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CookieCrumbs
Fucked off to the pub


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
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Re: Am I being a dick? [Re: sudly]
#23775408 - 10/27/16 01:15 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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I think you handled it the right way op
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Free time is the only time
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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So do I, but as a good three people in this thread have mentioned, has she really heard what he said?
Only time will tell I guess, but if I were in OP's shoes I'd be putting the feelers out to make doubly sure the message had sunk in. Us humans are masters at deluding ourselves when the truth is not what we want it to be.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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CookieCrumbs
Fucked off to the pub


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
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Yeah, lets assume that's the case, is OP going to stop seeing her? Should he stop seeing her? Does she really just want a friend? Will she snap and go batshit when he does leave? What will happen then?
I think if she were clingy enough to go full psycho there would be other (very glaring) signs. And since I haven't read them I have to assume, that while you two might be right, the worst that's going to happen is she's going to get a broken heart and learn a lesson. OP might too. OP has done what he can for now and hopefully that will abade some of his guilt. And if she does get horribly upset when he moves on then she will either continue to delude herself or she will learn. Or she will just think OP is an asshole. None of this really hurts him in the long run.
I mean when she does show evidence of being psycho then is time to leave. For now... yeah only time will tell. There's not much else he could or maybe even should do for the time being.
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Free time is the only time
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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I guess it depends on what your idea of psycho is
Some people would think just the obsessive texts are psycho
I've been called psycho for much less than that
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Anonymous #1
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Haha hey guys so a quick update, when to hangout with her again, got super stoned by accident, didnt end up sleeping with her but we watched a bunch of TV and made out. I think she totally knows my intensions though, just got that vibe from talking to her, she didnt flirt with as me, just felt more casual like friends hanging, but maybe thats because I was super stoned
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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OP just hang out with the lonely girl, be sincere, slap her ass now and then for friendly good vibes, get naked and play when you feel like it, tell her to STOP OVERTHINKING SHIT in advance, as that's teh real problem here.
I've had FWB girls that I kept in awesome contact with, developed deeper connection with over time, even went to see them once they moved long distance, but that all has to be left to its own devices, maybe it happens maybe not, as long as neither of you overthinks it, it should be fun to hang out
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100_the_cat said: He was a pretty deep dude, so I thought he was relating to me as more than a fuck doll
So I thought he wanted to "hang out" because he liked me as a person
Nah he just wanted to fuck me
Maybe he didn't feel you were equally deep as he was?
I know I'm fairly deep on most days, am looking for girls who can connect their deepness with my deepness, but some are simply not fucking there yet. I know THEY (if you ask them) will say oh yes I'm super deep (who doesn't say that of themselves ) but when you interact that extra level just isn't there. The deep stuff goes over their heads unnoticed and unanswered, so I know I'm talking to a banana. Maybe a very pretty one, but banana nonetheless 
To me, if that's the case I'll bang a girl a few times, at least to keep in shape, not remain curious what she's like naked, and until something better shows up to play 
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That was the fakest sex I ever had in my life
The next day I dropped him off at his car in the club parking lot
He tried to leave without even EXCHANGING PHONE NUMBERS
So if you felt it, he felt it.
If it was crap sex and not fun at all, what's the point of doing it again? Clearly there's no spark and no matching there, no harmony, what other info needs to be passed around here?
Why cling to this rigid "polite thing to do" bullshit, like here, take my number as if you'd be interested in calling me so we could prolong this mutual annoyance of each other?
Fuck no, I say if you feel it's a dead fish, treat it like a proper dead fish, not like an epic tuna sandwich 
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I held him hostage and made him give it to me
Much good that did you 
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Then I texted him and told him to give me his email address or I'd blow up his phone while he was at work
Then I sent him over 100 super-deep introspective emails that I bet people would actually pay money to read in a book
Really? I don't believe you. Gather the emails and write the book, we'll see who pays what for that stuff
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He responded to ONE, early on
Rest assured he was bored with you, like bored out of his mind, and you were just reaching at this point.
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But I kept going
I thought that it was a matter of me proving to him that I was worth being treated as more than just a fuck doll...like maybe if I could just get him to see that I'm amazing, he could relate to me as a human being. It wasn't HIM in particular that I was obsessed with, he was symbolic of men in general.
He was symbolic of how YOU see men in general, or how you saw them at that time.
I've done that kind of stuff with girls before, trying to be heard or acknowledged or validated, long after they've zoned out and gone on their way (often to much more boring and predictable characters than myself, but if that's who they felt better resonance with, of course it's a good decision on them to go there) and I just kept projecting my crap on them and making noise about it.
Realize that what you say here doesn't logically make sense. Guys who are deep are generally looking for someone deep to connect with, if all they wanted was fuck dolls they can't at the same time be deep guys. Whether or not YOU are compatible with their particular deepness, that's another matter, but just because it doesn't work, no compatibility, doesn't mean the dude is just looking for fuck meat and is some horrible person for it.
More fair appraisal of the situation was that from both ends, there wasn't sufficient compatibility there to sustain the interaction for longer than one fuck. If you felt it and let it be as it is, no phone numbers, maybe you would have one day met again and did more together. But forcing matters like the phone numbers and emails, oh man, totally asking for a bad time
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Re: Am I being a dick? [Re: They]
#23784180 - 10/29/16 11:41 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I didn't want to fuck him again, I just wanted to own his soul
Partly in revenge
Dead fish, well that definitely wasn't my style back when I did flesh, but nobody's gonna stop you from projecting your own life experiences onto me
He wanted to fuck more than once during that one night stand, I turned him down because by that point, I was already fairly transitioned to ghosts and there wasn't any point in having physical sex. What he was doing just didn't do anything for me, that's why I was so fake. I could tear this guy down to make a point but I think that would be in poor taste, considering he didn't seriously wrong me.
By pretty deep I mean he had 4 planets in Scorpio
But I've got a monster Saturn-Pluto-Jupiter conjunction on my IC, Jupiter is in Scorpio, and all that is square my moon. I've lived in the flames of hell my entire life.
If you don't want to believe what I say, that's your prerogative. You seem to have taken quite a strong interest in attempting to invalidate me.
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Oh man this makes soooo little sense to me 
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I didn't want to fuck him again, I just wanted to own his soul
Aaaand why would he give it to you? The promise of more fake sex? 
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Dead fish, well that definitely wasn't my style back when I did flesh, but nobody's gonna stop you from projecting your own life experiences onto me
I don't know what you understood and how you read this, but I was talking of the interaction, the vibe between you two. You said the most fake sex in your life. So (to you and the guy) it must have felt off. Fake. Not genuine. Being there in body but not in heart. Dead fish. Like the feeling one gives you when they come to shake your hand because they have to, but they don't wanna. They extend that dead fish of a hand, all limp. Most people don't want to deal with that kind of disconnected crap for too long. Why would he? For that matter why would you?
I understand you wanted to keep things going out of revenge, can totally relate, but why would he? For whatever reason, as far as he's concerned, to his perception of that night, you've demonstrated that 1. You're a bad lay and 2. You don't even want to try again, to maybe make things work better. Bad pizza and no, you can't even get another slice, go away. Gee, sounds like fun, must leave phone number and come to eat here again 
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What he was doing just didn't do anything for me, that's why I was so fake.
So then what was the point of the forced phone number and 100 emails? To get him to do more stuff that doesn't do anything for you, so that you can be fake some more in return? Maybe it's me, but I just don't see how the dots connect here 
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By pretty deep I mean he had 4 planets in Scorpio
Oh man, this bit made my day. Am laughing ever since I read it.
I thought by "pretty deep" you meant you had a chat with him and found his opinions and style of thinking to be deep, having some good knowledge of himself, life, his own emotions and so forth, being a mature, well developed individual, mentally and emotionally.
If being deep for you means he had 4 planets in Scorpio, things are starting to make sense now 
You do know he has 4 planets in Scorpio all his life, right? Meaning both when he's at his best and right after being dumped, when he may make a shitty partner to play with? Meaning at his best he may actually be deep, and after dumping he might be on drugs and shallow as fuck, but still have the same 4 planets in Scorpio, whatever that means?
There's something about over-reliance on zodiac signs that I just find bewildering, impossible to relate with. I mean I can change my neurology, body fat index, I can grow more or less beard, learn more jokes or stand-up comedy and be more funny for a while, the actual FEEL or vibe that I give off, that's flexible over time. The birth date however, that's fixed. If I meet an otherwise interesting girl but that's hooked on star signs, my date of birth ain't going anywhere, it's set in stone. I could be in idiot mode and she won't notice it if she thinks our birth dates should work in theory, or I could be in awesome mode and well compatible with her, but book says otherwise, that we shouldn't be a good match because she needs some other planets in some other thing. If she trusts her book over the actual feel of the interaction at that here-and-now moment, I am basically fucked, as she's by definition unresponsive to the real genuine situation of that evening, but in her head, responding to what she thinks a guy born on that date should be like.
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I've lived in the flames of hell my entire life.
Yeah so have I, see my avatar 
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You seem to have taken quite a strong interest in attempting to invalidate me.
I am busting your balls a little bit, your posts are full of fresh things that give me a good laugh, and so why not explore it?
Sorry for the thread derail everybody, moving on from planets and back to OP not being a dick, hope things go smooth and chill with the nerd girl
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Re: Am I being a dick? [Re: They]
#23784260 - 10/30/16 12:50 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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"I thought by "pretty deep" you meant you had a chat with him and found his opinions and style of thinking to be deep, having some good knowledge of himself, life, his own emotions and so forth, being a mature, well developed individual, mentally and emotionally."
Yep, that's exactly what the result of having 4 planets in Scorpio is. I was merely summarizing all of that with a symbol. Much quicker to communicate that way.
I think you're missing something crucial, if you can't see what my point was. Or you're just trolling for the hell of it. Either way, you're giving me an opportunity to talk about myself, which is something I don't turn down, at least not until I've milked it for all it's worth.
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Yep, that's exactly what the result of having 4 planets in Scorpio is. I was merely summarizing all of that with a symbol. Much quicker to communicate that way.
To people who speak planets. I don't. Most people I know don't. If I tell them they have 4 planets in Scorpio they wouldn't know whether to say thanks or punch me in the face for calling them stupid and unreliable and shallow.
Two parts to signal transmission. Sending and receiving. If you send your message in Chinese because it's super simple and quick for you, that's all fine, but only if who you're talking to actually speaks Chinese. Else it's impossible to decode accurately, meaning gets all twisted.
Anyway, I do believe we've exchanged enough messages for a long long time, was fun laughing at the depths of your planets
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Re: Am I being a dick? [Re: They]
#23784451 - 10/30/16 05:05 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I just want to clarify
By dead fish I meant a girl who just lays there in bed during sex
By saying that wasn't my style, I was saying that I used to really go out of my way to put on a good porno-style act
I really put a lot of effort into making the physical sex thing work
Back when I was trying to force it to work, and going all-out, sometimes people told me things like having sex with me was like being in a porno (to the kind of guys I was with, that was a good thing) and they'd never been more sexually fulfilled. But for me it was pure agony actually doing that stuff. Great lay for them, horrible for me. I guess by the time I got to this last guy, there wasn't any steam left. By fakest sex ever I mean that I couldn't even get into the act anymore. I couldn't put all the flourishes on it.
I guess I was thinking that he would still see some value in me. For something beyond sex, or at least sex in its crude, literal form.
It's that whole thing of, "If you're not putting out, what do you have to offer?" And that seems to be the notion you were seeking to reinforce, which didn't sit well with me at all. The whole of what you said to me in both threads was extremely offensive to me, I don't know how you could see that as a mating dance or whatever the hell you were saying about birds in the other thread.
I feel like you really went out of your way to insult me at every turn. I don't know who would consider it a turn on to be laughed at like that. So I have to assume the whole thing was a trollfest.
Just another day in Pluto transitville
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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But the good thing about interactions like this is it gives me an incentive to get further and further away from the idea of being with an actual person, relationship-wise (not sex, that is definitely non-physical for me)
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Well, you're replying more to the interpretations in your head than to my actual words, but if we're still playing let's play, why not
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By dead fish I meant a girl who just lays there in bed during sex
By saying that wasn't my style, I was saying that I used to really go out of my way to put on a good porno-style act
I really put a lot of effort into making the physical sex thing work
Back when I was trying to force it to work, and going all-out, sometimes people told me things like having sex with me was like being in a porno (to the kind of guys I was with, that was a good thing) and they'd never been more sexually fulfilled. But for me it was pure agony actually doing that stuff. Great lay for them, horrible for me. I guess by the time I got to this last guy, there wasn't any steam left. By fakest sex ever I mean that I couldn't even get into the act anymore. I couldn't put all the flourishes on it.
I don't know the guy, so I'm telling you my own perspective on this.
I don't need a girl to put out before she wants to. I assume no "deep" guy wants this, whereas more shallow guys focused on the surface of things, actually would.
For me, were I in that situation, I'd take a nice naked sincere conversation, or some chill massage, way before some forced rushed "heart not into it" shallow sex.
It doesn't matter if you did the mechanics of sex or not, what matters (to me, and as I said, IMO to most quality dudes out there) is WERE YOU SINCERE?
To which if you look back, there should be a pretty thick NO staring you in the face.
If you're feeling that you can't even get into the act anymore, then that's perfect timing to see what you DO want to get into. Give the dude a nice proper massage. A strip. Cook. Get the whips and belts out let's do some nice lashes on the back, to wake up from the boredom and drudgery of work at the office.
Even the Bible speaks of this, "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might", not to mention Yoda, who sayeth do or not do, there is no trying 
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I guess I was thinking that he would still see some value in me. For something beyond sex, or at least sex in its crude, literal form.
Well did you SHOW HIM something else to see?
I'm not sure if this actually registers with you. In all life interactions you are to express yourself as you are. One guy you'll like to bang, another to sing or cook for, sit naked for a painting, whatever it is. The point is, were you expressing sincerely what you felt like doing, or were you doing what you thought in your head the guy would like, so that he would then like you?
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The whole of what you said to me in both threads was extremely offensive to me, I don't know how you could see that as a mating dance or whatever the hell you were saying about birds in the other thread.
I'm a bird. I sing and dance, that's what I do. Not always mating dance, sometimes I just do it cause it's fun to play
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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100_the_cat said: But the good thing about interactions like this is it gives me an incentive to get further and further away from the idea of being with an actual person, relationship-wise (not sex, that is definitely non-physical for me)
Use it as you wish, I'm seeing what's going on in your head and how you do it, how you play with yourself basically, and it's extremely funny to me to see 
I suspect you have a ton of blind spots between you and yourself, and as a fairly experienced bird, having danced with a large number of partners and being accused of a great number of things (most of which I didn't do), this one aspect I've learned to thoroughly enjoy. The blind spots of others, when I come to help and provide clarity and be a nice magical mirror, but am sent away because it's assumed I'm the bad guy. Fine, push away, the amusement level over here rises by the minute
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Re: Am I being a dick? [Re: They]
#23786417 - 10/30/16 05:51 PM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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Two fundamentally different approaches here
I'm not a physical person. I don't navigate life via my 5 senses. I perceive primarily through my intuition (which includes my energy body).
Giving massages, cooking, stripping, physical sex, and certainly physical BDSM (even if I'm the one doing it) are suffering for me because it forces me out of my intuition and into physical perception
So really I have nothing to offer, physically, unless I put myself in a state of ill health (which I'm not willing to do for other people anymore)
I say, you stick to girls who are naturally oriented to the 5 senses, and I'll stick to ghosts
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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My world is a nightmare for you
Your world is a nightmare for me
I was forced to live in your world, now I have a desire to impose mine on others
My guess is that you've experienced something similar, but inverted
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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I think we've derailed this thread enough with our stuff, taking it elsewhere.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 14 days
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CookieCrumbs said: Yeah man I always give hookup peeps the same advice. COMMUNICATE and clearly explain your intentions. You should tell a girl from the first that you aren't looking for commitments. And explain it's partly because you move alot. Say from the start you're looking for a friend that you can share a bed with from time to time.
Seriously you might not consciously leading her on but I've seen so many, men and women both, lead the other on by just not saying anything. Or being very vague about what little is said. All good relationships of any sort are set with firm and clearly expressed boundaries.
Good luck with your current situation. Might turn out messy, might not. But I'd bet she's likely to at least be a little disappointed. But you never know, she might just want a close friend she can bang too. 
I hate my generation for this reason. Nobody gives a fuck about anyone. The emergence of fuck buddies was the end of western civilization, as much as I hate to admit it. Everyone just fucks around until they get bored or realize they're a burned out whore and time is ticking, men and women alike
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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Anonymous #1
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The lack communication amongst our generation is fucking terrible, nobody is straight with anyone and that really pisses me off. Its like a big game of social ques and norms, its legitimately viewed as strange or bizarre to be openly honest and straightforward within an individual nowadays.
I disagree with you about fuck buddies though. People are legitimately designed to want to fuck other people. I can't tell you how many times I've contemplated what my life would be like if I could some how turn off my sex drive. I'm very conscious of the fact that my yearning for sex is extremely primal, and that regardless of how hard I try to ignore it, its something that drives me towards women. Theoretically, it can extremely helpful to have two people who are both conscious of this fact, and they're willing to be intimate while not entering a committed relationship because they realize that the only thing that would keep that relationship afloat is the mutual desire for sex.
I've got a lot going on in my life right now and I'm not interested in being in a relationship and what comes with that. But, that doesn't change the fact that I still find sex incredibly therapeutic and I strongly desire. And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, which is why a FOB relationship is very appealing to me. Especially if I actually enjoy casually hanging out with the girl. I think the only issue, albeit a big one, is that someone tends to develop feelings, which can easily create a lot of negative feelings if the person becomes overly attached and cant have what they want. Which is why communication is important.
Since being honest with this girl about my intentions, shes hasnt really texted me at all, and I haven't been texting her. But, I wouldn't be surprised if she hits me up next week to hangout, and I'd be totally cool with that. And its not like I'll walk in there and walk out cause its still fun to just kick it with her for a night. If she doesnt, no hard feelings on my part, I understand then it might not have been what she was looking for
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100_the_cat

Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Re: Am I being a dick? [Re: They]
#23787348 - 10/31/16 12:40 AM (7 years, 2 months ago) |
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I think it also needs to be said that your childish demand for "proof" over something as fucking trivial as me writing over 100 emails says that you live a very uneventful, insignificant life where you accomplish absolutely NOTHING
I mean, if I'd made some extraordinary claim, like I'm a billionaire, I have 5 private jets, and I invented a cure for cancer, then yeah that's the kind of thing where some proof would make sense
Whenever somebody does that "show me proof" shit, or automatically thinks everybody is making stuff up, that tells me they've lived a very boring life and/or are a monumental liar themselves
My last boyfriend (the one I spent 3 years being obsessed with killing after I dumped) was like that
It REALLY doesn't go over well with me
I know all about how monumental liars act because my mom is one
Funny how nicely this dovetails with you projecting "not speaking the truth" onto me in the other thread
Edited by 100_the_cat (10/31/16 01:04 AM)
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