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purplegills
Slave 2 Plants


Registered: 09/17/16
Posts: 291
Loc: Among Plants
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Must ego loss be scary?
#23763407 - 10/23/16 07:30 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Libs, dry, 4.7g this time. Eyes closed, dark room.
I "lost" myself during the third track of my playlist. I remember listening to the second track but not the third one (I know the playlist well). So that was around ten minutes into the trip. I consumed the powdered thing mixed in hot soup.
So I'm getting high and literally "sucked into" another world while I'm thinking to myself, no problem, let the body rest, let's leave the body, fly away from it, I'm not my body after all, it doesn't matter, it can rest now... It felt very natural to me to think of my body this way during the trip (background: I'd been practicing lucid dreaming and OOBE for a solid 15 years now, on and off, and I've been leaving my body behind just like that, allowing it to rest, and it did freak me out when I started doing OOBE but not anymore) but then I read all things on forums of how scary it should be and I question whether it actually has happened to me.
Is it normal to not even attempt to resist when you figure that you're merging with a chair... a wall... beings you see in your vision? (This I'd never done in meditation before. OOBE yes, but merging, no.)
Think, I ask myself before the trip and during the trip, who am I, I want to experience the true nature of my consciousness. Is it human consciousness? Is it superhuman, eternal, sacred, universal; will it die, won't it die, or what? I repeat this question to myself ("who am I") as I'm leaving my body. I don't feel my body anymore, at all. I don't even breathe; I actually cease to breathe -- that's the way I perceive myself anyway, not breathing -- and everything stops for a moment and all is so clear in that moment.
And then bang, the answer that I just realize intuitively is that I keep merging with things/other beings and expand to infinite in space and time so I very obviously have lost all my boundaries, and instead of freaking out, I actually laugh and tell myself, OK, that was a stupid question, I am it all, I just AM. And I feel very okay with that, as if I've finally arrived. That yes, this is my true nature, I'm boundless indeed.
Then when I'm back from the trip I'm starting to think I've not had ego loss -- even though I thought I had it 3 times out of 3 so far, on 4, 4.3, and 4.7 grams -- because the panic component has been missing entirely. I'm reading that losing my boundaries should be seriously frightening.
Dear reader! Has your ego loss been scary, annihilating, frightening? Must it be? Can it be just that some of us aren't so attached? Or am I lying to myself and it has yet to come? Clearly I have an idea of what I think about this at the moment (which is that I did have an ego loss but I wasn't too attached to it to begin with), but I'm very much interested in how other psychonauts see this. You guys have more experience than I do. All descriptors of a Level 5 trip apply to my case. Can it be that simply I've gone so much over the Level 5 dose with libs (the calculator says that already 3.7g should be enough to reach Level 5, and I have the reason to think that I have even better shrooms that I dried with minimal, minimal loss of potency) that the realization that I AM IT ALL was simply natural, necessarily fast, and painless? I actually wouldn't even call it ego death, as in, it wasn't "forced" on me, I wasn't "killed". I'd say that I just dissolved and it was voluntary. I "wanted" to dissolve. I asked for it, as in, I was leaning into the experience with the very core of my being.
There's another tiny detail to this. When I realize I can hear the music again, about 2 hours and 30 minutes into the 5-hour long playlist, I can feel and hear that literally a river is flowing along my spine, loud, with elemental force. And I'm wide open from root chakra to the top of my head. This may have to do something with the Kundalini BUT again there was no resistance (or a hiccup) and I'm not that advanced in my meditation practice that I could have a Kundalini awakening spontaneously without any pain, I'd think. What was this?
Edited by purplegills (10/23/16 12:10 PM)
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Eclipse3130
Servant of the Fungi



Registered: 10/06/13
Posts: 6,221
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 38 minutes, 50 seconds
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Mushrooms have only taken me there through a loving nature. Smoked DMT is much more terrifying and doesn't gradually take you to your core, it shoots you there in a rocket ship. Ego loss doesn't have to be painful, all depends on the experience, ego loss can be blisfull, it's the letting go, the surrendering to become one that is the hard part for most people.
-------------------- "In The Material World One seeks retirement and grows Old In The Magical World One seeks Enlightenment and grows Wiser In The Miraculous World One seeks nothing and grows Lighter As we all tread the Homeward Path we will explore many Realms And one day... we will all Realize that all experiences are Simply Different ways in which The All-That Is Perceives Itself"
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SonicTitan


Registered: 05/17/16
Posts: 24,068
Last seen: 3 hours, 2 minutes
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The resistance is what makes it painful. Its gonna happen but takes you kicking and screaming rather than guiding you inside yourself.
-------------------- "We are a way for the cosmos to know itself."
 
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purplegills
Slave 2 Plants


Registered: 09/17/16
Posts: 291
Loc: Among Plants
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Re: Must ego loss be scary? [Re: SonicTitan]
#23764117 - 10/23/16 12:11 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'll try to resist next time to test the theory.
-------------------- Some of my Sally Plants: 1 2
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sudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
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The trip is that you're always you and ego loss is only the experience of a numbed appetitive section that results from the anxiolytic properties of entheogens like psilocybin(magic mushrooms).
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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WhyDidiDoThis
Bay Area Mushroom Collector


Registered: 11/26/14
Posts: 3,338
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
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I'd be willing to make a bet and say you are probably more true to yourself than most people allow themselves to be.
Little parts of us like to think we are something we are not.
My level 5 trip was nothing short of a punishment. Yours sounds to be a wonderful learning experience.
I'd say you're just on a good path.
Few regrets and guilts?
When a person is not stable about themselves and who they really are the loss of ego is very frightening for that's their main operator. Sounds to me you've had practice working with your ego and keeping it in a balance.
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Aldebaran
Psilo-Scribe



Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 1,323
Loc: Altered States of Europe
Last seen: 9 hours, 8 minutes
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Re: Must ego loss be scary? [Re: purplegills] 1
#23764873 - 10/23/16 05:47 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Dear reader! Has your ego loss been scary, annihilating, frightening? Must it be? Can it be just that some of us aren't so attached? Or am I lying to myself and it has yet to come?
Personally I would talk about "ego loss" to mean a non-scary type of experience, something that could potentially be achieved through meditation. It's supposed to be about reaching a "transcendent state of bliss", any doom-laden feeling of impending annihilation is mainly a side-effect of resistance.
Ego death is a useful term if you are specifically talking about the kind of harsh trip where reality seems to systematically shut down on you, a slow-motion catastrophe where your conscious experience is annihilated in stages until a final transcendent moment when you seem to connect up to everything else and reawaken in a state of awe and euphoria.
Quote:
I actually wouldn't even call it ego death, as in, it wasn't "forced" on me, I wasn't "killed". I'd say that I just dissolved and it was voluntary. I "wanted" to dissolve. I asked for it, as in, I was leaning into the experience with the very core of my being.
Yes, but you can imagine it would be scary if you were someone who did not really intend anything like this to happen, and they find themselves losing a battle to stay in charge of their own mind: that feeling that if you allowed yourself to close your eyes you would just sink into the trip like a massive glowing abyss, and maybe never come back because the only interpretation of what's happening you understand is that you are really, actually, physically dying.
I posted some links to various other posts on this topic here if you want a more detailed explanation of what I mean:
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/22474805#22474805
As for frightening experiences, I think this sometimes comes when you are dosing high and you are experiencing a lot of delusions at the same time. In that case you can experience the "ego loss" not as something wholesome and spiritual initially, but as part of some kind of alien experiment, or see the entire trip as some kind of exploration of the realm of the dead (in which case you are going right back to the Tibetan Book of the Dead I suppose...)
The delusions are nothing strictly to do with ego loss or ego death itself but it does spice the trip up if its completely crazy to start with and then you are annihilated by something you interpret as a supernatural, godlike, or alien power, have some kind of amazing awakening / epiphany and continue tripping...
-------------------- I wrote that, but I meant something else
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi



Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 26,658
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: Must ego loss be scary? [Re: Aldebaran] 1
#23764922 - 10/23/16 06:08 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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it may or may not be that Partial ego loss is scary, before completely losing ego may be scary, but
when the ego is actually gone or completely absorbed, or just completely seen for what it is, or seen
through totally - who is there to feel scared and what is left to be scared of?
ill say this, that which is real can not be threatened, so when im scared - oh its my own shadow, when im frightened - oh its my own song! - i just forgot! ohh this magical illusion that i am! the
primordial mystical experience IS the natural state of reality.
What a relief ! Now I can laugh and cry and everything in between ! Life! Death! What matter are
the questions to the one who has gone totally beyond - completed is the holy task, the great matter solved. Whats left is everything - with the one pure taste of Release.
-------------------- Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
Edited by The Blind Ass (10/23/16 07:59 PM)
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HamHead
Hard Ass Motherfucker



Registered: 03/17/15
Posts: 6,107
Loc: Galactic sector ZZ9 Plura...
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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-------------------- The Italian researchers’ findings, published by the INT’s scientific magazine Tumori Journal, show 11.6% of 959 healthy volunteers enrolled in a lung cancer screening trial between September 2019 and March 2020 had developed coronavirus antibodies well before February. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-coronavirus-italy-timing-idUSKBN27V0KF This online first version has been peer-reviewed, accepted and edited, but not formatted and finalized with corrections from authors and proofreaders https://www.icandecide.org/
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Ezuma
Gontish Wizard



Registered: 12/02/13
Posts: 8,423
Loc: Roke
Last seen: 10 months, 21 days
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Re: Must ego loss be scary? [Re: HamHead]
#23765031 - 10/23/16 06:52 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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I've always found shrooms to be painful, and sometimes 'evil' feeling. LSD on the other hand is mostly neutral, like it doesn't care for me either way whereas mushrooms hate me. 4-aco-MET is the closest to positive I can get I think
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alexmir

Registered: 02/26/15
Posts: 388
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Quote:
Eclipse3130 said: Mushrooms have only taken me there through a loving nature. Smoked DMT is much more terrifying and doesn't gradually take you to your core, it shoots you there in a rocket ship. Ego loss doesn't have to be painful, all depends on the experience, ego loss can be blisfull, it's the letting go, the surrendering to become one that is the hard part for most people.
I've had the opposite experience. I love mushrooms and have a deep connection with them. But they scare me every single time and dmt (though it's insanely intense and comes on fast) hasn't given me nearly the anxiety mushrooms do.
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psilosalvia
Pirate




Registered: 08/14/16
Posts: 397
Loc: Bat Country
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
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Re: Must ego loss be scary? [Re: alexmir]
#23765679 - 10/23/16 11:46 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Once you're ego has dissolved completely you have no more sense of fear or what that word means anymore. From own personal experience.. Might be individual, but after Ive completley let go and through with fighting, nothing was to be anymore.
--------------------
“Damnation seize my soul if I give you quarters, or take any from you.” -Edward Teach.
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Ziu
Stranger


Registered: 09/12/16
Posts: 40
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
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Quote:
The Blind Ass said: it may or may not be that Partial ego loss is scary, before completely losing ego may be scary, but
when the ego is actually gone or completely absorbed, or just completely seen for what it is, or seen
through totally - who is there to feel scared and what is left to be scared of?
ill say this, that which is real can not be threatened, so when im scared - oh its my own shadow, when im frightened - oh its my own song! - i just forgot! ohh this magical illusion that i am! the
primordial mystical experience IS the natural state of reality.
What a relief ! Now I can laugh and cry and everything in between ! Life! Death! What matter are
the questions to the one who has gone totally beyond - completed is the holy task, the great matter solved. Whats left is everything - with the one pure taste of Release.
Namaste! <3
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purplegills
Slave 2 Plants


Registered: 09/17/16
Posts: 291
Loc: Among Plants
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Re: Must ego loss be scary? [Re: Ziu]
#23766742 - 10/24/16 12:50 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Thank you guys for all responses! I'm digesting things (I've started to read more on it -- there were plenty of threads I missed in the first round )
I'm reading stuff like
Quote:
I've found that the trips that felt more profound were those where I was crushed and humiliated by the intensity of the trip into total submission to an external force, rather than slipping nonchalantly into some kind of ego-less trance state. To be annihilated and destroyed by a trip (as per Grof's descriptions) is the kind of ego death experience that has more personal value for me.
...and want to be destroyed JK!
-------------------- Some of my Sally Plants: 1 2
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