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Offlinedaz01
Learning
I'm a teapot

Registered: 09/30/10
Posts: 4,652
Loc: Scotland
Last seen: 17 hours, 6 minutes
"Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy"
    #23834570 - 11/15/16 06:54 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy

Quote:

It’s an unconventional start to the day, but this woman swears by gulping down a smoothie every morning, with the key ingredient being… a teaspoonful of sperm.

29-year-old Tracy Kiss has been drinking the interesting concoction for the past month, saying it’s boosted both her mood and her immunity.

The mum-of-two is currently single, so harvests her sperm from her best friend – or rather, he harvests it and delivers it to her up to three times a week.

What are friends for, eh?

Tracy – who’s vegan – stores it in tubs in the fridge with the rest of her groceries.
This single mum-of-two swears she never catches colds by drinking SPERM smoothies
Tracy reckons a teaspoon of sperm a day is the key to boosting immunity

The mum-of-two from Buckinghamshire then whizzes the batch up into a smoothie, with complementary ingredients such as bananas, seeds and almond milk.

‘I’d been feeling run down and had no energy, but now I’m full of beans and my mood has improved,’ says Tracy.

The personal trainer and qualified nutritional adviser claims that sperm contains lots of vitamins and minerals – including B12, which vegans like herself lack in their diets.
Should we all be including sperm in our diets?
It should be noted that while Tracy raves about her sperm concoctions, medical professionals would argue otherwise.

But GP Dr Sarah Jarvis advises against the use of sperm as a dietary supplement, saying that it is devoid of nutrients.

‘There is absolutely no nutritional value to semen,’ she said. ‘A better way for vegans to get extra protein would be through foods like nuts.’

Nutritional value aside for a moment, just how does this unusual ingredient alter the taste of her breakfast drink?

‘Every batch tastes different, depending on what he’s been eating,’ she reveals. ‘If he’s been drinking alcohol or eaten something particularly pungent like asparagus, I ask him to give me a heads up so I know not to drink it neat.’

‘Things like pineapple and peppermint make it taste better, but I’ll happily take it straight off a spoon usually.’
This single mum-of-two swears she never catches colds by drinking SPERM smoothies


Tracy says she understands it may seem off-putting – but the results are worth it.

‘People are so weird about sperm when in actual fact a teaspoon is filled with amazing goodness,’ she says.

The single mum is actually no stranger to incorporating sperm into her daily routine – she’s been slathering it on her face since last year, when she discovered it made a brilliant facial, and she now credits it for improving her complexion.

Unsurprisingly, Tracy’s friend and sperm supplier initially had qualms about being her own personal sperm machine.

‘When I first approached him, he was concerned I’d use it to impregnate myself,’ she admits. ‘But once I’d convinced him it was for my beauty regime he agreed – after all, he has a regular supply at hand!’

As for the risks involved? ‘I know he’s healthy, doesn’t smoke, drink or do drugs and I made him have an STI check,’ she says.

‘My other mates think I’m strange, but I don’t give a toss.’
The single mum is looking for a new provider of sperm, in the form of a boyfriend

Luckily for Tracy’s pal, she’s keen to find a partner who will take over from him. After three years of being single, she is looking for love.

Her goals?

‘I want a relationship where my partner asks if I want one shot or two shots of sperm in my smoothie each morning!’

Don’t we all?




Dirty bitch :jizzedalittle:


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Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.

Edited by daz01 (11/15/16 06:55 AM)

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InvisibleSARAtonin
Violent Dreams
Female User Gallery

Registered: 09/28/11
Posts: 15,967
Loc: Deutschland
Re: "Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy" [Re: daz01] * 1
    #23834574 - 11/15/16 06:56 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

But isn't sperm an animal product? :strokebeard:


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God kills indiscriminately and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are none so like him as ourselves.

Want to join a cult? Click for details…

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Invisiblelavod
Seal Whisperer
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5,448
Loc: Over the rainbow
Re: "Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy" [Re: daz01]
    #23834577 - 11/15/16 06:59 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I've always drank my cum and that ov my lovers, and yet i'm still quite prone to sickness :shrug:.


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Offlinerickpsfuckyou
listening to Mozzy
Male


Registered: 11/26/05
Posts: 1,860
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
Re: "Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy" [Re: lavod] * 2
    #23834579 - 11/15/16 07:01 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

My girl just drank a sperm smoothie straight from the tap.


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InvisibleEminence
Male


Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 16,627
Loc: Richmond, VA
Re: "Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy" [Re: lavod]
    #23834650 - 11/15/16 07:56 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I fucking knew you'd be in this thread! I was actually about to post "the lavod special" before I saw you were already here :lol:


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Invisiblelavod
Seal Whisperer
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/23/06
Posts: 5,448
Loc: Over the rainbow
Re: "Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy" [Re: Eminence]
    #23835054 - 11/15/16 10:42 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

when you're feelin' down and need a pick-me-up
i know just the thing that'll lift your mood
just arise your tree and tap its syrup
then put a lil' dollup on all your food
or bring out your favorite drinkin' cup
and give your beverage some zest with ol' nectar ov wood
you even have a stirin' rod to mix it up
so give it a lil' twirl with your shaft and foreskin hood!


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Offlinespirit_shadow
Feature not a bug
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 26,229
Last seen: 6 hours, 19 minutes
Re: "Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy" [Re: lavod]
    #23835149 - 11/15/16 11:20 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

http://greatist.com/health/nutrition-of-semen
Quote:

A normal male ejaculation (about one teaspoon’s worth) contains between five and 25 calories and a minimal amount of protein. Semen is only one percent sperm; the rest is composed of over 200 separate proteins, as well as vitamins and minerals including vitamin C, calcium, chlorine, citric acid, fructose, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, vitamin B12, and zinc .




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Oh well, whatever, nevermind.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
Ban lotto

Edited by spirit_shadow (11/15/16 11:34 AM)

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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,818
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 11 hours, 44 minutes
Re: "Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy" [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #23835196 - 11/15/16 11:33 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Alright I gotta ask.

Am I the only one a tad bit turned on right now?


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InvisibleEminence
Male


Registered: 07/25/10
Posts: 16,627
Loc: Richmond, VA
Re: "Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy" [Re: Patlal]
    #23835409 - 11/15/16 12:49 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Oh no..I just realized..she keeps it with the rest of her food, what if her kids get into it thinking it's some kind of pudding or something :awewtf:


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Offlinespirit_shadow
Feature not a bug
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 26,229
Last seen: 6 hours, 19 minutes
Re: "Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy" [Re: Eminence]
    #23835435 - 11/15/16 12:58 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Eminence said:
Oh no..I just realized..she keeps it with the rest of her food, what if her kids get into it thinking it's some kind of pudding or something :awewtf:



Then the kids will be healthy :shrug:


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Oh well, whatever, nevermind.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
Ban lotto

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Invisiblevandago
 User Gallery


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,924
Loc: .
Re: "Vegan single mum drinks sperm smoothies every morning to give her energy" [Re: Eminence] * 4
    #23835442 - 11/15/16 01:00 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Eminence said:
Oh no..I just realized..she keeps it with the rest of her food, what if her kids get into it thinking it's some kind of pudding or something :awewtf:







HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET YOUR PUDDING, IF YOU DONT BEAT YOUR MEAT?!?!?!?

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