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Anonymous #1

My girlfriend hates my mom
    #23681623 - 09/26/16 10:59 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

So I'm in a pretty terrible situation


My GF hates my mom. I love the girl we get along great and I can't picture life without her, however there is one major caveat. She despises my mother. I don't know why, honestly I don't care. My mom is a pretty hard headed lady so I'm trying to keep her from catching wind of this, as I really love the girl, and I obviously love my mom.


I wish they could get along but it doesn't seem like they ever will. She (gf) gets along fine with all the other members of my family but for some reason my mom and her butt heads. My mom for her credit has been very nice to us and helped us considerably with mom type shit. (Buying us appliances and groceries every now and then).



I don't get the beef, and it's easy to ignore. However recently she's taken to lashing out at my mother (to me) when she gets upset. This I am not cool with, I get it that we aren't going to love everyone in each others lives but ild prefer if she would keep it to herself. I'm not exactly thrilled with all her favorite people but I don't air that shit out whenever I get mad. I don't really understand why she is even complaining about my mom, because if either party asked me to pick and choose I'm not gonna do that. They are both important to me for seperate reasons and I refuse to let either party make me pick and choose.


Does anyone have any advice in a situation like this, or has anyone ever encountered anything like this?
A lot of this is just venting about it on my side as I have no one I can talk to this about.
Thanks guys

Also a female perspective could be super helpful


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OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23681782 - 09/26/16 11:49 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Perhaps you have a very close relationship with your mom, and your girl feels threatened by this, like she will never be able to compete with your mom for your attention.

Relationships can be weird.


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©️


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Anonymous #1

Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Lucis]
    #23681860 - 09/27/16 12:33 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Crazy you can diagnose that without knowing me.
ya me and my mom have a pretty tight bond. Her and her dad have a super tight bond and I still like her dad :shrug:. I'm kinda chalking it up to a women are very complex creature thing. It doesn't really bother me too much but it's a lot of unneeded stress in my life


my mom always tells me these little barbs that she thinks fly under the radar, and then my girlfriend just full out tells me how much she dislikes my mom and gives me shit for being in love with her, which is weird. She's trying to come at me with an Oedipus insult, but it's so far off target that it doesn't even bother me.

I've talked through it with her and she let out the waterworks and it was definitely healthy for the relationship but obviously something is still eating at her.  In my eyes they would hardly be the first mother/daughter in law relationship that is icy. It's not like I'm going to cut my mom out of my life because my girl and her don't get along, or vice versa


I wish I could convey this message to both of them better. Be like "okay you don't get along, well I don't give a shit. I love both of you so you guys are gonna have to deal with it."


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Anonymous #2

Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23681928 - 09/27/16 01:10 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
So I'm in a pretty terrible situation


My GF hates my mom. I love the girl we get along great and I can't picture life without her, however there is one major caveat. She despises my mother. I don't know why, honestly I don't care. My mom is a pretty hard headed lady so I'm trying to keep her from catching wind of this, as I really love the girl, and I obviously love my mom.


I wish they could get along but it doesn't seem like they ever will. She (gf) gets along fine with all the other members of my family but for some reason my mom and her butt heads. My mom for her credit has been very nice to us and helped us considerably with mom type shit. (Buying us appliances and groceries every now and then).



I don't get the beef, and it's easy to ignore. However recently she's taken to lashing out at my mother (to me) when she gets upset. This I am not cool with, I get it that we aren't going to love everyone in each others lives but ild prefer if she would keep it to herself. I'm not exactly thrilled with all her favorite people but I don't air that shit out whenever I get mad. I don't really understand why she is even complaining about my mom, because if either party asked me to pick and choose I'm not gonna do that. They are both important to me for seperate reasons and I refuse to let either party make me pick and choose.


Does anyone have any advice in a situation like this, or has anyone ever encountered anything like this?
A lot of this is just venting about it on my side as I have no one I can talk to this about.
Thanks guys

Also a female perspective could be super helpful





women are catty.  In my experience, when people i know have had this issue, it is because they are a total mama's boy.  Usually they are an only child (or at least the only son).  The mothers are possessive over the son and suspicious of the girlfriend/wife.  The girlfriend/wife are generally just jealous of the boyfriend/husband spending time/talking on the phone with the mom, and/or upset about the boyfriend/husband discussing relationship stuff with the mom.  It won't get better, and if you get married, the wife will resent the mom even more.  You are pretty much fucked.


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Anonymous #2] * 2
    #23682769 - 09/27/16 10:20 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

This sounds troubling...One thing gf's should not encroach on is a mother/ son relationship...it is unwinnable on her part and will only yield discord among all three.

Do you still live close to your mom? Distance has a way of solving these problems or at least keeping them out of sight. Anyway, your gf doesn't seem to have a problem accepting gifts or money from her...I'd tell her to please keep her insults to herself...I mean...WTF? it's your mom....family for Chrissake.


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Anonymous #1

Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #23683973 - 09/27/16 05:55 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks for empathizing with me man
I live about 100 miles away from my mom. I'm planing on moving pretty far away soon but it's unrelated to any of the things mentioned in this thread.


I feel like the whole thing is pretty fucking manipulative and it's getting old. I'm trying to take the high road as I hate these petty fights, but it gets hard at times. I realize that every person in the world has their upsides and downsides. I'm trying to bare with the immaturity but admittedly it's starting to wear on me. It's like every time she hits that time of the month or gets mad at me it's straight to the low blows...


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23685658 - 09/28/16 07:46 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

No problem, friend....I think she is showing immaturity and is probably insecure about herself...and, she is taking it out on the only other real female influence in your life. Hopefully, she will mature because this scenario can rip apart relationships.:sunny::peace:


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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InvisiblepachooDiscord
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Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Anonymous #1] * 3
    #23686007 - 09/28/16 09:58 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I'd tell your gf to straight up knock it off. She is overstepping her bounds and without any reason. If she can't tell you why she doesn't like your mom then that is a problem and it is unnecessary and immature. Does your mom not like your gf?

My bf and I sometimes argue out each others mothers and fathers but for legitimate reasons. My mom sometimes manipulates me and my family on her side has a long history of that and his mom gets drunk crazy and attacks him sometimes. But that has never made us tell each other that we hate each others parents or to somehow affect our relationship with them. We both understand the love we have for our parents, even with faults, and try to help each other with our relationships with them. There was never a point where there was jealousy or misdirected anger with it. I love his mom and he loves mine and they both consider us both to be their children. My bf is much closer to his mom than I am with mine and honestly I might be even closer to her as well.

Like Thay mentioned too, your gf does not have any problem getting help from your mom and doesn't have any problem except for maybe your mom's abrasiveness and closeness with you. But she should see how much you love your mom and if you don't have a problem then she shouldn't either. As a woman, her actions do not make sense to me except that she is being a butthead about it. But I don't know the full story of if you and your mom ever had problems or they did that would warrant it.

I hope it works out for you though. This seems like unnecessary stress in your life and I hope it gets alleviated soon where all parties are good. :heartpump:


--------------------


:heartpump::heartpump: :heartpump::heartpump:


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
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Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: pachoo]
    #23686294 - 09/28/16 11:39 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

pachoo said:
As a woman, her actions do not make sense to me except that she is being a butthead about it.



Well said pachoo.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Anonymous #1

Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #23686435 - 09/28/16 12:26 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

We're definitely moving closer and closer towards breaking up which sucks because I love the girl and we get along well 90% of the time


Maturity is starting to be a major concern however. She'll pick a fight out of nowhere, and I'll see it coming so I'll avoid it then she pokes and pokes till I state my opinion (in a nice way) and then just gets mad and stops talking. Or starts using pronouns like you and me when discussing the future, rather than the collective us. This is a fairly recent development though, the last two weeks. We've been dating like 16 months at this point.

We have a lease together for like 10 more month so I'll re-evaluate down the road


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #23686999 - 09/28/16 02:36 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Find another mom


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23687102 - 09/28/16 03:00 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
We're definitely moving closer and closer towards breaking up which sucks because I love the girl and we get along well 90% of the time


Maturity is starting to be a major concern however. She'll pick a fight out of nowhere, and I'll see it coming so I'll avoid it then she pokes and pokes till I state my opinion (in a nice way) and then just gets mad and stops talking. Or starts using pronouns like you and me when discussing the future, rather than the collective us. This is a fairly recent development though, the last two weeks. We've been dating like 16 months at this point.

We have a lease together for like 10 more month so I'll re-evaluate down the road



Sorry to hear that dude...next will come the passive aggressive shit....then indifference. Then, hopefully your lease is up.


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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Anonymous #1

Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #23689010 - 09/29/16 12:13 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Thayendanegea said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
We're definitely moving closer and closer towards breaking up which sucks because I love the girl and we get along well 90% of the time


Maturity is starting to be a major concern however. She'll pick a fight out of nowhere, and I'll see it coming so I'll avoid it then she pokes and pokes till I state my opinion (in a nice way) and then just gets mad and stops talking. Or starts using pronouns like you and me when discussing the future, rather than the collective us. This is a fairly recent development though, the last two weeks. We've been dating like 16 months at this point.

We have a lease together for like 10 more month so I'll re-evaluate down the road



Sorry to hear that dude...next will come the passive aggressive shit....then indifference. Then, hopefully your lease is up.




Ya that would seem to be the progression.


I really don't know though. We're kinda right for eachother, our crazies balance eachother out and we both motivate each other. If we split she's gonna realize she fucked up and likely try to come back.

I have very few touchy areas but obviously family is gonna be in that catagory. She's only 21 so she (and I'm not much older so also in this category) still have some maturing to do. I'll let it air out and hopefully we both grow from it. Her mom loves me and told her that she hated her dad's mom so that helped a bit


Worst part is we have a dog together and I fucking love that dog :lol:, but she owns it and will 100% take it.


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InvisibleThayendanegea
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Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23689660 - 09/29/16 08:09 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

I hope it works out for ya. It sounds a whole lot like an old relationship of mine that I wasted 7 years of my life on. Actually, can never say any time is wasted, but we were a lot like you and yours...fought fiercely and loved fiercely. Eventually, the arguments won out.


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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InvisibleTuhdoww
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Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #23689740 - 09/29/16 08:43 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Bite her head off next time she starts with it.
Sometimes people need to be put in their place. Stop worrying about hurting her feelings cuz she's walking all over yours with no cares.
Maybe time to start expressing your true feeling of just how upset it makes you. Before it's too late and you hate her/each other.


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Anonymous #1

Re: My girlfriend hates my mom [Re: Tuhdoww]
    #23690024 - 09/29/16 10:27 AM (7 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Thayendanegea said:
I hope it works out for ya. It sounds a whole lot like an old relationship of mine that I wasted 7 years of my life on. Actually, can never say any time is wasted, but we were a lot like you and yours...fought fiercely and loved fiercely. Eventually, the arguments won out.






Thanks for the warning.

Quote:

Tuhdoww said:
Bite her head off next time she starts with it.
Sometimes people need to be put in their place. Stop worrying about hurting her feelings cuz she's walking all over yours with no cares.
Maybe time to start expressing your true feeling of just how upset it makes you. Before it's too late and you hate her/each other.





I don't know about biting her head off but I'll probably be a lot more firm


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