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Anonymous #2
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Trippedytrip]
#23752355 - 10/19/16 03:40 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Bro I know exactly what you are talking about. About a year ago I was tripping hard on lsa like daily or as much as I could. I was so spun every day I didn't even realize how much my brain was changing. I stopped and started to feel hopeless an scared because I pretty much felt like I was tripping all the time and I didn't wanna be. I didn't know what to do and the level of peace and joy I felt from tripping reversed into a fucked up abyss. Someone very experienced with psychedelics came back into my life right when I was about to snap. He gave me a lot of advice but the most important thing he said is "dude its gonna be ok". I honestly thought I was fucked but like once I realized there was honesty nothing to worry about I realized the feelings I was feeling and the things I was seeing were meant to be. Everything is meant to be. You just have to roll with this and not try to fight it and I promise you things will get better. It will fade with time everything does. Its a gift dude that most people don't get.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Anonymous #2]
#23752365 - 10/19/16 03:44 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Bro I know exactly what you are talking about. About a year ago I was tripping hard on lsa like daily or as much as I could. I was so spun every day I didn't even realize how much my brain was changing. I stopped and started to feel hopeless an scared because I pretty much felt like I was tripping all the time and I didn't wanna be. I didn't know what to do and the level of peace and joy I felt from tripping reversed into a fucked up abyss. Someone very experienced with psychedelics came back into my life right when I was about to snap. He gave me a lot of advice but the most important thing he said is "dude its gonna be ok". I honestly thought I was fucked but like once I realized there was honesty nothing to worry about I realized the feelings I was feeling and the things I was seeing were meant to be. Everything is meant to be. You just have to roll with this and not try to fight it and I promise you things will get better. It will fade with time everything does. Its a gift dude that most people don't get. Sobriety is your friend right now. Weed may help it helped me but some people smoke and just start tripping again.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Anonymous #2]
#23752367 - 10/19/16 03:45 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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lol sorry didn't mean to post twice
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beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 5 months
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Anonymous #2] 1
#23753979 - 10/20/16 04:24 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Honestly life is so beautiful if you just sign out of the culture.
Don't throw it away man.
Just sign out,
dig into the mystery.
Stay grounded. Do your washing, earn your keep, stay close to family.
Then just realise present awareness is Nirvana, only you are kidding yourself otherwise as part of a game.
The feeling of being trapped . . .
the world turns into your mental state, they are the same continuum.
Don't aspire huge,
just keep yourself grounded, keep yourself alive,
forget the world & culture, it's all a lie.
Decondition your mind and explore the mystery. It is harrowing. Many ways to be aware . . .
Come on man . . .
Life is perfect, you'll never actually die, but God will your final moments in this realm be fucked and pointless. You might even end up retarded and unable to consider it again.
Don't kill yourself. Don't ever try. Don't even think about it again.
Just walk on. Get your shit together and walk on.
No one knows what this is.
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
Last seen: 3 years, 17 days
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Trippedytrip]
#23754665 - 10/20/16 11:57 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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one more thing. If & when everything else has failed you try asking God for help. Read the bible. Turn your life over to God and Christ. Let the holy spirit go to work. it will take much less effort on your part to achieve the dreams you have.
When you have accepted Christ then you can start asking for positive things to happen in your life. pray with expectation it will be given. Consider it done. If what you are asking is anything close to his will and path it will be given to you. The one thing God wants even more than our belief in him is for us to TRUST him. Lol it's that easy. You wont regret it, no one has.
PS wisdom is gained in failure. Wisdom comes from experience. More experience can be gained from failure than success. LOL if wisdom comes from failure well then I will be one of the smartest humans to ever walk this planet.
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bigdoodie
it does not matter


Registered: 06/24/16
Posts: 238
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Trippedytrip]
#23756058 - 10/20/16 08:35 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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I mean ive never seen a squirrel hanging from a noose, I wonder what their secret is.
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SuperFly
Still in the Space Race



Registered: 05/19/13
Posts: 1,032
Loc: Dark side off the moon
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Trippedytrip]
#23756098 - 10/20/16 08:46 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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maybe try tripping by yourself op?
People seem to set off a bad trip for me. Being not able to handle their trip, fucking with me, or forcing me to do things when I just want to chill and be left alone.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: bigdoodie]
#23756167 - 10/20/16 09:04 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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They don't know what a noose is. Thatse their (non)secret.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: SuperFly]
#23756996 - 10/21/16 05:00 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
SuperFly said: maybe try tripping by yourself op?
People seem to set off a bad trip for me. Being not able to handle their trip, fucking with me, or forcing me to do things when I just want to chill and be left alone.
I don't know if tripping in a suicidal state of mind should be encouraged, if someone fell into a bad trip, they might harm themselves.
I have had two bad trips my whole tripping career (18 years) and both times were awful, I was in the pit of despair and felt like I would never be happy again, really bad feeling.
I prefer tripping by myself though, or with a handful of good people. I find that tripping by myself to be the most healing.
-------------------- ©️
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Lucis] 1
#23757015 - 10/21/16 05:15 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fennario said: I have had two bad trips my whole tripping career (18 years) and both times were awful, I was in the pit of despair and felt like I would never be happy again, really bad feeling.
LOL, our 'careers' are of the same duration, contain the same number of bad trips, and we both love mescaline more than any other (which incidentally, might be a consideration for OP - I cannot imagine it being possible to have a bad trip on a low dose of mescal - I just wish it were easier to find for many).
Completely agree about OP not taking any kind of tryptamine, it way too much of an unstable high for such a headstate as he's in.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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sprinkles
otd president


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
Last seen: 3 years, 17 days
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Lucis]
#23757862 - 10/21/16 12:05 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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i am not a suicidal person at all, and the last time I tripped I was taking a bath and thought I should clean my soul. What I came up with was drinking bleach. Because bleach cleans that would surely clean my soul. Then I thought, no that would be bad. Fire. Yes, thats it. If I light myself on fire that will clean my soul for sure. Thank God I had enough mind and common sense to know that would be really REALLY bad.
This is why I don't use mushrooms. The inability to control your thoughts can potentially be devastating.
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Nobler Hino
a dojo and a forge?!


Registered: 08/29/15
Posts: 1,780
Loc: Deep Ellum
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: sprinkles]
#23758029 - 10/21/16 01:05 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Ive had sick thoughts on shrooms a few times but very briefly and very rarly.
Never thought of hurting myself on them but hurting others only once.
I think your burnt out, give your brain a rest and get involved in something positive, something that makes you enjoy life.
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   "The sacred mushroom takes me by the hand and brings me to the world where everything is known. It is they, the sacred mushrooms, that speak in a way I can understand. I ask them and they answer me.” – Maria Sabina
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Nobler Hino]
#23758068 - 10/21/16 01:23 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Holy fuck Sprinkles...that is pretty scary stuff. Can't say I've ever had any thoughts like that...How was your mind set before you took the mushrooms?...Were they cyans?
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Trippedytrip]
#23758132 - 10/21/16 01:46 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Trippedytrip said: It cant reset itself normally either i tried every thing
Yeah, I know what you mean, I've felt that way for a bit over 15 yrs. Im a coward thou, its easy to dry fire a gun, hard when its loaded. Maybe self preservation, maybe thoughts on how it would impact my family, maybe just simple cowardice.
I've heard all the things said to you in this thread said to me, gave them all chances, trying so hard to believe, to feel happy, or just being able to not feel like my heart was breaking every second.
I dont really understand what it is people are doing with this life. Why have a kid? I lose enough of my life and money on my cat, at least he will never lie to me, steal from me, or break my heart. Kids seem like a bad gamble that favors the house.
I dont really want to own a house or land, it just seems like a hassle in the end. I refuse to hold a job for more than a couple years at most for an unknown reason. I must have quit at least 25 jobs so far. I just get so sick of whatever im doing, because ultimately, I dont feel good about anything im doing, or anything I've done. I also move city to city, state to state either trying to run from the way I feel, or maybe still just hoping I will somehow find It.
Do you have this panicky feeling of desperation that you are missing something important? That something is fundamentally wrong with everything around you, or maybe its just wrong with you? Do you feel like you're suffocating, but cant explain why? Do you feel like a caged predator whose never seen, or even heard of the world outside, but you know in your heart that there's somewhere else you're supposed to be, something else you're supposed to be doing?
I dont know exactly what to tell you man. I hate everything about the life I live. I've looked for god, but its just the same self deluding garbage as that self-help crap to me. Completely forced and empty. All of this seems like such a waste of time, like every different thing I do is just some kind of meaningless distraction to keep me from finding what I need actually need to be able to heal myself.
Im not advocating for you to kill yourself. Im not saying im going to kill myself. Im not telling you there is no hope. What im telling you is that there are other people who feel like you do, you're not actually alone. We dont talk about it because we get sick of hearing the same worthless answers from people who dont get it anyway. Thats why what they suggest never works. Then they put us down, and make us feel even more lost and alone.
I also tried sobriety for three years, didnt help. Tried medications for a year, never helped. Keep trying man, I hope you find It. I just gave up about a month ago, now I feel like im just waiting to die. I think its been getting worse as I age. I feel betrayed for trying to put all the positivity I had into believing that if I try hard enough and long enough then I would find an answer, or I could find just one single reason.
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CookieCrumbs
Fucked off to the pub


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Anonymous #3]
#23758480 - 10/21/16 04:22 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
Do you have this panicky feeling of desperation that you are missing something important? That something is fundamentally wrong with everything around you, or maybe its just wrong with you? Do you feel like you're suffocating, but cant explain why? Do you feel like a caged predator whose never seen, or even heard of the world outside, but you know in your heart that there's somewhere else you're supposed to be, something else you're supposed to be doing?
Lots of people feel like this. I do. It's called being in the modern world. In the system. Find a way out or at least find a role within it where you are doing something you are happy and fulfilled in. These lives are out there, you just gotta look for them.
Don't accept things for the way they are. That's exactly why society sucks so much. Make things better. For yourself. Fuck everyone and everything else. Find what you want in life. And I know you want to be free. Most people contemplating suicide want freedom. Recognize your feelings for what they are and that there are other ways out, and they're worth trying.
Stop going from city to city. Cities are the hub of corruption in humanity.
--------------------
Free time is the only time
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: CookieCrumbs]
#23758799 - 10/21/16 06:29 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Seems like what you and your kind don't understand is that freedom you think you find is little more than slavery with a choice. The different trades I've tried so far include: farming, acoustical ceilings, residential roofing, residential concrete, student (went for 2 years of a BA in nursing), commercial concrete, CNA (maybe the only good I've done with my life), waiter, worked at home depot in lumber, paving company, commercial roofing. Alot of those jobs 2 or 3 different places.
I've worked for myself, I've worked for others. Working for yourself is even worse than working as a foreman for someone else. More slavery, more bullshit.
"Make things better"
Do you seriously think people who feel this way dont want that? It's the only thing we want. But its not real, and it never will be. As a cna in an elderly care facility I had the opportunity to take care of millionaires and the absolute dirt poor. They all die just as miserably, no matter what they have or dont have. Want to know a common theme from those people? I've heard this exact phrase from more than a few at their end. "I wish I would have done it differently," and since I cared about them as people I would ask them what they would do different. They never had an answer really, just the same one "I dont know, I just wish I had done it different."
Those people did have a couple things in common. They had families, they had jobs they retired from, sometimes multiple jobs. They did everything you and yours have done, and that you tell the rest of us to do. Why should I prove myself right to myself? I already know in my heart I figured it out. There is no meaning here, there's life I guess, but what's the point?
You just dont get it man. Know that you know what you know and do not know what you do not know.
I'm not putting you down. I'm not telling you are stupid, because I dont believe you are. My assumption is that you are a good man (or woman). But there is no substance to your words. There is only faith. I leave faith to the gullible. If you try, you will see its impossible for you to put forth any substance whatsoever. Just words based in different forms of faith.
We want something real, we want something tangible. But its not here, its not real. Any of us can just start believing life is good, but it doesn't change anything. Ever sit and wonder why so many of the elderly off themselves? Ever wonder if its because they've lived the life you are living right now, made it to the end game, then realized its all for nothing, its just a shitty joke without a punchline?
The only real hope I have in my life is that none of my brothers or my sister ever see things my way. I hope they obliviously go thru their lives only looking thru your eyes. I hope life is good to you, I hope you're always happy, and I hope you never feel the way I do. I hope I dont wake up tomorrow, im just so tired, I just want this to stop.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: CookieCrumbs]
#23758906 - 10/21/16 07:10 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
CookieCrumbs said:
Quote:
Anonymous said:
Do you have this panicky feeling of desperation that you are missing something important? That something is fundamentally wrong with everything around you, or maybe its just wrong with you? Do you feel like you're suffocating, but cant explain why? Do you feel like a caged predator whose never seen, or even heard of the world outside, but you know in your heart that there's somewhere else you're supposed to be, something else you're supposed to be doing?
Lots of people feel like this. I do. It's called being in the modern world. In the system. Find a way out or at least find a role within it where you are doing something you are happy and fulfilled in. These lives are out there, you just gotta look for them.
Don't accept things for the way they are. That's exactly why society sucks so much. Make things better. For yourself. Fuck everyone and everything else. Find what you want in life. And I know you want to be free. Most people contemplating suicide want freedom. Recognize your feelings for what they are and that there are other ways out, and they're worth trying.
Stop going from city to city. Cities are the hub of corruption in humanity.
"Lots of people feel like this."
You dont know how he feels...
"Fuck everyone and everything else."
Like your needy desire for him to live instead of make his own decision on what to do with his own life? A lot of people suffer more than it's worth to live, stop pretending that isnt true. If we lived in a society where euthanasia was legal and anyone could take a painless fatal shot nad it was a socially acceptable thing, all you gullible fools would probably be preaching a different narrative.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23758952 - 10/21/16 07:28 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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You talking about dignitas? Its not about some "poor me, no one understands me" wussy shit man. Its about wasting time. Wasting effort.
That, and those places just dont let you walk in off the street with a sob story and then dose you with phenobarbital. That would be nice thou, id walk in and sob for them, why not?
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Anonymous #1
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Anonymous #3]
#23758995 - 10/21/16 07:45 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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No, I'm saying that if they did put anyone down who wanted to be put down and it was socially acceptable, you probably wouldn't even be saying that, you'd be going along with what's socially acceptable. It's going to happen anyway. Spare your sob story about not working hard and putting in the effort, lol. Fuck your expectations. Let nature run its course, there's enough people on this earth anyways, let people end their suffering as a means of population control. Fuck your sensitive morals.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: I am taking Suicide as an option guys [Re: Anonymous #1]
#23759015 - 10/21/16 07:54 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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My bad friend, im almost thru my second bomber of Woot stout, that shit messes up my perceptions.
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