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Anonymous #1

I feel horribly depressed over last relationship.
    #23796922 - 11/03/16 08:26 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I don't know how else to write this. I have no one I can really talk too about this and it's really bumming me out. So much that it's affecting my work and health.

I used to date this girl, we went out for about a year but it all went to shit half way through. I met her in hospital in a psychiatric ward...we were both in at the same time, she suffered from a bad reaction to ambien and she constantly complained about her state of mind. I was in because I was smoking too much weed.

Anyways we both fell in love with each other. It was my first real relationship and it was horribly stressful because she idealised and talked about suicide a lot. I did everything I could to help her, recommended better doctors, I bought her books and I tried to comfort her the best I could through this terrible ordeal.

During this time she found out I was watching porn during this intense relationship, she went ballistic...she became obsessed with my activity online, she managed to hack into an old email address and she found porn subscriptions. She hated me and our relationship took a turn for the worst...I did everything I could to reason with her but she resented me and it became progressively worse. So sometime during the beginning of this year, she didn't want anything to do with me...

I feel so broken about this...when we first went out we wanted to get married...now she wants NOTHING to do with me and says that I make her physically sick. :frown:

...i had to hear her go on about suicide and I was always there for her and I was committed, caring and understanding.




I agree with Freud, every action that man commits is an unconscious desire to express his sexuality...probably the same with women.

And look at the state of the world?



Edited by Anonymous (11/05/16 10:50 AM)


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Anonymous #2

Re: I feel like horribly depressed over last relationship, I am giving up on women for good. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23796967 - 11/03/16 08:48 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Your self esteem is fucked up. This is evident by the way that you talk, for example, "and this is what i get back." In a relationship, you don't do something for your partner because you expect to get something back, you do it because you love them, plain and simple. Don't beat your self up, this is as you said your first relationship. This and similar narcissistic thought patterns are common to those new to relationships because as you aptly pointed out, it is easy to stoop to "stupid idealistic" expectations.
Try to forgive and learn. I'm pretty certain that the girl wasn't right for you anyway, mate and that you can do better, so don't give up, just keep searching and you'll do great.


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OfflineSinSemilla
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Registered: 10/31/16
Posts: 51
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
Re: I feel like horribly depressed over last relationship, I am giving up on women for good. [Re: Anonymous #2] * 1
    #23796997 - 11/03/16 09:09 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

This is a classic case of "pussy whipped"


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OfflineThey
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Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: I feel like horribly depressed over last relationship, I am giving up on women for good. [Re: SinSemilla]
    #23798751 - 11/03/16 07:05 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

OP, thanks for typing this, it really helps me put things in perspective in my life.

Earlier this year I spent a full 3 months and my considerable awesome skills and stuff, in trying to land this one girl. Saw her almost daily (at library) had all kinds of epic rapport going, but this was a pretty high difficulty target. Devout Christian, deeply religious, never-had-a-boyfriend, virgin.

Pretty clever for her age, anyway, I used all kinds of approaches, made art for her, I connected with her on various levels but no cigar. I did get to make out with her for a while, but she was prepared to lie to my face and  do all sorts of weird moves, just to avoid opening up emotionally. It was a pretty gruesome 3 months. At one point I got a lover on the side just to blow off some steam, to manage to still stay in the game, at the amount of shit she was throwing at me. I don't drink or smoke (so can't just suppress my stress for later), and for some fucked up reason I had set my mind on doing this with no psychedelics at all, so none of those boosted senses, boosted intuition, just go regular human on this. BIG mistake :lol:

Even now, more than six months later, I am still getting flashbacks from that time, violent tendencies towards her (she went to study in another country, so out of reach) and it's generally been a pain in the ass, in my process of getting on with the show, finding new and exciting girls to play with, being a fun loving girl loving awesome dude.

So I can totally relate to what you're going through. When this connection stuff doesn't work and you're left alone, furthermore if you've given it your best shot, tried to make everything work and STILL you're made out to be the bad guy, it's like, fuck this, this game ain't worth it.

Only it actually is :wink:

So you give it as much time as you need to find balance, maybe after a 1 year relationship like that you may need 1-2 years to get back on your feet, though in my experience it REALLY helps if you start mingling with other women. Just be sincere if you're on the rebound and aren;t looking for any heavy stuff, plenty of females out there that will understand and accept that if you're open about it. You can be friends, fwb's, whatever, explore spontaneously.

Nature is set up in such a way that we can't really thrive unless we're also social. We need that serotonin from group integration, and that Oxytocin from the sex hugs kisses. Else we can survive but not fully thrive, we're all set up this way.

Give it time. Find stuff to do, to be active. Join some sports, volunteer someplace. Get rid of the stuff that reminds you of her. You don't have to burn it, but pack it and shelf it somewhere, WAY out of sight. I still have my letters and things from the 3 months girl, and the psychedelic elephant that I lovingly decorated for 3 days straight and everything, but they are all in one bag, put away where I don't see it, as I don't need to be triggered into pain body, vulnerable abandoned kid states, left all down in the fetal position crying like a bitch, over stuff that's long gone now. Take control of your environment and contain those triggers. Move if you have to, change jobs and cities. Find shit that works.

Also, this stuff you're feeling now is part of a learning process, it's how our brains calibrate, to know just how much shit to take in the future. Early on we all start naive, open, friendly, we just assume oh, it's fun, must be okay. Then you have this shit happen a few times to you, and then later after these experiences, the moment some girl tries to squeeze in an inch of crazy with your dinner, your sensors pick it up right away and she'll see some shit.

If that was your first real girl you may not have registered this yet, but THIS IS the kind of shit males and females do with each other. This is the game, and when it works it's awesome, when not then it ends in the state you feel now. Don't break that state with pills and alcohol or distractions (porn, video games) as your brain needs that obsessive analysis of everything that happened, to calibrate for the future, to not make the same mistakes again. People who drink or smoke to zone out from the bad times of analysis are basically dooming themselves to repeat the same mistakes a lot more times than they actually have to.

As to why she did that, seems to me that if the porn was really the issue, it's just her repressing her own sexual side, which is quite common. Projecting her disgust for herself and her own sex desires onto you, and then calling you disgusting for exploring normal drives that she's afraid to explore herself. May have had some weird sex trauma as a kid, been molested or something, who knows.

I'd also look more closely at your pussy whipped tendencies, being submissive, as women can't really respect a guy that can't put them in their place properly, basically hold their ground and have healthy boundaries. Then they may consciously think that it's the porn that they're disgusted by, when in fact it's more complex than that, more like they resent the fact that you don't accept your own wants and needs enough to bring them about and explore them with her, as opposed to jacking off before some screen fantasizing. Why did you even use porn in the first place, if you guys were having sex?

To me it sounds ludicrous to break up with a guy over porn alone, but keep in mind this may have been just a pretext for larger processes that she may or may not have been conscious of. Remember you found her in a psych ward, a place not known for how stable or deeply introspective the people there are.

In other words please observe the somewhat humorous aspect of having picked up a girl in a psych ward and then expect her not to be crazy. I know you may not be in the mood right now but come on, it's pretty funny if you think about it :lol:

So just give it some time, make the proper analysis, you'll know when it's time to get back in the game, most likely because the game will find you :wink:


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
Fucked off to the pub
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Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
Re: I feel like horribly depressed over last relationship, I am giving up on women for good. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23798973 - 11/03/16 08:14 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

So don't give up on women. Try going for one you meet outside of a psych ward.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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