|
breeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
|
Fiance is leaving me
#23729858 - 10/11/16 10:57 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
My fiance told me Monday morning that she no longer wants to marry me, with the wedding one month away. I've been with her for almost 4 years (engaged for a little over a year). I got this strange feeling after only a couple of weeks with her that I could see myself with her forever. And she has told me she felt the same way. Our relationship has always been so easy and happy. I never thought I would find someone like her.
She is Jewish, and she really embraces Jewish culture and loves reading about Judaism and other religions from a scholarly perspective. I'm not very religious in any traditional sense, but I'm captivated by thinking about the origin of the universe and the origin of life. She has always made it clear that she wanted to raise our family Jewish, and I have always been fine with that.
I have never had much interest in the traditions and rituals of organized religion, but I have shared in certain Jewish religious and cultural traditions with her, and I have enjoyed it. She has never had a problem with our differences in this area.
Yesterday she just told me that Judaism has taken over an even larger part of her life, and she strongly feels a need to marry someone Jewish. She says it's not the same if I were to convert (and I have no spiritual interest in converting). I would only be converting because I love her, and I never want to lose her. Now we are suddenly missing this huge connection in her mind. It just kills me how she can give up everything we have together for this.
She has also been somewhat unhappy with her job for the past few months. She moved in with me from a different state and has been really wanting to make more friends for the past year or so, too. Over the past couple months she has made some friends and started hanging out with them a lot. I was happy for her. I'm quite introverted, and I would rarely hang out with her and her friends; she sometimes wouldn't sleep at home with me for 3 or 4 night in a row. I missed her, and I told her this, but I was also very glad to see her happy and finally making good friends. She is more extroverted than I am, but she has always told me that she loves how we can just relax alone together.
She is now saying that she wishes I had a desire to hang out with people, and that she wants to marry someone more extroverted. I'm pretty devastated by all of this. My whole life changed in an instant. Her mind seems made up, and this really doesn't seem all that hard for her. I know most people won't read this, but it helps me to write it out, in any case.
|
pineninja
Dream Weaver



Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
Loc: South
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] 1
#23729905 - 10/11/16 11:15 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
I feel for you bud. Whether its honestly her religion or she is just using it as an excuse, once her mind has set and changed its just going to be best for you to walk away. Any advice right now is obviously a drop in the bucket so I'll just say that time heals.
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
|
Ezuma
Gontish Wizard



Registered: 12/02/13
Posts: 8,423
Loc: Roke
Last seen: 10 months, 21 days
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: pineninja]
#23730049 - 10/12/16 12:44 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
make sure to screw a lot of meaningless women op it's what id do
|
FruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: Ezuma] 2
#23730085 - 10/12/16 01:20 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Ezuma said: make sure to screw a lot of meaningless women op it's what id do
Doesn't really work all too well, at least for some people. When I broke up with my most recent girl, I was pretty upset about it for a bit and thought the old sleep with a bunch of women thing would help me move on. All it did was make me miss her more :/
--------------------
|
Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] 1
#23730254 - 10/12/16 05:27 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
At least it was before the wedding
|
qman
Stranger

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 12 hours, 15 minutes
|
|
She did YOU a massive favor OP, you deserve much better.
I wouldn't be surprised if she has already met someone else, so don't be devastated if you find out in a few weeks.
|
JohnnieYen
Okay



Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: qman]
#23730992 - 10/12/16 11:39 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Agree with qman. Women don't do things on a whim. She was on the fence for awhile and being away 3-4 days is a HUGE red flag. Sounds like she met someone (most likely Jewish and extroverted) and questioned her future with you. If this didn't happen now it would've happened after marriage and kids. She did you a favor dude. You won't see it now, but you will in the future
-------------------- [center
|
Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 17 hours, 20 minutes
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: JohnnieYen]
#23731186 - 10/12/16 12:56 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Aother victim of religion it seems.
It is what it is OP. Take some time to get over it. Thank the Jewish Gods that she didn't leave AFTER being married.
--------------------
|
Ezuma
Gontish Wizard



Registered: 12/02/13
Posts: 8,423
Loc: Roke
Last seen: 10 months, 21 days
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
#23731991 - 10/12/16 05:46 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
You don't want her anyway she believes in fairy stories and wants to spread her cult to her offspring. Sounds awful to me
|
breeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: Patlal] 2
#23732235 - 10/12/16 07:19 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Thanks for the kind words guys. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she hasn't met someone else, but the thought has certainly crossed my mind; and I even have an idea of who it might be.
Some of these comments gave me a little chuckle, so thanks for that.
Time to embrace some of the finest wisdom: "Fuck it, dude. Let's go bowlin'."
Edited by breeg89 (10/12/16 07:27 PM)
|
doomshroom88
psychonaut

Registered: 03/21/10
Posts: 50
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89]
#23732573 - 10/12/16 09:27 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
it the gym, lawyer up and delete facebook not necessarily in that order
|
SHROOMYG
Strange



Registered: 12/26/12
Posts: 613
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
|
|
Fuck her
-------------------- “Plants are the missing link in the search to understand the human mind and its place in nature.” - Terrence McKenna
|
breeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: SHROOMYG]
#23734838 - 10/13/16 05:33 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
I just keep dwelling on the mistakes I've made. I really need to have a long talk with her. I just keep thinking that I did this to myself and that I could've prevented it. I just never saw it coming at all. Things were so perfect in my mind. I was so comfortable with everything. Any doubt that she would ever leave me had completely vanished.
|
FruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] 2
#23734858 - 10/13/16 05:41 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
breeg89 said: I just keep dwelling on the mistakes I've made. I really need to have a long talk with her. I just keep thinking that I did this to myself and that I could've prevented it. I just never saw it coming at all. Things were so perfect in my mind. I was so comfortable with everything. Any doubt that she would ever leave me had completely vanished.
Not sure what you did or could have done to prevent it, but right now you need to give her space. Calling and texting her crying all the time is not gonna do any good, but it will do a lot of harm for you. If you want to have a chance at getting her back then just try to move on and if she misses you or wants you back then she will reach out to you. I know it sucks, but you gotta give her space
--------------------
|
breeg89
i'll tell ya hwhat

Registered: 05/04/11
Posts: 3,120
Loc: mass
|
|
I could've been more affectionate to her recently, surprised her with more dates, etc. I just have to tell myself it wouldn't have made a difference, though. I know she'd be willing to work through these things. There are plenty of other special things I always did to show her I love her. For this to happen, it has to be a fundamental issue.
I've been trying to give her space. The thing is, we still haven't talked this out. She dropped this on me Monday morning, and I've hardly seen her since then. She's going about her life as if nothing is wrong. The fact that she left me is shocking, but the way she's ignoring all of this is almost equally as shocking. I can't imagine how she'd react if I dropped this on her and then wouldn't even make time to talk about it for the whole week, while she sat at home crying. It's just so unlike her. Would never have expected her to handle this situation like this.
Edited by breeg89 (10/13/16 10:13 PM)
|
Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] 2
#23735609 - 10/13/16 10:18 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Best thing you can do man is just expect nothing of her right now. If you truly loved her then you can let her go. It's a long story but... trust me, I know. I've been right where you are, only it was about 2 years after I got married.
The only thing you can do right now is stay focused on healing yourself. It took 13 months of misery for me, whilst everything else came collapsing down around me, but I'm out the other side now and 10x wiser and happier than I was before all this shit went down.
You man. What matters is you. Please, for all the suffering I've been through, let me save you just a little by emphasising that that is what is important here.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
|
qman
Stranger

Registered: 12/06/06
Posts: 34,927
Last seen: 12 hours, 15 minutes
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: breeg89] 3
#23736334 - 10/14/16 08:31 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
breeg89 said: I could've been more affectionate to her recently, surprised her with more dates, etc. I just have to tell myself it wouldn't have made a difference, though. I know she'd be willing to work through these things. There are plenty of other special things I always did to show her I love her. For this to happen, it has to be a fundamental issue.
I've been trying to give her space. The thing is, we still haven't talked this out. She dropped this on me Monday morning, and I've hardly seen her since then. She's going about her life as if nothing is wrong. The fact that she left me is shocking, but the way she's ignoring all of this is almost equally as shocking. I can't imagine how she'd react if I dropped this on her and then wouldn't even make time to talk about it for the whole week, while she sat at home crying. It's just so unlike her. Would never have expected her to handle this situation like this.
Dude, it's over. Don't humiliate yourself. There is nothing to talk about, move on.
|
rickpsfuckyou
listening to Mozzy



Registered: 11/26/05
Posts: 1,860
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: qman] 1
#23736395 - 10/14/16 08:51 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
sounds like you dodged a bullet op
--------------------
|
Canon
Stranger

Registered: 06/21/16
Posts: 377
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
|
|
Search for a ne one.
I mean, lets imagine you married her. After all this you can never ever be sure that she will be on your side your whole life. Thats why I would look for a new one. In worst case you are married for years and after all she quits.
|
The5thElement
Smile Friends :)



Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 4,675
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
|
Re: Fiance is leaving me [Re: Canon]
#23742745 - 10/16/16 02:26 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
She just isn't worth the time I guess? I mean if I were in a relationship with someone who was willing to just let it all go, because I wasn't raised Jewish I'd say that that girl is pretty unsure of what the fuck matters in life. What a silly reason to end a relationship, and she wants someone more extroverted?
I would let her go honestly, it sounds like she doesnt value you.
Are both of you pretty young OP?
I mean, I was with someone for 7 years or something ridiclous like that. I was the first person she fell in love with, and we ended up breaking up. In the end it was just that we wern't compatable, we were both young and didn't know who we were, or what we wanted in life. I say this because maybe thats the same situation you two are in?
Personaly I wouldn't want to stay with someone who would be willing to leave me for the exact reasons you stated in your first post. Like what the fuck, this girl doesnt sound like someone who's willing to make the commitment to stay with someone for better or for worst. Imagine if you had some sort of medical issue years from now, you think this girl is the type to stick it through the rough times?
|
|