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Black_Sunset
Amateur Anesthesiologist


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,451
Loc: Somewhere California
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
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Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy?
#23852912 - 11/20/16 10:51 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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So where I'm at right now...I'm confident with women, and I don't have a problem getting sex usually. I've been seeing at least 1 woman at a time for the last 2 years. Now my last 2 relationships just ended 2 weeks apart and I'm alone again. I don't have many friends right now and so I find myself on Tinder and OKCupid. I'm totally seeking validation, and I enjoy chatting with people but there's 2 problems.
1. I am gearing up to move this Summer. I know it's a long way away to some people but it's been on my mind for 2 years now. I've got to do it. It makes me not want to commit to anything because why should I I'll just leave. Who wants that...
2. I'm living at home. Contrary to what I said earlier, this KILLS my confidence with new women. I just get on these websites and go "yeah that would be great and all but...(begin cascade of why they won't want to be with me because I live at home)." So I end up feeling worse off than when I began and wasting time. I'm 27 years old now and I just don't think that's acceptable for myself anymore. I was living on my own from 18-25.
I'm a very sexual person and I think about sex a lot. I don't like to sit alone and thus seek out new partners. I know I could be working on myself..I KNOW I should be working on myself.
So now I'm thinking...should I take a vow of celibacy? Would that break me from this destructive cycle that leads me into grief? If I took a vow for 6 months, I would have no reason to put so much energy into dating and sex. I have never turned this off though. Sex isn't just something I think about a lot, it's an obsession. It's my passion, my art form...and it makes me feel VALUED. My lovers fill up something empty inside me.
I've made so much progress this month with my personal development. I've been happier than I've been in a very long time and I have vision for my life. I am healthier and physically active and I LOVE my job. I am lacking in the social life though.
So has anyone taken a vow? What reasons did you do it for? How did you get started? How did you feel? I want to get my focus redirected into other areas. How do I just stop this toxic obsession...
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AllDay420
Ghost0420

Registered: 09/03/16
Posts: 301
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Black_Sunset]
#23853039 - 11/21/16 12:14 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Black_Sunset said: I know I could be working on myself..I KNOW I should be working on myself.
It is very often that in our own questions we find the answers that we are looking for. The answer is right in front of your face, you answered your own question INSIDE your question. You recognize that you have problems in your life, and recognition is the first step in initiating change. You literately just answered the question to your whole dilemma, well done bro.
Just relax, sit down with pen and paper and have a big think about your life. Set yourself goals and achieve them all, no procrastination. Don't rest until you have completely achieved each and every single goal you set.
Personally I don't care about women, why? Because I'm far to occupied working on becoming the greatest version of myself.
I know that once I have achieved all my goals and have became my greatest version then she will come to me without me ever having to seek the bitch out. Cool huh!
-------------------- Approved puppet.
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Black_Sunset
Amateur Anesthesiologist


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,451
Loc: Somewhere California
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: AllDay420]
#23853132 - 11/21/16 01:20 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
AllDay420 said:
Quote:
Black_Sunset said: I know I could be working on myself..I KNOW I should be working on myself.
It is very often that in our own questions we find the answers that we are looking for. The answer is right in front of your face, you answered your own question INSIDE your question. You recognize that you have problems in your life, and recognition is the first step in initiating change. You literately just answered the question to your whole dilemma, well done bro.
Just relax, sit down with pen and paper and have a big think about your life. Set yourself goals and achieve them all, no procrastination. Don't rest until you have completely achieved each and every single goal you set.
Personally I don't care about women, why? Because I'm far to occupied working on becoming the greatest version of myself.
I know that once I have achieved all my goals and have became my greatest version then she will come to me without me ever having to seek the bitch out. Cool huh! 
Ty. It's true, and I know that's why I included it into my post. I know this is where my focus needs to be and it has been a lot more than it used to be. I just got back from a huge personal development event and it rocked my shit. I think I get too invested with the women in my life and dump SO MUCH energy into them that when shit ends I don't know where to put it.
I'm feeling a lot better since I posted this. Really been putting pussy on that pedestal when it's not. One of these last girls was so unhealthy mentally and I gave her way more energy than she returned helping her with her fucked up life and letting her vent to me all day.
All the women I date are younger than me. Sure they are sexy little things when they are that age but they have a lot of growing up to do, and this is a big reflection to me on where I am in my life.
I've got a lot of new things happening this week hopefully. Things to dump energy into that are for me.
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Edited by Black_Sunset (11/21/16 01:22 AM)
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AllDay420
Ghost0420

Registered: 09/03/16
Posts: 301
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: AllDay420]
#23853165 - 11/21/16 01:46 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Indeed, take that pussy off that pedestal, mayne!
I thought me stating what I did above warranted its own post because what I have stated above is honestly the root of the issue and is of the greatest importance to you, and in actuality you must realize that you have all the answers to your own problems.
But I also realize that I could be of use to you and I could discuss things with you and help you figure out the game plan to make your life the best life it could possibly be.
So now it's time to address a few things and go over each of your dilemmas.
- It seems as though you are just using the PUSSY. Not the actual woman, but only the PUSSY. That's really unfortunate. Not good. I think a relationship is out of the real question and you are only interested in pussy. I guess you use the word "relationship" to disguise your use of exclusively the PUSSY. Does this sound about right to you?  YOU MUST STOP SEEKING VALIDATION, why do you need validation, why do you need to use pussy as validation? God damn that's unhealthy. What empty holes in yourself are you filling up with something as toxic as a PUSSY addiction? This is something you must figure out in order to progress. Any form of PUSSY addiction is detrimental. A pussy addiction is toxic in becoming the greatest version of yourself.
- Yes, move the fuck out of you parents house IF they are restricting your personal growth in any way, shape or form.  If your parents are not aiding in you becoming the greatest version of yourself then you know what to do. And this is the same as anything, if someone or something IS NOT aiding in your personal growth then once again, you know what to do.
Now, to address if you should take a vow of celibacy. I think taking a vow of celibacy until you have completed all your goals and have become the greatest version of yourself will absolutely benefit you. Why not quit PUSSY cold turkey?
You want to know something about me? I'm a virgin. Loud and fucking proud. Why? You think that's crazy right? Well, I'll tell you why.  It's okay, I'm young.  - First of all, you must understand that I'm currently working on becoming the greatest version of myself, not there yet, but I'm heading there fast. And I know that while I'm working on becoming the greatest version of myself I will not be in a relationship. - In fact, I have never been in a relationship in my life, and honestly I'm extremely proud of myself for this. I know for a fact that I'm a monogamous being, so why the fuck would I ever get into a relationship without being the greatest version of myself first! That would just end fast!
Why on earth would I ever want to be in a relationship that was not forever? I know that I would never get into a relationship if it was not with "the one"..... - I know that once I have become the greatest version of myself and I'm doing my own thing and I'm doing what I love doing then she will notice this subconsciously and come to me without me ever having to seek her out! - Also, I know that you attract what you create. So I'm certain that I will attract the female version of myself once I have become the greatest version of myself, the greatest female version of myself, that's cool right. 
If I'm to attract my female life partner who is a virgin, I must be a virgin aswell! I don't want a used bitch!!! FUCK NOOOOOOOOO She MUST be a virgin, I don't want my bitch to have had some dudes dick in her in the past, yuck yuck yuck! Fuck that shit yo. EWWWWWWWWWW
And I'm sure as hell she will not have wanted me to have fucked some other bitch in the past either so she will have the exact same mentality as me and we will both be virgins and only ever fuck each other and we will be best friends for life.
I will only ever have one life partner that I fuck, rather than fucking 100 different bitches on rotation.
Once again, I know that I'm a monogamous being who has not yet found the one and I also know why. It's because I have not yet become the greatest version of myself. And I want to attract that bitch once I have crafted myself into my greatest version. 
I believe all humans should truly be monogamous beings. But humans in general aren't really ideal beings, at least most humans are not. There are only a select few who are. And these are the real intelligent ones. But hey, that's just me, you do you. 
I could most definitely be ragging 100 bitches on rotation if I truly wanted to, but I don't want to do that, that's so horrible. YUCK!!! I'm way too highly evolved for that stupid ass shit and I'm waiting to become the greatest version of myself and waiting for "the one" to show up.
Are you picking up what I'm putting down?
-------------------- Approved puppet.
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AllDay420
Ghost0420

Registered: 09/03/16
Posts: 301
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Black_Sunset]
#23853184 - 11/21/16 02:02 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Black_Sunset said: I just got back from a huge personal development event and it rocked my shit.
Ohhhhhh I would love to go to a personal development event.  What did you learn there!!?? Please share with me what lessons you took home from the event. I will be very interested to hear.
Well, basically you just told me the following.... 1) You know that your focus needs to be on making yourself your greatest version, and you have been working on yourself a lot more than you used to be, which I give you props for doing, great work bro!

2) You get too invested with the women in your life and dump SO MUCH energy into them that when shit ends you don't know where to put it.
"One of these last girls was so unhealthy mentally and I gave her way more energy than she returned helping her with her fucked up life and letting her vent to me all day." That quote alone, is EXACTLY why one NEEDS TO BE THE GREATEST VERSION OF THEM SELF before "the one" will come... Otherwise you will just end up attracting a train wreck of a woman. You don't wont an energy draining relationship, you want an ENERGY BOOSTING RELATIONSHIP!!! If you found "the one" you would never ever drain each other of energy, only ever charge each other up in each others presence. 
You do attract what you create, after all.
"All the women I date are younger than me. Sure they are sexy little things when they are that age but they have a lot of growing up to do, and this is a big reflection to me on where I am in my life." Another great quote by the likes of yourself, I told you that you know more about yourself than I do, did I not??
"I've got a lot of new things happening this week hopefully. Things to dump energy into that are for me." And another great quote by the likes of yourself!! I would love to hear about what is happening this week, if you feel like sharing, that is.
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AllDay420
Ghost0420

Registered: 09/03/16
Posts: 301
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: AllDay420]
#23853197 - 11/21/16 02:26 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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By the way, I have triple posted just to say, nothing must ever be "on the pedestal"
Nothing is beyond reach, nothing is impossible. I'm possible.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Black_Sunset]
#23854241 - 11/21/16 12:58 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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There's one person in my family who has been married three times, they have not taken the time to learn about themselves, and I bet they will remain single the rest of their life. Reason I say this, is when you talk to them about their past relationships, they blame everybody for their problems, rather than being responsible and accountable for their actions, they choose to say they did no wrong, which is detrimental to their future relationships, as well as the relationships they have with their family members.
Just from observing this one person, I realize exactly how I don't want to be regarding relationships, and that it's healthy to take a break from having one, in order to learn about myself. Learning about myself is paramount to my overall health, I think when people jump from one relationship to the next quickly, they're not realizing their worth because they're attaching their worth to being in a relationship, meaning they think if someone wants them, then they have value, rather than realizing that value on their own, you know you have to love yourself in order to love another properly, otherwise all that self loathing negativity will spill over into your relationship, and sabotage it.
Sex has never been a huge priority for me, yes it's great, but I love learning about things, and think taking this time to learn about some things has been extremely beneficial to who I am becoming, and I know this will improve the next relationship I am in.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Black_Sunset]
#23854912 - 11/21/16 04:44 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I haven't had sex in nearly 4 years.
I'm a girl.
I'm not ugly.
Sex brings a lot of drama if you're with the wrong person.
I'm finding it hard to find someone worth the drama.
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AllDay420
Ghost0420

Registered: 09/03/16
Posts: 301
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23855079 - 11/21/16 05:47 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fennario said: you know you have to love yourself in order to love another properly, otherwise all that self loathing negativity will spill over into your relationship, and sabotage it.
 There is a prerequisite you must already accomplish before you find the one. It is called become the greatest version of yourself first.
Quote:
Anonymous said: I'm finding it hard to find someone worth the drama.
Lol, no one is worth any amount of drama. If you found the right one you would constantly be boosting each others well beings as apposed to draining each others well beings.
But before that YOU MUST BE THE RIGHT ONE.
If you are THE WRONG ONE and looking for a relationship to fill an empty void you will attract someone just like you, and y'all will both be disasters of human beings together.  Seeking validation will get you no where fast.
-------------------- Approved puppet.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23856283 - 11/22/16 04:32 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I'm finding it hard to find someone worth the drama.
I don't think if you find someone worthwhile, that they're going to have much drama. Usually drama is more associated with people that don't know themselves well, so they stir the pot, always looking for drama to make their lives more meaningful, you know give them something to talk about.
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Lucis]
#23862530 - 11/24/16 03:47 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I think once you stop having sex you realize people aren't worth it, in general, whether for relationships or socializing
The internal experience is better than what people have to offer
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: 100_the_cat]
#23862803 - 11/24/16 07:37 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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This is why I just want to find a girl that is OK with having sex, and that is all, it's just some sex from time to time, no strings attached, no emotional bullshit, I hope I can find a girl like that in the future.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Lucis]
#23864683 - 11/24/16 09:03 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Placeholder - I got a fuck ton to add to this thread and I'm fucking glad it's been raised. A little low on energy right now though.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Psilosoulful

Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Lucis]
#23864850 - 11/24/16 10:19 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fennario said: This is why I just want to find a girl that is OK with having sex, and that is all, it's just some sex from time to time, no strings attached, no emotional bullshit, I hope I can find a girl like that in the future.
Same here bro. I do soo many more approaches than I've ever done before after breaking up with my crazy ex over the summer. She had a ton of daddy issues and I caught here going out and bringing an older guy (mid 30s) back to her house while we were still dating...she's 19... Anyway, I'm over that bs and meeting new women left and right wherever I go, hopefully I can find something consistent. I just need to keep working at it.
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Black_Sunset
Amateur Anesthesiologist


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,451
Loc: Somewhere California
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Psilosoulful]
#23865077 - 11/25/16 01:16 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Thanks for all the replies guys. I don't have much to say right now but I'm watching.
It's been about 10 days now since I've had sex. One girl called me and part of me was so happy I didn't have to deal with her crazy shit anymore. I've been feeling free with my emotional energy, though I've had the week off from work and it's driving me nuts.
I'd still very much like to hear from someone who has abstained from sex as a way to kick addiction
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AllDay420
Ghost0420

Registered: 09/03/16
Posts: 301
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: 100_the_cat]
#23865131 - 11/25/16 02:38 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Black_Sunset said: I'd still very much like to hear from someone who has abstained from sex as a way to kick addiction
Well. I have never had to kick a sex addiction as I do not desire to ever have casual sex with anyone and if you want to know why, read my above posts.
But, I know how to deal with bad habits. All you have to do is realize WHY you have said bad habit then all you got to do is replace your bad habit with a good habit, humans are creatures of routine. Just got to break a bad routine with a good one. Stay strict. Stay disciplined. Stay motivated. Stay focused. And in no time that good habit will become routine. 
Find out what hole you were filling up with your sex addiction and figure out a positive stimulus to replace it.
About triggers.. I don't know if seeing females wearing revealing clothing triggers you, I would assume it does.  Just remember to keep your eyes to yourself AT ALL TIMES and never perv on females that don't know how to cover themselves. 
Yes, I know. It seems as though every year they seem to wear skimpier and more slutty clothing, even in colder conditions. Backwards ass bitches man. Did their mothers never tell them to keep themselves warm if it's cold out?? 
Just remember to keep your eyes to yourself. Just don't look. Look at the pretty flowers and scenery instead.
And don't watch porn either, that shit is just all round not good. That shit is just straight up bad for the soul. 
I do seem to have morals that are not shared by the majority though. Monogamy being one of them. And with good reason.
But said morals are not shared with the majority and that's just because humans in general are just bat shit crazy. Warped twisted beings the majority of them.
Quote:
100_the_cat said: I think once you stop having sex you realize people aren't worth it, in general, whether for relationships or socializing
The internal experience is better than what people have to offer
Well that's extremely depressing.  I guess one would have to have had such consistently shitty past friendships and relationships to state something like that. 
Do keep in mind you attract what you create. So perhaps you are attracting the wrong people because you are the wrong person.
-------------------- Approved puppet.
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AllDay420
Ghost0420

Registered: 09/03/16
Posts: 301
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Black_Sunset]
#23865151 - 11/25/16 02:53 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Black_Sunset said: I've been feeling free with my emotional energy, though I've had the week off from work and it's driving me nuts.
Excellent, all your emotional energy should be completely free and only ever dictated by yourself. You should have 100% control of your emotion at all times.
But the week OFF work driving you nuts??!! What the actual fuck man. Dude, if having free time on your hands DRIVES YOU NUTS then you without doubt need to discover your passion. What gets you up in the morning?
You must get up and do something with yourself to make life enriching and worth living.
- Play sports with your mates - Socialize with mates - Exercise - Eat healthy - Get plenty of sun - Find you fucking passion dude....
It's all on you.
-------------------- Approved puppet.
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Alyssa
consecrated woman ✝️

Registered: 11/25/14
Posts: 1,517
Last seen: 6 days, 2 hours
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Black_Sunset]
#23916580 - 12/11/16 02:54 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Black_Sunset said: they have a lot of growing up to do
Quote:
Black_Sunset said: I'm living at home.
Quote:
Black_Sunset said: I'm 27 years old
I think you need to change how you view them. Your attitude is an enormous factor, it shapes everything about a relationship, and IMO it's disrespectful to say they have a lot of growing up to do when you're living with mom and dad at 27. You need to look at yourself first before judging where they're at. Females generally mature faster than males, so even though they're younger they're probably more mature than you. Thinking of them as "sexy little things" is demeaning and detrimental to your relationships with them. You might dismiss this as a troll post, but I honestly think I'm onto something here.
-------------------- I'm Alyssa. I'm consecrated to the Immaculate Heart. I don't want her to have to look at adultery to save my privileged living cells, so please keep it PG-13.
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Black_Sunset
Amateur Anesthesiologist


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,451
Loc: Somewhere California
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Alyssa]
#23918273 - 12/11/16 11:44 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Alyssa said:
Quote:
Black_Sunset said: they have a lot of growing up to do
Quote:
Black_Sunset said: I'm living at home.
Quote:
Black_Sunset said: I'm 27 years old
I think you need to change how you view them. Your attitude is an enormous factor, it shapes everything about a relationship, and IMO it's disrespectful to say they have a lot of growing up to do when you're living with mom and dad at 27. You need to look at yourself first before judging where they're at. Females generally mature faster than males, so even though they're younger they're probably more mature than you. Thinking of them as "sexy little things" is demeaning and detrimental to your relationships with them. You might dismiss this as a troll post, but I honestly think I'm onto something here.
You are, and I thank you for posting your reply. It's true, and I do realize I have a lot of growing up to do and a lot of things need to change before I can have a functioning adult relationship. That's why I included those fact into the post because they are massive blocks. You're right that calling them "sexy little things" is demeaning, because they are absolutely more than that in and out of my opinion. Thanks for illuminating this. Again I am emphasizing how unbalanced my relationships are and how my drive for sex is compromising the health of my life in total.
Update:
So I went about a week or 2 without sex and I decided not to take the vow but rather do what I always do and make sex a focus in my life. I've been making some awesome strides in my life and making some new fantastic connections. I did start ping-ponging between the 2 partners again and dealing with blockages in those relationships, but it's letting me slip into old patterns and I'm neglecting the things that I am doing to well in, again.
I see that I was very reluctant to let go of these partners initially ultimately because it made me feel inadequate and lonely. That was a huge sign for me. I'm consciously taking steps to keep a healthy distance for myself. I'm on the upswing back into my health and career this week. I've got a lot of positive deadlines all coalescing perfectly as an end to 2016
Thanks again all for reading and participating in my life
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Alyssa
consecrated woman ✝️

Registered: 11/25/14
Posts: 1,517
Last seen: 6 days, 2 hours
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Re: Anyone Take a Vow of Celibacy? [Re: Black_Sunset]
#23919492 - 12/12/16 12:49 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Wow, OK, there's definitely hope for you! On a personal level, I'm willing to forgive quite a bit; I only have a reputation for being a rigid ideologue because on a non-personal level I defend my ideas to the end, I don't cut my opponents any slack when I'm mass debating (lol). So yeah, the key is to free your mind from society; it's the collective stupidity out there that makes people fuck up in their ideas, especially ideas about other people.
-------------------- I'm Alyssa. I'm consecrated to the Immaculate Heart. I don't want her to have to look at adultery to save my privileged living cells, so please keep it PG-13.
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