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Anonymous #1

When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men?
    #23715857 - 10/07/16 10:17 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I have some cognitive issues and I have had a little trouble getting away from the idea that I am gay.

I've explored with men, twice or so, didn't like it at all, was just weird, unsatisfying. Not interested in trying again.

Think a lot about women, get hot feelings for women around hot ones, sometimes shit myself.

People bring my sexuality up and I think mainly it's my lack of relationships and I'm good looking with a fit body. I'm also quite smart and women like that too, but my explanation is I've been mentally ill for 10 years, before that I had serious, intense self-esteem issues (but maybe because of being secretly gay?)

Gave a relationship a go while I was mentally ill and it was a disaster. Kind of scared of trying again, sort of solidified my low self esteem. Low confidence with women. Easily overwhelmed...

But there is this hesitation, it's interesting, I wonder if it's because I don't like my body for some reason.

Though what do I do with my life? Nothing. Really nothing, except explore consciousness. It's pretty funny actually but yeah, my life is primarily subjective. So I figure if I get in a relationship she'll just think I'm really boring.

I've never, ever been emotionally attached to a male. I cannot see that as romantic in any way.

But sometimes I wonder if I really need love from a woman because I'm on a spiritual level where I'm high all the time.

But yeah, cognitive issues - it's hard to make decisions and be final.

And I feel guilty about the exploration, makes me think, yep I'm gay.

So if you think you're gay, you're going to act a little passive and I do this a fair bit.

Next thing, I come to my senses it feels like and I'm super confident and pace like I've got it all figured and make witty jokes and generally act quite masculine.

It's so weird.

Society is a bit like, you know, one drop rule - if they start to think they're gay and act it a bit in public, they must be gay, and that's people's attitude in these small towns.

I don't think I'm afraid to be gay? I'm hardly part of society and I like it that way, if I was totally into men I'd just go out and have great sex. But I don't want to, it's boring?

I don't know,

Feel free to ask any questions, I won't hesitate to answer,

Let's work this out.

Thank you!

edit - just wanted to add, I think I'm really, really afraid of being hurt? Emotionally. I've fucked up a lot when I've tried in life, tried really hard to do public speaking and fucked up, tried to be a good friend to people and got betrayed.


Edited by Anonymous (10/07/16 10:26 AM)


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #23716292 - 10/07/16 12:53 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

So what I gather from this is you need a girlfriend.

For me I either look for women when I'm performing, at work or occasionally on some kind of dating site like tinder. There's also opportunism depending, sometimes you can strike up a conversation at a park without being invasive.



My advice is: pick up some hobbies, actively look for a gf, stop thinking about gay stuff because you're not gay.


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Anonymous #1

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #23716509 - 10/07/16 02:13 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Thank you it feels good that I've been totally honest and someone has said that.

I think I worry far too much, I think it's a cognitive problem where I can't change my stream of thought easily - mental flexibility.


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InvisibleLackToast
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23716516 - 10/07/16 02:15 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

You dont sound gay to me. Just overly analytical and emotionally strung out. Youre a unique person, and an oddball to most folks. If youre a little gay so what, everyone is a little gay. ALso dont feel guilty about the exploration, im sure Christopher Columbus did more than just "explore new lands" on those ships if you catch my drift, and he discovered the americas, same goes for most astronauts and explorers too i bet.

Tell you what, next time a woman call you gay say, "lemme show you how gay i am", then pull her into your body, thats probably all she wanted.

And next time a guy calls you gay ask him if he wants to rub dicks together and see who gets hard first, tell him you got a lot of practice so youll probably win, and make sure to look him straight in the eyes, so he knows you are not a liar and truely are the champion.

Oh and when you do catch yourself checking a guy out like the giant homo you are, give him a compliment instead so that way he feels noticed, thats all anyone wants anyways.

Oh and btw if you werent a dude id totally have sex with you cause were really compatible and share similar thoughts, you seem like a cool person to me.


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23716528 - 10/07/16 02:19 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Thank you it feels good that I've been totally honest and someone has said that.

I think I worry far too much, I think it's a cognitive problem where I can't change my stream of thought easily - mental flexibility.



Which is why Repetiore gives good advice. A hobby will help you focus your mind off of the shit you worry about. I dunno if you just need a gf, but you definitely do need to stop worrying.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #23716556 - 10/07/16 02:30 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

LackToast said:
Tell you what, next time a woman call you gay say, "lemme show you how gay i am", then pull her into your body, thats probably all she wanted.




Yeah, that's pretty much an open invitation as far as I'm concerned.



Quote:

CookieCrumbs said:

Which is why Repetiore gives good advice.




:fonz:


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Anonymous #1

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #23716815 - 10/07/16 03:57 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

That is fucking funny LackToast. haha. You sound like a cool dude also! (uh oh...)

Thanks all, keep talking if you like but I think I got a better perspective already.

I am definitely over analytical. I used to never stop thinking, at all, sort of part of the cognitive problems.


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Invisiblesudly
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23717009 - 10/07/16 04:59 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

What's your sexuality?

Maybe you could figure it out and make a foundation for your self respect.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Anonymous #1

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: sudly]
    #23717113 - 10/07/16 05:39 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

You know, I think I'm straight, but have absolutely nothing against homosexuals or bisexuals. Nothing. I mean, I think I get what they're trying to do it's just not my cup of tea I'm pretty sure now.

I am totally out of touch with who I am.

Just starting to touch on my true personality lately.

I don't want to brag but I think I'm very smart and it makes for snags in my self-understanding.

I mean I look outside and I see Wonderland.

I think on some level I may even know myself well I just want to play with people's heads.

It's strange, beautiful.

Thanks guys.


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Invisible100_the_cat
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23717141 - 10/07/16 05:49 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

What's wrong with people thinking you're gay, though?

I'm female and I used to hit on gay guys in college

I mean I would just fall head over heels for them

It's endearing to me


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Invisible100_the_cat
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: 100_the_cat]
    #23717231 - 10/07/16 06:16 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Out of touch with who you are, inability to make decisions, act passive a fair bit, people think you're gay, you're intelligent, want to be in a relationship

Sounds like a Libra thing to me

If you're not sun in Libra I bet you have a big Libra influence elsewhere in your chart

I knew a straight guy with Mars in Libra who people thought was gay

I have Mars in Libra which is probably why I appreciate men who are gay, bisexual, or could pass as such


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Anonymous #1

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: 100_the_cat]
    #23717273 - 10/07/16 06:26 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I gathered women just instantly "get over" men they think are gay, no matter what they're offering. I don't know how their minds work but it seems to be the case.

Sometimes I look at how deeply I feel for certain women, even when a woman appears on a message board, and wonder why I'm debating this.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23717305 - 10/07/16 06:37 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I'm not against bisexuality, but I've never met a man who I found attractive.
On the other hand, I pretty much find all women physically attractive unless they're fat.

Sexuality can be pretty cut and dry, you've tried men and didn't like it, but you find women attractive.

:shrug:

Personally I would prefer to be bi, it would mean more potential sexual partners, easier to seduce.
Not attracted to men though and can't change that.


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Invisible100_the_cat
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23718274 - 10/08/16 12:52 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I gathered women just instantly "get over" men they think are gay, no matter what they're offering. I don't know how their minds work but it seems to be the case.

Sometimes I look at how deeply I feel for certain women, even when a woman appears on a message board, and wonder why I'm debating this.




"Get over"......they probably assume you're unavailable to them. I had so many experiences where I was turned down by men because they actually were gay (like REALLY GAY) that eventually I stopped approaching men who looked or acted like they might be gay.

Too late now cuz I don't do flesh anymore! Unless you gay boys just wanna cuddle :laugh:


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23726059 - 10/10/16 06:21 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

sounds like u may be asexual or just shy/unsure of yourself.

Ive been called "gay" before cause i am a subtle, non aggressive guy who doesnt have good luck with women. Its gunna happen. Alpha males are usually not called gay. Beta men like me do get called it, and it hurts :nonono:

I did go thru a period of questioning my myself "am i gay?" and came to the conclusion that i solely perv out on ladies and not guys. Ive seen a couple attractive guys, but 99% of the time, i am checking out the girls cause they hot as hell. I digress.

Also, i love cuddling as much as sex. Most men dont "love cuddling", thats a more feminine quality.

I would ask yourself: How horny am i in general? do i have a high libido or a low libido? Do i crave women or do i just kinda want them in a subtle way?

How much sexual experience do i have?

Im thinking u just need to find a women who you are most comfortable with.


--------------------
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Anonymous #1

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #23727372 - 10/11/16 04:03 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Very good comments thank you.

As the days go by I realise I'm dealing more with a cognitive issue than a sexual identity one.

I don't want a cock in my mouth . . . Jesus Christ.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23727660 - 10/11/16 08:41 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

what kind of cognitive issues do u have?

I know certain types will kill a libido.


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23728356 - 10/11/16 01:57 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I gathered women just instantly "get over" men they think are gay, no matter what they're offering. I don't know how their minds work but it seems to be the case.

Sometimes I look at how deeply I feel for certain women, even when a woman appears on a message board, and wonder why I'm debating this.




I've had the same problem op. Just the other night I was told honestly I thought you were gay. I've been told that during sex. I used to get made fun of all the time growing up.

I did date a tranny but it just wasn't there for me. I loved more the person but could barely keep hard. The pheromones weren't there. Just smelled different.

Get some hobbies. Don't actively think about it. It is what it is. But women don't want nice guys they want to see that your passionate about something other than actively trying to have sex with them.

Ive found when I stop obsessing over my loneliness issues and focus on myself the women find me. Well shit that was easy. I don't even know if I want a relationship now I'm OK with doing what I'm doing.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


Edited by Enjoywho (10/11/16 02:01 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #23728723 - 10/11/16 04:11 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

LogicaL Chaos said:
what kind of cognitive issues do u have?

I know certain types will kill a libido.



Traumatic brain injury and schizophrenia.

Both have vastly improved.

Within this situation you can kind of convince yourself of anything.

Libido is pretty good lately.

---

Enjoywho - sounds about right. I am pretty passionate about improving the world.


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23728773 - 10/11/16 04:30 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

That's all I aim for. All though I can't change the world I can only change the small community I live within. A semi truck that I helped spray paint is still making the rounds. Last I heard it's in Florida.

Don't stress on the loneliness. Your a young kid. I wish I could start over at  19. Knowing what I do now about the way the world works. Getting involved in drugs is one of them.

When I get like that nobody should love me. Which is a constant battle. I'm not OK with myself how should someone else accept me.

You described a lot of what I went through as a young kid.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


Edited by Enjoywho (10/11/16 04:42 PM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Enjoywho]
    #23729230 - 10/11/16 07:16 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

:thumbup: Thanks for supportive words.


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Anonymous #2

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23729927 - 10/11/16 11:25 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I feel your pain Anon.

I exercise, am good looking, listen to lots of dance music, so people assume I am a massive homosexual because of those things, and I am not possessed with a rage to bury my penis in vagina as most guys are.

I don't care what they think, it's my life, not theirs.  They just hate me, because they ain't me.:grin:


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #23729992 - 10/11/16 11:53 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

It's because of the way I walk. And I'm talkative but sometimes I just don't. Don't worry about it. It is what it is.  I didn't choose how I walk and I clear 10 miles a day not including work.

Your going through a ton of nonsense in your head. Trust me I've been there. Did 30 days in jail and if got called a fag every day. I don't really have a true answer to this but what your describing is exactly how I felt.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Anonymous #1

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Enjoywho]
    #23730028 - 10/12/16 12:21 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Ah.

Well I'm one of those people, you know, I don't give a shit about people's qualities I just love them. Come and hang with me. :laugh:


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Invisible100_the_cat
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23747881 - 10/18/16 04:04 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I feel like you guys could be taking ownership of this more

Like seeing it as a great thing

Flaunting it, even

I mean, like I've already said, I don't have physical sex anymore, but there's something about guys with that gay vibe that's so hot

And if you've sucked a dick or two while you were trying to figure yourself out, or worn girl clothes, that's even hotter.


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: 100_the_cat]
    #23749420 - 10/18/16 04:18 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I have fucked so many girls probably as they think oh he's gay. Let me tell him all my secrets. Nope. I used it as a giant ruse. I have no love for these hos.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Invisible100_the_cat
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Enjoywho]
    #23749718 - 10/18/16 06:08 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

You don't enjoy secrets?

What if they're thinking you're gay, but in a good way?

Have you ever experienced the transformation of an insult into a compliment?


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: 100_the_cat]
    #23750401 - 10/18/16 09:35 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I enjoyed they're secrets to get 2 in one night. Manipulation is always key.


--------------------
"I don't give nothin' to nobody, I just pay the cost to do business." - Riley "Young Reezy"-Boondocks

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

"In the days of kings and queens I was a jester."

"And then the great lord created bears... too many bears... shoulda really dialed back on the bears." Squidbillies

"Can you start speaking words instead of your damn filthy lies!"- Louise "Bobs Burgers"


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Anonymous #1

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Enjoywho]
    #23768833 - 10/25/16 01:44 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Well good luck to anyone having these issues.

Ultimately life is perfect and it's just conditioning that makes them issues.

In a perfect world, ya know... we'd not have to make threads like these.

And it's a perfect world, some people just get trapped by conditioning.

Make yourself the priority and if you have an issue with yourself get to work on why, how. Because "other people" are so distant if you are cool with yourself. A very, very distant second on whether or not you are lovable.

And see that as you are you are perfect.

If a mod could lock the thread so it doesn't get bumped that would be great, as I don't really have anything further to discuss. Just wanted to give these last words to anyone not feeling brave enough to discuss this.

Just do what you want people.


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23769116 - 10/25/16 06:56 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:

And it's a perfect world, some people just get trapped by conditioning.







I am horrible at keeping up with threads, but this is an interesting topic.

I believe that people do get caught in conditioning, and then go with it eventually because they just figure "fuck it" it's easier to go with something and be happy, then to keep getting pestered their whole life.  I don't know what that means about the persons mind though, why they would go with something they might not be down with, I haven't the faintest idea what's going on there psychologically speaking.

Perhaps people just get burnt out and realize they can never be happy unless they cave in and do what they're being conditioned too, I don't understand this thinking though, because if someone tries to gain control over a part of myself, I don't cave in I get angry at the situation, and do everything in my power to work against it without having an outburst of anger, internalize the anger into energy and use that energy to overcome the negativity.

I have a cousin that is probably gay, he's admitted to other family members of sleeping with a guy, and feeling the same emotions he supposed to feel for a woman, for a man.  His mom treats him like shit because she doesn't want a gay son due to their Christian upbringing.  I think he's slowly being conditioned away from being what he is (gay) to being straight, and I think this will have a negative impact on his psyche in the long run, because you can't run from yourself, you will internalize those negative feelings and they will show themselves in certain ways, they will effect your mental health, and your physical health unless dealt with properly.

It's really sad conditioning like this exists.


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Anonymous #3

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Lucis]
    #23769179 - 10/25/16 07:48 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

This is kinda off topic but i think a girl who has a similar form of schizophrenia could connect with you much better. Its a very misunderstood condition and for people who have never experienced it its kinda hard to comprehend.


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #23769204 - 10/25/16 08:09 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
This is kinda off topic but i think a girl who has a similar form of schizophrenia could connect with you much better.






What does schizophrenia have to do with this topic?  I don't understand what you mean, can you please explain?


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Anonymous #1

Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Lucis]
    #23771771 - 10/25/16 10:46 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I think he was referring to me, and it's sorta true. I am not really crazy any more though. I was nuts before, but it's turned into the mystic dimensions. Well that's how I see it.

If they actually knew what I was experiencing and what I had influence over, they'd label me completely helpless. But it's beautiful, and it's right. The society is infantile.

So yeah, I don't know. As long as she showers, I guess. haha.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Lucis]
    #23771801 - 10/25/16 10:55 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Fennario said:
It's really sad conditioning like this exists.



Very much so, I hate society for making men feel this way for being attracted to the same sex. Yet, it's much more OK for women to do so?

It is indeed a perfect world, it just seems the majority of people are lazy and cowardly. Breaking a paradigm takes bravery, and strength, above all else.

Much easier to just conform though ey? It strikes me more and more lately non-conformity is a lonely path, so I get why many don't take it, but IMO it's fear and laziness that drive people to conform.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Re: When everyone thinks you're gay but you're not interested in men? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23772222 - 10/26/16 03:13 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

When you think about it, society is just conditioning, none of it necessarily based on truth, just needs.


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