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Visionary Tools



Registered: 06/23/07
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this life sucks 1
#23751001 - 10/19/16 02:06 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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I haven't slept for the past few days, got woken up early by noises, but, I can sleep through some. So, it's not that. I got four hours sleep, then I woke up, needing the toilet.
Everything hurts, and it struck me. When i'm well rested I can numb myself to the pain, blot out everything. But, this existance is fucked. I listen as even before the sun comes up, noise happens, noise of the not too far road filling up with traffic as people give away their energy chasing money, the worst spell ever cast on humanity. People used to build their own shelter and were self sufficent, but these days will be punished and forcibly evicted from their shanty's, the treatment of the homeless is sheer madness.
I just want to wake up, to find I'm right in the middle of the forest somewhere. It's warm, there's all kinds of good things to eat, I have a log cabin with a good warm fire and nice clean sweet water to drink. Maybe a wise woman lives nearby who can teach me how to live in nature, to rehabilitiate me, and all the other humans living in an inhuman system.
Something has to be better than this world of perpetual war, pollution, disease and all pervasive poison. Sometimes, I like to imagine those worlds, were people just get on with their lives, there's no need for violence because everyone's figured out how to get over selfishness (and that fear that you'll starve if you don't fucking steal every crumb from your peers). I imagine that world and it's folk full of happy lives where their energy is focused on whatever they want to bring fourth, not struggling uselessly in an office or other shit place of work. I dream, and then I wonder why reality is this way, who perpetuates it and why, and how it can change.
Maybe someday. I just doubt I'll live to see it. In which case, I seriously wonder what's the purpose in this life, or the lives of 99.90& of humanity who are undergoing a very similar struggle.
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stzacrack
Stranger


Registered: 05/07/05
Posts: 3,871
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Sounds like you're dopesick
R u a fiend? I don't recall, my apologies if you're not, and if you are, I am sorry for that as well
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
stzacrack said: Sounds like you're dopesick
I dunno, I feel just like VT does and I haven't felt dopesick in over a year and a half. Misanthropy they call it. It does plague my existence if I give it any thought. I just try not to think about it too much, instead focusing my energy on getting out of the shit and into the middle of nowhere so I can live something more akin to the way I feel I was meant to live, away from the city/office life, surrounded by miserable people chasing paper.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Visionary Tools



Registered: 06/23/07
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Bahh, apart from the odd drink of codeine cough syrup (ah, they don't make them like they used to, not even a child safety cap) back in the day all I do now is puff. I'm ill, but I'm tired and I don't want any because then it's more feeling, and I want less.
And that's the thing, I got a few hours sleep, woke up and did some remote admin bollocks because it doesn't matter how I feel, work still needs to be done.
And that's what I hate, it's an incessant grind. Sure, I might be laying on a comfy matress right now, using the second computer I made from old parts, but.. It's like that scene in Lexx where Stan ends up in hell. He's on an exercise bike, pumping bellows, which needs to be done to make a cool draft so those living in the upper levels don't overheat. When stan stops pumping, a gullotine slices his head off. Reincarnates to do it all over again, the time when he's dead he doesn't know, so his entire existance is just there, on the treadmill, sweating, working, sweating, and his work is to keep evil shitheads cool so they can eke out their miserable existance.
I tried to find the youtube clip, lexx was a cheesy, campy scifi but that daily grind, urgh. And so much of it is not just serving fuck all purpose (like the pension contribution scheme, which is a ballache to do for just one employee, yet alone 10, or a 100) but it's knowing that most of your money, the symbol of your effort and energy, you'll never see the fruits of, because it's taken by a government who uses it to propagandise and demonise the most vulnerable in society, and spending it on nefarious misdeeds. You're working to feed a beast system that hates you.
I know some people will say the usual statist bollocks about "muh roads" but, lessay you're living in a community. And you're all building your homes there, and you want them connected to mains electricity. I'm pretty sure you'd have a community pool that everyone contributes equally to so a mains cable can be laid, same with phone and gas if it was wanted. Now, you might want a doctor (assuming you live far away from civilisation, like far east russia) so you invite a doctor to live in the community and all pay a retainer, that way if someone is sick, they don't have to worry about paying the fees, it's covered. A school, once the houses were built, the community could get together and build the school, and that school would have everything that community wanted. Which means it wouldn't look like a fucking prison with razor sharp fences and cctv cameras. Seriously, I pass by my old school fairly regulary as it's on one of my delivery routes and I despair when I see what a hideous edifice it's become.
My point about this is it's a voluntary scheme. Say that school did a dance class, but you didn't want to learn how to dance, then don't pay. If you do, then do. But in our society, so much of that choice doesn't exist. You must pay telly tax (so the BBC can pump out their shit). You must pay council tax (or be forcibly evicted, so no one owns their home or land, making them worse off than feudal pesants) you must, you must.
Fuck, I feel trapped. There's some days when I think it's worth smashing up a cop car so I can have a few months inside again. Sure, it's lonely, and I'll miss the internet, and my friends, but, fuck. Why in the fuck is the world like this? I'm not surprised the population is declining, no sane nor sober couple is going to want to bring a child into this toxic world. The only time my mate and his missus got pregnant is when they have a major drug session and still keep going without condoms. His first kid is retarded, never smiles.
Maybe that's why there's seed vaults and all that end time paranoia. One way or another, this current world of mortgages, tax and highly pair liars must end. I'm just hoping it's a nice and peaceful solution, like thousands, then millions, abandoning the cities (entirely artificial and ineffecient) and make homesteads, grow their own food, and live my dream. The dream of waking up, assured that they don't need to do anything beyond get out of bed, eat some food, and look at their domain. Their work should be fun, like dowsing for a well, where to have bees, shelling pine cones with the kids. Instead it's working 8 hours, commuting 4, whilst kid gets filled with toxic shit from brightly coloured food packets whilst watching toxic shit on the telly about how they're poisoning earth and need to die for mother earth.
It's all fucking wrong. I doubt our ancestors would be impressed with the world once the inital sheen has worn off.
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bigdoodie
it does not matter


Registered: 06/24/16
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Self reliance is necessary for the end of unhappiness. we're all alone, and we're all the same person
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
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Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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I am totally not going through the same or similar struggle.
I'll be blunt here, what do you do? What skills do you have? What do you LIKE to do, as hobbies?
Want a log cabin? Good, start planning and designing to end up in one.
Right now you are making in your head a world of pollution war and other crap, because you choose to seek those things out to focus on. I be you are in fact NOT living on a polluted river, are probably not a fisherman and so this doesn't directly affect your food chain, and you yourself are NOT in an active war zone.
From a relatively neutral safe space, probably roof over head, three meals a day, you are focusing on the crap of life, that OTHERS go through. This does not help them, it does not reduce the planetary crap, if you just take it on board and join the sad party.
Going for your dream of cabin in the woods would. It would raise vibration, people would see that your eyes sparkle and you smile, even if you don't have the cabin yet, just knowing that today you got 1% closer to it.
What cabin do you want? Where? Does it have to be yours or can it be rented? Have you considered simply going to help out on a farm or helpx or wooofing project?
I don't know you or what skills you offer. Can your work be done online, away from urban areas? Could it be time to change professions, as you don't seem too happy in the current one?
THink on this, these are all solvable problems, just put some actual juice into solving them
Oh and nice subconscious pointer that you need a WOMAN to rehabilitate you, teach you, etc. Well, you're a rooster dude, sing your signal and ATTRACT a woman in your path, else you won't have one
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
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Re: this life sucks [Re: They]
#23763206 - 10/23/16 04:22 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Oh man, just read your second post here. Amazed.
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Bahh, apart from the odd drink of codeine cough syrup (ah, they don't make them like they used to, not even a child safety cap) back in the day all I do now is puff. I'm ill, but I'm tired and I don't want any because then it's more feeling, and I want less.
Dude if you knew how many volumes this speaks to me, it's fantastic.
Observe that you are putting in crappy substances into your body, do I even want to know what you're puffing on? Let me guess, e-cig or some other form of numbing nicotine. Commercial cigarettes, not even hand-rolled or a nice pipe. Ill, tired, you have already reduced everything and want even less.
Realize that inside we all have an animal. A beast. A wolf. A bird. It wants to play, to fly, to run, to breathe and swim and be free
YOu have caged that animal of yours in a complete maze of crappy beliefs, nicotine, computers, codeine, probably coffee and not that good nutrition, and general blah about how crap the world allegedly is.
OF COURSE you feel trapped. OF COURSE it feels shitty. But you're doing it, it's not being done to you. YOU made that internal cage, and your animal is scratching at your insides, not letting you sleep, just as you wouldn't let a nasty master sleep if you were caged. Address these issues, stop trying to avoid them via puffing, or you can wave your sleep good bye. To see where that ends, see Marylin Monroe
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It's all fucking wrong.
No it's not, it's awesome, you just don't see it as you're looking through dirty lens, all warped and twisted into negativity. It is oh so very right and epic, but clean your lens to see it
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I doubt our ancestors would be impressed with the world once the inital sheen has worn off.
For sure they'd be worried about how you live and breathe, but I think they'd be just fine if they heard me sing or howl, or saw me dance my whoop-tee-doo
Get your nutrition and hydration in order dude, puffing and strange chems dehydrate and demineralize the body, and a nutrient deficient brain produces these bad vibes, blah thoughts and emotions, even when surrounded in plenty.
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Visionary Tools



Registered: 06/23/07
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Re: this life sucks [Re: They]
#23764650 - 10/23/16 04:08 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Mate, you don't know me. I gave up tobacco 10 years ago and I've not tried e-cigs.
As for codeine, it was the early 90's, in Belgium, having access to my grandfathers pharmacy. If I had of known, I probably wouldn't have done it.
I live in the UK, the few woods we have are private, some are even walled off, and wildlands (as in, no cultivation, no custody) that I grew up and played in are gone, bulldozed and more of these shitty expensive houses with no gardens are put up in place.
I think I mentioned it in the first post, but I've had some real trouble sleeping this week. Turns out there's been a sickness that's been going around, sneezing, headaches, insomnia. It's gone now, I've been sleeping alright, but it's hard, I'm working nights and mornings and I find it hard to adjust.
When I say I puff, I vaporise less than an eighth of cannabis a month. I don't smoke tobacco, it's been 20 years since I had a drink of codeine (because that product went off the market following new laws back then). I have two beers a week (which means there's weeks I go without, and some weeks I'm drinking 3-4 days out of 7). I don't even have any desire to do psychedelics anymore, my dreams are plenty interesting enough and I find them more poignant (and sometimes, prophetic) than trips i've been on, except for one, but that one is private.
And here's the thing, I'm well rested, I'm not ill, so I'm largely numb to it, but all those things I said during my depression, it's still true. This world has been in perpetual war, with radioactive particles gusting around for half a century now, along with other pollution which I never really hear being talked about (just news outlets, and consequently, the human beings I deal with face to face, harping on about how carbon dixoide will be the death of us all).
That's what depresses me. I don't see why anyone would want to live in this world. Maybe there's a few communities that have it alright, they have the right connection to the earth and it feeds them, but people in this modern world are a shadow of what a human really should be, under a horrid fucking spell of debt.
It's why when people say this is a prison planet I am in agreement with them. We don't have the technology to deal with those stray radioactive particles that'll poison life for billions of years to come, and whilst I am pleased to see electric vehicles taking off, I'd have been much more excited about FTL travel to colonise new worlds.
But, that's not reality. I'll eat, I'll drink, and I'll be merry, for tomorrow I may be dead.
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Ok, sorry for any rushed conclusions on the amount of cig smoking you do
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That's what depresses me.
Translation: That's what you choose to depress yourself about. You do it, it doesn't do you. Own it.
Plenty of other slices of reality to focus on, but of course you can also do narrow focus on pollution wars famine death, in which case OMG this planet is complete shit AND going to hell, oh noes 
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I don't see why anyone would want to live in this world.
I do, there's PLENTY to live and be happy for, and I plan to incarnate here several more times because it's so exciting
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Maybe there's a few communities that have it alright, they have the right connection to the earth and it feeds them, but people in this modern world are a shadow of what a human really should be, under a horrid fucking spell of debt.
Ok, to me it looks like you simply don't get the point of what we do here, how the game works, why we have these challenges of increasing difficulty to play with. If you saw it like I saw it, if you saw the future timelines I've seen, with shamans and wizards among the machines (and space stations, and FTL travel ships, and interdimensional travels and contact, woo hooo ) you'd know this current downer talk is just too much focus on the news.
Have you seen some of the next level humans walking around? Have you seen the evolutionary next step that we're heading for? I have, it's absolutely fucking glorious
I hope you meet at least one of these beings, like I have, and then you'll see that we're not just all right, we're as a species and planet, 100% awesome. THERE IS a rhyme and reason to it all, IF you see the large ecosystem and dynamics at play here. If you don't, if you yourself are just a pawn in it, then you only see the death and drama of crocs and lions eating the gazelles. But above that THERE IS a system and balance, IF you see that far. Your current state and posts tell me that you don't, at least not yet.
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It's why when people say this is a prison planet I am in agreement with them.
Well then it is, FOR YOU.
Like a job can be a prison for someone who hates it, and copious epic fun for someone that took the job out of passion. Which I have. I know you have too, else you wouldn't be here incarnated into that human body, but yeah, that's another story
What I'm saying is that you're making it into a prison, you're only as happy as the stories you're capable of weaving about external reality around you, and if your story is made of radioactive pollution prison planet, then oh well, have fun playing in that playground. Are you sure that's the best you can come up with? There's NOTHING that puts a proper smile on your face without some negative "but" at the end?
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We don't have the technology to deal with those stray radioactive particles that'll poison life for billions of years to come,
If we don't have, then for sure our next gen children will, or if not their children or theirs beyond that. I know that if we managed to get here after all those ice ages and that huge impact that wiped the dinos, we'll manage for quite a while longer, as a planet. If the humans die out, oh well, was fun while it lasted. But my money is on the other view, that they won't, they'll simply evolve and specialize further, in ways unimaginable from here and now.
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and whilst I am pleased to see electric vehicles taking off, I'd have been much more excited about FTL travel to colonise new worlds.
Yeah you might want to check that depresson-inducing mood-killing sentence and thought structure you're running there, namely the tendency to start sentences on a positive and end on negative. THis is fun BUT that sucks. That's awesome BUT blah. This is nice BUT that other thing which we don't have would have been nicer.
It's how depressed people stay depressed, pessimists stay pessimistic. The optimist isn't blind to negatives, they just flip the phrase structure, from positive-but-negative, to the reverse. negative-but-positive. It may suck BUT we'll fix it. That may suck BUT this is awesome
I highly recommend this, I practice it for years and helps me keep awesome vibes goin' and flowin' 
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But, that's not reality. I'll eat, I'll drink, and I'll be merry, for tomorrow I may be dead.
Yeah that's the spirit, and get some more ladies in there, there's this sense of lonely desperation coming off your posts, I've rarely seen a dude basking in the joyous laughter together with a girl he likes, and at the same time posting about how life allegedly sucks. Oxytocin releases, skin contact, hugs and kisses, that's a major slice in the pizza of life. Oh and if you don't like the UK, move. Travel. Explore. Who's keeping you? Go volunteer someplace or whatever. Move to the Netherlands. Do the same work but it's plenty of awesome space and people to enjoy. And if you have negatives about that country too, I'm calling major bullshit as I've been there for a long time and had a blast
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Anonymous #1
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Just not trying hard enough, someone's gotta tel it like it is- we all get EXACTLY what we deserve. When we serve the self before mankind it will make us miserable, some people are born with that hindsight, but it doesn't make them lucky, they get shat on by everyone else, everything balances out down to a hairs length, no worries man the universe kicks ass, just imagine what you'd be doing if you were the last person on the earth, I mean I've never seen any animal hanging from a noose, we're just confused, gotta snap out of it, trust me bro nothing is worse than finding God and then being cast out of heaven, it's darker than darker than dark, just death and claustrophobia and the fire of the sun melting your soul and I still found a way to kick fear in the jaw. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, that's no lie for sure.
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Rollin.n.Strollin



Registered: 07/25/16
Posts: 814
Loc: Australia
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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I haven't read much of the above because I'm on a mobile phone so reading hurts my eyes haha.
But honestly you sound like someone who has that uncommon ability to take a few steps back from the chaos of humanity, I mean the "human race" in my opinion is destined to meet its own fate because of its own blinding direction in reality, and I don't see the world improving enough anytime soon.
So fuck it, if you want to find yourself in a forest like you want to, then make that your reality, heck I couldn't think of a better way to live then living in my own solitude amoung the wild, I love it, every time I find myself at the top of a mountain or by a running rainforest stream, I hit nirvana.
Anyways excuse my blabbering bullshit I'm a little out of it right now haha.
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Anonymous #1
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I saw hell man, nothing can defeat you once you come out that alive, idk about an afterlife, my guess is it's probably not real, heaven and hell are realms of the mind. and that religion was created to enslave humanity, by dividing and frightening us with the thought of not choosing to live in the true stste of being, but we're little ants, much smaller and less insignificant than we typically perceive ourselves to be because of the illusion we live in that makes humans out to look like Gods, but we don't even exist, just dust in the wind shwwshwshshsshs. The whole serpent thing in the garden yada yada, it's just simply this, only a life spent doing Good things for others is a life worth living, and even the most wicked people in the world must accept this truth. When we choose sin we choose to serve the self and we will feel death "for in that day he shall surely die", and many do and have by either being lynched or suicide, but through the darkness comes a whole new light that is even like being free from God. Its just us and the animals, live free, through God we can reach 9 dimensions, and it's said that Satan has reached the 18th so there is room for prosperity, and the occult is nothing more than the absence of darkness, but I will say that anyone who finds God should stay there, this world needs more righteous people And only God offers true wisdom, but if one happens to fail at the duty that God gives us once we have seen it/him, then, let the magic begin on the journey to unlocking the mysteries of the all seeing "I".
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Spiralspider
Bigguy

Registered: 06/20/16
Posts: 223
Last seen: 2 months, 29 days
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Live in the present. try to enjoy the maximum the moments you have. socialize. Ask people you know about the future. dont be mislead by the newspapers. altough the pollution and other stuff are out there they are still not damaging enough too harm you! Look at the brightside of life.
And of course, get some sleeping pills and rest for a while
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alfonseelrick
Mycopath


Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 606
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
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your right it is a spell which only works in a sub conscious level one that was taught to us since birth and the worst part is if you dont seek the truth you wont realize how its truly our choice in a way but once you do that choice is truly yours to make. be the change you want to see is all i can say but its just my opinion
-------------------- Im just a fictional character everything stated by me is purely fictional and simply lies, those who like me are liars who where bribed or blackmailed in some way Muahahaha
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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I think you should watch this VT:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p04b183c/adam-curtis-hypernormalisation
Puts things in perspective a little. FWIW, I agree with your conclusions. There's no changing it now, it's too far gone.
Give me a few years for me to run away from it all and try and settle on my land in Aus, as far away from the system as I can get, and if things go to plan, maybe I'll be able to provide you the respite you seek from this fucking insanity. I'm gonna need a man who has a green thumb (mine is black, as in a mechanics thumb often covered in grime. Plus, I have a habit of killing plants..) to help work the land out there (it's 5.5k acres...).
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Middleman

Registered: 07/11/99
Posts: 8,399
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Dude, Adam Curtis documentaries are the last thing he should be watching. Kanna and St. John's Wort are effective natural SSRIs.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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You reckon? I feel much the same as VT about this world in general, and watching that (it's the first of Curtis' work I have seen) definitely gave me a sense that 'at least I'm not fucking bonkers'. I mean, this world (or at least, the way our species operates on it) really is that fucked up.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Middleman

Registered: 07/11/99
Posts: 8,399
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Yeah definitely check out his earlier work, it's not so disjointed. I enjoy stuff like Vice news, Unreported world, and Ross Kemp. When it gets overwhelming, I remember what my old psychology professor said about coming to terms with it. He covers it well at the end of this talk:
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moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
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Have you ever lived in the woods OP? It's not all it's cracked up to be. Shit is even louder in the morning, plus you've got to get up several times per night to battle the raccoons that are trying to make off with your food stash.
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They
Stranger


Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
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Quote:
moonrockmushy said: Have you ever lived in the woods OP? It's not all it's cracked up to be. Shit is even louder in the morning, plus you've got to get up several times per night to battle the raccoons that are trying to make off with your food stash.
I have, for a couple of months actually, and it was a profound help in my spiritual evolution, meditation practice and finding of epic awesome health and good vibes.
Different forest though, we don't have raccoons over here, just mostly birds, which I totally like and learn my arts from 
The fact that a forest is loud is not important, the the kind of sounds it makes that is the issue. City sounds are brrrrrrrr engine noises, not modulated by emotion, depleting attention and energy as there's no wisdom to read from them. Birds and animals make instinctive, in-the-flow organic sounds, high amplitude high emotion, which if listened to and entrained with, can get us back in the flow as well.
I keep ear plugs on near city traffic or mall advertising noise. I take them out in parks and forests, as those sounds literally, give life
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