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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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This is a blessing in disguise, op. Go find yourself a nice Catholic girl and flaunt her in front of your ex.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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breeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: Best thing you can do man is just expect nothing of her right now. If you truly loved her then you can let her go. It's a long story but... trust me, I know. I've been right where you are, only it was about 2 years after I got married.
The only thing you can do right now is stay focused on healing yourself. It took 13 months of misery for me, whilst everything else came collapsing down around me, but I'm out the other side now and 10x wiser and happier than I was before all this shit went down.
You man. What matters is you. Please, for all the suffering I've been through, let me save you just a little by emphasising that that is what is important here.
Thanks everyone for the input. This advice really helps me, Jokeshop. And glad you made it through that.
We are fairly young - mid 20s. So we were bound to go through some changes as individuals. I just thought she'd always stick by me.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] 1
#23749540 - 10/18/16 05:06 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
breeg89 said: This advice really helps me, Jokeshop.
You're most welcome brother, that's what we're here for; to help each other.
I mean this woman I speak of; man, I thought this was the one - the one I was gonna get old and die with - but life deals us such an unexpected hand, at any given moment. I mean, if Jesus stepped out from behind this glass of beer I'm drinking I really wouldn't be surprised anymore. Nothing is a given (other than the fact you and I will one day die) and everything is in a state of flux. I like to call upon knowledge several thousand years old when it comes to such things:
We hate gladiators if they are keen to save their life by any means; we favour them if they openly show contempt for it. You must realize that the same thing applies to us: for often the cause of dying is the fear of it. Dame Fortune, who makes sport with us, says 'Why should I preserve you, base and fearful creature? You will only receive more severe wounds and stabs as you don't know how to offer your throat. But you will both live longer and die more easily, since you receive the blade bravely, without withdrawing your neck and putting your hands in the way. He who fears death will never do anything worthy of a living man. But he who knows that this was the condition laid down for him at the moment of his conception, will live on those therms, and at the same time he will guarantee with a similar strength of mind that no events take him by surprise. For by foreseeing anything that can happen as though it will happen he will soften the onslaught of all his troubles, which present no surprises to those who are ready and waiting fo them, but fall heavily on those who are careless in the expectation that all will be well. --Seneca the younger
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Canon
Stranger

Registered: 06/21/16
Posts: 377
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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I am really sorry about that.
Please dont go crazy because of her. Life is worth living and I am absolutely sure, you will get a better one that she was. Dont give up!
Each and every fail and lose makes you in a way stronger. Even if it doesnt look like it, at first.
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tamales
Miranda



Registered: 12/20/16
Posts: 135
Loc: Ireland
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
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Quote:
FruitOfLife said:
Quote:
Ezuma said: make sure to screw a lot of meaningless women op it's what id do
Doesn't really work all too well, at least for some people. When I broke up with my most recent girl, I was pretty upset about it for a bit and thought the old sleep with a bunch of women thing would help me move on. All it did was make me miss her more :/
Same here. Meaningless sex seemed like a grand idea to get over someone, but in the end it made me miss him more. I had relationships end where casual sex was a great replacement. I guess it all depends on how much the person was cared about.
Sounds devastating what you are going through. It isn't uncommon to call off a wedding soon before the big day though. It's termed cold feet.
How are you feeling/keeping now?
The bright side is you didn't marry someone who didn't honestly want to marry you.
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breeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: tamales]
#24049213 - 01/29/17 02:30 PM (7 years, 1 day ago) |
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Thanks for the replies, people. I've been in a weird place for the past three months (can't believe that it's been so long since she told me). Sometimes I feel happy and normal, but other times I get pretty down.
It's strange not having her around because she was the one thing that I knew would stay constant through all of life's changes. Now I have to think about the future without her, and it's unsettling sometimes. That quote from Seneca the younger applies very well, and I try to apply that mindset to other aspects of life. But it's very difficult in matters like this.
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fastsack
Boss

Registered: 12/22/16
Posts: 212
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
#24062826 - 02/03/17 02:38 PM (6 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
breeg89 said:
She is Jewish, and she really embraces Jewish culture and loves reading about Judaism and other religions from a scholarly perspective. I'm not very religious in any traditional sense, but I'm captivated by thinking about the origin of the universe and the origin of life. She has always made it clear that she wanted to raise our family Jewish, and I have always been fine with that.
I have never had much interest in the traditions and rituals of organized religion, but I have shared in certain Jewish religious and cultural traditions with her, and I have enjoyed it. She has never had a problem with our differences in this area.
Yesterday she just told me that Judaism has taken over an even larger part of her life, and she strongly feels a need to marry someone Jewish. She says it's not the same if I were to convert (and I have no spiritual interest in converting). I would only be converting because I love her, and I never want to lose her.
This is just a bullshit excuse on her part.
Jews are never to remind a person when they were not Jewish. It is in the Torah and any observant Jew would know that.
Also Judaism is matrilineal. Your children would be full Jewish and accepted too. She doesn't seem to know Judaism very well herself and is relying on it as an excuse.
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breeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: fastsack]
#24083052 - 02/11/17 07:31 PM (6 years, 11 months ago) |
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I suppose there may be some truth to that, fatsack. After the fact, she told me that over last summer she felt like I didn't want to be with her. I guess I got so comfortable with us being together that I got complacent at times showing her how much she means to me. I just wish she had talked to me about those feelings before all of this happened. Because it's not what a I wanted.
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breeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
#24539917 - 08/08/17 07:46 PM (6 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah guys so way back at the start of this thread someone mentioned that she might be leaving me for someone Jewish and extroverted.
And I said I had a suspicion who it might be, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.
Now I find out she's with that guy. Of course, I don't know if her feelings for that guy at the time played into her leaving me, but gotta be honest, I feel pretty betrayed right now.
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] 2
#24539936 - 08/08/17 07:51 PM (6 years, 5 months ago) |
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Thats not betrayal man, let it go
Her feelings changed and she did right by you, by leaving instead of cheating and dragging things out
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GoldMold
Stranger in the night


Registered: 10/13/16
Posts: 737
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Your lucky she left you and didn't marry you then cheat and all that bs. You'll find someone better and who won't think she's better because she's a jew. Take somr time and do shit that you like and you will meet someone when the time is right, keep your head up.
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breeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: GoldMold] 2
#24540067 - 08/08/17 08:37 PM (6 years, 5 months ago) |
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Yeah you guys are right. Life goes on.
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FruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
#24540082 - 08/08/17 08:41 PM (6 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
breeg89 said: Yeah you guys are right. Life goes on.
I'm sorry, I can only imagine the emotions you've been through. We are all here for you if you need to talk brother.
--------------------
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pineninja
Dream Weaver



Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
Loc: South
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] 1
#24540084 - 08/08/17 08:42 PM (6 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
breeg89 said: Yeah you guys are right. Life goes on.
With or without you. Don't miss the bus.
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
#24540097 - 08/08/17 08:46 PM (6 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
breeg89 said: Yeah you guys are right. Life goes on.
Things will get better man, someone else will come along and you'll forget to care about all this.
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breeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
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I appreciate it guys. We just got along so well.
I'll be OK though. I've always been content being alone. I'll just keep doin my thing.
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FruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
#24540151 - 08/08/17 09:09 PM (6 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
breeg89 said: I appreciate it guys. We just got along so well.
I'll be OK though. I've always been content being alone. I'll just keep doin my thing.
The key is to be positive about the situation. You loved someone and unfortunately it didn't work out, but try and take away as many lessons as you can from it.
I was seeing a girl for about 6 months about a year ago and I reaaaallllly liked her, I didn't love her but I could definitely see myself loving her (if that makes sense). Basically she was seeing a guy long distance and it didn't work out, then we dated for a while. I ended up doing enough things wrong during our time together that it basically drove her back into his arms. Looking back I know exactly where I went wrong and as much as I wish I could go back and fix my errors, I can't. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and do my best not to repeat them in the future.... She actually got married to that guy a few weeks ago lol.
My point being, don't be "content with being alone" just because it didn't work out with someone. Use this chapter of your life as a learning experience so you know what to do or what not to do when you find the next love of your life.
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breeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
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That's helpful man, especially because the regrets may be the hardest part. You have a good outlook, and I'm glad you got through it.
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FruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
#24540182 - 08/08/17 09:22 PM (6 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
breeg89 said: That's helpful man, especially because the regrets may be the hardest part. You have a good outlook, and I'm glad you got through it.
You'll get through it too brother. Time heals all wounds
--------------------
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Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: SHROOMYG]
#24540500 - 08/08/17 11:41 PM (6 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
SHROOMYG said: Fuck her 
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