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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Quote:
100_the_cat said: I'm not the kind of person who can or should work a job
I'm horizontal all the time
I'm experiencing Kundalini 24/7
It's just who I am
Like that's my default mode
I belong to something that is beyond my control
That's spiritual marriage
The upside is free spiritual drugs without trying, free insight, all that stuff...the upper crust of spiritual experience, I get handed to me on a platter daily. Easy street. Because I'm Ni dominant.
That comes at the expense of living a fulfilling physical life.
And what pisses me off is the lack of recognition for being good at what I'm good at. You know? Like if I were to cut hair for a living, that's something respectable. That's something people take seriously. But being a mystic, it's like, ok, you're just mentally ill or dabbling. No, I have literally been forced to sacrifice everything for this, just so I could lay down all day and be a full-time mystic. Like this is literally my life 24/7. I'm not just some fuckup stoner who read some books and went on some vision quests. I'm also NOT someone who went insane by getting in over their head with spirituality. I know what the fuck I'm talking about. I NATURALLY have the constitution to safely and easily handle Kundalini on what could be considered a "professional level," and I have done so consistently for several years now. I have given over my life 100% to this. Do you know what I mean? I got straight As in school, I went to one of the best design schools in the world -- one of the most grueling. I'm the kind of person who dedicates and goes all the way with something. And on top of that, I lived a truly hellish life. Most people would kill themselves over 1/3 of what I've lived through. I don't know what else a person has to do to get some fucking respect.
Something is not right about this dynamic. There's something off about me receiving advice from people who don't even have the insight I do. This reminds me of why I cut off my last therapist (and quit therapy altogether). I got to a point with him where I felt like he should be the one paying ME to come in there, not the other way around. I had more to offer him than he did me. I'm well aware that's arrogant as fuck, but I can't take any more of this bullshit.
Hey man, just wanted to say I can relate and I'm here for ya. I'm an INTP/INFP and normally my type of personality cannot keep a job, cannot take very good care of themselves or act like a normal person.
I met an INFJ girl that is pushing me to become more normal.. at first I resisted but things are unfolding now. I'm learning a lot about myself as she is a psychic and astrologist. Some things are predetermined.. for example, I HAD to go through horrible times. I'm just lucky that this year is a good year for me.
You're right.. you don't have mental illness. You have mental awareness. It's a fucking curse. I have also been through utter, utter hell... I tried to kill myself several times. Spent a lot of time in hospitals...
I am healthier now, but my personality remains the same.
I don't want to give you advice. I appreciate your sharing. So you know about astrology.. When are things going to turn up for you? Is there any way to take advantage of your personality? Like, do you know what careers or life path is suited to you? Are you suppose to be a mystic? There is a ton of things you can do with that.
You are NOT going to be cool living a 9 to 5 life. That's just not your personality. Not mine either.
Hope you find happiness.. hope you find some semblance of normality. Cheers dude
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Edited by EternalCowabunga (11/06/16 07:46 PM)
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vacantrain
Stranger

Registered: 03/05/15
Posts: 53
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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I've felt like how I am interpreting what you are describing, and then I was told that have to pay the price or it's not magic.
I can say with confidence the vast majority of those beloved mystics with an audience are fake. It is most probable that whatever human has gone farthest ever is someone who we have never heard of...which would you rather have?
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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I don't necessarily want the audience for mysticism...just an audience, period
I'm trying to get needs met that went unmet by primary caregivers from childhood on or were somehow stifled
It's just your basic trophy child syndrome
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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I don't use astrology for positive predictions really...
I'm not a technical or detail/precision person with it
I just use it as a loose framework for my intuition
I'm more interested in themes than chronology, but I view my life in terms of Pluto transits, because those are guaranteed to bring catastrophic loss, like becoming homeless, losing everything you own, losing your job, being the victim of crime, etc
It's kind of like I'm just here for a big Pluto party
Edited by 100_the_cat (11/07/16 01:11 AM)
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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In fact, one of the reasons I live the way I do and don't bother trying to establish anything in the physical world anymore is because I've been through enough loss in a Pluto sort of way to realize that anything I build will be destroyed. The only thing that can't be taken away from me is what's going on in my energy body. So in other words, Kundalini.
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vacantrain
Stranger

Registered: 03/05/15
Posts: 53
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Quote:
100_the_cat said: I don't necessarily want the audience for mysticism...just an audience, period
What would you do with it?
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Well...I think the whole point of a spotlight is to bask in it
Anyone I speak to is an audience...even if I'm not getting the reception I want
When I used to go out to clubs and dance, the people watching me were my audience
And now for a bunch of extra shit I feel like saying:
I used to go for long walks every day in my neighborhood along a busy street...even that was a performance for me. I think it's a Leo rising thing. I have a 10th house sun, too. It's really embarrassing, but I can't help it. And what makes it even worse is that I tell myself nobody could possibly be paying attention to me (to keep from feeling too good about myself, because I've been viciously torn down for that), so I end up doing shit like nobody's watching...like in this case, walking around listening to Kylie Minogue, strutting in time to the music like I actually AM Kylie Minogue...like the kind of thing you should really be doing in secret in your bedroom, or at least limit it to a club...and then when people would honk at me, I'd snap back to reality and assume people think I'm crazy.
I always feel like I'm on a stage. I think part of the reason I stopped leaving the house this year is because I really freak myself out with it. It definitely engages my inferior function to a terrifying extent if I play it out physically. There's a part of me that is terrified to get attention, I have a specific traumatic incident in my childhood that I think implanted the idea that it's wrong for me to have the spotlight. So anyway, it's much easier for me to handle or channel it in a format that doesn't engage my inferior so much, like writing...message boards...I can do less damage to myself that way
As long as I stick to mysticism, I can't overexert myself physically. Because I'm staying in my dominant function. I also don't get myself into activities that feel dangerous psychologically...like the stuff I mentioned above...
Even if I'm just walking into a gas station, or work, or school (back when I did those things), I feel like I'm the queen arriving to bless the peasants with my presence...isn't that horrible. Unless you're Beyonce or something. I know how much people hate it when non-stars act like this, so I try to tone it down with an "I'm sorry and humble" look.
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LRG
Supernaut

Registered: 04/04/16
Posts: 871
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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I'm an Ophiuchus, the snake. I wait for the final moment to strike. I don't need an audience. Just a bunch of fools in my coils who were dumb enough to challenge The One. NOM NOM NOM NOM! I'm like Cartman "Your tears taste so good!"
Everyone is drawn to the snake, Wisdom... until it's a snake with a bad temperament. Everyone is drawn to Fire until it's a fire breathing dragon and you're nothing but ash. We're all drawn to Water until we're surrounded by it and drowning. We're all drawn to Wind until it begins to rip our skin from our bones. We're all drawn to the Earth until it explodes.
Kings and Queens don't have servants or peer down their noses at others. They are a servant of the people, nothing more.
-------------------- "I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.” - Gandalf The Grey. "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle "I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm HAMMERED DRUNK!" - Cal Naughton Jr. AKA The Magic Man. Abracadabra homes! "Each tear is a drop of poison released." - Anonymous "Could it be you're afraid of what your friends might say if they knew you believe in God above? They should realize before they criticize that God is the only way to Love."
Edited by LRG (11/07/16 04:32 AM)
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Well, I can definitely tell you that's how it feels for a Leo rising with a 10th house sun.
There IS such a thing as a pompous attention-whoring asshole. I am one.
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LRG
Supernaut

Registered: 04/04/16
Posts: 871
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Quote:
100_the_cat said: Well, I can definitely tell you that's how it feels for a Leo rising with a 10th house sun.
There IS such a thing as a pompous attention-whoring asshole. I am one.
Well... Queens do have servants. I should correct myself there. Their servant is their King. That's why she gets to service DIS DIIIICK. Lots of ladies wanted it, but only one gets it. Found a King who treats you like a Queen yet? The world is your oyster and he will be your pearl. Words paraphrased from JC, not me.
At least you can judge yourself rightly. We are our own worst critics, but we are also our own WORTHY critics.
Take me for example. I am very displeased about serving self serving idiots.
-------------------- "I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.” - Gandalf The Grey. "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle "I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm HAMMERED DRUNK!" - Cal Naughton Jr. AKA The Magic Man. Abracadabra homes! "Each tear is a drop of poison released." - Anonymous "Could it be you're afraid of what your friends might say if they knew you believe in God above? They should realize before they criticize that God is the only way to Love."
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Re: Alien territory [Re: LRG]
#23808633 - 11/07/16 05:31 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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One reason I think I'll end up withdrawing into myself is because an internal, spiritual spotlight (Ni) makes more sense for an INFJ than a worldly spotlight. And I think the whole reason I've been treated like shit so much in my life (my experience with the world has been overwhelmingly negative) is because my inferior function is Se. I just have a really bad relationship with the world outside me.
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Re: Alien territory [Re: LRG]
#23808642 - 11/07/16 05:40 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
LRG said:
Quote:
100_the_cat said: Well, I can definitely tell you that's how it feels for a Leo rising with a 10th house sun.
There IS such a thing as a pompous attention-whoring asshole. I am one.
Well... Queens do have servants. I should correct myself there. Their servant is their King. That's why she gets to service DIS DIIIICK. Lots of ladies wanted it, but only one gets it. Found a King who treats you like a Queen yet? The world is your oyster and he will be your pearl. Words paraphrased from JC, not me.
At least you can judge yourself rightly. We are our own worst critics, but we are also our own WORTHY critics.
Take me for example. I am very displeased about serving self serving idiots.
Yeah, and see, even when I preemptively cut myself down for people like you, you still jump in and crush me even further. Very selfish of you. I'm just trying to do you people a favor so I can survive. But thanks for demonstrating the exact abuser behavior that convinced me to have low self-esteem in the first place.
People like you have been acting like this at my expense my entire life. All I was doing was accommodating you. The least you could do is thank me instead of spitting on me.
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LRG
Supernaut

Registered: 04/04/16
Posts: 871
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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You sound like The Man. But He is Humble. Infinitely Humble, infinitely Compassionate. Everything good we are He IS. Your darkest days and nightmarish nights don't come close to what He experiences on a moment to moment basis.
Do you hear the cry of a mother whale who cannot feed her baby? I say that a lot, but ask yourself could you bear the thought of that alone?
May I ask you this... who put a gavel in your hand to judge others?
You preemptively judge me based on your past experiences. Sorry, you've been taken advantage of in the past. Sorry people look down on you. I am hands down one of the nicest men you will ever meet. I am very feminine. Don't be jealous of my Queen. I respect her above all others and Love her more than God. She's the boss, I'm just a dick when I need to be.
How dare you presume to judge me as an abuser. Never ever will I ever in my life abuse another. I have zero patience for people who can't help themselves.
Feel like you're doing me a favor by blessing me with your words of misery? Sit and wallow in self pity for all I care. My compassion ends where your passion for misery begins.
-------------------- "I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.” - Gandalf The Grey. "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle "I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm HAMMERED DRUNK!" - Cal Naughton Jr. AKA The Magic Man. Abracadabra homes! "Each tear is a drop of poison released." - Anonymous "Could it be you're afraid of what your friends might say if they knew you believe in God above? They should realize before they criticize that God is the only way to Love."
Edited by LRG (11/07/16 06:08 AM)
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Re: Alien territory [Re: LRG]
#23810747 - 11/07/16 07:11 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Whatever, dude
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bigdoodie
it does not matter


Registered: 06/24/16
Posts: 238
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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It's hypocritical to judge anyone at all, we are all guilty of the same things. Not only that, but we're all the same person, that's all we're trying to figure out in life. On another note I highly recommend studying sorcery and the occult if you're into astrology, the universe functions by symbols, not laws, the only thing that is quantifiable is consciousness and the division between matter and antimatter, it's what we believe in that forms any sort of division, so astrology is impractical without that knowledge (I believe)
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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If I don't judge people and set boundaries, I end up with drug addicts, criminals, and abusers in my life
Already been there
Learned my lesson from being too tolerant, too nice
Occultism...meh, studying is bad for me at this point
I know what I need to know
Any new little bits and pieces I need come to me whenever appropriate
I was in BOTA for 2 years, then Kundalini kicked up and my intuition took over. Couldn't apply myself to external authority or structure anymore. Too many details for me, anyway. I'm native to the super-big-picture level. All I need is the top-level concept.
Sorcery is backwards and unhealthy for me. I have to take a passive approach. Reception, not doing.
In tarot terms, I'm the high priestess, not the magician
I spent years reading books before all that but I don't really even count that because I didn't have the kind of consciousness for things to really click. So I don't even remember a lot of that stuff. I just rely on internal guidance now. Stuff that I read doesn't stick unless it's something my guides have brought to my attention...and they prefer to do that via basic everyday stuff like popular media and random stuff people say....song lyrics....
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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My consciousness already functions symbolically
I'm tuned into the subconscious level, that's where my ghost is
I went through a whole process a couple years ago over at least a few months (can't remember) where language and image were broken down symbolically, reduced as far as possible, down to the core. I was basically given the language of subconsciousness. By guides
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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But it's not about just keeping out the bad seeds
It's also about cultivating who I want in my reality
Weeding out whatever doesn't appeal to me
I don't have the energy to fuck around with shit I'm just tolerating anymore
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bigdoodie
it does not matter


Registered: 06/24/16
Posts: 238
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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The fact remains, that we are all the same person, only our self exists, the one of us, and it's hypocritical to judge another. I think youre just looking for a good enough reason to stop what you're doing
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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I only experience oneness in my intuition (the spiritual realm)
Not in physicality
The physical world is where I have to set boundaries or I pay dearly because I experience it dualistically since I'm INFJ
In order to set a boundary, I have to make a judgement
My place where I don't need to judge is with spirits and energy
All that stuff is just one thing to me
Nothing there can hurt me, I'm naturally on good terms with all of it
People/things/activities/environments are what I must judge and weed out to maintain my own health and safety
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