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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Internalising your sexuality
    #23729778 - 10/11/16 10:38 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

So I've been very much on a path of internalising my needs in this life of late, and it's been going damn well - I'm happier and more content than I've ever been, learning to provide everything for myself, and in turn loving myself. But there's one stick in the mud on this path; sexuality.

It's a particularly big one for me because I've always been a highly sexual creature, and very active in my sex life. And after spending the last 9 months celibate, the temptation to cave in is worse than ever. It would be so easy, especially in this day and age, but I know deep in my heart that by indulging in meaningless sex right now I would only be letting myself down. I've little doubt it will come to me (meaningful sex) at some point in the future, but not until I've learned to be completely self sufficient - and that means learning how to internalise this drive.

I've lived with Buddhist monks who have gone 18 years celibate, so I know it can be mastered in a setting like a monastery, but how the fuck do I do it in a city, when I'm surrounded by attractive and available women??

A poster here mentioned something here the other day that sparked me to ask the question. Does anybody have any ideas how to handle this conundrum?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleSpellbound
PegasusTheFlyingHorse
Female User Gallery


Registered: 02/13/16
Posts: 2,341
Loc: England Flag
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 3
    #23729862 - 10/11/16 10:58 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I am female so it maybe different.
I get offers quite a lot when im out and about, as i imagine most females do, but ive spent around three and a half years without sex or a partner at present.
For me its done me the world of good tbh, finding me again and all that stuff :blah:

At times it does bother me though im only human and becomes noticeable, but if i dont meet someone like minded, for me, i dont get anything out of it so i wont bother.
Im not against folks doing the no strings thing, just isnt for me.

I am at a point now where i feel ready to meet someone and try again. But I dont meet similar minded people.

Anyway dont think that helps you much does it hahaha, but for me its a case of my own moral standards or something, maybe is cos im in my thirties now i realise more what it is im looking for in life, and anything less i just feel, why waste my time and his :shrug: 
I don't want something based on just sex, can get sex anywhere im looking for more than that now.
Tho i hope itll include great sex when i find him :rofl:

Plus i like to think might mean something when do meet someone, if can say there hasnt been anyone else for xxx amount time, or maybe not, probably only counts if your a virgin that doesn't it lol!

Good luck anyway though :smile:


--------------------
Mescaline Tea - the one singular occasion of my entire life I cooked for 9 hours :lmafo:

The trick is to be yourself, in a world trying to make you like everyone else :heart:



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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 30 days
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Spellbound] * 3
    #23729917 - 10/11/16 11:22 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Spellbound said:
maybe is cos im in my thirties now i realise more what it is im looking for in life, and anything less i just feel, why waste my time and his :shrug: 
\





My thoughts exactly, I am in my 30's too, was in a long relationship which got derailed because we were both heroin addicts, got locked up, got sober from hard drugs, stayed sober, then it started to hit me that I felt like I had been lying to myself for years being with the girl I was with, and heroin kept me in a haze where I didn't realize this, or maybe just didn't care.

It was like I was just carrying on the relationship because it became the thing to do, not because it stimulated me anymore like it had in the beginning.

I wont even tell you how long it's been since I have had sex, but sex has never been a huge part of my mental health, I would much rather use my life to help others realize their worth, and to help heal those that have been abused.

It's hard to find people that are artistic, eccentric, free thinkers, that will not argue but have good debates about interesting subjects, and are honest with their feelings.

I want depth in a person.

Sorry JSB, I feel like I jacked your thread.  :scumbagman:


But I have seen your posts around here from time to time, and you remind me a lot of myself.


--------------------
©️


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Spellbound]
    #23730069 - 10/12/16 01:00 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

At times it does bother me though im only human and becomes noticeable, but if i dont meet someone like minded, for me, i dont get anything out of it so i wont bother.
Im not against folks doing the no strings thing, just isnt for me.




That's a good way to explain demisexuality.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 17 hours, 52 minutes
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: sudly]
    #23731220 - 10/12/16 01:09 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Why would you keep sex out of your life? It's the healthiest thing you can do.


--------------------


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Patlal]
    #23731700 - 10/12/16 04:06 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

The point isn't to not have sex.
I consider myself demisexual because I want to enjoy the company of the people I'm intimate with.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #23732688 - 10/12/16 10:11 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Humans are interdependent, social animals.

I don't see a point in striving so much for independence.

Technically I can cut off a leg and hike across the country, learn to live with the limitation and find fulfillment, but why?


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Repertoire89]
    #23733125 - 10/13/16 04:25 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks for your replies Spellbound & Fennario. Seems the three of us are in quite the same situation. Problem for me is, my drive is high, and it's nagging away at me all the more frequently. I suppose a firm resolution that I know this is the right path is all I got to rely on here...


Quote:

Patlal said:
Why would you keep sex out of your life? It's the healthiest thing you can do.



But if the sex comes at the cost of ones mental health, would it still be the healthiest thing you can do?

I've had all kinds of casual, meaningless sex, and the distraction is far more costly to me than the reward is worth. But sex with the right person? Man, that's like touching the divine. Once you know that, everything else is a bit... lacklustre. Even if it's physically great, lack of deep connection is just like wanking in another person. Not worth the time, effort, and distraction.


Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
Humans are interdependent, social animals.



That we are. But are we also not, essentially throughout our existence here, alone? People come and travel a distance with you on your path, but they're only there for so long. At the end of the day, all you've got is you, and to be entirely happy with the construct that is 'me' seems the greatest and most rewarding challenge in life/the world.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #23733161 - 10/13/16 05:07 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
Humans are interdependent, social animals.



That we are. But are we also not, essentially throughout our existence here, alone? People come and travel a distance with you on your path, but they're only there for so long. At the end of the day, all you've got is you, and to be entirely happy with the construct that is 'me' seems the greatest and most rewarding challenge in life/the world.




I've never been alone, people come and go, but they fill my mind and my heart.
I always know that the family is there, old friends, lovers, and welcoming strangers.

People fill my waking hours and my dreams, even if I don't see anyone for days.
We're all huddled together here against the battering of the elements on our frail mortal forms.

To be truly alone would be a curse.


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Invisible100_the_cat
Female
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23747593 - 10/17/16 11:35 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Spend a lot of time alone, if you can

Don't have sex or masturbate

Don't look at porn

Regular media is ok...it can help put you in a trance

Don't try to stop any sexual thoughts or feelings

It's ok to obsess about sex in your head

You want to be cooking on the inside...like you're in an oven

Eventually you'll start getting some strange sensations, they might be disturbing at first

You might have perceptual changes that make you feel crazy until you adjust to them

At some point you might feel intuitively compelled to make a pact with Satan, go ahead and give in to this

The frustration of having no release is part of the process...fueling the fire...any discomfort from this will eventually transform into something pleasant, you just have to let it burn off at its own pace, stay with it as long as it takes


Edited by 100_the_cat (10/18/16 12:16 AM)


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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 30 days
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Repertoire89]
    #23747625 - 10/17/16 11:48 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Repertoire89 said:


Technically I can cut off a leg and hike across the country, learn to live with the limitation and find fulfillment, but why?





What if you discover something about yourself which you could only have come to discover by doing such a thing?  You then take what you have learned from your one legged experience and teach others what you have learned, and your new revelation catches on, then you move to Colombia, then dish out purple koolaid full of cyanide and tell your followers to die for their God (you). Then it would be worth it, correct?

OK so maybe not so much on that last part with the koolaid and all, but you get what I am saying I am sure.  If you learned something from a strange experience, then it's worth it.


--------------------
©️


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Lucis]
    #23747683 - 10/18/16 12:16 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Is it worth it? There's nothing I could learn which would be worth losing a leg or going celibate, I don't need austerity to learn, so its not worth it.


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Invisible100_the_cat
Female
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Lucis]
    #23747702 - 10/18/16 12:26 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Basically you want to keep the sexual flame alive inside, but cut off the physical end of it so that you tap into subtle energy instead


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Invisible100_the_cat
Female
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: 100_the_cat]
    #23747710 - 10/18/16 12:28 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Don't pay attention to who it says I'm replying to...I rarely use that feature correctly

I'm just replying to the thread in general


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Invisible100_the_cat
Female
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: 100_the_cat]
    #23748103 - 10/18/16 07:34 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Also, if you want to speed up the process, don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or take meds

Spend your alone time being physically still

You don't have to be formally meditating (although you can...personally I don't like it), you can just be laying in bed watching TV

If you start getting tormented with an obsession to bring yourself to orgasm without touch, that's a good sign there's something big unfolding


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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 30 days
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: 100_the_cat]
    #23750028 - 10/18/16 07:43 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

100_the_cat said:
Spend a lot of time alone, if you can

Don't have sex or masturbate

Don't look at porn

Regular media is ok...it can help put you in a trance

Don't try to stop any sexual thoughts or feelings

It's ok to obsess about sex in your head

You want to be cooking on the inside...like you're in an oven

Eventually you'll start getting some strange sensations, they might be disturbing at first

You might have perceptual changes that make you feel crazy until you adjust to them

At some point you might feel intuitively compelled to make a pact with Satan, go ahead and give in to this

The frustration of having no release is part of the process...fueling the fire...any discomfort from this will eventually transform into something pleasant, you just have to let it burn off at its own pace, stay with it as long as it takes





I'm sorry, maybe I am being daft dear, but perhaps you could explain this.  I think you might even need a new thread, because what the fuck are you talking about, pacts with Satan, holy shit this is tense.





--------------------
©️


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Lucis]
    #23750126 - 10/18/16 08:05 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Fennario said:
I'm sorry, maybe I am being daft dear, but perhaps you could explain this.  I think you might even need a new thread, because what the fuck are you talking about, pacts with Satan, holy shit this is tense.



Yeah, I feel the same Fen, she kinda had me there until the satan part, at which point any coherence dropped out of that argument, like a stone betwixt the ocean and the sea floor.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Invisible100_the_cat
Female
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23750274 - 10/18/16 08:54 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I'm just giving you the no bullshit version

Internalized sexuality is Kundalini

:laugh:


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Invisible100_the_cat
Female
Registered: 09/27/16
Posts: 315
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: 100_the_cat]
    #23750561 - 10/18/16 10:18 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I never thought I would make a pact with Satan either

It just happened

I'm not saying go seek it out or force it

And for some people it's the worst thing they could possibly get themselves into

If you're one of those people, internalized sexuality isn't for you

But if your comfort zone is spiritual and internal, then it could be the best thing you ever do

It is definitely a commitment, shit will get crazy, you might not be able to maintain a normal life afterwards (job)...I've sacrificed everything. But my life was going nowhere anyway, and it was all destined to begin with...


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InvisibleLackToast
Stranger
Registered: 08/28/10
Posts: 217
Re: Internalising your sexuality [Re: 100_the_cat]
    #23750697 - 10/18/16 11:01 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

You telling me you went so long with out an orgasm you started talking to the devil? How long was it really, like 4 hours or something?

You're nutty, and I like it.


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