|
OsculateOfDemise



Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 2,879
|
The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction *DELETED* 12
#23721181 - 10/09/16 03:19 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Post deleted by OsculateOfDemise
Reason for deletion: .
Edited by OsculateOfDemise (10/09/16 10:56 AM)
|
voidjester_entheo
Omnidimensional Metakinesis!!!



Registered: 09/14/15
Posts: 999
Loc: • (omnimetatheosphere)
Last seen: 4 months, 13 days
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise] 1
#23721198 - 10/09/16 03:50 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
I really hope all in life is going well for you now, you really didn't deserve all that struggle & heartache, especially the portions which stemmed from your loved one. May you be divinely protected & spiritually blessed.
--------------------
• ∞ ∅ ♆ T!
|
OsculateOfDemise



Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 2,879
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: voidjester_entheo] 2
#23721200 - 10/09/16 03:54 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Thank you for taking the time to read it. I really appreciate it. I think the more I get this out of my head the better I can heal. This is the first time I ever let my thoughts out in writing and I feel better already.
|
azur
God of Fuck



Registered: 04/21/12
Posts: 28,103
Loc: Daid
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise] 2
#23721208 - 10/09/16 04:09 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Wow. Long, yet incredible early morning read. We all love you. Be sure to look in the mirror and smile to yourself, because you deserve it!
|
OsculateOfDemise



Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 2,879
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: azur]
#23721215 - 10/09/16 04:16 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Thanks man, im glad you found it worthy of such an early read.
|
Masked
The Nutter


Registered: 11/26/12
Posts: 8,979
Loc: Canada
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise] 1
#23721217 - 10/09/16 04:20 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
You said it best..
You are a warrior 
Quote:
My soul is finally starting to heal
This makes me very happy
-------------------- .
|
OsculateOfDemise



Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 2,879
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: Masked] 1
#23721224 - 10/09/16 04:30 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Thank you Masked. Youve been a great deal of help to me through my healing
|
Brown Buffalo
paisley superstar



Registered: 09/14/13
Posts: 821
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23721347 - 10/09/16 07:00 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Holy dawg didn't know you went through any of that, I'm not a great follower of this board but I remember you
Glad it's over, I'm sure you'll be back on your radiance soon
|
stzacrack
Stranger


Registered: 05/07/05
Posts: 3,871
Loc: United States
Last seen: 6 hours, 17 minutes
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise] 1
#23721369 - 10/09/16 07:27 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Didn't you post your final goodbyes a while back?
Also tl dr
Also hope you're not a fiend anymore

So what happened to your man?
Edited by stzacrack (10/09/16 07:51 AM)
|
Connoisseur

Registered: 05/13/11
Posts: 34,686
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23721492 - 10/09/16 08:58 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
OOD great to see a thread by you its been a while, i havent read it yet but i will shortly once my brain is up to its fully functioning capacity.
Come back to the boards! We miss you!
|
hex_enduction
satta massa gana



Registered: 01/26/14
Posts: 12,051
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: stzacrack]
#23721542 - 10/09/16 09:25 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Great read osc. I'm happy you were able to break out of that life, it sounds truly fucked and painful. I really hope you're doing better now
--------------------
Connoisseur said: oh ive cried on drugs sunshine said: Tragic. I told the cop not to do it but he didn't listen.
|
Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23721587 - 10/09/16 09:47 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Thank you for sharing .
What would you say to the people who say that meth isn't very addictive or harmful ?
--------------------
Everything I post is fiction.
|
Sanguin3
Optimist

Registered: 10/19/13
Posts: 2,273
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction *DELETED* [Re: Moonshoe]
#23721620 - 10/09/16 10:04 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Post deleted by Sanguin3
Reason for deletion: .
|
moonrockmushy
High on Spite



Registered: 07/01/05
Posts: 19,067
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23721634 - 10/09/16 10:08 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
I definitely believe you use meth judging by the text wall I can relate to alot of what you say, tho I never really took much meth. Really sucks when it starts to take a toll on the body and life is always shit. Best wishes getting back on your feet.
|
Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23721766 - 10/09/16 11:00 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
|
JustForToday
New Life, New Beginnings


Registered: 09/08/14
Posts: 3,186
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: Sanguin3]
#23721863 - 10/09/16 11:39 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
I've been there. Go here if you ever wanna talk about it.
-------------------- Hey Shae, Are you still doing that hand thing? I heard you was doing that hand thing today. Oh God what is that?!
|
stzacrack
Stranger


Registered: 05/07/05
Posts: 3,871
Loc: United States
Last seen: 6 hours, 17 minutes
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: Moonshoe]
#23721894 - 10/09/16 11:49 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Moonshoe said: Thank you for sharing .
What would you say to the people who say that meth isn't very addictive or harmful ?
Not physically addictive like heroin and meth isn't harmful in and of itself, people harm themselves with their use
People are responsible for misuse not the drug
|
Grateful Dead
A Growing Ambivalence



Registered: 11/19/12
Posts: 2,468
Loc: Parked Car, Playing NPR
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23722162 - 10/09/16 01:04 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Thanks for sharing your story Osculate.
You inspire me.
-------------------- Life begins on the other side of despair...
|
Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23722241 - 10/09/16 01:24 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Sad story, this seems to happen a lot
I'm glad you made it out
|
OsculateOfDemise



Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 2,879
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: stzacrack]
#23722245 - 10/09/16 01:26 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
stzacrack said: Didn't you post your final goodbyes a while back?
Also tl dr
Also hope you're not a fiend anymore

So what happened to your man?
Yes I did a while back. I was hurt due to a few members of the board using me and my appearance as a means of ridicule. It was annoying when it was just in the romper room but when it spilled out to the pub I was tired of all the lack of disrespect and decided to devote my time elsewhere.
No, I have not done any meth since 2012.
Despite everything I went through, I took him back into my life. I didn't want to give up on the relationship and him. He still struggled with his addictions to meth and gambling for the years to follow. I tried to work through our problems but he constantly lied to me. I cut him out of my life two years ago. He recently contacted me and we hung out a few times. He hasn't changed. I told him about a week ago that I don't want to bearound him anymore. I haven't heard from him since.
|
OsculateOfDemise



Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 2,879
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: Sanguin3] 1
#23722267 - 10/09/16 01:33 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Moonshoe said: Thank you for sharing .
What would you say to the people who say that meth isn't very addictive or harmful ?
I am sure everyone has different experiences with the drug, some with less harsh consequences and some who have experienced even worse repercussions. But the reality of it is that it's a powerful drug. I had been experienced at that time with several other strong drugs and never had a problem stopping when the night was over. Quote:
Sanguin3 said: Great read. Thank you for taking the time to share your story.
If you dont mind a question, was the transition into addiction pretty much instant? You said you had a dealer living with you after the first week, so I assume you never had a sober period after the first time. If you had do you think you could have realized what you were about to slip into and stopped yourself?
I've always been curious how many people are honestly capable of doing something like meth once and quitting before it's too late. I like to think I could but I've always been worried my mindset would instantly change once I tried it.
From the first time I got high smoking meth in that summer, my first sober day was October. I lasted a week before I was back smoking again. I think the extreme dive into addiction had a lot to do with the dynamic I had with my partner. I have no doubt in my mind that if I were to have tried smoking meth on my own, that I would have never had been addicted as bad as I was, if at all. Having an addiction and a relationship that enables it is a special and deadly combination in it's own.
|
Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23722299 - 10/09/16 01:42 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Yeah, you really have to be wary about those closest to you, they're the ones who wind up burning you the most.
At this point I'll never trust anyone entirely and do not see that kind of release as desirable. Its not just a matter of what circumstances do to people, we're always faced with circumstances.
So I find a certain level of detachment to be necessary. Love can bear the contradiction of hatred, it can surely bear caution.
|
Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,473
Last seen: 3 hours, 26 seconds
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: Repertoire89]
#23722418 - 10/09/16 02:22 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Sounds like addiction is the "monster" you think of not just meth addiction. It's amazing you got through all that. Early in your story when you say you enjoyed the experience of the drug with your boyfriend more then the drug I believe it. He probably didn't and was addicted . Question, do you still own a house? What's life been like after some of these things?
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
|
OsculateOfDemise



Registered: 06/24/05
Posts: 2,879
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: Seriously_trippin]
#23723957 - 10/09/16 11:03 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Seriously_trippin said: Sounds like addiction is the "monster" you think of not just meth addiction. It's amazing you got through all that. Early in your story when you say you enjoyed the experience of the drug with your boyfriend more then the drug I believe it. He probably didn't and was addicted . Question, do you still own a house? What's life been like after some of these things?
I was renting at the time, hence the landlord coming to my house after my checks bounced. I haven't been able to get a place since, because my credit score is so fucked after all of this. I have been rebuilding it but it takes time. It has been a tough journey since recovering, the nightmare doesn't end when you quit. I lost a job I really wanted over it because of a warrant. I had picked up a possession charge while I was up there and had to leave suddenly, missing my court date. I took care of it but I am still on probation (ends in March 2017, so not to much longer). But I try to use my experience as a way to push myself to be a better person. I have come so far since that dreadful time and hopefully it will be a distant memory that I hardly think about anymore.
|
azur
God of Fuck



Registered: 04/21/12
Posts: 28,103
Loc: Daid
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23723963 - 10/09/16 11:06 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
It will become a distant memory that you won't think of anymore. Just takes a little time and a lot of other cool shit to cloud it out.
|
Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23723982 - 10/09/16 11:22 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Good job overcoming your addiction.
Keep moving forward.
-------------------- ©️
|
RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 13 hours, 46 minutes
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23724074 - 10/10/16 12:36 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
OsculateOfDemise said:
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about what happened. Wonder where it went all wrong. Why did I chose to do such a destructive drug. What I could I done differently.
I'm glad you have survived and are doing better. Wow. What a story.
I've had quite a run with meth in my life, so I can appreciate much of this.
Ultimately we begin to use drugs because it feels like we're taking care of ourselves. Drugs seem to help us and are a way we soothe ourselves. I used to tell people meth saved my life, because I had convinced my self that I could not survive my depression without it. Of course that was BS, but doing meth did feel like I was taking care of myself. Then it went sideways!
Take care. Continue to be committed to being compassionate toward yourself.
I'm ten years clean and I still have dreams about it once in a while.
Just think of the dreams as angels reminding you that you're a survivor.
|
pineninja
Dream Weaver



Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
Loc: South
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#23724134 - 10/10/16 01:44 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
Many don't see it coming few see it leave. I'm glad you got out of that situation and have been able to work towards a bright future. Thanks for sharing.
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
|
Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
|
Re: The Devils Playground - My Battle Through Addiction [Re: OsculateOfDemise]
#23728469 - 10/11/16 02:35 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
|
|
I finally made some time to sit down and read this; thanks for sharing your story. I agree that getting it out can be therapeutic
I'm really glad you were able to get out of it, you shine so brightly now 
You deserve the world osc, and I'm glad you're on track to get it
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
|
|