Probably not the place for this. Did not write this for the Shroomery but need someplace to save this as my computer is fucked up. Feel free to reply with questions or comments though... this is sorta just a drunk journal/auto-bio I am probably in vain starting. Move this to my journal or whatever if you want Mods- pretty buzzed and such so sorry. If you do find this suitable for the Pub though I would be super happy to update it and keep it going.
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Well… Here I am. Starting a memoir with a broken wrist typing on an old version of Microsoft word on a broken PC … one that once held all my stories and poetry, not to mention my novel. I can’t even say for sure any of this will be saved. This fucking program still has that dumb paper clip offering me help ever since my dad fell over the hardrive in a drunken stupor. But, nonetheless, here I am- Nicholas James Novak, baring my soul. Listening to classic rock, not as stoned as I want to be, drunk and smoking a Pall Mall- I will, in vain probably, begin to tell you my story… though I am a young twenty two year old man, I think I have a few interesting things to share.
People use the phrase “written in blood” but few people have written anything in blood. Lucky for us, I’m one of the few. Near the crescendo of my amphetamine and benzoadipine misuse/abuse I cut my thigh open and drew satanic symbols from Crowley on the wall of bedroom. The few people like me who have actually written in blood can tell you it looks shitty. Literally. After the blood dries the aesthetic crimson red quickly congeals into an ugly, shit-brown color. Nonetheless, it’s still my blood, and I still find it kind of cool. Let me tell you the plus side of totally fucking up- You learn a lot and you can start over if you really want to. It’s hard as fuck though. Ever since stopping Adderall daily I fell into alcoholism for a while, along with other bad habits plus a lethargy and misanthropy that lasted nearly a year. Being in jail may have added to that misery.
There are some great things about being me: A great family- My dad, Grandma and siblings, especially have always been there for me. My mom too, but she kind of sent me to jail. Back on subject, because of my Dad’s hard work and love for me, I do have a decently steady supply of cannabis to combat my extremely painful Chrohn’s disease. Because of my Dad’s recent alcohol problem/solution I also have a steady supply of booze; though, as of recently, I find little comfort or use in the sauce except for flirting and writing. Beside that all alcohol is good for is dissolving the inhumane pain of the human condition.
I guess lately I have felt I have been losing my mind, and I figured, I better write down what of it I still have while it’s here… but fuck- that’s a lot of happiness and misery to put on paper.
Typing more now.... If I keep motivated... Or might continue later... or never, but let us hope not. It's nice to write something, as my poetry only some want to hear, and my novel is slow moving.
But I have fucked up a lot and maybe some of the wisdom I found along the way can help some souls here. Or maybe you can help me.
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Edited by 28064212 (11/20/16 12:12 AM)
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