|
100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
|
Alien territory
#23802323 - 11/05/16 01:32 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Big theme to my realizations today...
Normal people stuff is totally alien to me
Like human relationships, money, jobs, the practical bits of daily living, and of course, sex. The whole time I tried to be a normal person, I was fooling myself. Life is not supposed to be that hard. Life IS NOT that hard for people who are actually what I'm calling "normal people."
In college one of my dorm suitemates came in my room and said her roommate told her she thought I was an alien. She asked me if it was true. I thought she was joking (this was back when I was living a false identity, with no internal guidance), so I said, "Well, maybe." She responded with, "Can't talk about it, right?" Joke or not, it was pretty bizarre.
Years later at the crisis stabilization unit, the psychologist told me I was a starseed. Back then I was really denying my own spirituality because I was desperate to be normal to get on my parents' good side to stop getting abused (and be able to have a career so I could get away from them). I bristled at the term starseed because I'd read the negative stuff (like it's just something for losers to call themselves to make themselves feel special), it took me a few years to see that I actually was a starseed. But even now, I don't relate to a lot of the "starseed stuff" I see...on the whole it seems kind of goofy to me...like it's not being understood symbolically enough. In order for me to feel comfortable with identifying as one, I had to come to my own intuitive understanding of it, through sort of a mystery religion angle, not in terms of examining existing systems, but just having my guides/ghost point things out to me and stitch things together using existing symbolism, basic concepts.
I'm still coming to a full awareness of just how much I don't identify with normal, basic, concrete human stuff. I have to translate a lot of things I see and hear into abstract Kundalini symbolism to be able to identify with them.
Anything resembling a normal life is totally out of the picture for me. I think I'm going to end up living in a basement and being totally withdrawn because my relationship is with a universal force, not people on a personal, concrete, human, flesh-and-daily-living level. I've been thinking about relationships a lot lately, and I just don't think I'm cut out for something human, which is simultaneously a huge disappointment and a relief. I don't have anything left to invest or offer in the practical world. I don't have the physical energy to fake being a physical person anymore. I can't pull off that lifestyle. I can't meet anyone halfway. And there's no point in me finding someone else like me because that's just two invalids being invalids together speaking subjective symbolism at each other. Who does the dishes? Who does the grocery shopping? Who makes sure bills get paid? I usually don't even know what day it is anymore, I can't be relied on to keep the electricity on. My mom does all this right now. (She's always been obsessed with a fear of me getting kidnapped, I'm sure she's thrilled I don't leave the house, although she simultaneously is hellbent on getting me to think I'm seriously mentally ill because I'm not a physical person living a normal physical life...and she wants to say I "hallucinated" her abuse)
All this spiritual stuff is really boring to me. Boring but safe because it's my natural element. I'm not complaining about the safe part, I'm definitely ready to have a comfort zone after having no access to it for 25 years.
Edited by 100_the_cat (11/05/16 01:42 AM)
|
beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
|
|
First of all, you're pretty smart. So that means you'll probably find a solution to all this eventually.
There's always solutions. Always. Even if you injure your brain.
Anyway,
starseed... interesting, I've been out of body into non-Earth realms many times.
Can you organise some kind of inheritance of the house your parent(s) possibly own?
If so, you can probably just claim disability support pension or whatever it is in USA for life given you have a mental illness.
So you'll be fine then. Material wealth brings nothing. The richest people of this world are among the most impoverished.
So then,
"normal life" -
Normal life how you sell yourself out. Culture is a conspiracy against the expansion of consciousness. These people apparently living such happy lives, they are probably kind of happy, but they're missing the REALLY good stuff, they also will never "arrive" into their dream, because the Western dream leads nowhere - it's a lie.
Try to stay out of the basement,
try to get into Nature. Visit rainforests regularly. Try to see the hidden landscapes.
There are dimensions all around you, that you change the nature of your being in order to see.
The most you have to do is: nothing. Just turn your back on the culture "and get with the program of a living world and the imagination."
That doesn't mean walking around going "hurr durr this is Lord of the Rings and I'm an orc, grr", it means literally stepping into vistas of your own psyche. Whole worlds, whole realms.
IT'S ABOUT YOU IT'S ABOUT YOU IT'S ABOUT YOU
It's all about you. Us loners are the ones that are doing it right.

My life is great, and gets better every moment, as I understand better.
EVASION - EVADE THE CULTURE, TV, RADIO, CLUBS, INSTITUTIONS
That's what I do. Act when need be, conform a little when need be. Try to empower others a little, drink beer and buy better sound equipment for my music listening needs for their economy.
Then I go out for walks and drives . . . deep into my own imagination.
Lately I'm realising I can just do this in my backyard. I don't need to go anywhere. Every turn, every glance in my backyard is a new dimension/perspective/experience.
I will inherit my mum's house, that I'm in right now. I'm on a support pension and if I just tell them what I'm experiencing they won't make me work, and it's true, so, if they do anything I'll take them to court haha.
So I'm set.
All you have to do is NOTHING. Then the mystery presents itself. Dimensions, levels, of your own psyche, now in your visual field, since "the world" is consciousness and co-created by your mind.
PS. We have a lot in common.
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
Edited by beforethedawn (11/05/16 02:08 AM)
|
100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
|
|
I'm not going to regurgitate everything I've repeatedly said on this board
I don't have schizophrenia. I'm an INFJ.
I'm actually a real mystic. This is not mental illness
I feel like I'm the only person on here who understands the difference
|
100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
|
|
And that critical lack of understanding is exactly the kind of thing that makes me want to live in a basement
Just to get away from all the bullshit
|
beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
|
|
I didn't mean it in a derogatory way.
I meant the health system would classify you as such.
As they do me . . .
I too, would say, since you do, that I'm a real mystic.
Some of your claims are really out there though, I don't quite understand all of it.
Schizophrenia has turned into authentic mysticism, for me.
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
|
Buster_Brown
L'une


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 3 days, 11 hours
|
|
Quote:
beforethedawn said: First of all, you're pretty...
'Pics' or it didn't happen,lol
|
Eclipse3130
Servant of the Fungi



Registered: 10/06/13
Posts: 6,221
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 19 minutes, 48 seconds
|
|
Gotta start crafting your sacred circle. (Like minded friends)
-------------------- "In The Material World One seeks retirement and grows Old In The Magical World One seeks Enlightenment and grows Wiser In The Miraculous World One seeks nothing and grows Lighter As we all tread the Homeward Path we will explore many Realms And one day... we will all Realize that all experiences are Simply Different ways in which The All-That Is Perceives Itself"
|
Buster_Brown
L'une


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 11,309
Last seen: 3 days, 11 hours
|
|
"From the end of the world to your town (circle)" lyric
|
bigdoodie
it does not matter


Registered: 06/24/16
Posts: 238
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
|
Re: Alien territory *DELETED* [Re: 100_the_cat]
#23803766 - 11/05/16 03:50 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Post deleted by bigdoodieReason for deletion: Bonerballs
|
beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
|
|
Uh but the Self is bliss eternal?
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
|
phio


Registered: 10/07/16
Posts: 369
|
|
At the end of the day, you have to accept that you have to maintain and function in a physical frame. Do that and put it in its right place and priority in your life, and there is more than enough time to ponder about the metaphysics of existence and the other frames of existence.
So, lets run through it ...
Human relationships Not all relationships are created equal. There are different people and different cultures. True enough, in western society currently, a lot of relationships are predicated on foolishness . There are exceptions. There are others whom are compatible with you.
Money Money is necessary for survival : Food, Water, Shelter. You can maintain a non-materialistic life and still seek Money for survival
Job Job gets you money
the practical bits of daily living Again, you're grounded in a physical frame. There are bare necessities that need taking care of. Get them done and you have more than enough time for the other stuff in your life
sex Sex isn't that serious. It's a path to reproduction. When shared with someone you have a deep connection with, its amazing. Otherwise, it's just a nut.. Just a rush..
So, you're Introversion (I), Intuition (N), Feeling (F), Judgment (J)
You're not the only one. You can be functional in the physical real-world and still retreat to your inner world and self for fulfillment. The inner world is not hollow.. It's as infinite as the outside world. As such, you can live an amazing fulfilling life all on your own and if you chose meet friends and develop very amazing relationships with like people.
America is structured to favor and suggests that extroverts change the world when it is in fact introverts that fundamentally change the world as they remain still long enough to understand something about the world and, when they share this understanding, it propels man forward significantly.
You're not an alien and you're not the only INFJ in the world. Journey on and explore... As there is no big deal in x,y,z .. There's nothing to fear about it.
Grab life by the pussy !!!!
Edited by phio (11/05/16 07:15 PM)
|
bigdoodie
it does not matter


Registered: 06/24/16
Posts: 238
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
|
Re: Alien territory [Re: phio]
#23803884 - 11/05/16 04:37 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
No take my advice! It's better!! Lol
|
100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
|
|
I think all your advice sucks
I'm not even here for advice, just an audience
When I say I'm an INFJ, I mean something very specific by that
I'm communicating a hell of a lot about how I operate just by revealing what my dominant function is
I'm revealing my limitations by communicating what my inferior function is
It's not a test result to me, it's something I spent a lot of time analyzing by looking at cognitive functions
So basically it's a way to abbreviate a lot of info about me
I'm not throwing it in there like some quiz result you slap on Facebook after spending 5 minutes on it
I've spent several years reflecting on this
INFJs are not prone to schizophrenia because we have dominant Ni
I spent over a decade in the mental health system, I do not have a diagnosis of schizophrenia
I was treated for Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, and a sleep disorder resembling narcolepsy or hypersomnia
The way I experience my life energetically has nothing to do with any of that. My mystical experiences are not a product of mental illness, never were, and I don't even identify with these illnesses anymore. I haven't taken meds for years, I'm not in therapy anymore, I don't use doctors
Disability is not easy to get, especially if you're my age. I was turned down twice. I lived in a center for homeless women for 4 years, heard all my neighbors talking about their cases. The only people who were on disability there were people who were seriously mentally ill. (I'm not one of those people.) Disability lawyers are not willing to file for me anymore since I don't use doctors or take meds. They know a judge won't take my case seriously unless I have an endless stream of medical documentation.
And besides, I'm not this way because of "illness." This is just my personality. I only use the word "invalid" to describe the practical effect of having inferior Se.
My parents don't own a house. As I've already disclosed in another thread, my family lost their house to foreclosure when the IRS took my dad's entire paycheck several times in a row for not filing taxes for 6 years. He was working as a lawyer, got fired after that happened, and now he answers a phone in a call center for a living. That was years ago and my family has not owned a house since. My parents are not the kind of people who save money. I will not be inheriting anything substantial.
|
100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
|
|
I don't have anything against money or society in general, I'd actually prefer to be wealthy and influential
Sex is a pretty big deal to me...but not in the ways or for the reasons you describe
That's a very shallow rendering to me
I don't know guys...I'm really gonna sound like a dick here, but I'm about to enter my third year of Pluto squaring my 3rd house Saturn, and at this point I feel like 99.999999% (sometimes a full 100%) of people just don't deserve to hear what I have to say.
|
100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
|
|
I'm not the kind of person who can or should work a job
I'm horizontal all the time
I'm experiencing Kundalini 24/7
It's just who I am
Like that's my default mode
I belong to something that is beyond my control
That's spiritual marriage
The upside is free spiritual drugs without trying, free insight, all that stuff...the upper crust of spiritual experience, I get handed to me on a platter daily. Easy street. Because I'm Ni dominant.
That comes at the expense of living a fulfilling physical life.
And what pisses me off is the lack of recognition for being good at what I'm good at. You know? Like if I were to cut hair for a living, that's something respectable. That's something people take seriously. But being a mystic, it's like, ok, you're just mentally ill or dabbling. No, I have literally been forced to sacrifice everything for this, just so I could lay down all day and be a full-time mystic. Like this is literally my life 24/7. I'm not just some fuckup stoner who read some books and went on some vision quests. I'm also NOT someone who went insane by getting in over their head with spirituality. I know what the fuck I'm talking about. I NATURALLY have the constitution to safely and easily handle Kundalini on what could be considered a "professional level," and I have done so consistently for several years now. I have given over my life 100% to this. Do you know what I mean? I got straight As in school, I went to one of the best design schools in the world -- one of the most grueling. I'm the kind of person who dedicates and goes all the way with something. And on top of that, I lived a truly hellish life. Most people would kill themselves over 1/3 of what I've lived through. I don't know what else a person has to do to get some fucking respect.
Something is not right about this dynamic. There's something off about me receiving advice from people who don't even have the insight I do. This reminds me of why I cut off my last therapist (and quit therapy altogether). I got to a point with him where I felt like he should be the one paying ME to come in there, not the other way around. I had more to offer him than he did me. I'm well aware that's arrogant as fuck, but I can't take any more of this bullshit.
|
100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
|
|
And I really hate talking about ancient history like school, because it has no value in the real world, and I'm 34 years old, but it's a way for me to illustrate something about the way I approach things in general
Like if you're gonna do something, go all the way and be the best at it. I didn't end up with a career in design even though I went to a prestigious school because an INFJ cannot EVER be the best at execution. That is impossible with inferior Se. Too much resistance to the physical world
I have NO resistance to the spiritual world due to dominant Ni. That's why I can handle anything in my energy body. Automatic Kundalini 24/7 with no hangups. It is not an illness state. It's me being the best at spirituality. That's why I say I'm the real thing.
|
DoneKildatReason
Chemical in the body


Registered: 02/25/05
Posts: 1,061
Loc: Green Country
Last seen: 12 days, 40 minutes
|
|
The way this world is, I'm not amazed one like you has hard times,, frustrations as evidenced above by misunderstanding, more. If "difficulty" is the wrong word to say, then how "normalcy" feeling alien.... Every thing right, is wrong. Everything wrong, is right. so weird, to witness. Some days I don't feel like going through it, have to force myself. Being at work dealing with assholes is annoying and fake.... I keep wanting to accept them, understand them, highlight their good and help them want to express it, but it's the wrong setting. Many are this way I imagine.....
If you lie in tune today, where you are, with what is happening around you is just business as usual, you are not believed or valued, because the world is backward.
If you lie in tune tomorrow, where you are, with what is happening around suddenly going from business usual (which is so backwards) to formal conditions brought by, say, and earthquake, or massive EMP, or a supervolcano blowing up, blue sky's and smiles gone from each face immediately, and after the next few months, no one will smile again, not as they used to. Life as it is spun like a ball on a finger, fast, when it settles down, it's a mess. For almost everyone. Everyone, but the mystics who got it all along, they lost the least. Their home is gone and all they own, they may find a blanket and a quiet spot, while the once regular panic. Then you make your way far from it, until it settles down. Nothing there concerning, meaningful. Years have gone by, many days of death and loss and suffering for the once regular. And there is the once irregular, the mystic, still experiencing what she was before, in tune sitting. They will come to you, and you won't be easy to reach so that only the most respectful and dedicated will reach you, bringing you offers of kindness to make your life better, but you only accept what you know you may need, sitting the lesser gestures away and dismissing the giver at times because no hope stays for some.... if they're lucky, you'll admit them to speak and interrupt their sense..... but many will have to approach, then sit patiently for days before you acknowledge. . .....may be happening, your body and mind at tuning or trying to attune to the physical and mental level you need to be on, to survive what is coming. You're still young compared to what you will be. I think you are beyond what many ever get, but far away from what you will be - to yourself, and or to others.
-------------------- This was an experiment.
|
LRG
Supernaut

Registered: 04/04/16
Posts: 871
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
|
|
"psychologist told me I was a starseed"
Welcome to the club brother.
Being here on Mother Earth is a blessing. Don't try and leave Her. She needs our help.
-------------------- "I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.” - Gandalf The Grey. "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle "I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm HAMMERED DRUNK!" - Cal Naughton Jr. AKA The Magic Man. Abracadabra homes! "Each tear is a drop of poison released." - Anonymous "Could it be you're afraid of what your friends might say if they knew you believe in God above? They should realize before they criticize that God is the only way to Love."
|
lovuasca
Strange


Registered: 09/10/16
Posts: 72
Loc: Level 0
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
|
Re: Alien territory [Re: LRG]
#23807155 - 11/06/16 03:40 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
I don't think its very uncommon for a starseed to feel disconnected from society. I myself have never actually cared for many of the stuff normal people care for. I've had some rought times where I started wandering on the streets thinking about all this stuff. This does not mean you're not cut out for being human. You're comparing yourself with 'normal' humans, but they don't have a lot of human to experience in the first place. If you get caught up in all these societal issues like they do (and like we all ineffably do to a certain degree), you don't really get to live in the first place. Remember that. Being alive already means you've been through quite a lot. Being awake means you get to figure out now how to live your own way. It often also means you get to be on your own. All the negativity you may be experiencing right now will not always be so. It may seem like a problem to be 'different', but unfortately your need to be aware of this negativity in order to be able to steer yourself away from that in the first place.
Anyway, hope that helps. Remember that you are not the only one with such problems.
Also, it is nice to see some openminded people work in conventional medicine practices.
-------------------- It doesn't matter whether you are christian, muslim, jew, atheist or ascribe to any other belief-system. It doesn't matter whether you look out to the stars, or under a microscope to the tiniest of particles. It doesn't even matter what kind of practice you perform to reach your goal. Because if you keep looking, everything eventually leads to the same truth, like a fractal that contains itself in every direction you take it. You will find yourself. I love you. Blatant self-advertisement.
Edited by lovuasca (11/06/16 03:41 PM)
|
LRG
Supernaut

Registered: 04/04/16
Posts: 871
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
|
Re: Alien territory [Re: lovuasca]
#23807812 - 11/06/16 07:10 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
lovuasca said: I don't think its very uncommon for a starseed to feel disconnected from society. I myself have never actually cared for many of the stuff normal people care for. I've had some rought times where I started wandering on the streets thinking about all this stuff. This does not mean you're not cut out for being human. You're comparing yourself with 'normal' humans, but they don't have a lot of human to experience in the first place. If you get caught up in all these societal issues like they do (and like we all ineffably do to a certain degree), you don't really get to live in the first place. Remember that. Being alive already means you've been through quite a lot. Being awake means you get to figure out now how to live your own way. It often also means you get to be on your own. All the negativity you may be experiencing right now will not always be so. It may seem like a problem to be 'different', but unfortately your need to be aware of this negativity in order to be able to steer yourself away from that in the first place.
Anyway, hope that helps. Remember that you are not the only one with such problems.
Also, it is nice to see some openminded people work in conventional medicine practices. 
Preaching to the choir bro. I don't even need to search. I just know these things. Everything comes easy to me because I've done it so many times, probably. I've been awake. I've been asleep. I've seen eternity. Too many times. I can't even remember that I have, but I know I have. I get tons and tons of kingdoms on the other side just because of who I am and what I do for people. Sadly, I don't do much for myself because I don't believe in selfishness and being proud about being compassionate. JC says I should beat my chest more and burn bright for myself and not them so much.
I like helping people. It's just an easier way to live here and in Spirit. I wear my heart on my sleeve. Don't shy away from them because they're puny humans. We protect this generation from another. Remember that... or perhaps you're not privy to that yet. Depression is easy for me to slip out of, just help the ones you can.
I Love wicked people and negative idiots. I love seeing their faces when it happens. Once again I don't even know that I do. I just know. It's a fun way to go about business down here. It's always a surprise when it happens.
-------------------- "I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay… small acts of kindness and love.” - Gandalf The Grey. "It is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle "I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle's wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm HAMMERED DRUNK!" - Cal Naughton Jr. AKA The Magic Man. Abracadabra homes! "Each tear is a drop of poison released." - Anonymous "Could it be you're afraid of what your friends might say if they knew you believe in God above? They should realize before they criticize that God is the only way to Love."
|
|