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OfflineSource
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Cosmic Horror
    #2381459 - 02/27/04 12:22 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

After a few transformations ? waking up from the dream bit by bit, I have come to struggle with a sort of intense, shocking feeling of absolute horror in the face of existence. Before this experience, I would have never imagined that something could be so horrible. Hell, with its fire and pitchforking demons would be a welcome respite from this state of existence since at least in the mythical hell there is a light somewhere out there, albeit, out of reach.

This state of being I have named the Cosmic Horror. It seems to be the only good, short description. I first experienced this simultaneously with the absolute realization that I was immortal. When you absolutely realize that you will exist for ever and ever and that throughout that eternity you will be alone?is quite a shocker. God is alone (all one). First comes the ?I AM? and then comes the horror. It is the spontaneous feeling that results from staring directly into the abyss and knowing that there is nothing there, and that you have always been there and there is nowhere else, nothing else and there never has been. No wonder God created the universe, it is hiding itself, trying to forget the fact that it is alone by throwing itself into its own creation for yet another turn of the cosmic drama.

Forget about the meaningless questions like, ?Could God create a rock so large he couldn?t lift it?? Instead, try this one on, ?Can God create another God to help stifle its everlasting loneliness and boredom?? Maybe they could sit around and play chess.

Thankfully, I don?t think this is the final stage of existence. I have hope (or faith), that what the Cosmic Horror is, is the view of the absolute empty void while still holding the ego-shell-of-a-belief that there IS an ?I? that will exist forever in that void. I think it is the ante-chamber to the absolute, and to travel into that void, to see it with ego intact is the ?dark night of the soul?. I fully understand the phrase ?My God, my God, why have you forsaken me??

While reading Ken Wilber?s ?A Brief History of Everything?, I was very surprised to see a precise description of the Cosmic Horror. He had actually used the very same phrase that I had come up with! (Although he spelled it ?Kosmic Horror?) Prior to this I found an online novel of ?The Visions of Victor and Beatrice? by Joseph Merrick that also had a perfect description of this state and he too had used the same phrase ?Cosmic Horror?. So I knew at least that I had chosen the proper name! But more than that, I realized that it is a very real part of the path (although it feels as if it is the end).

Though I recognize it as part of the path, I am not necessarily implying that everyone has to go through it. Ken Wilber defines it as a sort of problem stemming from the causal realm. So I kind of got stuck, and the pathologies of that realm began to rear up. Although it seemed as though in my case, immediately upon entering the casual I entered into the pathology. I have been slowly...slowly...digesting and growing beyond this for the last 3 years.

So does anybody know what the hell I?m talking about?


--------------------
What you're searching for is what's searching.


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OfflineEarth_Droid
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Source]
    #2381507 - 02/27/04 12:37 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Wow!  These are the exact thoughts that have been occuring to me the last few days.  This along with mayan astrology and cosmology.  I suggest you check out these links:

www.deoxy.org
http://deoxy.org/9insight.htm
www.bluhoney.org
http://www.icandosomething.com/

And it would be greatly appreciated if you gave me a PM.

Thanks, and much love too you.

Ryan

:heart:


Edited by Earth_Droid (02/27/04 12:38 AM)


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OfflineDruginduced
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Source]
    #2381633 - 02/27/04 02:11 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Perfect description, I have thought about it and also came to the conclusion (or hope) that there must be someother form of being, that is not infinite in nature.


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Offlinedaba
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Source]
    #2382020 - 02/27/04 05:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Oh my. This kind of stuff makes me want to kill myself and move onto the next world. Yes, I have been feeling extremely lonely lately, I know the feeling. I almost feel like grabbing a bum off of Telegraph just so I have companionship. But still, I am truly alone.


--------------------
Fold for The Shroomery!


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OfflineEarth_Droid
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: daba]
    #2382039 - 02/27/04 06:11 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

daba said:
Oh my. This kind of stuff makes me want to kill myself and move onto the next world. Yes, I have been feeling extremely lonely lately, I know the feeling. I almost feel like grabbing a bum off of Telegraph just so I have companionship. But still, I am truly alone.




You are not alone, trust me.
Earth Droid  :heart: you.  I have been going through the same experience.  I live my life alone in my room.  But I have managed to make my room a universe.  And I am learning how to love, and have faith in consiousness.  There are friends out there just like me.  And you are one of them.


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Anonymous

Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Source]
    #2382181 - 02/27/04 08:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I first experienced this feeling while tripping, and of course it brought on a bad trip. All I could think was, "Is this all there is? This is existence?" But then I realized something which has at least temporarily brought me out of the Cosmic Horror. We have not yet experienced the higher realms of existence yet. What we experience now is filtered through our human brain, and I don't think the human physical experience does justice to the joys that can be felt by God when not entrapped in physical matter. So what I think is, it's a little unfair to judge existence as horrific in this way since we don't really have the full spectrum of experience, and it comes off as sort of shortchanging God's potential.


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Offlinegnrm23
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: ]
    #2382226 - 02/27/04 09:24 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

i think that alan watts observes something like this in his wonder psychedelic musing _the joyous cosmology_ )still online in a few places, including i think www.acidmagic.com/books/joyous_cosmology.html
~
& huxley describes an horrific phase of the mushroom trip towards the end of his novel _island_
~
~


--------------------
old enough to know better
not old enough to care


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OfflineThe_Visionaire
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Source]
    #2382283 - 02/27/04 09:49 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I agree that the cosmic horror must be the false ego's perception of its own emptyness while still aknowledging the deep insight that there is no death (and hence no escape).

I believe this paradoxical conflict is only temporary.
Ekchart Tolle (the writer of "The Power of Now", a must-read) describes how the confrontation with the cosmic horror leads to his ego-trancendance and enlightenment.

A direct experience of the cosmic horror means that you are very close to trancending horror all together. Dive into it, I'd say! (..or perhaps you should not listen to advice from Dr. Mengele, my evil alter-ego. Personal ruin is also an option...)


--------------------
There are no differences between men and gods,
one blends softly causal into the other.
-Frank Herbert, Dune.


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Offlinecastaway
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Source]
    #2382304 - 02/27/04 09:58 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

How we individualy resolve the conflict of the realization of our own utter aloneness may be the whole point of creation.

Oblivion is enticing...thus the attraction of forgetfullness as in reincarnation...starting anew.

How do you think Immortals come to terms with their own immortality?...(think childlike?)


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Source]
    #2383093 - 02/27/04 02:16 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)





--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


Edited by DoctorJ (02/27/04 02:19 PM)


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InvisibleSclorch
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: DoctorJ]
    #2383102 - 02/27/04 02:18 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

DoctorJ said:





Fuckin' Jerkoffs with their "no remote linking"...

Um... hehe  :wink:


--------------------
Note: In desperate need of a cure...


Edited by Sclorch (02/27/04 02:29 PM)


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InvisibleDoctorJ
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Sclorch]
    #2383123 - 02/27/04 02:22 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

damn, you beat me to it.  mine's full size, tho, so nyah! :tongue:


--------------------
peace, pot, and microdot!


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OfflineSource
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Source]
    #2383185 - 02/27/04 02:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

It makes me feel better to know that others have experienced this, and yet I would be happier if nobody else had to experience it, if somehow you could all just jump over it to the final liberation.

Again, I am not claiming this state to be the absolute although it certainly feels like the absolute (that is part of the pathology). The despair comes from knowing that there isn't anything else - no God, no Satan, no angels, no demons, no heaven, no hell, no universe...just me and this godforsaken void. And that is precisely the cause of the agony - me and the void. The primal (and hence most painful) duality: "Self and Emptiness", "To Exist Or Not To Exist", "To Exist in Non-Existence".

It is precisely from this point that the creator (the "demiurge", not the absolute) created the universe. It just woke up in the void and said "I AM" (the first duality), then said "Ooooh...Shit" and began its experiment in space and time.

So the only way out is to reconcile the primal duality. What do you get when existence and non-existence reconcile? Whatever 'that' is, is the absolute. And making that jump isn't easy. It isn't like jumping into the arms of a loving God of light and warmth - that God is nowhere to be found. Just me and the void, staring at the face of Kali the destroyer. Can't go back now, I've already done that and it leads right back here again. Don't want to stay in this place forever so the only choice is non-existence - utter annihilation of self.

If I only had the balls to do it!

Look at Jesus as an example of the self jumping into annihilation. It isn't pretty. Sweating blood, dragging his cross to the place of self-destruction, facing the ridicule of the universe, and crying out that awful lamentation, "My God, My God...". And yet, this is where we are led..."Pick up your cross, deny yourself, and follow me!"

The Cosmic Horror is this: hanging nailed to the cross, after the statement "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" and before the statement "It is finished."

I just don't want to die (bodily) in this condition. I gotta get to the "It is the finished" part before I do!


--------------------
What you're searching for is what's searching.


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Offlinecastaway
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Source]
    #2383618 - 02/27/04 04:33 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Try thinking about it as a temporary reality which will change if you just hang in there.

The variety of beleifs leads me to a conclusion that none of them is entirely correct and none entirely wrong; So if you're up against something ghastly then perhaps new perspectives will surface in Time.

Then again, crosses, blood, self-sacrifice and annihilation are attractive symbolism to some.

suit yourself....to each his own


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OfflinePHARMAKOS
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: castaway]
    #2383683 - 02/27/04 04:50 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Emptyness? void? horror?
were living in two seperate worlds brother
i feel unity with the universe around me, and feel like a living pulsing part of the big flow of life. All around is joy and love and light, cosmic entities reside everywhere seeking to establish loving relationships with you, and happiness is right in front of you.
Any feelings of loneliness, forsakenness, horror.. i think these are things that we bring on ourselves in moments of weakness, but the world is good and Tao flows everywhere.


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OfflineSource
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Source]
    #2383821 - 02/27/04 05:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Cool Magic card! Actually, I play Magic with my 12 year old son about every other night.

Pharmakos,
That's awesome! I'm very happy that you feel that way. I'm really keeping things focused on describing and trying to understand this state so I am giving the impression that my whole life and experience is horrible. That isn't the case at all. In fact, one thing I learned from going through this is that LOVE is the absolute redeeming principle. Since this began my heart has opened wide to the world. Unconditional love flows from my center to all things (when I don't get in the way).


--------------------
What you're searching for is what's searching.


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Source]
    #2385288 - 02/28/04 12:16 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

This "chaos", this dark order of nothingness and destruction, is a necessary aspect of eternity. For without which, there would be no questioning, no adversity, no growth. Little can be said about it, for it is everywhere. Part of the lesson, one might say.


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Offlinefireworks_godS
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Re: Cosmic Horror [Re: Shroomism]
    #2386221 - 02/28/04 10:19 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

So it is about finding the balance then, eh? :wink:

I've felt something like this. A lot of times at night, when I am tired but not yet able to go to sleep... I think ahead, like one day, one week, one year, ten years.. in that state of tiredness it all feels like it will be unwanted drugery. Then my mind scans for an escape....

And I never find one. The next life comes, gradually increasing in awareness... to the point where everything merges back into One and the cycle repeats.... infinitely...

Of course, I am just tired. I can dismantle this way of thinking by reminding myself that it serves no purpose other than a quick shot of perspective... that it is a point of view that opposes life. Its like arguing with cold, hard fact. I'm alive, thus, the point of view only seperates me from that which IS. When I wake up and I am refreshed, it is like this:

Quote:


Pharmakos said:
feel unity with the universe around me, and feel like a living pulsing part of the big flow of life. All around is joy and love and light, cosmic entities reside everywhere seeking to establish loving relationships with you, and happiness is right in front of you.




:laugh:

Its all about the Experience and the Experience is infinite.. all there is for us is to stop dragging agansit it and go with the flow. :grin:
Peace.


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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General Interest >> Philosophy, Sociology & Psychology

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