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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger
Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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To the mod who banned me 1
#23841398 - 11/17/16 11:32 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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A while back I was having mental health problems and I asked to be banned. I am now seeing a pyschiatrst and am prescribed ambilify for my schizophrenia. It is really helping me get rid of my intrustive, destructive, paranoid thoughts.
I am genuinely super sorry for my behavior before. I just wasn't in the right state of mind. I am much more calm and clear-minded with these meds now and I promise to behave and follow all the rules.
I sent a support ticket and the admin asked to me to contact the mod who banned me. But I'm not sure who it was that banned me.
Please, give me a second chance. I love posting on shroomery and it's by far the best forum on this planet.
I was feeling suicidal and paranoid before but these meds are helping me find balance in life and I feel much better now.
Please give me a second chance, or at least ban me for a few months. But not a permaban please.
I am sorry again for my reckless behavior. I assure you I am a changed man and my mental health problems are ceasing to exist.
My account is Alexestalex.
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger
Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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as for the puppets, i had one and I'm not sure why it was ubanned, even though i remember it was banned.
I am sorry for the puppets, I promise I'll never make one again.
i made another puppet (this one) but I dont plan to post with it, I just wanted to use it to try to find the mod who banned me but I was unable to find him so I made this thread.
please, im sorry again. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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i will buy a supporter account to show how sorry I am and how badly i wanted to be unbanned. I promse I'll be on my best behavior and if I ever slip up perma-ban me, but I promise I want. But please just give me one more chance to prove that I have changed my ways.
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qman
Stranger

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 6 hours, 10 minutes
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Gonna need a note from your parents, do you still hate them?
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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Do you still want your parents to get cancer and suffer for as long as possible so you can laugh to their faces and tell them how happy it makes you that they're suffering as they die?
You must also commit yourself to the extermination of all hippos if you wish to return.
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE



Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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You wont get any better, been a shitbird since you joined. youre a skid on the face of the forums and belong in a mental institution. You're anti-family and anti-life sentiments are neither warranted nor welcome.
Fuck off to drugs forum/reddit
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: qman]
#23841422 - 11/17/16 11:40 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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No I don't hate anybody anymore.
I was constantly having intrusive thoughts of pure hate and paranoia. I believed such paranoid things like thinking I'd go blind or thinking everyone could read my thoughts. These meds have completely silenced these irrational fears and ideas. I feel so clear-headed now. I am no longer controlled by these hateful intrusive thoughts.
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ONE OZ SLUG
-


Registered: 05/22/13
Posts: 17,839
Loc: TX
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Why did you set your mood to "angry"?
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: ModestMouse]
#23841428 - 11/17/16 11:42 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
ModestMouse said: You wont get any better, been a shitbird since you joined. youre a skid on the face of the forums and belong in a mental institution. You're anti-family and anti-life sentiments are neither warranted nor welcome.
Fuck off to drugs forum/reddit
Quote:
ModestMouse said: You wont get any better, been a shitbird since you joined. youre a skid on the face of the forums and belong in a mental institution. You're anti-family and anti-life sentiments are neither warranted nor welcome.
Fuck off to drugs forum/reddit
I'm not asking for pity. But it's a horrible state of mind to be in when you believe that everyone knows all your secrets and everyone is plotting against you. What am I to do? I was emotionally fucked up and mentally unstable but now I've gotten help and am already improving and feeling better. I just want a second chance to prove I'm not a monster anymore. I love shroomery, it's my favorite forum ever.
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: ONE OZ SLUG] 1
#23841431 - 11/17/16 11:42 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
ONE OZ SLUG said: Why did you set your mood to "angry"?
misclick im on my phone
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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: ONE OZ SLUG]
#23841433 - 11/17/16 11:42 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
ONE OZ SLUG said: Why did you set your mood to "angry"?
--------------------
Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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ONE OZ SLUG
-


Registered: 05/22/13
Posts: 17,839
Loc: TX
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Quote:
AlexestalexDatura said:
Quote:
ONE OZ SLUG said: Why did you set your mood to "angry"?
misclick im on my phone
Uh huh.
Sounds like you finally got cancer and it put things into perspective for you
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: ONE OZ SLUG]
#23841440 - 11/17/16 11:44 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Maybe he knocked up one of his many latina hookers.
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: ONE OZ SLUG]
#23841443 - 11/17/16 11:45 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I don't have cancer.
I have been having irrational paranoid thoughts for 2 years. I haven't gotten help because I thought it would go away on its own. It has been effecting my studies, my interactions with friends and family, and destroying me emotionally. I finally saw a psychiatrist and these meds have completely gotten rid of any deep hatred and paranoia I used to feel daily. I am a different person now, I swear.
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qman
Stranger

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 6 hours, 10 minutes
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: ModestMouse] 1
#23841444 - 11/17/16 11:45 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
ModestMouse said: You wont get any better, been a shitbird since you joined. youre a skid on the face of the forums and belong in a mental institution. You're anti-family and anti-life sentiments are neither warranted nor welcome.
Fuck off to drugs forum/reddit
Maybe someone with a diagnosed mental illness deserves a second change, maybe he is better now.
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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im not even asking to be immediately unbanned.
ban me for 6 months, a year even- to prove im sorry for what I did.
but please not a permaban.
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,674
Last seen: 3 hours, 32 minutes
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People dont change 
Edit: sorry op, i dont know you and im sure you are swell but i dont get many chances to use house so
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
Edited by spirit_shadow (11/17/16 11:48 AM)
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Quote:
spirit_shadow said: People dont change 
With meds, people definitely change. I'd wake up bitter and paranoid every single morning because I was sure everyone could read my thoughts. That made me feel so ashamed.
I've been on ambilify for two weeks and now these intrusive thoughts, which used to control my life, have completely ceased to exist. These thoughts caused me so much anger, self-hatred, and anger.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Quote:
spirit_shadow said: People dont change 
...but they can change the way they do things. I give people the benefit of the doubt 90% of the time.
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psi
TOAST N' JAM


Registered: 09/05/99
Posts: 31,456
Loc: 613
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Quote:
AlexestalexDatura said: My account is Alexestalex.
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rider420
Ghost in the machine


Registered: 02/11/16
Posts: 659
Last seen: 4 months, 7 days
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Let it go. Forget about your past if you really want a new future. Move on become a new person or you will go back to your old ways.
Get a new name and a new persona change everything if your sincere but already your seeking to renew your old name and old habits.
Only if you let go of the past will it stop haunting you, let go and become that new person you want to be. Or its eat sleep rave repeat.
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: rider420]
#23841495 - 11/17/16 12:00 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I don't want to make a puppet. It'll probably get banend. I just want to be forgiven. I'm not even asking to be unbanned immediately- give me a year ban if you want. But I just want to be able to post on the shroomery again because I am a different person now, free from the mental health problems that took over my life previously.
I'm a new person, my views, thoughts, mindset, etc has completely changed for the better with these meds. I just want a second chance with my old acocunt.
On a daily basis, I was praying that my parents would die in a car crash or get cancer. I haven't had these thoughts for a while because of these meds. Do normal people have these thoughts? of course not. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia which was the root of my hatred, paranoia, shame, etc. These meds are a miracle because I feel so liberated from my intrustive destructive thoughts now.
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vinsue
Grand Old Fart



Registered: 02/17/04
Posts: 17,953
Loc: The Garden State(NJ)
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--------------------
"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ... Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) . ...
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: rider420]
#23841523 - 11/17/16 12:08 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
rider420 said: Let it go. Forget about your past if you really want a new future. Move on become a new person or you will go back to your old ways.
Get a new name and a new persona change everything if your sincere but already your seeking to renew your old name and old habits.
Only if you let go of the past will it stop haunting you, let go and become that new person you want to be. Or its eat sleep rave repeat.
I can't go back to my old ways. My old ways were caused by a mental illness. I take abilify every night and it silences my intrustive irrational fearful thoughts for 24 hours.
this isn't a matter of slipping up and becoming a hateful person again. the chemical changes from abilify get rid of all the hatred, anger, paranoia, shame, etc that I'd feel from my intrusive thoughts.
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JohnnieYen
Okay



Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
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I for one think you should get another chance, even though you said some horrible things in the past.
-------------------- [center
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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Quote:
tyrannicalrex said:
Quote:
spirit_shadow said: People dont change 
...but they can change the way they do things. I give people the benefit of the doubt 90% of the time.
Which is the difference between judging and understanding.
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CookieCrumbs
Fucked off to the pub


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: JohnnieYen]
#23841550 - 11/17/16 12:14 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I agree.
I'm glad you're getting help Alex. Are you still doing drugs?
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Free time is the only time
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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i was prescribed abilify two weeks ago. It took 3-4 days before I felt anything but after that it was pure clear-headed bliss. I haven't done any drugs with it besides an occasional cigarette.
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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Good for you.
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rider420
Ghost in the machine


Registered: 02/11/16
Posts: 659
Last seen: 4 months, 7 days
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Quote:
AlexestalexDatura said:
I can't go back to my old ways. My old ways were caused by a mental illness. I take abilify every night and it silences my intrustive irrational fearful thoughts for 24 hours.
this isn't a matter of slipping up and becoming a hateful person again. the chemical changes from abilify get rid of all the hatred, anger, paranoia, shame, etc that I'd feel from my intrusive thoughts.
Sorry to tell you this buddy but medications that help with mental illness generally only work for six months to a year. Please talk with your doctor about this and how to spot your illness when it does return.
I know its not your fault dude mental illness is never the fault of the person effected, but like you say its a chemical imbalance and odds are it will reoccur your doctor really should have told you this.
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CookieCrumbs
Fucked off to the pub


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: rider420]
#23841606 - 11/17/16 12:33 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Drugs seriously exacerbate mental illness, paranoia in particular. OP might be able to come off meds all together, after a little while, if he stays clean and gets counseling.
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Free time is the only time
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: rider420]
#23841612 - 11/17/16 12:35 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
rider420 said:
Quote:
AlexestalexDatura said:
I can't go back to my old ways. My old ways were caused by a mental illness. I take abilify every night and it silences my intrustive irrational fearful thoughts for 24 hours.
this isn't a matter of slipping up and becoming a hateful person again. the chemical changes from abilify get rid of all the hatred, anger, paranoia, shame, etc that I'd feel from my intrusive thoughts.
Sorry to tell you this buddy but medications that help with mental illness generally only work for six months to a year. Please talk with your doctor about this and how to spot your illness when it does return.
I know its not your fault dude mental illness is never the fault of the person effected, but like you say its a chemical imbalance and odds are it will reoccur your doctor really should have told you this.
This is the first antipsychotic I've ever been prescribed. So far it's working wonderfully for me, I couldn't be happier. Perhaps he can up the dose later, I'm only on a 5mg dose and some people take 20-30mg
Plus the psych told me I would begin CBT or something like that in a few weeks so that will probably help me too.
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Quote:
CookieCrumbs said: Drugs seriously exacerbate mental illness, paranoia in particular. OP might be able to come off meds all together, after a little while, if he stays clean and gets counseling.
yeah, I plan to stay away from pot, psychedelics, dissociatives all together. they all make me extremely delusional in a paranoid way.
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BANANA.MAN
Turd Ferguson


Registered: 01/11/15
Posts: 7,474
Loc: Ontario Canada
Last seen: 6 months, 2 days
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Quote:
ModestMouse said: You wont get any better, been a shitbird since you joined. youre a skid on the face of the forums and belong in a mental institution. You're anti-family and anti-life sentiments are neither warranted nor welcome.
Fuck off to drugs forum/reddit
Wow dude i didnt expect that from you. Maybe you will never get clean. Fuck off to the needle exchange. How does that feel?
He needs help just as much as you do.
The dude has mental health problems.
Alex i think its great that you got help and that you managed to quit drugs. I think you deserve another chance.
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE



Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: BANANA.MAN] 1
#23841714 - 11/17/16 01:08 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Im a bastard through and through He talks a lot of game and then next week there will be hate threads and bullshit.
He won't be helped by being on here. Also I may be ill, but I contribute humor.. he doesn't entertain in the least. I get that we're generally inclusive and lovey dovey but It's occasionally to a fault. This motherfuckers continued bullshit is a golden example of failure to keep out the shitbats.
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: ModestMouse]
#23841741 - 11/17/16 01:19 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
ModestMouse said: Im a bastard through and through He talks a lot of game and then next week there will be hate threads and bullshit.
He won't be helped by being on here. Also I may be ill, but I contribute humor.. he doesn't entertain in the least. I get that we're generally inclusive and lovey dovey but It's occasionally to a fault. This motherfuckers continued bullshit is a golden example of failure to keep out the shitbats.
I'm not looking for "help" or "emotional support" on shroomery, although most members here are quite caring and supportive of one another. I'm already seeing a psychiatrist and we're going to start cognitive behavioral therapy in a few weeks. I am just genuinely sorry for how I behaved in the past and I want to be given a second chance because I love this forum and I believe I can prove that I'm not some sort of heartless sociopath troll anymore.
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE



Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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Fuck off You'll get no sympathy from me shitbat
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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SirShroomsAlott
Howdy



Registered: 05/15/14
Posts: 6,945
Loc: United States
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I'd be willing to give you a second chance (not that it's up to me) but will still think of you as a sociopathic douche bag until proven otherwise, after all I've literally never seen any other side of you but if you are getting help then I hope it continues to help you out if it's true.
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: ModestMouse]
#23841762 - 11/17/16 01:26 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I don't want sympathy or pity from anybody.
I am simply trying to say that for the past few years I have been having some mental health problems that ensued a plethora of irrational intrusive thoughts that caused me paranoia, anger, pain, etc which was the cause of my rude behavior here.
I take full responsibility for my bad behavior here.
I am now free from these irrational, paranoid thoughts because of my meds and hopefully the cognitive therapy I'll start soon will benefit me even more. I feel much calmer and more loving towards people, even my own family. I am hoping the mods consider this and give me a second chance to post on this forum.
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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: ModestMouse]
#23841763 - 11/17/16 01:27 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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All trauma and toxicity can be cured with proper diet and nutrition. Drugs are for recreation, not health.
--------------------
Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE



Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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This thread is a giant sympathy plea Continue proving my point
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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TNK
Pleasures of Africa



Registered: 01/30/10
Posts: 14,237
Loc: I AM THUNDERBOT
Last seen: 1 month, 18 days
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: ModestMouse]
#23841780 - 11/17/16 01:33 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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What an interesting twist of events.
-------------------- Edited by TNK (02/22/22 22:22 PM)
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AlexestalexDatura
Stranger

Registered: 11/17/16
Posts: 17
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Re: To the mod who banned me [Re: ModestMouse]
#23841794 - 11/17/16 01:38 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
ModestMouse said: This thread is a giant sympathy plea Continue proving my point
How is it a sympathy plea when I feel much better and more clearheaded than I have in years? It's like all these hateful, paranoid, intrustive thoughts in my head that had so much power over my emotions and actions have been turned off completely.
I literally haven't felt this content and calm in forever.
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Midnight_Toker
Gone Fishin'


Registered: 09/26/10
Posts: 11,589
Loc: Canada
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This thread has been closed.
Reason: Alex, I will PM you the name of the mod who banned you.
You've pissed me off in the past but really glad to hear you've gotten help and I'm happily willing to give you another chance around here.
I think the rest of you should chill out a bit. This is the most heartfelt he's ever been about anything, so at least let him prove himself a liar if that's what this is.
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