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Anonymous #1
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Addiction
#23814739 - 11/09/16 12:08 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm pretty fucked up , have been for over 20 years. I use Meth On a daily basis and just can't stop. I'm not your stereotype meth heads. I have a job , same job for 13 years , I don't steal to support my habit , I have a nice vehicle , couple motorcycles , nice bass boat , drivers license . Never been arrested for possession , no DUI , no criminal record. I go to church on Sunday ( not that it matters) I consider myself a sane , responsible member of society except for this addiction. I love to trip , always have and I'm not going to stop that. But I don't want to be an addict anymore. I tried CMA (crystal meth anonymous) but these fuckin people want me to delete everyone I know from my life , not question parts of their program that make no sense to me and just have blind faith. Waiting for them to tell me to drink the koolaid and sit over there. I can quit for a while , few weeks but then I just want to drive my vehicle into a brick wall at a high rate of speed and when that feeling gets to be too much I go get high again. What I'm depriving myself from is a meaningful relationship because I don't want to have to hide my addiction from a girlfriend so I have not had one for 4 years now. I know it's the drug that keeps telling me that it's all good and I'm fine but I know I'm not , I just don't know how to stop or maybe I'm too afraid to. I will accept any reasonable advise from any knowledgeable person. Thanks for reading !
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Anonymous #2
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i'm in the same boat, if i knew the solution I would share it with you. I was thinking about quitting today. I broke my pipe but didnt get as far as I should have and flushed all the shit. i haven't used more but kinda thinking about it. im trying to decide what to do tonight, if i should go to a friends or stay off the road.
Also im wondering if maybe eating a big dose of magic mushrooms will possibly open up a new perspective for me and magically the desire to use will just disappear and quitting would be effortless.
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Anonymous #1
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Stay off the road , hang at home . I wish shrooms would make it go away . Shrooms have a way of making me see faults in myself that I could never see before , one of the things I love about them . I get to stand in someone else's shoes and see things from their pov. And then I understand why they did or didn't do that thing I was so bothered by. The reason is usually because I'm an addict. I hate being an addict.
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Anonymous #3
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Doesn't really sound like you have a problem. You dont strip houses for copper or sell to support your habit. You are just a guy who wants to quit but cant.
A lot of rehabs and sobriety programs are designed for these hardcore users which is great but it's so black and white with these people. You are in a middle ground, and help for people like you is very hard to find.
I am starting to hear about athiest AA/NA programs coming about so there are changes underway in the recovery industry.
I just hate how culty/brainwashed these recovery programs are and its the only option for a lot of folks lije us when all we really want is to just stop using one problematic drug.
As for advice you should look into making some new friends, ones who you can hang out maybe have a beer with. Be apart of a good social circle that doesnt include meth. A study on rats concluded that so long as the "addict" has access to a good community it will not use hardly at all. This very much applies to us.
Best of luck
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Anonymous #4
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I believe one of the best things a addict can do for themselfe is to learn all they can about their problem, and potential ways to deal with it. It sounds corny and simple and it is but it will help keep your eye on the prize.
I was always in and out of standard 12 step type programs for 20+ years with very little sucess, then I learned to use a computer (10 years ago) and stumbled onto alot of people with hatred for the 12 step type programs, and immediately latched onto their writings pushing the addiction is NOT a Disease concepts and things like behavioral therapy and then it just seemed to click . . . Mayabe it was just my time, I dont know ? ?
But theirs alot more out their then the 12 step doctrine, dont sell yourself short. check out -- http://peele.net/ -- The clean slate addiction site
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Anonymous #5
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Have you ever considered trying DMT/aya?
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Anonymous #1
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thank you , I appreciate your comments and advise.
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks I will check that out. It seems like for most of the people I know who have quit that it was just their time.
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Anonymous #1
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DMT/aya? I know nothing about this , please expand on your comment.
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Anonymous #5
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DMT is the most powerful psychedelic known to man, a compound of the tryptamine family. It is a natural substance and can be easily and cheaply extracted from specific tree bark by anybody. The effects from smoking it lasts a short period of time, 5 to 15 min. Longer effects can be achieved by oral ingestion (ayahuasca), over 3 hours.
Aside from the 'recreational' aspect of DMT, it has been proven to be an incredibly powerful treatment for drug addiction such as cocaine, heroin and methamphetamine by resetting your brains neurology that has been fucked with due to substance abuse. The internet is full of stories relating to this so if you are interested just hit google with something like "DMT and drug addiction". There are also ayahuasca retreats where you can go and do it in a safe environment. There are many cases of hardcore addicts smoking it once, having a powerful 5-10 minute trip and never touching drugs again.
Edited by Anonymous (11/10/16 07:58 PM)
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Anonymous #4
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regarding Dmt/Aya, most find smoked very intense but not very spiritual, Orally with cappi/rue can be very spiritual, but you would have to stop meth for a while first as mao's and meth is a recipe for disaster.
thank god you still have plenty of other options
But I have to agree a spiritual type experience can significantly help for addiction problems when used responsibly. In A/A's early days many of the members including bill w himself were big fans of hallucinogens LSD / scolpmine ect.
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Anonymous #1
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It's not like that Salvia stuff is it ? I didn't enjoy that at all !
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Anonymous #5
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: It's not like that Salvia stuff is it ? I didn't enjoy that at all !
I have never tried salvia but I have tried DMT ~40 times. From what I've read about salvia it seems a lot more dark, scary and serious, whereas DMT is very colorful, happy and playful
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Anonymous #1
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Ya ! Don't try it it is dark as fuck , very scary ! No matter how hard you try you can't remind yourself that you just did a drug and are going to be fine. You go straight to panic level , it horrible ! Wish I knew where to find DMT , if it could get me away from the other I'm in !
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Anonymous #5
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: Ya ! Don't try it it is dark as fuck , very scary ! No matter how hard you try you can't remind yourself that you just did a drug and are going to be fine. You go straight to panic level , it horrible ! Wish I knew where to find DMT , if it could get me away from the other I'm in !
You can buy bark off eBay and extract it yourself easily in a matter of hours. $50 investment can get you ~80 hits worth. DMT extraction tek
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks for the tek , I took a look at all the steps and it doesn't seem "simple enough " but worth giving it a try. I wonder if there is a video series about how to do this ? There are always little tricks that you see in the videos that make the difficult parts easier. Or little mistakes you will make that ruined the whole thing.
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Anonymous #5
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: Thanks for the tek , I took a look at all the steps and it doesn't seem "simple enough " but worth giving it a try. I wonder if there is a video series about how to do this ? There are always little tricks that you see in the videos that make the difficult parts easier. Or little mistakes you will make that ruined the whole thing.
Its one of those things that seems confusing until you actually do it. Every single tek I have read makes it seem more difficult than it is
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Anonymous #1
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Hey #4 , what do you mean by mao's and meth being a disaster ? And you said I would have to quit meth for a while first , how long is a while and why ? I just want to make sure I don't fuck myself up even worse. Thanks
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Anonymous #4
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Check this thread,
--- http://forums.ayahuasca.com/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=14761
And the site in general is a great source of aya info.
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Anonymous #6
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so many clueless ignorant teenagers always reccomndeding drugs like dmt and aya to drug addicts like the pill pushers st the doctors. Youre not gonna magically not going to be addicted anymore after taking these.
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Anonymous #3
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Aya pushers have a terrible sense of irony.
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Anonymous #6
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90% of the recommending it have never done it.
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Anonymous #7
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Yeah, I wouldn't buy into the ayahuasca cure all bs. Ayahuasca doesn't touch dopamine at all and that's what your problem is. Your dopamine receptors are down regulated and when you quit you may be depressed for a long time. It's going to be really hard, but it is possible and it'll be worth it to quit. Think of it this way. Your life is in good shape now, but if you keep using you may end up losing it all. Get out while you're ahead. You can't use meth for the rest of your life anyway.
My advice is to quit and cut any and all meth users or dealers out of your life. Delete their numbers. When you quit, your brain will miss that dopamine and you WILL seek it out if you have a way. Go to the doctor if you get depressed and you may even have to take antidepressants to get through it. The hardest part about addiction is realizing that it's not about willpower. Willpower and your reward system are one in the same. Your reward system is out of whack and you need help to get over that hump to break the cycle. If it were as simple as just convincing yourself to not use then there would be no addicts.
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Anonymous #5
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Ayahuasca is actually both a serotonin and dopamine agonist at the same time. Http://www.ayahuasca.com/science/the-ayahuasca-effect
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Anonymous #7
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Well, I stand corrected. Go ahead and give it a shot if you want to. I hope it works for you. Normally I would never suggest someone take anti depressants, but some people need it in extreme circumstances.
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Anonymous #1
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I am well aware that one hit of something is not going to magically change me. I smoked weed for most of my young adult years untill I discovered meth , then I was no longer interested in weed. Now when I smoke weed it feels like the weed is trying to pull me back to get me away from the meth. It puts me in a totally different frame of mind that makes me realize how fucked up I am from the meth. But the meth keeps winning , it's like an auto pilot type thing that I can't turn off. It's got such a grip on me and I can't break away from it !
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Anonymous #8
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best of luck to you. After nearly 20 years of opiates i was able to get off of them it was the hardest thing ever. I got faith in you though. If you set your mind to it you can do it. Good luck
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Anonymous #9
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I'm with you man. Heroin is my drug of choice. I don't have any answers for you however... I've tried rehab 4 times.. just saying you're not alone
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Anonymous #10
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idk dmt in lower doses over longer periods seems to really make me have some pretty deep thoughts in regards to my life, family, friends etc..
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Anonymous #5
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said: I am well aware that one hit of something is not going to magically change me.
I bet you thought exactly that when you had your first hit of meff.
I understand exactly where you are having once been there myself, stuck in the loop. After using I would feel like shit, physically and emotionally, and I would sincerely swear to myself to never use again. I would get through the days of depression, thoughts of suicide and lack of energy/motivation. However, every time I was feeling better I would convince myself that it was a good idea to get high again, and the whole loop started over.
It was as though the person getting high wasn't me at all, and the real me was only in the drivers seat when I was coming down. It left me feeling helpless and like i had no control over the 'me' that restarts the loop.
I'm sure you understand the feeling I'm talking about. This went on over and over until I felt completely empty, void of all feelings and emotions. The world seemed grey and all happiness and joy had vanished.
I had been thinking about suicide to the point where I scared the shit out of myself at how seriously I was considering it. This was when I started reading about DMT. I figured what the hell I'm already contemplating suicide, what's the worst that can happen and decided to make my own.
Im not going to describe the trip, as it is virtually impossible, but when I 'came back' a few minutes later I was me again, the old me that had been lost for some time. I was overwhelmed with such happiness and joy, a barrage of emotions that I had not felt for so long. The world, my life and everything that had once been so bland and empty was once again full of color and energy.
The greatest thing the experience gave me was a change of perspective that was not possible to achieve while I was stuck in the 'meth loop', along with a strong positive mindset and a confidence like no other I made a few changes in my life and stopped using meth, not because I knew I had to but because I legitimately wanted to.
I haven't used meth in just over 12 months now and the changes that I made didn't feel forced or pressured, but had me full of excitement and anticipation.
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying that the same will happen for you, however sometimes a change of perspective can be more powerful than you'd expect. DMT is the perfect spark for an extinguished flame.
Edited by Anonymous (12/23/16 06:53 AM)
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Anonymous #11
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Quote:
Anonymous #4 said:
I believe one of the best things a addict can do for themselves is to learn all they can about their problem...
If one wants to know why they do drugs, they need to look at their motivation for intoxication.
The motivation for the behavior is the key to understanding the behavior.
Great comments and links. Many dispute the powerless theory.
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Anonymous #12
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You can't just stop an addiction... some can, not all... You might be able to stop for while but sooner or later you're might have a relapse.
I would recommend continue using(just enough to keep you stable)... but lower your dosage every week or two
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Anonymous #11
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It sounds like you've adopted the "I am powerless over my actions" perspective.
Once you adopt this perspective, you cripple your power to change.
The term "relapse" is bullshit cult-speak that means "a decision to use"
Every action is preceded by a decision. Don't believe what the cult tells you.
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Anonymous #9
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"motivation for intoxication"... I hate that bullshit... I don't understand it. What do you mean, understanding the motivation is the key to understanding the addiction? That's some bs rehab cookie cutter terminology/saying. Who needs a reason or motivation to do heroin, other than it feels awesome and makes you feel happy and euphoric? Dosnt everybody want to feel good, happy and euphoric? doesnt change the fact that its a problem and destroys my life
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Anonymous #11
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You "hate" the idea of investigating the root cause of self-harming behavior?
I've never met a junkie or a drunk who was "happy". Have you?
The gambler who loses everything isn't "enjoying" the "euphoria" of poker.
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Anonymous #3
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Anon9 needs ayahuasca stat
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Anonymous #2
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It is a problem. It's living in bondage. It is unpleasant when something, anything has control over you.
There is long term sobriety in AA, not so much in N/A.
My problem with AA is they approach it as a spiritual disease instead of a mental disease. You can't talk someone out of addiction. It's both really. One thing all addicts have in common is disconnection. Not only from people but from the divine. So yes it is a spiritual disease but it's more a genetic brain malady.
I don't know the answer. I've stopped using meff many times in my life but always substitute it with something else. I hate the dreams but they go away eventually. Mostly.
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Anonymous #13
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D-Amphetamine IR and Lisdexamphetamine to tapper.
Lobeline and emoxypine.
L tyrosine, melatonin and turmeric extract throughout.
I don't care how long you've been indulging in brain damage, it's not hard to quit, stop making excuses.
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Anonymous #11
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Quote:
Anonymous #2 said:
My problem with AA is they approach it as a spiritual disease instead of a mental disease. One thing all addicts have in common is disconnection. Not only from people but from the divine. So yes it is a spiritual disease but it's more a genetic brain malady.
To be isolated and disconnected is a "genetic brain malady"?
To fall in love with intoxication or gambling is a disease?
Becoming obsessed with something is not a biological defect.
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Anonymous #14
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Ya'll need to get in touch with your spirit animals.
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Anonymous #2
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look up the word disease and tell me what it means.
a normal persons brain does not repeatedly engage in dangerous, destructive, and harmful behavior to oneself. but an addicts brain does.
it is similar to a person born with type 1 diabetes. That person is born with a defective organ (the pancreas). Addiction is no different, except the diseased organ is the brain.
Get it? I am very old and very wise.
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Anonymous #14
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You sound like a very old addict.
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Anonymous #2
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well i started at 18 and im 35. so i guess half my life ive been an addict.
its concerning when i think about it. I always thought that if you do something harmful for 20 years your gonna have to pay a price healthwise... and that scares me. I need to stop like yesterday then huh.
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Anonymous #11
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Quote:
Anonymous #2 said:
look up the word disease and tell me what it means.
a normal persons brain does not repeatedly engage in dangerous, destructive, and harmful behavior to oneself. but an addicts brain does.
How about aggressive drivers who put their life in danger?
How about skydivers who risk their life?
How about child abusers who might be sent to jail?
How about suicide bombers?
How about "video game addicts" who end up homeless?
How about hoarders who compromise their health?
How about arsonists who are sent to prison?
How about chronic gamblers who end up homeless?
How about food junkies who kill themselves with food?
How about husbands who beat their wife and go to jail?
How about people who cut themselves with razors?
Many people engage in behaviors that are harmful to themselves.
To label them with a brain disorder is ludicrous.
"disease" used to mean dis-ease meaning "not at ease"
Now it means a biological defect and malfunction.
Don't buy into the lie that your brain is fucked up.
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