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Shroomsh
Mad King



Registered: 07/28/15
Posts: 121
Loc: Washington
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Entities said they'd kill me if I trip again - NEED ADVICE
#23770698 - 10/25/16 04:58 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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So I'm not 100% sure about this threat. I also have some of my own insights. Also incoming wall of text.
It should be noted that all my high dose trips have been inside, in darkness, with music in my ears under a blindfold. I have tripped in nature twice on 2g. First time was a good introduction, but plenty of struggle reassimilating. The 2nd time I passed out somehow. My friend was tripping too and thought I died. Another friend later told me that having ingested mushrooms and hiking up even 10ft changed chemistry in my body and makes you more susceptible to feeling intoxicants stronger. So was that why I blacked out? or was it a warning?
It's been a while since my last mushroom trip. Unless I am mistaken, I have been told I think 3 times not to trip again. These "people" which were more like dark shadows seemed at times to stand over me. Very much like what I experienced as a child being talked down to by older siblings and cousins shaming me for being outspoken.
On high doses when I come into the heaviness of my first wave I start having doubts. "Why am I tripping?" "What do I want to dwell on?" "What do I want?" "I want to have a good time. I want to see something beautiful".
Then I start doubting the efficacy of my intentions. Maybe my intentions are wrong. I'm consistently confronted with the doubt that I am wasting my trip or the shrooms time. "What did you expect to happen?" I often ask myself. I think about my love for nature and trees, and then I get confronted with a voice that scolds me for trying to conjure that in a trip. If I want to see beauty, it has to come out from within. I can't just have beauty, I must create it. Is this my own paranoia? Am I the only obstacle for myself? Am I barring the way or is another force misdirecting me?
I honestly have several times ignored these voices and messages several times. Plainly put, I just don't want to listen to them. I want to have a good time on shrooms. Don't get me wrong, I try to go into trips to work on myself, to think about my life in a new way or to try to gain insight into where my life is right now.
It seems that every time I have tripped on a high dose I am met with a lot of the same experiences. I see myself die. I see my family around my body. I see all of human evolution. I live as my siblings and I die as my siblings. I see my old relatives and feel the need to talk to them before they go. I am privy to higher standards of intelligence. I am shown the beginning and end of our world by beings that are clearly extraterrestrials. I am told to relay a particular message to family and friends...but I cannot remember that message. I'm then told (I believe) not to shroom again. I can microdose up to 1g, but that's my limit.
I don't know if this is really a command from entities that will end me or if this is my own deep subconscious scaring me. I get worried during my come up and I completely forget my previous set intentions and I get carried away into worrying. I don't want to be the guy who is plainly told by higher powers not to do something and then I go do it anyway and die. I don't want to throw my life away because all I want to do is get high. BUT...I'm so goddamn curious. I want to at the very least go back one last time and do everything I can to record the message so I know if I am not allowed to trip and I know what I am supposed to tell others.
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But I am also concerned this is my own subconscious. I'm worried that since a child I have been so deeply embedded with guilt surrounding myself, my sexuality, and who I am in general. I worry that this guilt and insecurity over powers my mushroom trips and spirals them out of my control. If this is the case I want to overcome this issue within myself. I am so sick of being ruled and shamed by this guilt I carry. Guilt that exists for no reason! I haven't done anything, why do I feel this way?
Has anyone else been threatened by the mushroom? Has anyone else dealt with this at all? I feel like I have these intense millennia long experiences full of visions, insight, horror and guilt...only to come out and forget, take more mushrooms later and remember my mistake. What to do..
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,658
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: Entities said they'd kill me if I trip again - NEED ADVICE [Re: Shroomsh]
#23770819 - 10/25/16 05:44 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Hey man. How are you ? How old are you? What is your religious background? Do you practice any wisdom tradition and discipline in your daily life?
What your seeking, and I know this, is Discernment.
Your playing a risky game asking strangers on the internet about your experiences in highly altered states of consciousness.
Remember this role, It always saves me from giving away my power to seemingly external forces during a trip and during dreams and in real life when it applies. Its Your Mind. There is nothing in it that is not you. The way we use our minds to consciously and sub c. and unconsciously manifest various aspects about our lives during a trip can be profound. But there will never be anything that is not you in your own mind.
No such thing as a victim after the fact!
if your still a victim after the fact then your not a victim, your a bully! ( to yourself )
Why dont you tell me about these "entities" a bit more? I have my awareness encompass yours and I see a delusion for a delusion. (believing something telling you something is coming from outside your own mind) Because if its from outside your mind there will be evidence that they have form in the world If not its within the mind.
And the tricky part is on hallucinogens What is within the mind can manifest as seemingly exterior - such as voices (audio) and things (visual), same goes for tactical (sensation/touch). And all the other senses can play tricks on hallucinogens.
They can take on forms like aliens, ghosts, angels, demons, any celestial being or creature from myths and world religions or just animals.
You say you dose high and in darkness, but with music. This can contribute to the trick even more, ever try it in complete darkness AND silence? Maybe that way at least you could tell if its your mind or if some actually Is in the room with you talking to you in form as a being.
The best advice I can give you is to regard ALL Phenomenon during a trip AS Dream, as a magic trick, as an apparition, as a mirage, like an echo, or a ghandavarian city in the sky, or a movie playing on a screen. All of which are not real but analogies or metaphor/similes i hope u understand , but through the power of our minds and psychedelics can produce a magical illusion.
Im very sorry if this is incoherent Im very tired at the moment but I will come back to check on what you have to say because it sounds like you really are trying to discern something as true or false.
In the mean time I would take a bit of an extended break from psychoactive substances so your natural native mind/consciousness can contemplate whats been going on in general in your life and with you and the things around you and doing so will grant you a sober lucidity and anchored perspective. Try 1-3 months is my recommendation based on countless experiences with others like you.
Eat healthy, wake and sleep regularly, and dont associate with shady characters, read and write or study , and have time outdoors daily with some exercise all this will help you be healthy - with which will help you give you a good basis to make better judgement and discern things both subtle and gross in a more concentrated way.
If you learn meditation or other techniques from ancient wisdom traditions and really really practice them daily and over time you will be able to do things you wish mushrooms could do for you, but without such a confusion sometimes or a lack of clear remembering. Best of luck.
Also no one will threaten your life in meditation unless you are mad and decide to threaten it yourself.
You can always play it safe if your not heedful of what I have been saying here - and just stop taking mushrooms. No harm in that either.
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
Edited by The Blind Ass (10/25/16 05:58 PM)
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Shroomsh
Mad King



Registered: 07/28/15
Posts: 121
Loc: Washington
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Re: Entities said they'd kill me if I trip again - NEED ADVICE [Re: The Blind Ass]
#23773839 - 10/26/16 04:23 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Hi. I'm doing pretty good. Better than pretty good actually, life is amazing and I have abundance. I'm in my mid 20's and I grew up in a christian household. I'm not too sure how to answer your question about my current practice. I mean I most certainly do but I may not define myself as the most disciplined person regarding it. 
Might I ask what exactly you mean by saying asking strangers about tripping being a risky game?
It definitely is a challenge for me at time to know and to remember that everything I am experiencing is coming from and created by me.
Sometimes I really do feel like I bully myself. I'm too hard on myself about some things. For as confident as I have become in life I still find myself very concerned with the way I come across to other people or what they may be thinking of me. It's not as bad as it used to be but the problem is still there.
I don't know if I can say much more about these "entities". They don't come from anywhere, I do not believe I have seen more of them beyond their shadowy visage. I can't recall the way they spoke. For all I know they could simply be a manifestation of my own insecurities. I have intended a few times to trip on a high dose in silent darkness and each time I chickened out and turned on my music. I have aphantasia, meaning I have no minds eye. Inside my head is %100 darkness at all times. I usually feel a better sense of security if I listen to music while tripping instead of being trapped in the eternal echo chamber of my own mind. Again though, each time I have chickened out and maybe I should really get the guts to go all the way through a trip with no music.
That being said though, there have been 2 occasions I have tripped on 5g in darkness and the 2nd time I did it I did not feel like I wanted to repeat that experience. It didn't matter what track I was listening to on my mp3 player, all the music sounded exactly the same to me and in the high tide of the experience I was completely unaware of the music altogether. I tap my fingers together or count "1,2,3" to try to keep myself grounded. I get lost in the dimensions that are opened to me and I begin questioning whether my previous reality (this current one) was ever real to begin with. Several times I have been confronted with the fact that I was living a dream the entire time, only to open my eyes and attempt to reassure myself that I'm tripping and all is good.
I have really appreciated everything you have had to say, and I want to incorporate better mindful practices in my life and my trips.
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tarlin
Beginner Hunter


Registered: 10/09/16
Posts: 214
Loc: Virginia, USA
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Re: Entities said they'd kill me if I trip again - NEED ADVICE [Re: Shroomsh]
#23774240 - 10/26/16 06:29 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Many people have different responses online about trips as many people us psychedelics for many reasons. A spiritual person will give you a very different response than a person who only trips to party.
The Blind Ass has given you a great response and it would be my recommendation to find a trusted person who can give you advice in a way that you can internalize it and take an introspective approach to what was said. Once you build this relationship it's fair to treat this person as your guide, but establish that understanding with them about your trust in them to be your guide. Not everyone is willing or capable no matter how well they can voice their knowledge. Try to find a small group of close, trusted and experienced individuals to receive insight from. This will reduce your risk of someone saying "hey man take a 5g trip and go teach your demons about their deaths". You will find some pretty assanine responses to serious struggles people face sometimes with psychedelics.
I would say, out of my own personal experience, if you don't meditate than look up mindfulness meditation. It will help you to calm yourself, find tranquility and serenity, and balance your life in a positive manner. You will begin, no matter how happy and positive your life may appear now, to see things in a much more appreciative aspect. It sounds like you have some struggles and they may even be unclear at the moment to you. Mindfulness meditation is very easy to learn and there is a lot that can be achieved from it. It also can take a short amount of time, can be practiced even during your daily routine, or you can dedicate a larger amount of time to it for a more in depth meditation.
I wish you all the best and hope you are well.
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