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Invisiblebreeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
Fiance is leaving me
    #23729858 - 10/11/16 10:57 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

My fiance told me Monday morning that she no longer wants to marry me, with the wedding one month away. I've been with her for almost 4 years (engaged for a little over a year). I got this strange feeling after only a couple of weeks with her that I could see myself with her forever. And she has told me she felt the same way. Our relationship has always been so easy and happy. I never thought I would find someone like her.

She is Jewish, and she really embraces Jewish culture and loves reading about Judaism and other religions from a scholarly perspective. I'm not very religious in any traditional sense, but I'm captivated by thinking about the origin of the universe and the origin of life. She has always made it clear that she wanted to raise our family Jewish, and I have always been fine with that.

I have never had much interest in the traditions and rituals of organized religion, but I have shared in certain Jewish religious and cultural traditions with her, and I have enjoyed it. She has never had a problem with our differences in this area.

Yesterday she just told me that Judaism has taken over an even larger part of her life, and she strongly feels a need to marry someone Jewish. She says it's not the same if I were to convert (and I have no spiritual interest in converting). I would only be converting because I love her, and I never want to lose her. Now we are suddenly missing this huge connection in her mind. It just kills me how she can give up everything we have together for this. 

She has also been somewhat unhappy with her job for the past few months. She moved in with me from a different state and has been really wanting to make more friends for the past year or so, too. Over the past couple months she has made some friends and started hanging out with them a lot. I was happy for her. I'm quite introverted, and I would rarely hang out with her and her friends; she sometimes wouldn't sleep at home with me for 3 or 4 night in a row. I missed her, and I told her this, but I was also very glad to see her happy and finally making good friends. She is more extroverted than I am, but she has always told me that she loves how we can just relax alone together.

She is now saying that she wishes I had a desire to hang out with people, and that she wants to marry someone more extroverted. I'm pretty devastated by all of this. My whole life changed in an instant. Her mind seems made up, and this really doesn't seem all that hard for her. I know most people won't read this, but it helps me to write it out, in any case.


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Invisiblepineninja
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] * 1
    #23729905 - 10/11/16 11:15 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I feel for you bud. Whether its honestly her religion or she is just using it as an excuse, once her mind has set and changed its just going to be best for you to walk away. Any advice right now is obviously a drop in the bucket so I'll just say that time heals.


--------------------
Just a fool on the hill.


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OfflineEzuma
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: pineninja]
    #23730049 - 10/12/16 12:44 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

make sure to screw a lot of meaningless women op
it's what id do


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: Ezuma] * 2
    #23730085 - 10/12/16 01:20 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Ezuma said:
make sure to screw a lot of meaningless women op
it's what id do



Doesn't really work all too well, at least for some people. When I broke up with my most recent girl, I was pretty upset about it for a bit and thought the old sleep with a bunch of women thing would help me move on. All it did was make me miss her more :/


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] * 1
    #23730254 - 10/12/16 05:27 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

At least it was before the wedding


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Offlineqman
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: Repertoire89] * 6
    #23730958 - 10/12/16 11:31 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

She did YOU a massive favor OP, you deserve much better.

I wouldn't be surprised if she has already met someone else, so don't be devastated if you find out in a few weeks.


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InvisibleJohnnieYen
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: qman]
    #23730992 - 10/12/16 11:39 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Agree with qman. Women don't do things on a whim. She was on the fence for awhile and being away 3-4 days is a HUGE red flag. Sounds like she met someone (most likely Jewish and extroverted) and questioned her future with you.
If this didn't happen now it would've happened after marriage and kids. She did you a favor dude.
You won't see it now, but you will in the future


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: JohnnieYen]
    #23731186 - 10/12/16 12:56 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Aother victim of religion it seems.

It is what it is OP. Take some time to get over it. Thank the Jewish Gods that she didn't leave AFTER being married.


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OfflineEzuma
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
    #23731991 - 10/12/16 05:46 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

You don't want her anyway she believes in fairy stories and wants to spread her cult to her offspring. Sounds awful to me


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Invisiblebreeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: Patlal] * 2
    #23732235 - 10/12/16 07:19 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks for the kind words guys. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she hasn't met someone else, but the thought has certainly crossed my mind; and I even have an idea of who it might be.

Some of these comments gave me a little chuckle, so thanks for that.

Time to embrace some of the finest wisdom: "Fuck it, dude. Let's go bowlin'."


Edited by breeg89 (10/12/16 07:27 PM)


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Offlinedoomshroom88
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
    #23732573 - 10/12/16 09:27 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

it the gym, lawyer up and delete facebook
not necessarily in that order


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OfflineSHROOMYG
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: doomshroom88]
    #23732611 - 10/12/16 09:39 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Fuck her :micdrop:


--------------------
“Plants are the missing link in the search to understand the human mind and its place in nature.” - Terrence McKenna


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Invisiblebreeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: SHROOMYG]
    #23734838 - 10/13/16 05:33 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I just keep dwelling on the mistakes I've made. I really need to have a long talk with her. I just keep thinking that I did this to myself and that I could've prevented it. I just never saw it coming at all. Things were so perfect in my mind. I was so comfortable with everything. Any doubt that she would ever leave me had completely vanished.


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] * 2
    #23734858 - 10/13/16 05:41 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

breeg89 said:
I just keep dwelling on the mistakes I've made. I really need to have a long talk with her. I just keep thinking that I did this to myself and that I could've prevented it. I just never saw it coming at all. Things were so perfect in my mind. I was so comfortable with everything. Any doubt that she would ever leave me had completely vanished.



Not sure what you did or could have done to prevent it, but right now you need to give her space. Calling and texting her crying all the time is not gonna do any good, but it will do a lot of harm for you. If you want to have a chance at getting her back then just try to move on and if she misses you or wants you back then she will reach out to you. I know it sucks, but you gotta give her space


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Invisiblebreeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23735571 - 10/13/16 10:00 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I could've been more affectionate to her recently, surprised her with more dates, etc. I just have to tell myself it wouldn't have made a difference, though. I know she'd be willing to work through these things. There are plenty of other special things I always did to show her I love her.  For this to happen, it has to be a fundamental issue.

I've been trying to give her space. The thing is, we still haven't talked this out. She dropped this on me Monday morning, and I've hardly seen her since then. She's going about her life as if nothing is wrong. The fact that she left me is shocking, but the way she's ignoring all of this is almost equally as shocking. I can't imagine how she'd react if I dropped this on her and then wouldn't even make time to talk about it for the whole week, while she sat at home crying. It's just so unlike her. Would never have expected her to handle this situation like this.


Edited by breeg89 (10/13/16 10:13 PM)


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] * 2
    #23735609 - 10/13/16 10:18 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Best thing you can do man is just expect nothing of her right now. If you truly loved her then you can let her go. It's a long story but... trust me, I know. I've been right where you are, only it was about 2 years after I got married.

The only thing you can do right now is stay focused on healing yourself. It took 13 months of misery for me, whilst everything else came collapsing down around me, but I'm out the other side now and 10x wiser and happier than I was before all this shit went down.

You man. What matters is you. Please, for all the suffering I've been through, let me save you just a little by emphasising that that is what is important here.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Offlineqman
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] * 3
    #23736334 - 10/14/16 08:31 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

breeg89 said:
I could've been more affectionate to her recently, surprised her with more dates, etc. I just have to tell myself it wouldn't have made a difference, though. I know she'd be willing to work through these things. There are plenty of other special things I always did to show her I love her.  For this to happen, it has to be a fundamental issue.

I've been trying to give her space. The thing is, we still haven't talked this out. She dropped this on me Monday morning, and I've hardly seen her since then. She's going about her life as if nothing is wrong. The fact that she left me is shocking, but the way she's ignoring all of this is almost equally as shocking. I can't imagine how she'd react if I dropped this on her and then wouldn't even make time to talk about it for the whole week, while she sat at home crying. It's just so unlike her. Would never have expected her to handle this situation like this.




Dude, it's over. Don't humiliate yourself.  There is nothing to talk about, move on.


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Offlinerickpsfuckyou
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: qman] * 1
    #23736395 - 10/14/16 08:51 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

sounds like you dodged a bullet op


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OfflineCanon
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: rickpsfuckyou]
    #23739096 - 10/15/16 02:31 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Search for a ne one.

I mean, lets imagine you married her. After all this you can never ever be sure that she will be on your side your whole life. Thats why I would look for a new one. In worst case you are married for years and after all she quits.


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OfflineThe5thElement
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: Canon]
    #23742745 - 10/16/16 02:26 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

She just isn't worth the time I guess? I mean if I were in a relationship with someone who was willing to just let it all go, because I wasn't raised Jewish I'd say that that girl is pretty unsure of what the fuck matters in life. What a silly reason to end a relationship, and she wants someone more extroverted?

I would let her go honestly, it sounds like she doesnt value you.

Are both of you pretty young OP?

I mean, I was with someone for 7 years or something ridiclous like that. I was the first person she fell in love with, and we ended up breaking up. In the end it was just that we wern't compatable, we were both young and didn't know who we were, or what we wanted in life. I say this because maybe thats the same situation you two are in?

Personaly I wouldn't want to stay with someone who would be willing to leave me for the exact reasons you stated in your first post. Like what the fuck, this girl doesnt sound like someone who's willing to make the commitment to stay with someone for better or for worst. Imagine if you had some sort of medical issue years from now, you think this girl is the type to stick it through the rough times?


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: The5thElement] * 2
    #23745735 - 10/17/16 02:13 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

This is a blessing in disguise, op. Go find yourself a nice Catholic girl and flaunt her in front of your ex.:wink:


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Invisiblebreeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #23746888 - 10/17/16 07:14 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Best thing you can do man is just expect nothing of her right now. If you truly loved her then you can let her go. It's a long story but... trust me, I know. I've been right where you are, only it was about 2 years after I got married.

The only thing you can do right now is stay focused on healing yourself. It took 13 months of misery for me, whilst everything else came collapsing down around me, but I'm out the other side now and 10x wiser and happier than I was before all this shit went down.

You man. What matters is you. Please, for all the suffering I've been through, let me save you just a little by emphasising that that is what is important here.




Thanks everyone for the input. This advice really helps me, Jokeshop. And glad you made it through that.

We are fairly young - mid 20s. So we were bound to go through some changes as individuals. I just thought she'd always stick by me.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] * 1
    #23749540 - 10/18/16 05:06 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

breeg89 said:
This advice really helps me, Jokeshop.



You're most welcome brother, that's what we're here for; to help each other.

I mean this woman I speak of; man, I thought this was the one - the one I was gonna get old and die with - but life deals us such an unexpected hand, at any given moment. I mean, if Jesus stepped out from behind this glass of beer I'm drinking I really wouldn't be surprised anymore. Nothing is a given (other than the fact you and I will one day die) and everything is in a state of flux. I like to call upon knowledge several thousand years old when it comes to such things:


We hate gladiators if they are keen to save their life by any means; we favour them if they openly show contempt for it.  You must realize that the same thing applies to us:  for often the cause of dying is the fear of it.  Dame Fortune, who makes sport with us, says 'Why should I preserve you, base and fearful creature?  You will only receive more severe wounds and stabs as you don't know how to offer your throat.  But you will both live longer and die more easily, since you receive the blade bravely, without withdrawing your neck and putting your hands in the way.  He who fears death will never do anything worthy of a living man.  But he who knows that this was the condition laid down for him at the moment of his conception, will live on those therms, and at the same time he will guarantee with a similar strength of mind that no events take him by surprise.  For by foreseeing anything that can happen as though it will happen he will soften the onslaught of all his troubles, which present no surprises to those who are ready and waiting fo them, but fall heavily on those who are careless in the expectation that all will be well.

--Seneca the younger


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineCanon
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23752342 - 10/19/16 03:31 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I am really sorry about that.

Please dont go crazy because of her. Life is worth living and I am absolutely sure, you will get a better one that she was. Dont give up!

Each and every fail and lose makes you in a way stronger. Even if it doesnt look like it, at first.


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Offlinetamales
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #24044724 - 01/27/17 05:36 PM (7 years, 3 days ago)

Quote:

FruitOfLife said:
Quote:

Ezuma said:
make sure to screw a lot of meaningless women op
it's what id do



Doesn't really work all too well, at least for some people. When I broke up with my most recent girl, I was pretty upset about it for a bit and thought the old sleep with a bunch of women thing would help me move on. All it did was make me miss her more :/




Same here. Meaningless sex seemed like a grand idea to get over someone, but in the end it made me miss him more. I had relationships end where casual sex was a great replacement. I guess it all depends on how much the person was cared about.

Sounds devastating what you are going through. It isn't uncommon to call off a wedding soon before the big day though. It's termed cold feet.

How are you feeling/keeping now?

The bright side is you didn't marry someone who didn't honestly want to marry you.


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Invisiblebreeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: tamales]
    #24049213 - 01/29/17 02:30 PM (7 years, 1 day ago)

Thanks for the replies, people. I've been in a weird place for the past three months (can't believe that it's been so long since she told me). Sometimes I feel happy and normal, but other times I get pretty down.

It's strange not having her around because she was the one thing that I knew would stay constant through all of life's changes. Now I have to think about the future without her, and it's unsettling sometimes. That quote from Seneca the younger applies very well, and I try to apply that mindset to other aspects of life. But it's very difficult in matters like this.


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Offlinefastsack
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
    #24062826 - 02/03/17 02:38 PM (6 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

breeg89 said:


She is Jewish, and she really embraces Jewish culture and loves reading about Judaism and other religions from a scholarly perspective. I'm not very religious in any traditional sense, but I'm captivated by thinking about the origin of the universe and the origin of life. She has always made it clear that she wanted to raise our family Jewish, and I have always been fine with that.

I have never had much interest in the traditions and rituals of organized religion, but I have shared in certain Jewish religious and cultural traditions with her, and I have enjoyed it. She has never had a problem with our differences in this area.

Yesterday she just told me that Judaism has taken over an even larger part of her life, and she strongly feels a need to marry someone Jewish. She says it's not the same if I were to convert (and I have no spiritual interest in converting). I would only be converting because I love her, and I never want to lose her.




This is just a bullshit excuse on her part.

Jews are never to remind a person when they were not Jewish.  It is in the Torah and any observant Jew would know that.

Also Judaism is matrilineal. Your children would be full Jewish and accepted too.  She doesn't seem to know Judaism very well herself and is relying on it as an excuse.


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Invisiblebreeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: fastsack]
    #24083052 - 02/11/17 07:31 PM (6 years, 11 months ago)

I suppose there may be some truth to that, fatsack. After the fact, she told me that over last summer she felt like I didn't want to be with her. I guess I got so comfortable with us being together that I got complacent at times showing her how much she means to me. I just wish she had talked to me about those feelings before all of this happened. Because it's not what a I wanted.


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Invisiblebreeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
    #24539917 - 08/08/17 07:46 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah guys so way back at the start of this thread someone mentioned that she might be leaving me for someone Jewish and extroverted.

And I said I had a suspicion who it might be, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Now I find out she's with that guy. Of course, I don't know if her feelings for that guy at the time played into her leaving me, but gotta be honest, I feel pretty betrayed right now.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] * 2
    #24539936 - 08/08/17 07:51 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Thats not betrayal man, let it go

Her feelings changed and she did right by you, by leaving instead of cheating and dragging things out


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InvisibleGoldMold
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: Repertoire89]
    #24539958 - 08/08/17 07:59 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Your lucky she left you and didn't marry you then cheat and all that bs. You'll find someone better and who won't think she's better because she's a jew. Take somr time and do shit that you like and you will meet someone when the time is right, keep your head up.


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Invisiblebreeg89
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: GoldMold] * 2
    #24540067 - 08/08/17 08:37 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah you guys are right. Life goes on.


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
    #24540082 - 08/08/17 08:41 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

breeg89 said:
Yeah you guys are right. Life goes on.



I'm sorry, I can only imagine the emotions you've been through. We are all here for you if you need to talk brother.


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Invisiblepineninja
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] * 1
    #24540084 - 08/08/17 08:42 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

breeg89 said:
Yeah you guys are right. Life goes on.



With or without you.
Don't miss the bus.


--------------------
Just a fool on the hill.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
    #24540097 - 08/08/17 08:46 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

breeg89 said:
Yeah you guys are right. Life goes on.




Things will get better man, someone else will come along and you'll forget to care about all this.


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Invisiblebreeg89
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: Repertoire89]
    #24540111 - 08/08/17 08:51 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

I appreciate it guys. We just got along so well.

I'll be OK though. I've always been content being alone. I'll just keep doin my thing.


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
    #24540151 - 08/08/17 09:09 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

breeg89 said:
I appreciate it guys. We just got along so well.

I'll be OK though. I've always been content being alone. I'll just keep doin my thing.



The key is to be positive about the situation. You loved someone and unfortunately it didn't work out, but try and take away as many lessons as you can from it.

I was seeing a girl for about 6 months about a year ago and I reaaaallllly liked her, I didn't love her but I could definitely see myself loving her (if that makes sense). Basically she was seeing a guy long distance and it didn't work out, then we dated for a while. I ended up doing enough things wrong during our time together that it basically drove her back into his arms. Looking back I know exactly where I went wrong and as much as I wish I could go back and fix my errors, I can't. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and do my best not to repeat them in the future.... She actually got married to that guy a few weeks ago lol.

My point being, don't be "content with being alone" just because it didn't work out with someone. Use this chapter of your life as a learning experience so you know what to do or what not to do when you find the next love of your life.


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Invisiblebreeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #24540171 - 08/08/17 09:18 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

That's helpful man, especially because the regrets may be the hardest part. You have a good outlook, and I'm glad you got through it.


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
    #24540182 - 08/08/17 09:22 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

breeg89 said:
That's helpful man, especially because the regrets may be the hardest part. You have a good outlook, and I'm glad you got through it.



You'll get through it too brother. Time heals all wounds  :thumbup:


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OfflineConnoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: SHROOMYG]
    #24540500 - 08/08/17 11:41 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

SHROOMYG said:
Fuck her :micdrop:




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