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 Murzelpfrumpft
pet donkey in a lucid dream
Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1,857
Last seen: 4 months, 29 days
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 Re: Ghost  [Re: They]
#23789922 - 10/31/16 09:17 PM (7 years, 10 months ago) |
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What the fuck did I just read?
Just FYI the stuff people talk at the psych ward seems pretty coherent and logical against this here.
Life fucks people in the head so hard, it's not even funny anymore.
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 100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Intuition first, logic second
Actually for me, logic is pretty far down the line...more like 3rd
INFJ functional stack:
Ni, Fe, Ti, Se
Ti is my logical function
And since it's Ti, not Te, it takes a pseudoscientific form (like astrology)
My life revolves around symbolic correspondences
But your comment is confirmation that I'm squarely in my 12th house north node, which is a good thing
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Something plops into my intuition, I run it through a framework like astrology, MBTI, or something else that makes scientific types cringe or wet their pants in horror
Sometimes I just let the Ni stuff come straight out, that's basically channeling
That's the stuff that really terrifies people
I wonder if those same people also feel like they're in a mental hospital when they set foot in an art museum or read a holy book...cuz you know....the muse.....
Oh wait...if you actually got it, you wouldn't have made that comment in the first place...
(Fully expecting this to go straight over your head)
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Re: Ghost [Re: They]
#23790069 - 10/31/16 10:39 PM (7 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
They said:
On the contrary. I came around to play as I imagined you to be funny or friendly, or in some way fun to play with. What I see here now is a completely humorless wasteland, full of bitterness and man-hatred, all serious and tense, not a fun place to dance in at all. And so I shall sing and dance elsewhere 
Yeah the last time somebody came onto me in a spirit of pure insult, he told me I had no sense of humor. Apparently I'm supposed to think it's a good time to get treated like shit. I don't think it's funny, fun, or playful at all.
You've probably been a piece of shit your whole life. You're just the current incarnation of the kid who sat in front of me in elementary school and turned around, wiped his boogers on my desk, and thought it was funny. And the guy in high school who sat in front of me and would lift my desk up, with me sitting in it, until it was nearly at a 90 degree angle (I'd be on the brink of falling out and having the desk end up on top of me). So congrats. Yep, been through this many, many times, very familiar with the mindset and verbal tricks of an abuser. "It's just a joke" "I'm just teasing you" (my dad's favorite line...same person who used to dare me to commit suicide)
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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One of my favorites....the desk guy used to yell "FUCKIN HIPPIE!" in my face every time I passed him in the hall because I wore wide-leg jeans and nobody else at my school was doing it yet. Then of course next year even the cheerleaders were wearing them so the "insult" was no longer relevant
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They
Stranger
Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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A previous manifestation of this "abuser who likes me" was a guy who took me in when I was trying to get by living in a train station. I don't drink, but we stopped in a bar so he could celebrate his bar owner friend's birthday. He turned to his friend and said, "She's beautiful when she's smiling, but she's ugly when she's not." This guy had a Sagittarius moon, Sag is known for being extremely blunt (I know ALL ABOUT that -- my mom has 5 planets in Sag and will not hesitate to tell you you're ugly, have yellow teeth, and are deformed from an acne scar)
The guy's friend said, "Don't take that from him!" so it wasn't just me who thought there was something a little off there...later the guy pulled the "You might think I'm insulting you, but I'm not" line.
I'm a good-looking person, whether I'm smiling or frowning. That's just a fact. I don't have fake white chiclet looking teeth, but I don't have abnormally yellow teeth either (I actually have really great teeth, in general). I'm not fucking deformed over an acne scar...all these people are just trying to dump their own shit on me. My mom is ugly compared to me, has far yellower teeth from decades of cigs and coffee, and is so insecure about her own acne scars that she used to get injections to have them filled out.
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Also reminds me of the guy in middle school who used to hang out in my apartment complex, stand there in our court and stare at me. I'd ask him why he was doing that, he said he was using his x-ray vision to see what I look like with my clothes off. On the school bus one day, we were about to transfer buses, and he turned around and gave me a little shove on the shoulder. I didn't like him at all, I thought he was disgusting and creepy, but I figured he was flirting with me, and the best way to get him to leave me alone was to give him what I thought he wanted and "flirt back" (my Venus is in Aries, I think that's where I have this fucked up notion of what actually constitutes flirting), so I shoved him back. It wasn't even an aggressive shove, it was just a little girly girl cutesy shove. He said, "Man, I don't have to take this shit!" and punched me in the face twice. I wasn't expecting that at all, and was so stunned I just sat back down in my seat, while everyone ripped me a new asshole for not hitting him back. A bunch of girls (who were waaaay more ghetto than me) ganged up on him and threw him up against a window.
My dad was working as a lawyer at the time, and took the kid to juvenile court. In court, the kid tried to make it out like it was MY FAULT he hit me because I pushed him. The judge squashed the guy into the ground by snarling, "You pushed her first." He was suspended from school. Of course, he was still convinced he was right because the next time I saw him at school he called me a bitch and told me he was gonna kill me.
There's no getting through to these people. I guarantee you, to this day, that kid is now a grown piece of shit.
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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One time I did have success was in college, I was at a club, and some guy I didn't know or like kept insisting I dance with him. I refused, and the guy must've complained to his friends, because a few seconds later, another guy stormed over to me, grabbed me by the arm, and pretty forcefully escorted me off the dance floor and over to the edge of the room. He bent me backwards over a folding table (my feet were on the floor, but my back was on the table), leaned over me, and said, "ARE YOU A FUCKING ROOKIE?" (I guess he was referencing some kind of house culture protocol I'd broken without realizing or caring.) I had an adrenaline moment and threw him across the room. He landed on his ass on the dance floor. His friends pointed at him and laughed. People who'd been watching the whole thing clapped, and this guy I'd been checking out all night came over to me, said, "That guy's an asshole," told me I was a good dancer, and said he'd ask me out if he didn't have a girlfriend.
Pretty rare to be in a winning situation like that where I totally stomp someone and have the last word, but it has happened
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Re: Ghost [Re: They]
#23790308 - 11/01/16 01:37 AM (7 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
They said:
Awww, boo hoo   
Well, I'll definitely be there to say the same to you upon reversal
You can be absolutely sure of that
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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The very next night after the train station guy, I was back in the train station, waiting for the next person to offer to take me in. So this foreign guy who is dirty and drunk comes up to me, speaking very broken English, tells me he's a jeweler and asks me if I like jazz. Wants to buy me a drink. I say I don't drink, but he can buy me a water. (I wasn't turning down free ANYTHING because I had a few hundred dollars cash I had to make last for potentially months.) So we go in this beer place in the train station (this was Penn Station in NYC), he buys himself another beer, buys me a water, gives me the change. I was more than happy to take those quarters off his hands. We sit down in the seating area where other people are drinking. He starts grabbing my hand and making me stroke the skin on his other hand, asking me if I like "slow." Since he'd been talking about jazz, and I give people way too many chances, thinking it might just be me with the dirty mind, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he might be talking about dancing or music. But no. Upon asking, "Slow what?" he said, "Make love." Then he started telling me how much he loves pussy, loves eating pussy, and the whole time he was holding two of his fingers together and kissing them. Right in front of all these people. Then he started asking me if I want to suck his dick. I looked him dead in the eyes, shook my head very slowly, and said, "No, I am never going to suck your dick." He looked shocked and crushed. "Never?" I said, "NO." He said, "Ok. I leave now."
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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There's an underlying theme, a common thread, running through all these stories that is pertinent to what's gone on in these two threads between me and They
There's a certain flavor to the interactions I have with people who pop up in my reality to serve an abusive purpose
I can identify these people on the spot now, but I always give them a chance to prove themselves to not be what I think they are
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They
Stranger
Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
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Quote:
100_the_cat said:
Quote:
They said:
Awww, boo hoo
Well, I'll definitely be there to say the same to you upon reversal
You can be absolutely sure of that
Not if I block you between now and then
Maybe if I feel a reversal coming up the first thing I'll do is block you, just to spite you and fuck with you, rob you of your much awaited revenge, then whatever the issue is, I will use this one little act as basis for my turning things around, being satisfied with myself over having denied you place for meanness
Quote:
Pretty rare to be in a winning situation like that where I totally stomp someone and have the last word, but it has happened
Stomp people more, then you'll have it more often
Quote:
A previous manifestation of this "abuser who likes me" was a guy who took me in when I was trying to get by living in a train station. I don't drink, but we stopped in a bar so he could celebrate his bar owner friend's birthday. He turned to his friend and said, "She's beautiful when she's smiling, but she's ugly when she's not."
So this guy is now an "abuser" for having and sharing an opinion? Holy shit really? 
Quote:
I'm a good-looking person, whether I'm smiling or frowning. That's just a fact.
No it's not. At all. It's entirely dependent on how whoever's looking measures beauty. I happen to also go by electrics on this one, and what I'm looking for is a certain liveliness and specifically electrical voltage in the lower area of teh face (Smiling) coupled with a an electrically clear, frown-free forehead.
See Buddha statues, they all do that.
The opposite of that is high activity in the forehead/brow area, and inexpressive lower part of the face. That to me is basically quite repulsive, as in, I don't want it around, I feel it's draining, shoo, go away.
This dude shared a similar opinion, and you could have focused on the "she's beautiful when" part, OR on the "she's ugly when" part. All on you.
In any case pretty far from being an abuser by my standards.
Quote:
I'm not fucking deformed over an acne scar...all these people are just trying to dump their own shit on me. My mom is ugly compared to me, has far yellower teeth from decades of cigs and coffee, and is so insecure about her own acne scars that she used to get injections to have them filled out.
This right here explains a whole lot of shit, about why you are this way now. Good luck finding a man (human, ghost, whatever gets you wet and ready) to help you through these issues, the adventure should be a complete blast 
Quote:
100_the_cat said:
The very next night after the train station guy, I was back in the train station, waiting for the next person to offer to take me in. So this foreign guy who is dirty and drunk comes up to me, speaking very broken English, tells me he's a jeweler and asks me if I like jazz. Wants to buy me a drink. I say I don't drink, but he can buy me a water. (I wasn't turning down free ANYTHING because I had a few hundred dollars cash I had to make last for potentially months.) So we go in this beer place in the train station (this was Penn Station in NYC), he buys himself another beer, buys me a water, gives me the change. I was more than happy to take those quarters off his hands. We sit down in the seating area where other people are drinking. He starts grabbing my hand and making me stroke the skin on his other hand, asking me if I like "slow." Since he'd been talking about jazz, and I give people way too many chances, thinking it might just be me with the dirty mind, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought he might be talking about dancing or music. But no. Upon asking, "Slow what?" he said, "Make love." Then he started telling me how much he loves pussy, loves eating pussy, and the whole time he was holding two of his fingers together and kissing them. Right in front of all these people. Then he started asking me if I want to suck his dick. I looked him dead in the eyes, shook my head very slowly, and said, "No, I am never going to suck your dick." He looked shocked and crushed. "Never?" I said, "NO." He said, "Ok. I leave now."
Well I mean you went and let a drunk guy close to you, which in bird terms should be quite clear it's a no-no. I have clear rules, if cigs are lit I split, if drunks show up I leave. Or if I'm looking to dump some stress and anger I'll play a few rounds, but it's clearly to dump stress and leave, not to connect on some meaningful level, as these people in these states can't really be connected with.
What else do you expect drunk people to do, other than drool on you, be socially awkward and make very poorly designed passes at you? I mean you're dealing with an inebriated perceptually and intellectually challenged brain, they can barely talk or walk, did you expect some fantastic displays of physical prowess and depth of understanding?
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Quote:
Murzelpfrumpft said:
What the fuck did I just read?
Just FYI the stuff people talk at the psych ward seems pretty coherent and logical against this here.
Life fucks people in the head so hard, it's not even funny anymore.
I think it needs to be said here that I actually spent 3 weeks in a crisis stabilization unit (that's a place one step removed from a mental hospital), spent the first 2 weeks just getting my whole life story out, the main psychologist I worked with ended up telling me that what I've been through (primarily with my parents, continuing into adulthood, worsening in adulthood) is the worst case of abuse he'd ever personally come across in his practice. Speaking on behalf of the whole treatment team there, he said, "We think you're enlightened," and "We're surprised you haven't killed yourself yet." He urged me to test into Mensa. (I've never done it because I know I'm horrible with numbers.)
I really don't like to go around spewing that just because it sounds so tremendously arrogant and I'm already arrogant enough to get attacked for thinking highly of myself, but I feel like it's time to say that given the ignorant remark here
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They
Stranger
Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
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Re: Ghost [Re: They]
#23790520 - 11/01/16 06:56 AM (7 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
There's an underlying theme, a common thread, running through all these stories that is pertinent to what's gone on in these two threads between me and They
There's a certain flavor to the interactions I have with people who pop up in my reality to serve an abusive purpose
Abusive?
Ok here's the game, at least from my end:
If all goes right, it ends into some kind of friendly connection like this: Even if it doesn't go well, the dance and running around game itself, is how we stay healthy, how we get back into the present, forget about the past, deal with the here and now and have some fun This whole process is not "abuse" at all. Nature and the universe doesn't send these beings your way to "abuse" you. It's a game, it's play. They (this is where my awesome name kicks in, do I mean them or me? ) are sent to simply give you an opportunity to play the bird game, meaning to choose your comfortable distance, whatever that is. THe kid that pushed you, yeah, he liked you and wanted to see you naked, probably masturbated about you quite a bit, but likely because of age had NO IDEA how to express that so it actually works out, and so he did something pretty much at random, tried something out, misguided as it may have been. The fact that it was so violent speaks to me of having asshole (probably drinking) parents who just paid no attention to that level of his development.  The drunk that showed up, that's an instance of you forming experience that NO, we DON'T deal with drinkers, we don't sit next close to them, don't allow drunks physically close, let alone hold hands, touch and stuff like that. Drunks DO have some valid moves that do work on a certain kind of female, I mean I have lost bird games (read: lost the girl) to drunks that put up the MONTHS of patient self-abuse that it takes to win a girl over with their shit approach. There IS some sense to what they do, it's just that it's generally aimed at fellow drinkers, not alcohol-free females. It's on you to define your game more clearly, to know that as soon as you see cigs or booze in the game, that male is only good for avoiding, or at best taking for a ride, getting some favors out of him before bailing out. If you know and play the bird game well, that is maintain proper comfy distance with full sincerity, you will see a lot more fun and fresh experiences coming your way, no matter who you're playing with. Just don't blame your own bad moves and unwise choices on the dance partner (talking about the drunk guy here).
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They
Stranger
Registered: 10/23/16
Posts: 146
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
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Re: Ghost [Re: They]
#23790531 - 11/01/16 07:02 AM (7 years, 10 months ago) |
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Oh, oh, and I've got it, good to see you're calling me an abuser, but notice you're the one that mentioned physical violence, and in fact quite gruesome, in the form of pecking eyes out
Ta dee dah, take some of these and see what happens 
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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They, I spent 10 years in therapy. And I've even been urged by therapists to become one myself because I have a special knack for insight. I know it's not normal to call people ugly.
And I can see right into this technique you're using to try to invalidate me.
You've shown up too late in the game. You need a target who hasn't been through the fire yet. I have waaaay, WAY too much Pluto going on for you to control me the way you're trying to. FROM BIRTH I have been observing two master abusers. I know all the tricks. I'm ten steps ahead of you, psychologically. I see what you're doing, I've already called you on it. You need someone who is naive and weak.
This reversal I'm talking about is where YOU REALIZE I've been superior to you all along.
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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Something that really bothers me about you, and people like you, is that there's no effort whatsoever to put yourself in my shoes and see from my perspective. I offer a lot of information about myself freely so that people can see inside me -- to make it easier for them to see things from my side, by seeing where I've been.
I've spent my whole life seeing through other people's eyes, ignoring myself. That's my end of the bargain that I held up, and I did a very good job at it, completely sacrificing myself in the process.
I'm, by nature, entering the polar opposite lifestyle now, and it's time for other people to switch roles with me. As I slide into this role of being the selfish one, the people who pop into my reality will naturally shift to accommodate me.
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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As hard as it may be for you to believe, I'm not offering up info about my life for people like you to use to attempt to beat your own worldview into me. My problems are not going to be solved by your half-baked bird game advice. You're operating at 10% of my intelligence. You don't have anything to offer me in the advice department.
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100_the_cat
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
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In my reality, which is governed by my perspective, it's a fact that I'm good-looking even if I'm frowning, yes. And if somebody who's not even as good-looking as I am tells me that I'm ugly, there's something seriously fucking whacked in that person's skull.
One, who actually says something like that? Who goes around telling WOMEN THEY PICK UP that they're ugly?
Two, it's patently false. I'm not ugly. Ever. Period.
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