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Anonymous #1

How do you know when to end a relationship?
    #23799605 - 11/04/16 01:32 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I've been dating my first and current girlfriend since January, but I'm starting to have my doubts about whether this will work out.  I also have zero idea about how I'd feel if we broke up because I've never experienced a break-up before.  I'm 22 and she's 28.  She's my first girlfriend and I love her.  I live in the south/midwest, so it's very very hard to find people on my wavelength.  Also, If we broke up, I wouldn't have any close friends that I'd feel comfortable talking to about my problems.


Here's the backstory:
I am the op of this and this thread (which are both about her, when our relationship began)

We've become very close over the last few months - I'm living in her house and don't care if she sees me shit.  (I took etizolam to help me fall asleep.  I hope this at least provides a grain of insight into how close we are and isn't retarded rambling.) 
Early on, we both acknowledged that I'm 22 - young and potentially curious about other girls.  She's 28 and wants to have children at some point.
I wasn't(/am mostly not) interested in fucking random girls and I told her that if things go well between us over the next few years, I'm not necessarily opposed to having children, although I absolutely do not want a baby any time soon.

Anyway, I've been living with her and her mom for a while now.  Almost as long as we've been dating.  And that's one thing that bothers me.  She's 28, can't drive, has a job grading papers for college professors under the table, (but doesn't make very much money), doesn't really have any definite long-term goals for herself, and lives with her mom.  She could totally see herself being a housewife, which I don't mind, but I wish that she had outside hobbies, interest, and friends.  Wasting time online is her central hobby, and her friends consist of people she emails and skypes (very rarely) with.  She doesn't drive and this is a rural area, so if she needs to go somewhere, I have to take her.  I have to take her grocery shopping, to the gas station to buy cigarettes, or for any date/outing we plan.  She's been pleading with me to take her camping before it gets too cold, but I would be the one who'd be driving for 4 hours, which sucks and makes me feel underappreciated.

I'm also dissatisfied with our daily routine.  I don't have a job.  I rely on my parents' money and the money my deceased grandfather invested in my name years ago.  I'm in school, taking O. Chem, so I'm somewhat productive, but my day-to-day routine is generally:
wake up around noon
shower, drink tea,  eat a burrito, read the news/facebook
study, etc.  Find anything productive to do and do it
Around 9pm, drink and do ketamine.  Maybe read a little.
Go to sleep after midnight.

-She works from home and I typically study at her home/my house, so we're around each other 95% of the time, which probably isn't good, although we don't tend to fight too often.


I love her and deeply respect her, but I've never had a girlfriend and have no frame of reference for how she compares to other girls.  She makes me tea often.  Rubs my back.  Is very playful, optimistic, cooks healthy food for both of us, goes mushroom hunting with me, tolerates my ketamine and alcohol (ab)use, has undergone a few small art projects with me, and been very supportive of me in my education.  She provides valuable, insightful feedback, and I can have stimulating conversations with her.

We've been making plans to travel together soon, but I'm not too sure.  She's mentioned us getting married just so we can get money from people (for our travelling), which is cool because she thinks marriage is a bullshit institution just like me, but it also feels impulsive. (Although to be fair, I suggested months ago that we get married so that I get government money via FAFSA). 
I also had a dream last night where a came across a girl from my high school (who in realty had a crush on me for years) and she told me that I was better than her and I just embraced her and started having sex with her.  (I know it's fucking weird, but it's a dream.)  I've had several dreams over the past few months of me having sex with other girls, and in those dreams, I think of my girlfriend, but still go through with it.  It my day-to-day life however, I'm not particularly interested in other girls.


We both typically lounge around together, goofing around and having fun, but I've always been a solitary person and this is the least space I've ever had in my life (although it's surprisingly not driving me crazy.  and we very very rarely get into fights/arguments, and even those are very tame and sensible.  She's told me this has been her most mature relationship.)


My life experience is probably very different from many of yours'.  I grew up on a farm, in a poor community, and although I briefly lived in a city where I met people who were intelligent, kind, and interesting, this is the closest I've ever been to anyone like this.  Most of the people I meet in my day-to-day interactions are conservative, christian, and tend to have a narrow lens to view the world.  I don't know how people in san francisco, Seattle, or Denver act(although shitty people are everywhere), but I know that this isn't the area for me and that I could meet interesting people in a more liberal area.



Anyway, please feel free to quote different sections of this wall of text and provide insight.  I'm writing all of this after a minor annoyance/argument with her, but it's all still the truth.  I guess I'm just venting, but I'd appreciate any insight.  This forum seems to have a lot of socially inept males who haven't had much more relationship experience than me, so if you're one of those people, I'd like to politely ask you not to chime in with your opinion.  I just want advice from someone who could possibly relate.  I definitely don't want to end something that I'm going to regret for a few years.


Edited by Anonymous (11/04/16 01:33 AM)


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Anonymous #2

Re: How do you know when to end a relationship? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23800063 - 11/04/16 08:41 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I broke up with my first gf not too long ago, of which we were together for nearly 5 years. I am 25, she's 27. She was my first, not just my first gf.

The thougts about experiencing another woman definitely invaded my mind at times, we had a lot of differences. I was certainly under the impression that unless you experience atleast another woman you can't know for sure how you feel.. I ended up going through with that and quickly coming to the conclusion that I was right and we aren't right for each other. I regret doing it but glad it worked out to be honest. I still feel there is truth to the idea of exploration to understand your feelings, but at the same time that's not the type of thing where the outcome can be entirely predicted.

My ex is the same as your girl in the sense of the dependence, and she never really seemed to plan for that changing ever. A lot of the ways you've described your gf though make it sound like you guys have a connection. She seems cool, seems like she cares about you a lot. A lot of those things are not things I can attribute to my last relationship though. It actually sounds like you have a fairly satisfying relationship. Really you just need to decide what's important to you. The things you've complained about are things you two can talk about and work on, but who she is seems to satsify you and I'm willing to bet this person cares about you enough to listen. Just do it, nicely.


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Invisibleazur
God of Fuck
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Registered: 04/21/12
Posts: 28,103
Loc: Daid
Re: How do you know when to end a relationship? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23800401 - 11/04/16 11:30 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

The time is now. Although it sounds like you've got a solid girl, you haven't lived life yet. Lost time is never found again.


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FOTTSE!!!
ALL NOOBS READ THIS!!!



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Offlinetump
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Registered: 03/17/16
Posts: 2,383
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
Re: How do you know when to end a relationship? [Re: azur]
    #23826682 - 11/12/16 05:45 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

End it now or knock her up and marry her. Your choice. When in downward siral level as soon as you can.


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OfflineKonyap

Registered: 06/30/07
Posts: 33,945
Loc: Planet Piss
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: How do you know when to end a relationship? [Re: tump]
    #23827632 - 11/12/16 11:45 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I've never been with a girl I didn't like
usually it's the toxic people I don't want to put up with or people that keep me dangling on a string
but yeah that would be irritating if someone wanted to be a stay at home wife but didn't work at other times
like if you're a stay at home wife it should be to raise kids
this economy punishes people who don't work at least where i live
it's funny the same people who tell you not to hang out with a girl that was once poly
tell you to dump her and bang other bitches


Edited by Konyap (11/12/16 11:54 PM)


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: How do you know when to end a relationship? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23827716 - 11/13/16 12:44 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I don't have time to read your full post now, but IMO and IME, if you're even asking the question then the time is as soon as you can. You'd be doing both of you a favour, and a disservice the longer you keep it going. I read a little of what you said and it seems to confirm my suspicion from what I did read.

It's fucking hard breaking up with someone if you've been together a long time though. I've only had one GF break up with me, which TBH was much easier that all the times I've broken up with someone, but it took much, much longer to recover from.

You're gonna need to be strong and determined to do the right thing here IMO.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Anonymous #3

Re: How do you know when to end a relationship? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #23832180 - 11/14/16 01:02 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

So are you saying you had to cheat on her to figure out that you don't want to be with her?


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