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Offlinetarlin
Beginner Hunter
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Registered: 10/09/16
Posts: 214
Loc: Virginia, USA Flag
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Re: I lost my best friend today :( [Re: RiverDweller1]
    #23775769 - 10/27/16 07:18 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

It's been my experience that men who pummel women are chumps. They got a loud bark and a tough stance with other men but when it comes right down to it they get scared.

Not too long ago, just a few months, I had a female friend that ended up in a similar situation. Her boyfriend, who she has a kid with, was I'm a sabbatical' of sorts in the woods for 3 months. When he came home he be a he and cut off all of her friends. Wouldn't let anyone call her, come over to the house, if you invited her over then he showed up without her, then beat her more.

I knew this women for a long time and she was obedient from fear. He would kill her hands down. Anyways, she had an old friend stop by her house one day and the boyfriend had just left. He had circled around the neighborhood and come back through and when he saw her talking to this women snatched them both by the hair and starting kicking them. I was driving by as this happened in their fron yard and had seen enough. When I got out of the car to confront him he got real bulldog like and make a slurry of threats. I continued to approach and h approached me which gave both women a chance to get away and inside. After standing there quiet for a few minutes while he was yelling and threatening, he finally quieted down enough for me to let him no I have no I'll-intentions toward him or his relationship. She has been a good friend of mine for almost 8 years. I explained if I ever see him touch her again that I would literally end hos life.

They broke up about a month later and hasn't been around since. They still argued after that but he never struck her again. I DO NOT recommend this approach. I grew up fighting and have a lot instincts in a fight. I am not a very large man but I fight well and hard and it is known.

What I'm saying is that there may be someone who will do this, there may not. Who knows, maybe the guy is a true coward and will pull out a knife or a gun. Women, except in very rare cases, do not like being truly abused and do not set out to end up there. However they do not leave until they are 100% committed and ready to leave. Even after I confronted this guy it was another month before she made her decision.

I hope it works out well for you and hear. Fear is a powerful device in a relationship. I wish her safe keeping and I hope you make smart choices in this.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I lost my best friend today :( [Re: RiverDweller1]
    #23775804 - 10/27/16 07:38 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

RiverDweller1 said:
doesn't having had sex with someone sorta cancel out the "just friends"?  That's more like just friends now that we fucked and aren't compatible.....



That's a very black and white point of view. Which I can appreciate, like I said, I've been there. But no, providing everything is handled maturely there's no reason a friendship can't remain, even though there can be occasional times when one can feel the sexual tension rise mildly. Out of my 4 close female friends, one is an ex, the other is an ex FWB, and the other two are both in long term relationships. I'm friends with a few of my friends girlfriends/wives too, but I guess that doesn't really count, since I only know them through my friends.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleRiverDweller1
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Registered: 03/05/12
Posts: 4,347
Re: I lost my best friend today :( [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23775814 - 10/27/16 07:47 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Whenever I propose that men and women cannot be strictly friends, inevitably one or two men always say pretty much what you are saying. 

"Sure, there's a sexual element that must be kept in check!  Here's how I keep my human chemical response in check....I either have sex and get it over with or I constantly deny my natural responses!!  This is proof positive that there can be a just friends relationship with no sexual element!"

I'm sorta poking fun at you but in a good natured way.  How does what you've just described promote trust with a husband who's wife keeps "male BFF's/friends"?  It doesn't, rather it confirms the statement that women and men cannot emotionally and mentally bond without dealing with some sort of sexual element.  It's just nature.  Emotional connections to other men outside of my marriage would be perceived as a threat to my husband, and rightly so.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I lost my best friend today :( [Re: RiverDweller1]
    #23775849 - 10/27/16 08:03 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Hey look, I wanna fuck every 'viable' (as in of the age range where they could produce a child) female that comes near me. It's instinctual. My body can just tell which women are viable and which are not. It pisses me off, cause in the heart of London it's a massive distraction, or at least it used to a lot more than it does now, because I put a lot of work into dealing with it. But it's still there. Always. It's an inherent part of being a male biological being, and I've come to accept that.

But I don't act on it. I wouldn't dream of fucking someone under the age of 20 because I feel conflicts in maturity would make it immoral. I wouldn't dream of fucking a friends wife because that breach of trust would be morally wrong. I have never cheated on a partner for the same reason, even when faced with temptation.

Now I know, having many male friends, that I'm a bit more morally highly strung in this regard than lots of men. But it doesn't change the fact that, when I'm in the company of 'viable' woman, parts of my animal being, that are outside of my conscious control, know that 'my bits work with their bits'. Doesn't mean I'd ever act on it though. And I know that some women feel this way too. Hell, I've felt the tension from a couple of friends partners before.

But that's like saying, just because I could steal something, I shouldn't go to the shop. I go shopping, I pay for all my shit, the relationship is sound.

Just because I have the physical equipment to fuck a woman, it in no way means that I will.

Separation of our human consciousness from our animal nature is required, and an ability to observe and not react to it, but that in no way means I cannot have a friendship.

Fuck, one of my best male friends, I frequently wanna punch his lights out cause I don't like the way he talks to me and others, but that's just him, and I've been friends with him 17 years. Never wanted to punch another friend. But by utilising self control over the years he's become my oldest and most reliable friend.

I see where you're coming from, and I've gone round and round on this topic many times. I couldn't wrap my head around it when I was younger, but since getting married myself, even though I'm no longer with my wife, it all makes sense. It is, after all, simply a question of self control. Perhaps you would feel different if women in the western world had to wear those full muslim burka eye slot cover things - then men would have nothing to see and be tempted by, visual creatures that we are.

Anyway, I gotta shoot off for a bit, but I enjoyed talking about this with you, even though I respectfully disagree with you.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleRiverDweller1
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Registered: 03/05/12
Posts: 4,347
Re: I lost my best friend today :( [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23775862 - 10/27/16 08:12 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

" Perhaps you would feel different if women in the western world had to wear those full muslim burka eye slot cover things - then men would have nothing to see and be tempted by, visual creatures that we are."

No no, that would be like blaming one sex for what both sexes naturally experience.  I am in no way vilifying either sex or you.


Quite the opposite, I'm trying to encourage people to see things for what they are and to operate in that awareness rather than creating hoops and checklists and "boundaries".  And no, I'm not saying boundaries are a bad thing.  This is both about recognizing what attraction is and how it creates itself in our bodies, and holding a level of respect for others' comfort and security.  Everyone is always free to do whatever the hell they want but most don't enjoy the consequences and without a little reality check, continue to make the same mistakes.

thanks for the chat


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
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Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
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Re: I lost my best friend today :( [Re: kakashi68]
    #23776350 - 10/27/16 11:16 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

kakashi68 said:
We were so close...

we were fighting the past week because of her abusive boyfriend. Yesterday we literally just made up. Everything was good... Then today I get SERIOUS threats from this abusive boyfriend cunt.

As much as I care for you... I know I need to let you go. I fucking had to tripped balls to come to understanding after much pain. Its just not worth it.

I just feel so bad for her... hes fucked up her life so much... like im talking: cheating, hitting, emotional abuse, the full shabang.

She said I was the only person who truly cared for her in her life. Yet shes just to damaged now... She just cant help herself go crawling back to him.

Our last words were pleasant... but I didnt really get to say goodbye.

Ill miss you darling... Maybe we shall see each other again... some sunny day.

:makesmecry:




I know this isn't gonna be a popular answer but; this is what cops are for.


--------------------


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Offlinekakashi68
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Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 2,116
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Re: I lost my best friend today :( [Re: Patlal]
    #23776977 - 10/27/16 02:40 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:
Quote:

kakashi68 said:
We were so close...

we were fighting the past week because of her abusive boyfriend. Yesterday we literally just made up. Everything was good... Then today I get SERIOUS threats from this abusive boyfriend cunt.

As much as I care for you... I know I need to let you go. I fucking had to tripped balls to come to understanding after much pain. Its just not worth it.

I just feel so bad for her... hes fucked up her life so much... like im talking: cheating, hitting, emotional abuse, the full shabang.

She said I was the only person who truly cared for her in her life. Yet shes just to damaged now... She just cant help herself go crawling back to him.

Our last words were pleasant... but I didnt really get to say goodbye.

Ill miss you darling... Maybe we shall see each other again... some sunny day.

:makesmecry:




I know this isn't gonna be a popular answer but; this is what cops are for.




are you trolling... or are you seriously that naive?


--------------------
You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
-Bernard Black



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OfflineEzuma
Gontish Wizard
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Registered: 12/02/13
Posts: 8,423
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Re: I lost my best friend today :( [Re: Mescalean]
    #23776988 - 10/27/16 02:43 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Mescalean said:
That also only works if you don't live in a place like australia... No guns buddy. OP should really cut the white knight bullshit, there is nothing but negativity to gain from interaction with this girl. Not all women are reasonable innocent little angels some are batshit crazy like I'm guessing this girl is. Probably is licking the boyfriends asshole after telling OP he socks her.




he already pointed out he owns guns


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OfflineEzuma
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Registered: 12/02/13
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Re: I lost my best friend today :( [Re: RiverDweller1]
    #23777001 - 10/27/16 02:47 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

RiverDweller1 said:
Whenever I propose that men and women cannot be strictly friends, inevitably one or two men always say pretty much what you are saying. 

"Sure, there's a sexual element that must be kept in check!  Here's how I keep my human chemical response in check....I either have sex and get it over with or I constantly deny my natural responses!!  This is proof positive that there can be a just friends relationship with no sexual element!"

I'm sorta poking fun at you but in a good natured way.  How does what you've just described promote trust with a husband who's wife keeps "male BFF's/friends"?  It doesn't, rather it confirms the statement that women and men cannot emotionally and mentally bond without dealing with some sort of sexual element.  It's just nature.  Emotional connections to other men outside of my marriage would be perceived as a threat to my husband, and rightly so.




psssh, sure that's common but not all male-female relationships need be sexual, and even if there is on some level lust it doesn't mean it's instantly the primary factor in the relationship

maybe my perspective is different due to having sisters or something but I've had lots of female friends over the years some of whom I was at least attracted to on some level, but a very inconsequential level to my mind, as I never felt it changed the dynamic or that I had to fuck them

there's always room for nuance


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InvisibleRiverDweller1
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Registered: 03/05/12
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Re: I lost my best friend today :( [Re: Ezuma]
    #23777311 - 10/27/16 04:05 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

There's no room for nuance in OP's situation (or anyone's who is married).

Respect and trust are just as much about actions as they are feelings of comfort and security.


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