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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
I've had it all wrong for 10 long years
    #23829661 - 11/13/16 03:56 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I talk not of spiritual or philosophical understanding, but my perspective on society and general life.

I've been very unwell the further back into the 10 years you go. Brain chemistry and general state has been absolutely horrid, like I more or less destroyed my brain, shouldn't have recovered, but I did. (schizophrenia, TBI)

Every day, I wake up, go check out the local town, check out the shops, see how I'm doing cognitively, you know, how I feel about the environment - is it hostile? Am I paranoid?

Today, almost a completely different world and it's great but I realise that I've been walking around totally insane all this time.

Sort of hits hard. But is also a relief, because now I 'get it'.

But I get home and I think, oh shit, I'm 28, I should be getting on with things.

I know spiritual enlightenment involves degrading the ego, but I've definitely succeeded in that, and I don't identify with the ego, but you can't, in this decade, just live egolessly. For me, that would be boring. There has to be a LIFE. A LIFE demands you have some kind of robust egoic identity, it doesn't mean it's what you actually are, but say I want a girlfriend - what the hell are we going to do? Watch me feel good because I'm spiritually advanced all day? haha.

So I mean,

let's get started on my life.

Room's a mess. Have no job. No money, big debts, crap clothes, no girl, few friends, few activities, few hobbies.

I mean imagine a guy comes out of a 10 year coma. That's where I'm at.

Plus side:

Really smart, I think I have a good sense of humor and interesting personality - most people like me when they meet me, some say there is an impression left (not my claim), will inherit my mum's house when she goes (God forbid), so I'm not totally screwed in that sense, cool car but it's aging, live in a nice area, rich country (Australia), lotsa opportunities here.

So I mean, it's okay, I can relax. But I'm one of those people, I should have blossomed, I should have really launched into life, but I went insane from drugs + genetics.

But here I am, almost back to baseline after a decade, and I want to get things together.

What do you guys love to do? I want hobbies.

I want activities.

I want a girlfriend.

And just some god damn friends, too, please.

Discuss my life with me, ask any questions you like, we shall get to work on me today. :sun:

PS. It's not total bunk, just read and read and read and read (nonfiction - psych, maths, physics, wikipedia). Need more. Let's go.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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OfflineZiu
Stranger


Registered: 09/12/16
Posts: 40
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: beforethedawn] * 1
    #23830741 - 11/13/16 10:25 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Clean up your room.
That is fantastic way for a fresh start. <3


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InvisibletHEfLY
Stranger
Registered: 04/16/16
Posts: 427
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: beforethedawn]
    #23830795 - 11/13/16 10:51 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Well what kind of activities did you enjoy before you fell ill?


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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: tHEfLY]
    #23830982 - 11/14/16 01:01 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Gaming.

Getting back into it, but I've grown a lot, hard to feel adult while imagining I'm in an RPG etc., well sorta. I mean it's not like it was, used to blow my mind.

So there's one I guess.

Like to solve complex problems, largely why I have an interest in maths. Difficult subject though, even for mathematicians - no one says it's an easy field.

I'm smart underneath all the problems but they are vanishing, it's great, I think I'll be able to take up maths soon. Got a lot of textbooks.

I like travel.
I like nature/rainforests.
Camping.

Should do some camping . . .


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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OfflineBuster_Brown
L'une
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 3 days, 10 hours
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: beforethedawn]
    #23831178 - 11/14/16 04:37 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Scenario: "Let go, let God" We all experience the impatience of the ego to achieve something when in the spiritual sense achievement can take lifetimes.

During the interim you could be an "Unassigned supportive element within the matrix wherein children play". I'm no rocket scientist but I can maintain the Spacestation. I've actually volunteered to fix ailing porch steps for old ladies, free of charge, and replaced absent roof shingles. In the future you'll see me on the spacewalk attending to things.

Incidentally, You want to experience the vertigo of Near-Earth-Orbit from the comfort of your Beachtowel? Simply lay on your back with your head towards the ocean and tilt back your head until you can see the horizon where the sea meets the sky, and pretty soon you will feel like you are above the clouds on the exterior of a hull and ready to fall miles into the ocean, a must for the astronautically inclined.

/scenario.


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OfflineZiu
Stranger


Registered: 09/12/16
Posts: 40
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: Buster_Brown]
    #23831804 - 11/14/16 10:20 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Scenario.
:goodwork: :naturetrip:


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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: Ziu]
    #23832010 - 11/14/16 11:45 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Oh okay.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: beforethedawn]
    #23832290 - 11/14/16 01:41 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Bah bit of a panic attack today. Reminds me I'm still nuts.

I'll get there. Light at the end of the tunnel now.

Shouldn't be reading as much as I do, probably not getting the picture.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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Invisiblenooneman
Male

Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,561
Loc: Utah
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: beforethedawn] * 1
    #23832353 - 11/14/16 02:00 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Clean your room, get a job, start dating, problem solved. I notice those are the three biggest things you mention in your original post, but then you go on to say that you're just looking for a hobby.

You're not just looking for a hobby. Your original post shows that you're clearly upset about the state of your room, job, and lack of relationship. Therefore, the best way to solve these things is to clean your room, get a job, and start dating, not find a new hobby.


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InvisiblePatrickKn
I'm a teapot

Registered: 07/10/11
Posts: 20,563
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: nooneman] * 1
    #23832415 - 11/14/16 02:20 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)



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OfflineZiu
Stranger


Registered: 09/12/16
Posts: 40
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: beforethedawn]
    #23833610 - 11/14/16 07:59 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

beforethedawn said:
I'll get there. Light at the end of the tunnel now.





Yes you will!

Basic stuff, that will keep you more easily grounded.
cleaning, washing the dishes, showering, nature, pets.


Quote:

beforethedawn said:

I like travel.
I like nature/rainforests.
Camping.

Should do some camping . . .




Great idea. :thumbup:


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,810
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: beforethedawn] * 1
    #23835944 - 11/15/16 03:55 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Today, almost a completely different world and it's great but I realise that I've been walking around totally insane all this time.





I doubt you're insane, in my opinion you're simply experiencing Dualism of body and mind with a mix of explicit sensations(feelings) and implicit perceptions(thoughts).


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: Ziu] * 1
    #23836558 - 11/15/16 07:01 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Ziu said:
Clean up your room.
That is fantastic way for a fresh start. <3





I say clean everything, bathroom, house, clean it all.  If you don't live by yourself, then clean up your rents living space too, cleanliness makes you able to think clearer.  I clean every morning, bathroom always sparkles, last person I was living with was a fucking slob and kind of gave me clean freak PTSD, I don't ever want to be around such a messy person again, and being a slob is detestable behavior for any young adult/adult to be engaged in.

I understand if you party over the weekend and leave a few dishes out/bottles out, that's fine, but don't just let the trash pile up, that shit will drain your energy just from looking at it.


--------------------
©️


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Offlinebeforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: Lucis]
    #23843152 - 11/17/16 07:22 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Sounds good, thanks for positive words all.

I wouldn't say I'm insane LATELY. In fact it's almost over. If I ever want to do mushrooms or DMT again I need to be very careful...

Otherwise, don't really know what you're saying there sudly, seems like you think about your philosophies a lot . . . should investigate some Eastern notions.

But historically, the only difference between me and insane homeless people is determination and the ability to act for short periods. That bad.

Seriously don't undermine your brain if you can help it! You pay disproportionately, VERY disproportionately.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?


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Invisiblelittleton
Stranger
I'm a teapot

Registered: 08/18/10
Posts: 440
Re: I've had it all wrong for 10 long years [Re: beforethedawn]
    #23843465 - 11/17/16 09:05 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I think you've got potential.
Im not even your physics teacher, So I cant honestly scale your potential.
But good luck. Find the excitement in small things. I think that might help you out?

"OH GREAT FUCKING JOY!"
~Bunny


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