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Anonymous #1

Unsure
    #23692715 - 09/30/16 12:04 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Hello all,

I have just started talking to this girl that hit me up about a week ago and we have talking quite a bit. I like her i think but its nothing strong she seems cool and very nice. Shes not usually what i am attracted to personality wise but for some reason i like that. Shes cute but i really cant tell if she is juat looking for a fling or a relationship and i dont know how to find out. We are just in a talking stage right now but i feel like at some point i have to start being more flirty and less "lets get to know each other"

I guess what i am looking for is advice on how to show her im interested because im afraid i might friend zone myself if i dont do something soon.

I dont want to ask her out necessarily because we already have plans to hangout at a bonfire in a couple weeks also she hit me up and it was obvious she was interested in me but she did just get out of a relationship so i could just be a rebound.

Anyways how do i approach this i dont want to come off like im looking for just sex but also i dont want her to think i want a relationship rn


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OfflinePsilosoulful

Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Unsure [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23693373 - 09/30/16 08:32 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Ask yourself what you really want. Do you want to try to sleep with her in the upcoming weeks?..Then you'll have to adjust your "game" to make that a strong possibility. That means coming on a bit stronger than usual and seeing how she reacts. Respect her boundaries, of course, but let her know that you're really attracted to her physically.

If you want this girl around for awhile and don't just want to focus on how you can use her for sex, then it seems like you should consider dating her long-term to see if she's someone you'd want to establish a relationship with and show off to your friends and family.

Don't get me wrong, these initial meet and greet stages are tricky and kinda frustrating, but know your intention and follow it.

Best of luck :goodluck:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unsure [Re: Psilosoulful]
    #23693483 - 09/30/16 09:10 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I also just got out of a relationship and it hit me hard but i feel ready to move on. I was told by my best friend who is a girl that is also her bestfriend that she may just be looking to have fun but she hasnt really shown any interest other than she is still talking to me and hit menup first.

Do i just start bringing up her looks or something?

I am not the type of guy who just wants sex i cant find someone sexually attractive unless i get to know them and like who they are at least on some level.

I want to talk to her flirt a bit until wr hangout in a couple weeks and if we hit it off and have a good time i would mind dating her but i dont like rushing things ive learned my lesson from past relationships.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Unsure [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23695309 - 09/30/16 08:23 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Do i just start bringing up her looks or something?



Consider the fact that this is what 95% of the douchebag pricks out there probably say to her. Also consider the fact that, if you wanna get her attention, you need to stand out from the rest. How do you do that?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unsure [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23696198 - 10/01/16 02:50 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Hey Jokeshopbeard im doing what i can and things seem to be going well. I didnt bring up her looks but i did find a way to compliment her and flirt a little. She is my friends (who is a girl) best friend and we just met a couple weeks ago. I asked my friend if shes just not really good at conversation or if she knows if she lost interest and my friend said shes just bad at carrying conversation.

So i just did my thing and then juat bluntly asked what she thinks of me now that we have been talking and she is interested in me i know that for sure now.

I will hopefully be hanging out with her in a couple weeks and we will see how things go then i guess.

Also want to add this girl and i have been talking quite a bit and its all "get to know each other type talk" im sort of having a harder and harder time coming up with casual stuff to talk about


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Unsure [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23696353 - 10/01/16 05:54 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Casual stuff? Fuck that man, go deep.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
Re: Unsure [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23696500 - 10/01/16 08:17 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I say friendzone yourself, be upfront and tell her you don't want a relationship.

If you do it right you can find yourself in FWB.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
Re: Unsure [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23696512 - 10/01/16 08:26 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I am not the type of guy who just wants sex i cant find someone sexually attractive unless i get to know them and like who they are at least on some level.

I want to talk to her flirt a bit until wr hangout in a couple weeks and if we hit it off and have a good time i would mind dating her but i dont like rushing things ive learned my lesson from past relationships.




You'll probably want to start looking for a girl who is demisexual or into tantric practices.

Looking for women really can be like fishing.
E.g. If you want a Mangrove Jack species of fish you'll need to search hard for a decent niche and put in the effort to attract, lure in and catch the fish within it.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Anonymous #1

Re: Unsure [Re: sudly]
    #23696626 - 10/01/16 09:33 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Casual stuff? Fuck that man, go deep.




I like that man i think im gonna jist go for it
Quote:

sudly said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
I am not the type of guy who just wants sex i cant find someone sexually attractive unless i get to know them and like who they are at least on some level.

I want to talk to her flirt a bit until wr hangout in a couple weeks and if we hit it off and have a good time i would mind dating her but i dont like rushing things ive learned my lesson from past relationships.




You'll probably want to start looking for a girl who is demisexual or into tantric practices.

Looking for women really can be like fishing.
E.g. If you want a Mangrove Jack species of fish you'll need to search hard for a decent niche and put in the effort to attract, lure in and catch the fish within it.





I actually do consider myself demisexual and demiromantic and it could be that im just fishing right now but i do have an interest in this girl i dont really know how sexual she is yet.

Its also not that i dont want a relationship its i dont want to rush into something right away i took things slow with my ex and it seemed to be a better relationship in the long run because of it. Im just kinda going with the flow of things for the most part

Also she lives 2 1/2 hours from me on the other side of my state where my old best friend moved out to so that makes it more complicated to actually be in a relationship with her.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
Re: Unsure [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23696648 - 10/01/16 09:44 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

If she's living that distance away it makes for a good opportunity to take it slow. If you want something real and honest that isn't a root and boot it's best to take your time to work on a friendship.


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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OfflinePsilosoulful

Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Unsure [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23696656 - 10/01/16 09:47 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Casual stuff? Fuck that man, go deep.




I like that man i think im gonna jist go for it
Quote:

sudly said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
I am not the type of guy who just wants sex i cant find someone sexually attractive unless i get to know them and like who they are at least on some level.

I want to talk to her flirt a bit until wr hangout in a couple weeks and if we hit it off and have a good time i would mind dating her but i dont like rushing things ive learned my lesson from past relationships.




You'll probably want to start looking for a girl who is demisexual or into tantric practices.

Looking for women really can be like fishing.
E.g. If you want a Mangrove Jack species of fish you'll need to search hard for a decent niche and put in the effort to attract, lure in and catch the fish within it.





I actually do consider myself demisexual and demiromantic and it could be that im just fishing right now but i do have an interest in this girl i dont really know how sexual she is yet.

Its also not that i dont want a relationship its i dont want to rush into something right away i took things slow with my ex and it seemed to be a better relationship in the long run because of it. Im just kinda going with the flow of things for the most part

Also she lives 2 1/2 hours from me on the other side of my state where my old best friend moved out to so that makes it more complicated to actually be in a relationship with her.



That's one thing I really regret not doing with the last girl I had strong feelings for.
I rushed things wayy too quickly and crossed her personal boundaries and she resented me for it.

Then, I became needy and tried to win her affection back by being myself and just trying to get to know her.
She lashed out at me again when I asked what I was to her and she said "just an acquaintance". I told her I didn't want to be that and told her to "have a nice life".

Then, she texted me three days later apologizing and saying she was being spiteful.
I met her on campus and she said she didn't want me being mad at her. Then, just like that, she made out with me and thus started an uneven emotional rollercoaster of a relationship.

I always felt like it was based off of fear of resentment and not actual likingness, no matter how much I tried.
And the fact that I didn't "win" her over made me feel like I wasn't even dating her, but she was just doing me a favor by being present. Fucked up, I know.

It ended really bad, to say the least. Hands down one of the worst experiences I've ever had dating. I don't wish it upon anyone.

Bottom line is : let things happen naturally and don't rely on ANYONE for your source of happiness. They are meant to contribute to it, not provide it.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unsure [Re: sudly]
    #23696680 - 10/01/16 09:57 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah i know thats what im doing i just dont want to friend zone myself because that can be quite hard to get out of that.

We have only been talking for a week now so i really have no expectations shes just interesting to me atm

@psilosoulful that sounds like a rough situation but it sounds like you learned from it and can now pass that lesson on to those you feel need it like me.

Thabk you for sharing your experience
I used to rush relationships to the max but they always left me damaged when i did that. Since my last relationship i feel like it actually built me up and made me a better person and thats what im looking for. I know to not ever rely on others for happiness and thats a choice from with in to be happy.


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OfflinePsilosoulful

Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Unsure [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23697392 - 10/01/16 02:34 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah don't worry about the friendzone, if she's attracted to you, then you won't land there.
Just don't give her too much attention or she'll think you're just another needy guy and she won't be as interested.
A week is nothing, just chillax and let the attraction build, then when the time is right, you can make your move. :goodluck:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Unsure [Re: Psilosoulful]
    #23697732 - 10/01/16 04:54 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks man :cheers:


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OfflinePsilosoulful

Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Unsure [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23698137 - 10/01/16 07:17 PM (7 years, 3 months ago)

:thumbup:


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Offlinesecondorder
Amanda Hug'n'kiss
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/05/15
Posts: 532
Loc: Queensland, Australia
Last seen: 9 months, 7 days
Re: Unsure [Re: sudly]
    #23702859 - 10/03/16 09:18 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

I say friendzone yourself, be upfront and tell her you don't want a relationship.

If you do it right you can find yourself in FWB....


...You'll probably want to start looking for a girl who is demisexual or into tantric practices.




Sudly what is it with you and this recent obsession with the concepts of friends with benefits, and demisexuality? I'm not criticizing I'm just noticing ha. You need to find yourself a nice voluptuous fuck buddy to ease all of that darwinian tension that's building up within.


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