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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 17 hours, 10 minutes
So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever...
    #23736654 - 10/14/16 10:26 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Back when I was at university they used to give them away so I grabbed a big handful of them every once in a while. After university I've almost always ended up with girls on the pill and when an occasion required a condom, the girl generally had them.

New chick in my life says she wants condoms, so I went condom shopping. I brought 10 bucks and no expection. Turns out these things are fucking expensive...

So many brands... So many bells and whisles.... I had no idea what I was doing. I just stood in front of the condom wall as if I was buying tampons... Fucking clueless. I looked pathetic... Trojan, Durex, Lifestyle, knock off chinese brands. Ribbed, not ribbed, latex, no latex, big, small, pencil dick, tall boy size.... puffy tip, thin, thick, stretchy, lubed, not lubed, orange tasting... JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!

I had to text the girl and ask her what she wanted...

I ended up getting super thin Lifestyles because they were on special... Plain ones. The cheese pizza, regular chip, unsalted butter kind. 16$ for 36 condoms. I feel as if I got screwed over, but whatever. It is what it is...

Now I get to enjoy sex without feeling or orgasms. Yay!


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Invisiblefalsereality


Registered: 04/01/13
Posts: 4,112
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Patlal]
    #23736673 - 10/14/16 10:32 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

"big handfuls"  :ohyeahdefinitely:


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot

Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Patlal]
    #23736674 - 10/14/16 10:32 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Not a fan of lifestyles I remember them being a little tight. It's really not hard man. You should have just bought a couple different kinds to encourage her to help you find the best one. :lol: Next time bro. Trojan and Durex are fine. I tend to get for the more feels kind. The last ones I bought were Trojan bareskin and they were pretty good. I wanna feel the pussy. Drink a little too much before using a regular condom and I've wondered if I'm feeling the pussy at all, or maybe I'm just spoiled.


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OfflineWebster10
Up like Trump
Male


Registered: 12/03/13
Posts: 9,966
Loc: Strawberry Fields Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 3 months
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Patlal]
    #23736676 - 10/14/16 10:35 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Lifestyles utterly blow. Get Trojan think skin if you actually want to semi feel the sex. If you want to dick your girl extremely well, but "Trojan extended." They have numbing cream in the lube so you can stay hard for fucking ever without busting.


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:leaf: :usa:


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Invisiblefuzzipeach
Stranger Danger


Registered: 12/13/15
Posts: 176
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Patlal] * 4
    #23736678 - 10/14/16 10:36 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Condoms suck, I still have an ultra sensitive lifestyle condom in my wallet from the first pack we bought in high school. Expires this year.
Cant you use a spermicide or something thats not a condom?
Or pressure her into birth control?
Definitely pressure her, threaten her even. It works. I guarantee it.


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
Strange R
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Patlal]
    #23736689 - 10/14/16 10:38 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:
over, but whatever. It is what it is...




LOL! Seriously you are awesome for wrapping it, kudos to you sir!:grin:


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 17 hours, 10 minutes
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: falsereality]
    #23736701 - 10/14/16 10:41 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

falsereality said:
"big handfuls"  :ohyeahdefinitely:




THey were free. Every guy that walk past them grabbed a handfuul


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 17 hours, 10 minutes
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Webster10]
    #23736702 - 10/14/16 10:41 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Webster10 said:
Lifestyles utterly blow. Get Trojan think skin if you actually want to semi feel the sex. If you want to dick your girl extremely well, but "Trojan extended." They have numbing cream in the lube so you can stay hard for fucking ever without busting.




SO I bought the wrong thing?


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
Fucked off to the pub
Female User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: fuzzipeach]
    #23736714 - 10/14/16 10:45 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

...don't use spermicide. You inject spermicide in your dick and see how you like it.

I dunno if there's any improvement there but it used to be that if she didn't have a sensitivity to that shit, if you use it enough she will develop one and the last thing you want your lady to remember after having sex with you is her cooch being on fire.


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          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


Edited by CookieCrumbs (10/14/16 10:48 AM)


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Invisiblebadchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,372
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Patlal] * 1
    #23736718 - 10/14/16 10:45 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:


SO I bought the wrong thing?




They're condoms.  Try some different ones, find the ones you like.

You're really over-thinking this.


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...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436


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Invisiblefalsereality


Registered: 04/01/13
Posts: 4,112
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Patlal]
    #23736719 - 10/14/16 10:45 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Check out the Trojan bareskin condoms and stay away from the flavored packs. As cookie crumbs said, don't use spermicide.


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InvisibleBurke Dennings
baby merchant

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 81,641
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: falsereality] * 8
    #23736727 - 10/14/16 10:49 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Patlal wants us to know that he has found a consensual partner & he anticipates having sex in the near future.  I'm happy for you, Pat.


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 17 hours, 10 minutes
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Burke Dennings]
    #23736730 - 10/14/16 10:50 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Burke Dennings said:
Patlal wants us to know that he has found a consensual partner & he anticipates having sex in the near future.  I'm happy for you, Pat.




Thanks man. My kidnapping days are over.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot

Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Patlal]
    #23736751 - 10/14/16 10:55 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Maybe she's really kinky and you can kidnap people together.


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Invisiblemt cleverest
clevendafodil

Registered: 08/19/12
Posts: 2,348
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Patlal]
    #23736762 - 10/14/16 10:57 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I work at walgreens and every time someone buys condoms I say "condoms... nice" and give them a wink or two.


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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*
Other

Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Patlal]
    #23736769 - 10/14/16 10:59 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

This comes across as being so inept.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot

Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: mt cleverest] * 2
    #23736776 - 10/14/16 11:00 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

One time when I was a night cashier at a grocery store, a man came in, looked around, and came right back. He asked if we had any condoms. I said no but there's lube on aisle 10. So he says, "Well I guess she's taking it in the pooper tonight!"


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Invisible1234go
Ban Lotto Champion
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 53,898
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #23736777 - 10/14/16 11:00 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Irony of Bodhi


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
I'm a teapot

Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: 1234go] * 1
    #23736779 - 10/14/16 11:01 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

#shootitdown


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InvisiblePatrickKn
I'm a teapot


Registered: 07/10/11
Posts: 20,564
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: Patlal]
    #23736783 - 10/14/16 11:02 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:
Quote:

Burke Dennings said:
Patlal wants us to know that he has found a consensual partner & he anticipates having sex in the near future.  I'm happy for you, Pat.




Thanks man. My kidnapping days are over.





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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
Fucked off to the pub
Female User Gallery

Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #23736788 - 10/14/16 11:03 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

XLCaps said:
One time when I was a night cashier at a grocery store, a man came in, looked around, and came right back. He asked if we had any condoms. I said no but there's lube on aisle 10. So he says, "Well I guess she's taking it in the pooper tonight!"




...who the hell sells lube but not condoms?


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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InvisibleJonBongGroovy
Male User Gallery

Registered: 01/23/15
Posts: 2,875
Loc: Hawaii
Re: So I went condom shopping for the first since... Well, probably the first time ever... [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #23736812 - 10/14/16 11:15 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

CookieCrumbs said:
Quote:

XLCaps said:
One time when I was a night cashier at a grocery store, a man came in, looked around, and came right back. He asked if we had any condoms. I said no but there's lube on aisle 10. So he says, "Well I guess she's taking it in the pooper tonight!"




...who the hell sells lube but not condoms?



Barebacks


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