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kakashi68
Connoiseur of Illicit Substances


Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 2,116
Loc: STRAYA
Last seen: 10 days, 10 hours
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Why Do I hate myself so much
#23858216 - 11/22/16 06:09 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I took 40mg of oxy when I really shouldnt.... im sorry... im really sad 
Im so tired of being stressed and anxious about everything all the time. I know what my issues are but I cant do anything about them.
Im deathly afraid of being alone yet I push people away because im scared they wont like me. I get way to attached to girls way to fast. When someone doesnt talk to me even for a week I get so scared because I think they dont like me. I endlessly worry of little things people say and assume they are subtly telling me they dont like me.
I have no self esteem. none. I just dont know how to fix it. I dont want to be alone... but im just so broken. Im just useless piece of shit who cant do anything but sit around doing opiates because its the only time my mind is quiet and I can just sit by myself and not have to worry what people think of me.
-------------------- You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven. -Bernard Black
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L_iggins
Slight Sell-Out



Registered: 11/20/16
Posts: 106
Loc: Around
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68] 1
#23858232 - 11/22/16 06:16 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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You'll be alright man theres friends for everyone out there
-------------------- L Dog 
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kakashi68
Connoiseur of Illicit Substances


Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 2,116
Loc: STRAYA
Last seen: 10 days, 10 hours
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: L_iggins]
#23858242 - 11/22/16 06:21 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
L_iggins said: You'll be alright man theres friends for everyone out there
But im just so paralyzed with anxiety. Ive never asked anyone to really be friends with me because im so fucking scared they wont like me.
The only friends ive ever made had to ask me to be friends and even then I basically needed them to constantly tell me that we still are friends.
I feel like I dont deserve friends or a girlfriend. Im just so unlikable.
-------------------- You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven. -Bernard Black
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pineninja
Dream Weaver



Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
Loc: South
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
#23858255 - 11/22/16 06:25 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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In your current headspace perhaps. I have people whom a get along with quite well simply because I/we haven't felt the need to validate our friendships with words.....the very fact we are conversing by choice and will at some stage in the future means enough to me. Stop over thinking yourself and try to give the opiates a rest they aren't helping and will continue to hinder until you do.
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
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SinSemilla
Stranger
Registered: 10/31/16
Posts: 51
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
#23858259 - 11/22/16 06:26 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm riddled with anxiety , my ego is weak and powerless from years of emotional abuse which is now deep inside my sub conscious mind. I never had a gf , shitty job , feel like shit.. you name it my problem is I don't make the effort to make friends or keep in contact with anyone, I never call my brothers or my friends .... I rather be alone now that's scary
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Ahab McBathsalts
OTD Windmill Administrator




Registered: 11/25/02
Posts: 35,109
Loc: Wind Turbine, AB
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68] 3
#23858327 - 11/22/16 06:46 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Get sober.
-------------------- "Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's going to die."
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SinSemilla
Stranger
Registered: 10/31/16
Posts: 51
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Quote:
Ahab McBathsalts said: Get sober.
Everything in moderation
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kakashi68
Connoiseur of Illicit Substances


Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 2,116
Loc: STRAYA
Last seen: 10 days, 10 hours
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Quote:
pineninja said: In your current headspace perhaps. I have people whom a get along with quite well simply because I/we haven't felt the need to validate our friendships with words.....the very fact we are conversing by choice and will at some stage in the future means enough to me. Stop over thinking yourself and try to give the opiates a rest they aren't helping and will continue to hinder until you do.
At the moment im just way to attached to this girl. Quote:
Ahab McBathsalts said: Get sober.
I WAS SOBER FFS .I was doing really well and been clean for while now. But sometimes when I try literally every thing else. Its the only thing that gives me relief from myself.
-------------------- You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven. -Bernard Black
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L_iggins
Slight Sell-Out



Registered: 11/20/16
Posts: 106
Loc: Around
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68] 1
#23858344 - 11/22/16 06:52 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I keep a pretty tight circle, I think thats the best way to do it. Find some cool people you know actually like talking with you! Just gotta get out there friend
-------------------- L Dog 
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crackbaby
shitpost aficionado



Registered: 08/31/15
Posts: 12,994
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68] 1
#23858365 - 11/22/16 06:56 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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hang in there brother...I can relate somewhat to what you describe, since i tend to be overly analytical and was always pretty insecure up until fairly recently (still tend to struggle with a bit of social anxiety). I believe the term used to describe people who are wired this way is 'hypervigilant' (i used to listen to Adam Carolla's radio show years ago, and he would always mention how he had this affliction).
I think we all have a dual nature (animal vs spiritual), and it's easy to dwell upon your animal aspect and feel like a low life when you have a super sensitive mind, as well as project this sense of self on the way you think others percieve you. One thing i think helps with this is meditation, so you learn to find your center and cultivate a stronger connection to your core. Also, if things get really bad i think temporary use of anti anxiety meds can be helpful.
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kakashi68
Connoiseur of Illicit Substances


Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 2,116
Loc: STRAYA
Last seen: 10 days, 10 hours
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: L_iggins]
#23858372 - 11/22/16 06:59 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
L_iggins said: I keep a pretty tight circle, I think thats the best way to do it. Find some cool people you know actually like talking with you! Just gotta get out there friend 
But thats the thing. Even people who I know like talking to me make me so scared because there is always doubt in my head that they are secretly just pitying me or being nice or something.
Its just literally impossible for me to believe that anyone would want to be around me.
I just want someone to hold me and tell me its ok
-------------------- You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven. -Bernard Black
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Canadian Jesus
I'll Be Back. I'm Back.



Registered: 07/10/16
Posts: 4,447
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 months, 20 days
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
#23858373 - 11/22/16 06:59 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I know how you feel man. In the last year I finally got out of a relationship with an emotionally abusive girlfriend who totally killed my confidence and self esteem. I'm also a recently recovered opiate addict and when I went on methadone and finally cleared up my head I realized how few friends I actually have. I'm down to 2 true friends right now. I don't really know where to go from here either. I want to finish my high school and go to college, but I have so much anxiety about that I keep finding reasons to push it off.
I feel your pain brother.
-------------------- What's the crime if I snort a line, smoke, toke shoot it up all at the same time?
SunnyD said: Definitely have more respect for sheekle than I do for unjust laws
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Love_spirit
Circle Of Power



Registered: 07/18/15
Posts: 1,208
Last seen: 7 months, 27 days
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
#23858411 - 11/22/16 07:10 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Your mind is playing a con game on you. None of it is real. Wouldn't matter if all you had is enemies, you can still enjoy yourself. Don't quit the drugs, life is always changing, sometime you may find another fix.
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L_iggins
Slight Sell-Out



Registered: 11/20/16
Posts: 106
Loc: Around
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
#23858424 - 11/22/16 07:15 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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i think you'll know if you meet them man, ones that dont make you feel like that believe me
-------------------- L Dog 
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MrBlueYoMind
Don't do drugs (Without me)


Registered: 04/27/11
Posts: 3,753
Last seen: 1 month, 26 days
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: L_iggins]
#23858506 - 11/22/16 07:39 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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True love will find you in the end You'll find out just who was your friend Don't be sad, I know you will, But don't give up until True love will find you in the end This is a promise with a catch Only if you're looking can it find you 'Cause true love is searching too But how can it recognize you Unless you step out into the light? Don't be sad i know you will But don't give up until True love finds you in the end.
-------------------- Confucius say: He who sticks drugs in butthole has head up ass. EVOLUTION REQUIRES REPRODUCTION
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MrBlueYoMind
Don't do drugs (Without me)


Registered: 04/27/11
Posts: 3,753
Last seen: 1 month, 26 days
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: MrBlueYoMind]
#23858570 - 11/22/16 08:01 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Another one (I'm posting these so you know there's others that can relate)
Daniel Johnston - Loner
I wish I could be as happy as you I wish I could have as much fun as you do I wish I could be your friend but I-I-I'm afraid
I wish I had my own way but I rarely do but I wish I had my way with you I'm a loner - oh oh - loner
Been a loner since high school - oh yeah and a loner ain't no fool - oh yeah I'm a loner - oh - eh - eheh
Be a loner in a crowded room - oh yeah take me to an ocean, I'll be loner still but I wish I could be your friend I'm a loner - uh - uh
I'm a loner in my car - oh yeah sometimes it gets scary - oh yeah been a loner since high school - oh yeah and a loner ain't no fool - oh yeah
But I wish I could be as happy as you and I wish I could have as much fun as you do I wish I could be your friend but I-I-I'm afraid
I'm a loner I'm a loner - uh lone, lone, lone, lone, lone, lone, lone uh-uuh, uh-uuh, loner, uh I'm a loner
-------------------- Confucius say: He who sticks drugs in butthole has head up ass. EVOLUTION REQUIRES REPRODUCTION
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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68]
#23858649 - 11/22/16 08:20 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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There's no need to stress or worry. You are a child of God and a mathematical impossibility no matter how you see it. Start eating right, drinking plenty or water, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep and you'll be golden. Literally. Much love brother.
--------------------
Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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PatrickKn


Registered: 07/10/11
Posts: 20,564
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: Shiithead] 1
#23858685 - 11/22/16 08:34 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Shiithead said: You are a child of God and a mathematical impossibility no matter how you see it.


If what you're saying is true, I've been lied to on the mathematics of it all.
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,363
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 14 minutes, 11 seconds
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: kakashi68] 1
#23858695 - 11/22/16 08:36 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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sounds pretty awful man.
I would seek a mental health professional. U need therapy and treatment. Hopefully u can afford it as its very expensive.
Get some professional help before u put a bullet in your brain. Seriously.
-------------------- "What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth 🌎🌍🌏
  Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise   Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek | 💧 Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method 💧 |  Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology! Shpongle
     
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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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Re: Why Do I hate myself so much [Re: PatrickKn]
#23858706 - 11/22/16 08:39 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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How many sperm in an ejaculation?? We all pretty much won the lottery.
Think about about your parents now and all the factors that went into them meeting and copulating the day/night you were conceived. Now think of their parents. It is hard to imagine those odds.
That's why I gamble lol
--------------------
Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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