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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Anyone else like this
#23720096 - 10/08/16 05:03 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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I just have this problem where I see beauty from within. This ties into sexuality in oh so many ways,but that's just the way it is. When I come across a beautiful person, I just can't help but want to give myself to them in every way shape and form. Oh god do I want to give myself to them, it is just something about me that I can't help but need to do.
From the other side of things, I will tell you that I am really shallow. When I come across a female who I see at first glance I will tell you right off the bat that she is either attractive or hot. I do not follow that guideline though because it is foolish. In all honesty this shallowness is due to my pornography addiction, which is very strong.
This is the truth about me now though. I can look at you from a distance and say that you are not that attractive, but when I get up close and personal and get to know you, I might find you irresistible to me. It is really bizarre actually because I call myself shallow, but I am only shallow in the judgement that others might have within me as I could possibly date a girl who is beautifully beyond measure to me, but appears a mear 3 out of 10 to you.
That makes me feel horrible really because I am telling you that I would drop a ten in my book because she is a 3 in your book. This is because I don't like people judging me, I hate it, I am the judge, ummm, lol, yeah don't look into that last part to deeply.
A month ago I walked up to this girl who in my eyes, in her facial appearance, was not attractive. I went into the house with her and my meth man, sat down next to her, and talked with her for all of five minutes. I was blown out of the way, this chick was SO beautiful within herself that I wanted to tackle her and make love to her on the spot. She brought me upstairs, gave me some cocaine, and then I left the house.
How can I look at someone and see ugliness at first and then just completely flip flop and say holy shit, this chick is beyond a beauty that I can imagine? It is as if her face started radiating all her imperfections that I saw at first, but projected them at me in all beauty that is becoming of this girl. This girl in essence said fuck your initial thought about me, now I am gonna radiate beauty towards you through all the imperfections that you saw in the beginning.
Same goes for hot girls by the way, their ugliness can just creep through at me and after talking with them for a short time I will be so repulsed that I just can't help but not care about their physical appearance anymore.
I call this "god" within sexuality because it personifies a new understanding of what a person should be or shouldn't be. It gives a new meaning to me about a situation which I stumble upon, which is my own sexuality. Anyone else have a story similar, I actually have many of them if you want to hear more about this.
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luvdemboomers
loner with a boner
Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
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sounds like more of a gift
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zZZz
jesus


Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
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That's pretty much beauty for ya, it has more to do with what is within a person than what is on the outside.
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Celestial Traveler
Random Observer



Registered: 03/03/11
Posts: 7,639
Loc: Idaho
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It seems easy to tell that you judge people at first glance by their outer beauty, but then you easily make corrections once you discover their "inner beauty". I don't know if that makes you shallow necessarily. You can't be expected to judge someone's inner beauty at first glance (I hate using that word "inner beauty" but it's not worth the effort to come up with a more original phrase.)
Now the part about you turning down a 10-in-your-book because they are a 3 in someone else's book...I don't know if that's the result of being shallow, but it definitely seems irrational.
How many relationships have you had in your life? Perhaps your priority in looking for a mate stems from your desire to obtain social status or some sort? Maybe you're looking for a trophy?
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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Re: Anyone else like this [Re: zZZz]
#23720551 - 10/08/16 08:12 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Yeah, it is kinda a gift to see the world like this and to really see it that way, ya know. Beauty I see quite clearly actually, I see it even within things that you might say are not beautiful. I found some beauty within this one chick in language where I wasn't expecting it.
Been using the word inherently a lot lately. The sentence that I came up with was that I am inherently satan. I had the sentence concocted within my mind and I thought it and said to myself, what does inherently actually mean. I questioned my use of the word so I asked this young girl. This girl is kind of a lot to me actually, so I asked her what inherently means.
She threw it right in my face, the exact thing I thought, which was that inherently has to do with inheritance, which was the root word I thought of for it and she gave me my same thought process back at me. That was a beautiful moment for me because it connected myself and this girl. Like, it was as if we had the same mind for a second there and I found a lot of beauty within that.
This girl is 17, kinda young, but I see a beauty within this girl that has overpowered a lot. I could go into detail but I shouldn't, but this overwhelming sense of beauty is within this girl for me, and I have trouble turning from it. I have trouble with this thing that Psychiatrists will call delusion as well, but man oh man when you can set aside the bullshit that is me aside and look at what I actually see and why, you will probably find some truth.
I love being a beautiful person myself as I love finding another beautiful person. I look at it as finding a god among my own god which resides within and these two gods intermingle to produce a feeling. In delusion that is what I call it, found a few other gods similar to myself within other people, and I pray for the day that I can get a reciprocation for my delusional thoughts.
I mean, beauty, god, understanding, inherent nature of a being like this, it is actually a complicated process for a person like me. I love the way I see the world, but holy shit am I in danger because I see this beauty within even the most horrible of people, so in actuality I am running blind.
Sorry, I typed a lot of words there, might have rambled
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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Quote:
Celestial Traveler said: It seems easy to tell that you judge people at first glance by their outer beauty, but then you easily make corrections once you discover their "inner beauty". I don't know if that makes you shallow necessarily. You can't be expected to judge someone's inner beauty at first glance (I hate using that word "inner beauty" but it's not worth the effort to come up with a more original phrase.)
Now the part about you turning down a 10-in-your-book because they are a 3 in someone else's book...I don't know if that's the result of being shallow, but it definitely seems irrational.
How many relationships have you had in your life? Perhaps your priority in looking for a mate stems from your desire to obtain social status or some sort? Maybe you're looking for a trophy?
That's exactly what I am telling you, I was looking for a trophy. I don't like looking at myself in that light, but that is the light. I was in a long term relationship with a girl and that was all she was to me and then I got into a relationship where this chick was not a trophy. She was a beyond wonderful person and I fucked up. I could care less about a trophy, in essence I want her. It gets more interesting though because she was in her forties, and me and her really weren't a match. I am still close friends with her, she is the love of my life, but within the realms of a relationship I still wanted my trophy.
I am kind of shallow to tell you the truth because of that, but my higher power told me that I needed to look for something different because I have never been given that hot piece of ass that I have ever wanted. I am torn with actual sex, because I know what I want in essence of the mind and internal beauty, but I still want the body to boot.
What I will tell you now is that I see her daughter. Her daughter is a beautiful girl in all ways, within body, and within mind. Her and her mom are just the same and I want this 17 year old girl. Wanted her for a couple years now, but I will honestly set it aside for a while because she is young, has her own path, that's fine because in all seriousness I kinda gotta conquer the world before I can go down that road.
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kakashi68
Connoiseur of Illicit Substances


Registered: 11/25/11
Posts: 2,116
Loc: STRAYA
Last seen: 10 days, 10 hours
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watch a film called "the neon demon" It dives pretty deep into this subject.
-------------------- You know, just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3am--you do sometimes look at yourself and think--this is fantastic. I'm in heaven. -Bernard Black
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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Re: Anyone else like this [Re: kakashi68]
#23720660 - 10/08/16 08:54 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
kakashi68 said: watch a film called "the neon demon" It dives pretty deep into this subject.
Thanks, I'll ask my dad to get it off netflix. I always love a new movie, not as much as a good book, but a good movie is still good.
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stzacrack
Stranger


Registered: 05/07/05
Posts: 3,871
Loc: United States
Last seen: 6 hours, 8 minutes
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Quote:
Rhizohunter said:
Quote:
kakashi68 said: watch a film called "the neon demon" It dives pretty deep into this subject.
Thanks, I'll ask my dad to get it off netflix. I always love a new movie, not as much as a good book, but a good movie is still good.
Don't bother your pops about it, I'll just tell your mother to have it ready in the morning
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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Re: Anyone else like this [Re: stzacrack]
#23720760 - 10/08/16 09:37 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
stzacrack said:
Quote:
Rhizohunter said:
Quote:
kakashi68 said: watch a film called "the neon demon" It dives pretty deep into this subject.
Thanks, I'll ask my dad to get it off netflix. I always love a new movie, not as much as a good book, but a good movie is still good.
Don't bother your pops about it, I'll just tell your mother to have it ready in the morning
Yeah, I'm kinda a motherfucker
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stzacrack
Stranger


Registered: 05/07/05
Posts: 3,871
Loc: United States
Last seen: 6 hours, 8 minutes
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Quote:
Rhizohunter said:
Quote:
stzacrack said:
Quote:
Rhizohunter said:
Quote:
kakashi68 said: watch a film called "the neon demon" It dives pretty deep into this subject.
Thanks, I'll ask my dad to get it off netflix. I always love a new movie, not as much as a good book, but a good movie is still good.
Don't bother your pops about it, I'll just tell your mother to have it ready in the morning
Yeah, I'm kinda a motherfucker
Atta
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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I don't see anything wrong with your way of thinking, people like what they like, and just because a girl looks super hot, doesn't mean she's a good person.
Keep being you, fuck what others think, you will only prolong your misery if you worry about what others think.
-------------------- ©️
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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Re: Anyone else like this [Re: Lucis]
#23720927 - 10/08/16 10:49 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fennario said: I don't see anything wrong with your way of thinking, people like what they like, and just because a girl looks super hot, doesn't mean she's a good person.
Keep being you, fuck what others think, you will only prolong your misery if you worry about what others think.
Yeah, kinda trying to live by that philosophy, but in all actuality I care greatly what people think about me. It is kinda hard to be depicted as a bad person when you are inherently truthful and within god in every way shape and form.
I actually want people to hate me though, I see my own flaws, but really, as I see other peoples flaws I don't hate them, so really whatever. I like Stephen Hydes philosophy of "whatever".
Thank you, your post made me realize I need to start writing again. The music I am listening to said to me at that thought "it isn't easy to ignore" when I was writing that sentence the music said it again. Oh boy do I have some shit to share with the world.
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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I love you man, I just want you to know that, I don't know you, but I love you.
Hang in there, keep being you.
-------------------- ©️
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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Re: Anyone else like this [Re: Lucis]
#23720959 - 10/08/16 11:04 PM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fennario said: I love you man, I just want you to know that, I don't know you, but I love you.
Hang in there, keep being you.
Means a lot to me brother
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koods
Ribbit



Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,066
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 1 hour, 10 minutes
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Re: Anyone else like this [Re: Lucis]
#23721363 - 10/09/16 07:22 AM (7 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Fennario said: I don't see anything wrong with your way of thinking, people like what they like, and just because a girl looks super hot, doesn't mean she's a good person.
Keep being you, fuck what others think, you will only prolong your misery if you worry about what others think.
Yeah, rhizo posts a lot of stuff I don't get at all, but this seems pretty normal to me. Everyone judges people based on their looks, whether it be their attractiveness, or their social standing or intelligence. it's very easy to see someone in a different light after spending a little time with them.
--------------------
NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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