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OfflineDuhItsMe
Stranger
Registered: 11/06/16
Posts: 3
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Well that might be enough...(6.5g Trip Report) * 2
    #23806550 - 11/06/16 01:08 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Hi Everyone,

I made this account just to share my story, by way of thanks to the Psychedelic community for everything it has done for me in this short time.

About me:

I'm in my mid twenties, raised Christian since I was 10years old with deep interests in all religion and many of the sciences (currently doing a psych degree). I was interested in lucid dreaming as a teenager and used it has a tool to understand and befriend sleep paralysis and nightmares. I've meditated for a few years, went vegan two years ago, and enjoy listening to Alan Watts (and others) almost everyday.

Unfortunatley I've always had a deep dissatisfaction with life, or a great longing for something I could never define. I sought for it in religion for over 15years but it only ever amounted to high abstraction. After a long, what I would call (perhaps naively), 'spiritual depression' (yea I know how that sounds, sue me) I decided I needed first hand experience of what all of these traditions were talking about. I loved everything Watts talked about, and I felt that he was talking from experience, but I just didn't 'feel' it.

Enter the mushroom.


The Trip:

I spent the day taking things slow, enjoying the present, listening to whatever I fancied. I would be taking five dried grams in silent darkness. This would be my second trip, the first was three grams which produced some great bodily sensations and some very odd visuals, but no insights or anything worthwhile (I didn't get into this for fun, I came begging for answers).

I turned off my phone and settled down on my bed where I chewed some Golden Teachers and downed them with tropical fruit juice. I laid back, in total surrender, scared but desperate to 'get' the thing I couldn't even define.

With eyes closed I was whisked through endless tunnels, tubes and wires of all kinds flew past me at impossible speed. Their appearance flip-flopped from mechanical to organic, from metal piping to swirling snakes and tentacles forever terrifying and fascinating. Huge vessels slithered before me, crevices and orifices opened and closed in naked pornographic fashion which was at the same time repulsive and beautiful.

Opening my eyes I saw the once straight-lined bedsheets begin a play of wiggles. My hands and fingers were gangly, like the veins inside them. It occurred to me that I was seeing the inherent wiggly-ness in all of reality - the bone structure of my hand was just like that of a trunk and it’s branches, like the pattern in wood or the flowing river with all it’s tributaries. (something that seems so obvious now, even to the sober eye). 

Closing my eyes I resumed flight through the neurone-maze, colourful and terrifying, with the general feeling that it was leading somewhere. Suddenly I realised that I had begun thinking in a Scottish accent, a voice which began it’s own mindless chatter. This continued at high speed for some time then switched to an Irish accent and started all over again. This play on the language centre of my brain went on for a few moments.

Then I began to daydream, and only after some time did I realise that these were no normal daydreams. Unable to influence their direction I surrendered to what was being shown. I saw a crew on the bridge of a space ship discuss how they might fix a problem that had developed some time ago. With a flash I saw a steel craft move through red tissue arriving at the desired site where it began firing some kind of cutting laser. As this began I heard a voice repeating at high speed, ‘me me me me me me!…’ as a sci-fi robot might protest if knocked around or shocked with electricity.

Opening my eyes, the world was even more wiggly - and it was looking at me. In my peripheral vision I saw little holes open up and eyes or small creatures would peer out from the void. Suddenly I had the impression that I was looking at myself, and spooking myself as one might do looking into a funny shaped mirror.

I closed my eyes and was immediately transported to the top end of a large contraption, partly mechanical and partly natural. It was a huge opening-and-closing mechanism, resembling a zipper or two pieces of velcro coming together then moving apart. I was on one side and with each pulsation I came into contact with a particular area of the other side of the zipper, pushed up against it I felt it’s soft tissue and biological nature. Then suddenly it began to speak, ‘You you you you you you!…..’ on and on it went. Each time I came into contact with it I was greeted with the same response, ‘You you you…’. Quite oddly, I had the sensation that this area was my mother. And with that thought, the area to the left of her glowed with warmth and my grandmother was there but only in wiggly biological tube-like form. Looking further down the line to the left and sensed a line of females going back and back as far as I could see (was I on the male side?). I moved towards the loving glow.

When I finally came round, I was amazed but felt no better for the experience. So in my dazed state (about 1.5-2hrs into the trip) I got up and took another 1.5grams. It was a struggle to do so and the indescribable nausea afterwards filled me with instant regret. The nausea turned to fear, but not a fear I have known before. My mind was highly sensitive at this point, and emotions were tactile. The fear began to grow into something hellish. Had I been more visually inclined I imagine this would have been the point that all sorts of monsters would begin coming out of the walls. I had played with fire, and for what lasted no more than 30 seconds, I was being burned. This fear eclipsed almost everything else, but I did the only thing I could do, I stumbled back to bed and surrendered. Unconsciousness was all I desired at that point, I wanted to go back to the normal humdrum bullshit of normal reality - this was too much.

Thankfully the newly ingested substance began to kick in and the familiar ‘come up’ of joy and bliss filled me with relief - my heedlessness had been forgiven, the nausea faded. I surfed the bliss for some time, enjoying the usual wiggliness, grateful and no longer wishing to get anywhere (just happy not to be terrified anymore).

After some time, it happened.

I began to perceive that reality was made of multiple layers. These could be layers of sense perception or of conceptions or perhaps both. I saw these layers begin to peel off one another, like multiple blankets laid on top of something to conceal it. They each moved away from the left and right, like interlocking fingers being pulled apart. I felt a great relief and relaxation each time a layer was removed. I wondered how long it would go on, and what mystery would be underneath. And then, there I was.

The last layer was removed and suddenly I was confronted with a familiar friend, the old bastard, the joker, Me.
As quickly as I saw him I was him, and he me. Then the vision was discarded and I looked out from my normal eyes, just as if I was a child, only the difference was that I had a memory bank of a life of 25 years.

I was astounded. How had I forgotten who I was? It was all so obvious, I AM IT. And by that I mean, all of it. Everything I was looking at was me and in me and I in it. I couldn’t believe that this fact had slipped by me. I had the feeling that this was something I was always in the habit of forgetting but that ultimately it didn’t matter because I would always return to myself eventually.

I took out my phone and began a series of recordings, which I listen to every now and again to remind myself of what's what.

As I accessed my knowledge base I was under the impression that all of the religions were about me. I had made those as ways of getting back to myself, if ever I wanted to (though the ridiculousness of that statement was no less ridiculous in that state). All of those poor folks signed up to those programs were just doing the same, trying to get back to Me. I had been searching for years, not just in spiritual pursuits but in all desire, to return to myself, to recall what I had forgotten. What I had not betted on was that this great mystery was far too obvious to be arrived at by deep philosophical thought or by physical striving.

Movement from the centre of Me, which is what seeking is, was the obstacle. If I and my Father are One, then to realise this I need not go looking anymore.

“The sure foundation upon which I had sought to stand has turned out to be the center from which I seek”
- Alan Watts


-----------------

So what?

Why am I posting this? I don't know, why do anything? I guess I am being romantic. I've got what I wanted from religion and, in fact, life. I feel free to sit and watch what happens, in surrender. If you are reading this, I love you - and not in some stupid wishy washy kind of way, I mean it. We are okay, You and I. Death is not a problem. Avoid causing harm to others if you can (because there are no others), your suffering will soon be seen for what it is.

Perhaps I'll forget this in the years to come, (we seem to do that don't we? :laugh:) but that's cool.

I'm not sure if I'll trip again. I have plenty of shrooms left but since reading some bad trip reports I'm wondering if this life might be best spent with less risk on a brain which has taken us so long to grow.

Thanks for reading, and as you all seem to be in the delightful habit of saying, Good vibes!


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OfflineZiu
Stranger


Registered: 09/12/16
Posts: 40
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
Re: Well that might be enough...(6.5g Trip Report) [Re: DuhItsMe]
    #23808749 - 11/07/16 06:56 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Nice.

:acidfire:
Thanks for sharing.
I really liked reading it.
Much love to you. <3


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OfflineFerbernardo
encephalon
I'm a teapot

Registered: 01/31/16
Posts: 64
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
Re: Well that might be enough...(6.5g Trip Report) [Re: Ziu]
    #23836026 - 11/15/16 04:13 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

amazing experience! tho Alan Watts gives amazing lectures! he has an interesting perception of life


--------------------
nothingness is the ultimate reality


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OfflineHamHead
Hard Ass Motherfucker
Male


Registered: 03/17/15
Posts: 6,107
Loc: Galactic sector ZZ9 Plura...
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
Re: Well that might be enough...(6.5g Trip Report) [Re: Ferbernardo]
    #23837685 - 11/16/16 04:18 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Awesome read, thanks for sharing.


--------------------
The Italian researchers’ findings, published by the INT’s scientific magazine Tumori Journal, show 11.6% of 959 healthy volunteers enrolled in a lung cancer screening trial between September 2019 and March 2020 had developed coronavirus antibodies well before February.

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-coronavirus-italy-timing-idUSKBN27V0KF

This online first version has been peer-reviewed, accepted and edited,  but not formatted and finalized with corrections from authors and proofreaders

https://www.icandecide.org/


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