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Anonymous #1

Benzo addiction.
    #23778623 - 10/27/16 10:14 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I've been dealing With this for quite some time. There has been times where i temporarily got clean and lived a pretty healthy life but it doesn't seem to last. I always end up with the same crowd and end up easing my way into getting myself as fucked up as possible. I'll spend grands getting loaded for a week or two then wake up and realize what I've done and mellow out. It's been two months since my last binge and my god I can't believe I've brought myself where I have.. I got stoned for the first time the other day and got so freaked out by how I am now.. I'm like golem, always thinking about benzos. Either thinking about how much I'm gonna buy how often I'm gonna use them and like trick myself into thinking I am self medicate even though it never works.
Every time I smoke i get super depressed that i have to get stoned to realize how I'm acting/thinking.

I don't think I'm ever going to escape these thought loops. I'm super afraid I've chemically altered myself for good by how hard I've partied.


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OfflineLucisM
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Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 30 days
Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23778647 - 10/27/16 10:24 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

How long have you been taking benzos?

I have always been curious how long it takes to get addicted.  In the past I have eaten theme everyday for 2 months and not had any problem putting them down for a year or more, but then I got prescribed them and was a wreck when I got off them that time, I had been taking them daily for years at that point, so think for some people it takes a longer time to get addicted, and for others not so much.

My weakness was opiates, I can do other drugs just fine, but when it comes to dope I tend to fall prey to their majestic feeling very quickly, so I abstain from them unless prescribed.  Prescribed opiates like vicodin have no addiction potential for me because they suck, and are so weak, plus all the tylenol in them.


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: Lucis]
    #23778683 - 10/27/16 10:38 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

you're not done for good man but you need to know you're fucking with a chem that's just as addictive as heroine and can kill on the detox. my only advice is know that there's no light use for you. It's either all out or nothing and i know that "all out" means death or jail in the end. don't black out the short time we have here, use it to create a life you can be happy about...


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To define is to confine.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: Lucis]
    #23778697 - 10/27/16 10:41 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

teah


Edited by Anonymous (11/14/16 01:35 AM)


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23778713 - 10/27/16 10:44 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

fuck man..... that's like far beyond any normal use. if i took that much i would be dead, you need to think if your life is worth a pill or not. you're in control, and you can make all the excuses you want but in the end you know the truth


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To define is to confine.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #23778736 - 10/27/16 10:50 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

You're completely right and I just fall into playig with the idea that I can get away with self medicating but I always ruin everything good that's going for myself.
I'm just so far from my normal self at the moment from drinking vials and partying so hard it's hard to see the light and get things going for myself. I lost my house and my job and all my cash. I'm fortunate enough to have a Dad that has lived a similar life and is helping me back on my feet and said I have a year to get my shit straight.
It's just incredibly mind numbing sitting in my room recovering so I can function enough to go do shit out in the world.


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #23779061 - 10/28/16 02:28 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Rebelutionsssss said:
you're not done for good man but you need to know you're fucking with a chem that's just as addictive as heroine and can kill on the detox. my only advice is know that there's no light use for you. It's either all out or nothing and i know that "all out" means death or jail in the end. don't black out the short time we have here, use it to create a life you can be happy about...





I don't take anything to blackout, I actually don't like benzos, or related substances which are legal to obtain via clearnet.  With that said, I take it some before bed, and that's it.  I am well aware of the addiction potential they present, but also have a very different sleep schedule due to how my brain is wired, so I have to have something to get in a rhythm.  I read that if you take them everyday for a month, then taper down to 1mg or 0.5 mg for a week, the quit you should be fine, as long as you're not waking up in the morning and thinking about eating them, and only use them for sleep, I see nothing wrong with that, and have read many stories which people saying they have taken these drugs this way in order to sleep, and did so for a while every night, then quit with no WD's.  Last year I tested things out, and took them everyday for 2 months and had no problem stepping away from them, didn't touch them for another 8 months after that.

I don't like them as a recreational high, I have never really enjoyed benzos, but for sleep their the tits.

Thank your for your concern though.

Also, haven't seen you around in a while, are you doing well?


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OfflineThey
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: Lucis]
    #23780365 - 10/28/16 03:19 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Anon 1 dude, I feel that you have some sincere intent in getting your shit back together, you just haven't figured out the formula as to how yet.

Well here's at least part of it.

In your posts you've been using some incredibly effective statements / spells against yourself, that reinforce this idea of the future being like the past, the negative being permanent and the positive only temporary.

All people use spells all the time, and they DO work! I mean if you're speaking you're spelling, you're generating beliefs for yourself and others, and if it's poorly designed spells, they ARE making shit reality and shit beliefs for yourself.

So I'll point a few out, you clean this stuff up and start paying more attention to how you use it, because if it's in your posts it's also in your head, and will remain there until you start paying attention and cleaning it up, replacing with more revised versions.

Quote:

There has been times where i temporarily got clean and lived a pretty healthy life but it doesn't seem to last. I always end up with the same crowd and end up easing my way into getting myself as fucked up as possible.



Notice how good times are made to sound impermanent,unstable and bad times are made to sound like a given, like that's the status quo, the default, and more importantly, not just in the past, but ALSO IN THE FUTURE!

This is not intentional, I'm not accusing you or criticizing you for doing this on purpose, but notice that there's A WORLD of difference between "I did this" and "I always do this" (last one implying not just past but also future, something that you do in general, all the time).

Well it should be obvious that it's in your interest to formulate the negative as temporary, stuff done in the past, and the positive as "something you do" - at least from now on. Even if you've done a ton of bad shit, that is fine, say I've done a ton of bad shit, not I DO a ton of bad shit, which implies it's fixed behavior. See more examples below.

Quote:

I'm like golem, always thinking about benzos.

I don't think I'm ever going to escape these thought loops.

I just fall into playig with the idea that I can get away with self medicating but I always ruin everything good that's going for myself.



Notice just how much of this language is in the I AM form. I AM like this. The I AM is a formula that's good for making things stable, rigid, permanent. Good to use for positives, I AM an awesome massage dude and pizza maker. Terrible when used for negatives or medical conditions, like I AM an addict / depressed / bipolar / ADHD. The more you repeat it and believe it, the more solid it becomes, more real for you. 

You don't have to sugar coat reality and say shit that's not true, but for crap's sake stop formulating the negatives of your past as an I AM statement. That's who you WERE not who you are now, or will be tomorrow. Tomorrow is open ended, if you let it be. You could have a fucking fantastic day tomorrow, or the rest of today after reading this. Just allow it to be possible, give it some space to exist :smile:

You have no clue what kind of a guy you are, what you "Always do" or what you'll do tomorrow. You simply have no idea, none of us do. What you know is only what you've done already, so if you ever want to get out of these fucked up cycles, please for your own good formulate shit you've done as I HAVE DONE this, not I DO this.

That right there, understanding how to make things seem permanent and how to make things seem temporary, that little spelling wording formulating trick, if properly applied can make a world of difference in your life.

Quote:


It's just incredibly mind numbing sitting in my room recovering so I can function enough to go do shit out in the world.




What are you doing sitting in your room exactly?

Do you have some kind of program, proper diet, movement, exercise, meditation, creative expression, to ensure you'll actually get some good wiring set up in that neural network?

Very easy to fall back into goo mode, sitting on the computer all day sliding into depression, if you don't have some actual plan or method to get you back on your feet :smile:

Get a plan and start working it. If it's mind numbing it means you're not doing much of anything, just wasting and scattering your focus, building up enough boredom to then justify some fucked up binge again, down the road. I've lived with a guy that thought himself bipolar, and this is precisely how he did it. Formulating some nasty shit about himself verbally, self criticism, then build guilt or fear over it, avoid healthy behaviors and fall back to old unhealthy crappy ones (avoidance behaviors, whether drug or computer based), and then when enough things were out of whack in his system, then do some wildly irresponsible shit, to justify that belief that oh, of course I do this crap, I'm bipolar.

Don't be that guy, the apathy/boredom followed by some drug binge as if you didn't see it coming. Clean up your language about yourself and speak with more clarity about the past/present/future, they're not all the same, so don't make them be.

Leave alone ALL the stuff you've done or you believed yourself to be until reading this, take some time, give it some thought and write more here about who you WANT TO be, from now on. Put it on paper first if you need to gather ideas. What you want, not what you don't want. I'll help you design, formulate and execute, just give it some proper attention and consideration. These things do work, if you let them work for you :smile:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: They] * 1
    #23780441 - 10/28/16 03:48 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I really needed that. That has really changed my perspective on how to see/live in the present moment. People tell me what's the past is the past and don't dwell on it you're not that person but how you have put it really helps me understand how to do that.

I'm being as productive as I can to building myself as the person I want to be. Spending most of my time listening to new music, drawing and reading a tons. I've exchanged all my old habits for new ones. Eating healthier, constantly working out through out the day. I really appreciate the genuine reply it helps remind me things are gonna be alright.


Edited by Anonymous (10/28/16 04:00 PM)


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OfflineThey
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Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23781802 - 10/29/16 04:08 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Good, I see then that our brains work well together, info flows well through, so I'll share more of what I suspect you need to hear about.

This here and this here, are important parts of the equation to understand.

Knowing that the DMN to TPN activation ratio is what gives you the experience of life, that is key to getting control back again.

Quote:

Spending most of my time listening to new music, drawing and reading



I have extremely developed drawing analysis things that I can do, if you share some art or sketches. How developed or final they are doesn't matter, that's not what I read. Share some of your drawings (here or in :pm:) and your subconscious signals through them what I need to know, in other words drawings are how your subconscious tells me what to tell you, what you need to be made aware of. Share and benefit from the healing and good vibes, of relevant info you've lost touch with, now flowing in again :wink:

Post here if you can, as others may benefit from this process as well, seeing how it's done. You're Anon already, so shouldn't be a problem.

For bonus points, have a look here and express yourself around this piece:



Tell me what you see, what your eye is attracted to, and just describe what you see there. The emotional content, what you feel/like/dislike, not the physical objects. Look around, see what comes out to play with you :wink:


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male

Registered: 09/20/08
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Loc: USA Flag
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23784372 - 10/30/16 03:20 AM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:

I'm like golem, always thinking about benzos. Either thinking about how much I'm gonna buy how often I'm gonna use them and like trick myself into thinking I am self medicate even though it never works.





The addicted mind is a big fat liar.

We falsely believe we "self-medicate"

We are running from something.

Obsessions are an escape.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23789249 - 10/31/16 05:09 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I just don't think I can try and cope with my brothers death anymore. Ever since I found him that's all I think about and dream about. I think that's why I black my life out except whenever I one down my dreams are the most fucked up because they are the most vivid. I feel like I should just opt out aswell. All I've done this past two weeks is lay in bed and watch the same things over again. Talk shit to people on the internet. I just kinda dived into my anxiety and have come to the conclusion I'm just not meant here anymore. My only job was to be there for my brother and he's gone.


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OfflineThey
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Registered: 10/23/16
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23789322 - 10/31/16 05:27 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Where did this come from? No mention of this before in this thread and now this is the main reason you're thinking of opting out?

Please see suicidal thoughts thread if you're actually considering taking action against yourself.

Quote:

Ever since I found him that's all I think about

All I've done this past two weeks is lay in bed and watch the same things over again. Talk shit to people on the internet.



You feel this is helping you in some way? Staying isolated indoors having repetitive thoughts about not so fun topics?

Quote:

My only job was to be there for my brother and he's gone.



Not sure what happened there with brother but am pretty sure we don't just come here on Earth with just one job, whether it be parent, sibling or anything else.

Whatever happened with your brother, it wasn't your job alone to see about him and his life. It's on your family, his friends, maybe the state or social services, basically the whole of society is there to support its members.

The fact you assume it's all on you, this is how you just make more guilt and anxiety. Do you feel that's helping in any way, doing anybody any good? Would your brother want you to be doing that? Think!

If you opted out and he found you instead, if the roles were reversed, would you want him to do this exact thing you're doing now, all the self-blaming and self-destruction and isolating indoors creating misery and suffering for yourself?


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Invisibletdubz
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: They]
    #23799466 - 11/03/16 11:45 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I rely on benzos now...I didn't need to for most of my life but I take them as prescribed short acting benzos are the most addictive IMO like xanax. I take klonopin daily and it helps tremendously. I am probably addicted to them but it's not like how you blackout with xanax and etiz and don't remember what you are doing. Benzos are great medicine in my opinion but can also be very dangerous to someone that does not use them properly and or does not understand the chemistry of the drugs they are taking. Valium is probably the best benzo to use if you are addicted and want to taper off.


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OfflineLucisM
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Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 30 days
Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: tdubz]
    #23801768 - 11/04/16 08:29 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

When I came off 3mg kpins a day, I kept feeling like I was going to seize up, my muscle in my jaw and body would get really tense, then a brain zap, then it would pass, was really scary.


I took them for 3 or 4 years daily, got 90 a month with 90 suboxone.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: tdubz]
    #23804974 - 11/05/16 10:09 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

tdubz said:

I take klonopin daily and it helps tremendously. I am probably addicted to them but it's not like how you blackout with xanax and etiz and don't remember what you are doing.




The "benefits" of the drug outweigh the fact you'r probably addicted?

I'm skeptical when someone says they need a drug to be happy.

(because such a person is under the influence of drugs)


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Invisibletdubz
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #23805104 - 11/05/16 11:07 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

I'm not taking it to be happy. I wish I was though.


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OfflineRebelutionsssss
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: tdubz]
    #23812573 - 11/08/16 12:21 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

tdubz said:
I'm not taking it to be happy. I wish I was though.



well just take care brother. and im doing ok, justing getting by day by day but i never forget about the shroomery :hug:


--------------------
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To define is to confine.


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Invisibletdubz
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: Rebelutionsssss]
    #23814668 - 11/08/16 11:45 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

Thanks. I mainly take it to sleep an for nerve pain, not so much for anxiety.


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Offlinegoldcaphunter
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Re: Benzo addiction. [Re: They]
    #23826805 - 11/12/16 06:26 PM (7 years, 2 months ago)

This thread is tremendously helpful


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The picture to the far left is a reminder to our users to stay safe and healthy, that's my third open heart surgery due to over use of amps. Stay safe kiddos :wink:


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