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OfflineA.RichardTrickle
Feel like a Stranger

Registered: 11/04/16
Posts: 808
Loc: Silver Mine Peggy Sue
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Not all in?
    #23837025 - 11/15/16 09:47 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

This will be quick.
I've been with my partner for over a year now and it has been one of the healthiest relationships of my life.
I was previously married, with her for five years and a son, she left me for another man and kidnapped my son.... that's another story.
Before that I was with a girl I met at university for about five years, after school was over, so were we, amicable separation .
The relationship before that was my daughter's mother that was about five years as well, I caught her cheating with a mutual friend, after a few years we both got over it as we were both very young.
So I love this woman with all of my heart and I am one of those rare men who actively work at relationships.  Both platonic and intimate, thanks mom n dad.
Of course after a full year and change at our age (both near 40) the honeymoon is over.  Still madly and silly in love.  We rarely actually raise our voices, we both have issues but handle them together, communication is awesome, sex is still great.
She has two teen children whom I love and despise at the same time, I have a 16 yr old girl and 18 yr old young man as roomies, both are super lazy.
Her kids are not my tproblem, we both know they have issues.
Sooooooo
Recently we are traversing a kinda rough spot with one of the kids moving back in, money issues, they are selling our rented house, new roommate to help make rent.....
But we have handled well I would say.  We spend a lot of time together, still smile and laugh a lot together and so on.
So we were talking the other day and she said in so many words " I'd rather suffer alone than deal with someone else's problems"
Then, tonight we were chit chatting over dinner and the subject of what ifs came up regarding physical and mental disabilities.
She said if I were to become unable to care for myself she'd "dump" me on my parents ( out retired 65+).
I questioned the response and gave senarios of accidents and illness and it did not phase her.
Should I be concerned or am I reading to much into this.
All of my irl pals would tell me I'm nuts because we are literally the perfect pair I am just slightly disturbed, I am sure I'll get over it but feel this may help me a bit.

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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
Fucked off to the pub
Female User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,159
Re: Not all in? [Re: A.RichardTrickle]
    #23837084 - 11/15/16 10:07 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I dunno. Setting down worst case scenario what ifs is something teenage girls do to test their boyfriends.

Are you in danger of becoming ill or ending up in one of those scenarios in the foreseeable future? If not you probably are reading too much into it. Your relationship is a bit strained due to finances and 3rd parties. It's perfectly normal. It doesn't seem like it's strained near to a breaking point, your lady is probably just a bit frustrated right now. And I imagine you are too.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:

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Anonymous #1

Re: Not all in? [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #23837107 - 11/15/16 10:14 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

We are indeed.
The owners of our home showing it regularly and all, with the kids it's rough.
I AM disabled due to a near fatal auto collision, but she knew that from day 1 and stuck by me while I got clean from pretty serious opiate dependence.
I think I'm over thinking, I do that, I just truly cherish this woman, it's a total love, spirit, body, mind, it is all amazing to me, and as an addict (clean) I get iffy.
Thanks, it made me feel better to talk about it for sure.

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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
Fucked off to the pub
Female User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,159
Re: Not all in? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23837249 - 11/15/16 10:55 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I totally understand :hug:
I have very similar fears and insecurities. It takes a strong person to be partner to a disabled or chronically ill person. And it takes a special person to be a good partner in that case.


Are you on disability?


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          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:

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Anonymous #1

Re: Not all in? [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #23837292 - 11/15/16 11:12 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I have been fighting for three years.
I have serious spinal damage, both shoulders rebuilt from scratch and neuro issues (TBI).
I am very high functioning and require no care, I  just unable to stand for too long or use my arms to much without resting.  I was working with my state to find me work suitable to me, but they refuse due to fear of further damage.  Good thing I am resourceful or I'd be broke and homeless.
I do donate my time to the local no kill shelter and help prepare meals for the needy at a mission.
I have healthcare for life as a part of my settlement, so that is all covered as well, I do get food and power assistance.
We are such an awesome team, we both love the same things and it's like hanging with my best buddy everyday who just happens to be super attractive ;-).
She has been through it as well, father of her kiddos married her older sister.....
We are both abuse survivors as well.
We are that couple that people make fun of hehehe.  Super nerdy and always giggling and smiling, we have actually had many people approach us in public, no shit, and tell us how happy we seem and how awesome it is to see us as we are.  One older lady in a big box store parking lot stopped us to tell us that we had made her day to see true love still exists.
We are pretty silly to many people, they just don't believe how readily we accept each other and have all love for most creatures.  It's pretty great.
That's why I got so scared, there is a chance I could have a seizure and be a veg head for life, but any of us could get hit by a bus crossing the road so I do not see how that should change anything.

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Offlinenuds
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 578
Loc: Australia, NSW Flag
Last seen: 7 months, 12 hours
Re: Not all in? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23839536 - 11/16/16 05:16 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Are you sure that its not just you who is madly, silly in love?

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Anonymous #1

Re: Not all in? [Re: nuds]
    #23839575 - 11/16/16 05:28 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Oh, no, she shows her love for me daily :smile:
Not to ever say she does not.  She is the best partner; both emotionally and psysically of my entire life.
I know she loves me due to our relationship, debates rarely go ballistic and we both have our quirks that would drive others ape nuts, but she is tolerant towards me.
She assuredly loves me fully :heart:
I was just slightly concerned after a random conversation, I have many feminine characteristics and over thinking my relationships is one of them.
The online chit chat here and otherwise last night helped me tons.

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OfflinemndfreezeMDiscordReddit
Shroomery Secret Service
Other User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 04/22/02
Posts: 20,529
Loc: PuppetMasterFlash
Last seen: 18 hours, 58 minutes
Re: Not all in? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23847546 - 11/19/16 05:36 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Sounds like all you need to do is bring it up that it bothered you to her in a conversation as adults in relationships have.

Problem solved, or at worst, bigger problems discovered.  Still better then guessing.


--------------------
Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]

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Anonymous #1

Re: Not all in? [Re: mndfreeze]
    #23847732 - 11/19/16 08:25 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

mndfreeze said:
Sounds like all you need to do is bring it up that it bothered you to her in a conversation as adults in relationships have.

Problem solved, or at worst, bigger problems discovered.  Still better then guessing.



This is exactly what happened.  We are both in for the long haul.
From what I can tell we are on the "elderly" :grin: side of member age around here.
Both been in serious relationships previous; children, joint accounts, homes and so forth.  So we are usually very constructive as far as bumps in the road are concerned.
I guess her comment got me because it was said so flippantly.  Like perhaps it was meant to be internalized and just popped out.
Point is we had a discussion, some dinner, great sex and all is well in our little bubble of existence.
Thanks for the concern, these are some great forums and I am happy I signed up!

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