly excercise Kakashi? I was depressed for years, and had anxiety attacks so bad that I'd hyperventilate quite often and have trouble talking on the phone even with family and stuff. The last two years or so I excercise regularly and eat well (cook or prepare a majority of my meals these days as opposed to eating out constantly) and my depression practically ceased to exist. It's not the fix all solution for everyone, some people are more predisposed to depression and anxiety even with healthy habits, but it certainly worked out well for myself.

I also stopped using harder drugs and alcohol as frequently, and abused them pretty hard for many years. I might drink once every few months as opposed to several times a week, don't get all coked up anymore ever, and might roll on ecstasy a couple times in a year instead of several times a week. I still enjoy psychedelics pretty frequently, and don't think they contribute to depression for myself.

I cook more meals than I eat out, which years ago isn't something I did.

I've never struggled with opiate addiction though, can't even imagine really. But I think without regular excercise it's much easier to fall into addictive habits, and relapse. I don't plan on working night shifts for the rest of my life so long as I can help it, that too contributed a lot to depressive feelings for me. When I say regular excercise, I mean like 6 or 7 times a week - running/cardio and muscular workouts. I'm not a meat head or anything, far from it. I just get regular excercise. After literally years of not doing any excercise whatsoever, smoking weed throughout the day, drinking constantly, eating like shit, not drinking adequate water, getting shitty sleep - it's really no wonder I was depressed and at times suicidal. I had trouble socializing with all but a few as well, as it could be nerve wracking for me.

It's cliche to say most of that though, and when I read other people saying it, it left a bad taste in my mouth. But it really turned my life on it's head and changed my outlook.



This.


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Offlineflickedbic
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
    #23858844 - 11/22/16 09:40 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

I have inferior genes, im ugly, i have no confidence, im an addict, i hate myself and no one wants to be around me because of this




The stories we tell ourselves...

You are obviously intelligent, brother.  Channel that focus and brainpower into the positive things you can do.  You have skills and talents you can grow.  We are often our greatest enemies, so let's turn our stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

As others have said eating right and excersize won't only improve physique, but mental well-being. 

Already you have people asking you to be friends... the value that evades your perception now clearly is visible to others.


--------------------
Favorite entheogen experiences in descending order:
1)Combo of oral DMT + smoked Bufotenine
2)Amanita (urine drank twice)
3)Mushrooms > Achuma 16"+cid(still need higher dose Achuma)> Cid (still need high dose)
4)Morning Glory-HBWR (+cumin, cinnamon aldehyde adducts) > Methyl chavicol (need more activators)
5)Salvia (need to try quid)


All readable matter in the above post is ficticious... any similarities to real life are purely coincidental.

Blessing.


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Offlinekakashi68
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: flickedbic]
    #23858849 - 11/22/16 09:42 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

flickedbic said:
Quote:

I have inferior genes, im ugly, i have no confidence, im an addict, i hate myself and no one wants to be around me because of this




The stories we tell ourselves...

You are obviously intelligent, brother.  Channel that focus and brainpower into the positive things you can do.  You have skills and talents you can grow.  We are often our greatest enemies, so let's turn our stumbling blocks into stepping stones.

As others have said eating right and excersize won't only improve physique, but mental well-being. 

Already you have people asking you to be friends... the value that evades your perception now clearly is visible to others.




And now those literally 4 people that asked me that in YEARS dont want talk to me....

I dont have skills. I dont want to be smart. I dont want to do good things. I just want to sit in a corner and be miserable by myself. So sick trying to deal with myself. Other people just make it so much worse.

Ive eat well. I make my own healthy meals. Exercise doesnt work and this makes me just give up on it


--------------------
You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
-Bernard Black



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OfflineSpeckles
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: PatrickKn]
    #23858857 - 11/22/16 09:47 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I've never dealt with the opiate piece but I'm an alcoholic and tend to just think about myself. I don't think real great things about myself either. A lot of my depression and rage is a direct result of alcoholic self-centeredness, so trying to think about other people has been really helpful to me in social scenarios.

With friends I try to to think of what I can do for other people instead of what they can do for me. I don't mean in a material sense, but like wanting someone to be there for me when I'm down versus being there for someone else when they need someone to talk to. People seem to be more attracted to someone they can depend on than someone who needs to depend on them.

On a large scale, going into a social event whether it's a party or just family dinner I try to think along the same lines. Like what could I do or say that will increase the enjoyment of this event for the other people? Often that's just listening to people, and not talking about myself, or complimenting the food, whatever.

I'm not very good at any of this but I relate to your loneliness. I used to have tons of friends, and as I've gotten older my circles shrunk down to core homies I've known for over a decade. Making new friends is difficult, and slow, but it seems easier to try and be a good friend than find a good friend.

Also if you do get clean again it's pretty easy to make new friends in 12-step programs because everybody already relates on a pretty deep level.


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InvisiblePatrickKn
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68] * 1
    #23858884 - 11/22/16 10:03 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

kakashi68 said:
Exercise doesn't work and this makes me just give up on it



That's what I thought too, and never gave it much of a chance. But even if it doesn't cure your depression and anxiety completely, sticking to a regular excercise plan would still lessen the symptoms quite a bit, no? It would also help with your image issues and perhaps boost your confidence as well?

I don't know what extent you've stuck to excercise after high school (or your locales equivalent), perhaps more than myself. But it's something that takes time to really fall into effect as it has a lot to do with getting your hormones in working order, getting your blood circulation going so that your body and mind can feed itself better, and getting your metabolism up (which helps with energy throughout the day as well). It's not something that happens overnight, or even in a week, but more like something that happens after a couple of months of regular, daily activity.

I'm not trying to pester you on it or anything though, just sharing what has worked for myself. I'd argue that regular excercise can help anyone's depression if they aren't getting enough currently, and that the body actually needs it. We're not quite fully adapted to our sedentary lifestyles quite yet. It might not be the full blown cure (though it was for me), but can mean the difference between a few bad days a month or several weeks of bad days.


Edited by PatrickKn (11/22/16 10:04 PM)


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
    #23858885 - 11/22/16 10:03 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

kakashi68 said:
Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
Don't worry about the oxy, that is NBD, especially if you're not really sick.

I've struggled with self hatred, anxiety, addiction, depression, all that for as long as I can remember.  I have been doing pretty well since I have sworn off women and started taking a once daily kratom dose.  I don't know if you've ever tried maintaining on kratom but it is the only thing that seems to keep the cravings at bay for me with minimal life issues that usually come from opioids.  Took me a little bit to actually make the switch but since I have I don't think my life has ever been better.

Never give up fighting man.  I know it is hard sometimes but no matter how bad it seems it could always be worse, and even then there is still reason for hope.  I'm sorry you're suffering, never hesitate to reach out because there are people that care about you.




Kratom is illegal and since its a big fat powder it basically impossible to get it through customs.

ive tried reaching out to the very very few friends i have and there kinda giving me nothing/its not helping.


Theres only one person that im way to attached to that could make me feel better. I messaged her because I think I really need to sort things out with her.... Im just so afraid that if I leave her its going to get even worse. I know im attached to her unhealthy. But shes the only thing that kept me sober and the only thing that gave me any sort of purpose or happiness :frown:




Are you not close to your family?  I'm sorry if they're not there for you but if you're overlooking their being there for you because they're not going to suck your dick and coddle you I think you'd be making a huge mistake.  Family is the only people who I was able to count on when it came down to it.


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Offlinewrestler_az
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
    #23858891 - 11/22/16 10:04 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

first off, stop saying literally so much...

second, become one with the suck.

so, you hate yourself. fine. believe it or not, you are not the minority. accept this fact, and move on. you're stuck in a feedback loop. you hate yourself because you hate yourself because you hate yourself... i get it. i would off myself in an instant, if it weren't for the fact a few people out there actually do, for some reason, care about me. i know it's irrational. ive mostly just learned to live with it.

but patric's advice is spot on if you're looking to break the loop. and, if you ever get the feeling like there is LITERALLY no one out there... shoot me a pm. i'm here.


--------------------
how's your WOW?





  Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM) 


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Offlinekakashi68
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #23858899 - 11/22/16 10:10 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
Quote:

kakashi68 said:
Quote:

moonrockmushy said:
Don't worry about the oxy, that is NBD, especially if you're not really sick.

I've struggled with self hatred, anxiety, addiction, depression, all that for as long as I can remember.  I have been doing pretty well since I have sworn off women and started taking a once daily kratom dose.  I don't know if you've ever tried maintaining on kratom but it is the only thing that seems to keep the cravings at bay for me with minimal life issues that usually come from opioids.  Took me a little bit to actually make the switch but since I have I don't think my life has ever been better.

Never give up fighting man.  I know it is hard sometimes but no matter how bad it seems it could always be worse, and even then there is still reason for hope.  I'm sorry you're suffering, never hesitate to reach out because there are people that care about you.




Kratom is illegal and since its a big fat powder it basically impossible to get it through customs.

ive tried reaching out to the very very few friends i have and there kinda giving me nothing/its not helping.


Theres only one person that im way to attached to that could make me feel better. I messaged her because I think I really need to sort things out with her.... Im just so afraid that if I leave her its going to get even worse. I know im attached to her unhealthy. But shes the only thing that kept me sober and the only thing that gave me any sort of purpose or happiness :frown:




Are you not close to your family?  I'm sorry if they're not there for you but if you're overlooking their being there for you because they're not going to suck your dick and coddle you I think you'd be making a huge mistake.  Family is the only people who I was able to count on when it came down to it.





My father is an alco who chooses to stay in our house yet makes himself completely emotionally unavaliable. Thats worse that leaving if you ask me. Neither parents really knew how to show me love after I became a teenager. I was never hugged. Its left a huge hole in me and I have severe attachement issues now.


--------------------
You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
-Bernard Black



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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68] * 1
    #23859110 - 11/22/16 11:53 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

kakashi68 said:

How the fuck am I just meant to say "oh im just going to forget all this pain and just love myself even though no one else does.




You are the most qualified person on the planet to love yourself.


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #23859348 - 11/23/16 02:35 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Yeah I mean I can relate, but you've basically told us that you're committed to wallowing in your misery if nobody else is going to come take your pain away.  I would say you need some experience in life to get some perspective, but that's about as specific as I can possibly be in terms of advice. 

It usually isn't the case that you get a bunch of great people in your life who support and cherish you, then things fall into place.  It takes alot of stuggling and hard work to develop your self and gain some insight that will make you attractive to other people and bring the kind of relationships you want into your life. 

I know it's a fucked thing to say to someone who is depressed, and I'm not into kicking people when they're down, but if you come across as desperate and pathetic why would someone want to be there for you?  The good thing is that it's never too late, and no matter how you may feel if you're able to have some insight into your self, even negative, you're already ahead of the game in some sense.  The next step is making changes, not sitting around hoping some angel comes into your life and makes it all ok.


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