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Space Nomad Registered: 06/18/13 Posts: 1,808 Loc: PHX Last seen: 5 years, 3 months |
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Just to give a preview to what this post will contain: my previous experiences that I believe relate to the occult. This is a novel in regards to the length. These experiences were very negative for me and I'm not sure they had to be. These experiences continue to make it hard for me to enjoy life. I would like to know what exactly I got into. An explanation of sorts. I am looking for closure and advice, first off.
Secondly, I am realizing that ignoring or forgetting my experiences isn't really working...maybe I need to pick up some sort of practice. I need to protect myself from whatever I have been experiencing so I can enjoy life again. Before, things got weird I was a pretty spiritual person. I was into meditation. I could feel my chakras and energy. But there was never anything from those ideals that would physically manifest. Not that it was the only thing I was looking for, but I never experienced anything deep. Relatively measurable results. I wasn't seeking them at the time, but I have noticed this in retrospect. I have had unfavorable forced experiences with Voodoo, psychic vampirism, satanism, and possibly luciferianism. I could be wrong but based on the little research I've done these are the practices I have seen. My purpose in bringing these up and I saw physically manifested results in these practices. I want to start practicing something meaningful. Rather than just imagining a golden white light around myself. One thing I don't want to get into is something dark or negative. I'm not insulting any of those practices but they are just not for me. What is strange to me is that I've seen numbers, charts, graphs (that I don't understand) in relation to the practices I mentioned. Sort of it's own science in a way. I have never seen anything like that for something positive. So I'm asking for advice...can anyone make a case for a good practice? Give me any advice? Point me in the right direction? It is greatly appreciated. It is time to find a way to be happy. Next, I will get to sharing my experiences. First, I have a disclaimer. There have been drugs involved. I cannot prove any of this. I have been called crazy. I have been told that it was the drugs. I have no problem being doubted but if you consider posting something of that nature it would be a waste because I have heard it all before. In 2012 I went to the bonnaroo music festival. I tried LSD for the first time and saw Radiohead live. The experience was great. After the show my "friend" ditched me and I was by myself in a very altered state. First, I noticed how the attendees looked a lot different from the day time crowd. There were a lot of people that had colored dreadlocks and occult symbols on their clothing. If you could imagine a satanic juggalo that's what they looked like. They all looked pretty grungy in an intimidating way. I tried to ignore it and enjoy the fire spinners and light shows, but soon after I sat down someone shook a blanket over my head. Now, a logical explanation is that someone wanted to fuck with me and shake dust all over me but I'm thinking it could have been some sort of ceremonial drug. Magic dust I believe it is called. I decided I needed to get back to my tent. However, I could not even find the exit. So I saw some "normal" looking people and I decided to ask them which direction the exit was. They encouraged me to sit down with them. Then they offered me some "marijuana", which in retrospect it definitely was not. The bowl was too heavy for it to be weed and it tastes awful, and none of the other people in the circle smoked it either. From there I started freaking out. There was a festi-cab (golf cart) driving by in the festival (which is prohibited) and I just hopped in and asked for a ride to my camping site. Instead he drove right past my camping area and he took me to a place called "the lost and found" tent. While I was back there they took down all of my info (as I thought it was also a medical tent). There were also fake conversations going on between the tent workers and people who supposedly 'lost' something. They would pretend to type on their computers and the screen wouldn't change a bit. There were maybe 1 or 2 medical items in their cabinet. Meanwhile, while this was happening the dreadlocked people I mentioned earlier were circling the tent; staring me down and they walked by. They circled the tent and walked by literally all night. Whenever a normal looking kid like myself would walk by a crowd of these dreadlocks would follow behind him and pick up speed. Obviously I could see the rest from the tent. Now, I know this situation is all of my stupidity, but I was 18. Young and dumb. But I know there was something fishy going on. After the show all of the wandering people tripping were in one group walking. Complete strangers; zombies. Maybe 15 people just wandering in a drug induced lull. It is the perfect environment to take advantage of someone for magickal purposes. Also, no one would believe anyone because of all the drugs anyways. Sorry for digressing. The LSD was definitely wearing off and I was paranoid to the edge. I definitely thought the dreadlocked guys wanted to kill me. I stayed in that tent all night. More sketchy people taking pictures of me. All of the dreadlocks went away in the morning. I never saw any of them during the daylight. That night was 2 of 4. I then made the mistake of telling a security officer on a horse what had happened. I snitched. I'm not even sure if it was a real security officer...does a horseback office in Manchester Tennessee at 6am sound realistic? Of course they said I was just crazy. I thought so too. I decided to get some sleep and when I woke up I thought I would enjoy the festival like normal. Only drug free this time. But everywhere I went there was someone in a black bandana staring me down. Some pointing me out. Before, the chili peppers started I looked around me, and literally 80% of the people around me were shirtless males wearing sunglasses with a black bandana. I went to a real security worker and he had me escorted back to the medical tents where I stayed the night. For the rest of the festival I stayed in my tent. I noticed on the final night many people walking around our tent area trying to have fake conversations to lure people out of their tent. Only and idiot on drugs would have fell for them. "Hey did you hear the concerts started again?" Some of the dreadlock people would walk by and say things like "looking for a big daddy", "high rank", also mentioning free tattoos. On the 23hr hell that was the bus ride home. There were people staring me down that had maybe just one or two colored dreadlocks in their hair. Concluding, it was a bad experience. Unfortunately 1 of quite a few to follow. I may have just been a paranoid kid on drugs but there had to be a little something more going on beyond that. The next experience happened (started) in 2013. I started workin at a restaurant and became friends with some of the people that worked there. Overtime, I thought that I was getting past the bonnaroo incident. In April 2014 I quit the restaurant, but remained friends with a few employees. I decided to buy a large amount of LSD with a couple of other employees and I made plans with both of them separately to trip and hang out. One employee whom I tripped with started working at the restaurant after I did and was supposedly a stranger to everyone who already worked there. That's not an important detail yet but it will be. This employee came over tripping supposedly with his friend. They were super nice to me. Eventually we started watching netflix and his friend needed to go to the bathroom. He smelled like smoke and it didn't smell like weed either, and then he called out the work "koruga" or something like that. Like he was summoning something maybe? Because of a later experience I had I think they were trying to manipulate the tv through my mind..for what purpose I still don't know. I started to pick up on their odd behavior and I became anxious. I tried to select something else on netflix an I noticed only the 13th season of "how it's made" was available. That's a magickal number isn't it? Then my friend from work asked me in a cynical manner if I was ready to play. This freaked me out even more, so I told them I didn't feel well and they had to leave. There was another incident with this employee quite a few months before. Where I was at his apartment hanging with some people, and he invited everyone on his bed to sit down to watch the "banana boat scene". We never actually watched anything but his friend did try to accidentally touch my penis. I didn't think it was weird at the time; I just thought his friend was hitting on me. In retrospect, it seems like it was some sort of ritual to me. Now, I'm not sure why I'm this stupid but literally a week after taking LSD the first employee I decided to take LSD agin with a different employee. One I considered a friend. We'll call him B. And sure enough it was the same thing. This time he had maybe 5 friends over. There were voodoo dolls in the bathroom. His friends kept leaving because they had to go get cigarettes..which they had to do 5 times apparently. At one point I was all by myself in the apartment and went out to the deck to try to find my iPod and I heard this weird chanting music. It was fast and in weird time signatures. Not natural sounding. I had hung out with one the employee's friends before and he told me that he was a sorcerer and thought satan was awesome. Because I was so desperate for social validation I didn't read the signs to stay away. Once they all came inside we began watching Parks and Recreation (episode 13 in whatever season). Who watches that on an acid trip?! But anyways the show was completely different. They were definitely controlling the show. They were saying eachother's names and completely changing the plot lines. A lot of it was a blur. Since I was in an altered state I could not leave but as soon as I felt able I left and never spoke to any of them again. If they wanted to hurt me couldn't they have done that already? Was it an attempt to initiate me or what? I can understand how anyone would say that I'm hallucinating but I've tripped several times now (probably too many). And I know the difference between reality an hallucination. Ridicule me if you want but I won't waste the time to debate about it. At this restaurant, there were also two sisters I worked with. In retrospect there behavior seems odd. Most of my time at this restaurant I was very quiet, awkward, and shy. Despite that these two girls invited me over to their apartment for dinner on Christmas. Despite hardly even knowing me they bought probably over 100$ worth of things...it was unnecessary an kind of weird. A couple days later one of the sister guilted me in an off hand way to buy them gifts. I never wanted to exchange gifts in the first place and now I have to spend 150+ on people I barely know. In an unrelated conversation one of the sisters mentioned they only do nice things for people because they "feel bad for them." Why would someone say that? I'm not exactly sure if this situation is relevant in my dilemma but it sets the scene for who they were. About a week before these weird situations on LSD occurred I was invited to a movie by the sisters and B (They were close). Before the movie B and I went smoke a joint. In retrospect, it didn't taste or smell like weed, and I didn't feel high at all. My guess is that it was a ceremonial herb. After the second terrible LSD experience I was struggling with anxiety and weird dreams. I bounced around to a couple of other restaurant jobs. More weird shit occurred. Nothing near as heavy as what had occurred before. Doesn't seem worth mentioning. So, why does this keep happening to me? How can I stop it? Does it have something to do with where I live? (Phoenix, arizona) Later that summer I made the awful decision to take LSD by myself. All of my trauma came to the forefront. I considered joining an occult practice because I was desperate for sex. Not sure what my thinking was but it's relevant to the next part of my story. In my desperation for female companionship I entered the online dating scene. The first girl I met up with chose a bar for us to meet up and get drinks. It was a pretty spread out bar and we sat at about 4 different spots. At one point there was a man all alone dancing like a fool to every song that played, and the girl said something like "he's chillin" it seemed like it had a different meaning when she said it. And clearly there was nothing chill about the guy. I heard the same expression used in the same way at other jobs with people I felt were in on this "thing". There was another girl I saw who would speak untranslatable language or tongues maybe. There were other jobs that were suspicious, other girls that were suspicious, plenty more things I could elaborate on but I know this post is getting long. I'm going to try to wrap this up. I'm about a year and a half removed from the situation I described. Everything was fine and I was happy. In the past couple weeks I began to experience weird things again. I was at a concert and the vibe was just totally weird and people were looking at me strange. At one point a girl walked in front of me, turned her back to me, thrusted her hips backwards and hit me in the dick with her backpack, and then proceeded to go stand where she was before. Which wasn't anywhere near me. Wtf? Then a couple weeks later I was at another concert with a family member. We stopped at a bar and my family member ran into someone he knew. They hadn't spoken in ten years. The first thing this guy has to communicate is a sacred geometry sketch on napkin. I didn't completely understand it..he was mentioning hexagons, pentagrams, and measurements. I thought it was pretty cool..kind of a strange thing to show someone after not speaking for 10 years. As it turns out his ticket was for the seats right next to ours. Straight out of a movie. It was quite serendipitous and I thought it was cool. But later that I night I decided to smoke some marijuana. I had been occasionally and I was doing fine when smoking but that night I immediately felt light headed and had to lie down. My breathing began to feel stuttered and buffered. I was freezing cold and couldn't get warm no matter how hard I tried. The only thoughts I had on my mind were negative. It's hard to explain but in my mind I was defending myself from some sort of attack. It was realer than any drug I was shaking and I could feel energy wildly. I was in battle and I could feel my energy flowing. I was haws ring sounds and music in my head. The music wasn't bad but it was just unpleasant in a way and I was countering the music by turning It into music that I would like. As soon as I would regain control of what was going on a different attack would happen. I started having visions of everyone I associate with regularly being some inter dimensional negative black hole in some negative cult out to get me. Eventually, I felt and heard a clicking noise on the outside of my head and and I could feel a heavy spot of energy on the outside of my head pulsating. Since then, I have been anxious an paranoid. My girlfriend used to see a psychic and supposedly she have her a a red ribbon with 5 or so knots on it with pieces of paper facing inward with our names on it. I found it when I was trying to be nice and clean out her car. It sent me over the edge a little. We talked it out and I guess the intention was harmless. What really has been getting to me Is the timing and sequencing of all these events. Like the universe is fucking with me. I know some of these experiences are because of my paranoia and making some thing out of nothing. I think may be manifesting some of it too. Maybe I'm fucking crazy who knows. One thing I do is that there is no way that 100% of these are my imagination. I'm reaching out for help, advice, insight, knowledge. I want to know where this is coming from. Why this is happening to me. I don't have any negative feeling towards and of the practices that include the things I have mentioned. I have no ill feelings towards anyone or anything. I simply want as much of an explanation as possible. I'm looking for a way to rid myself of what I've been through. Maybe a suggestion for a practice to take up as I mentioned above. I'll mention once again that I have been criticized plenty for sharing these things already. I have already been called crazy so if that's all you have to say then save it please. Anyone who read this far, thank you! Sorry it's so long. I just had to share this with some minds that might just be a like to mine or someone who can share some insight.
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L'une Registered: 09/17/11 Posts: 11,309 Last seen: 3 days, 17 hours |
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Drugs, man. Wow!
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master of fire Registered: 12/15/10 Posts: 289 Last seen: 6 years, 7 months |
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this is a perfect illustration of why you dont take psychedelics without preparation. they are not for recreation, they are for re creation.
short answer: you have used the psychedelic experience to reinforce your underlying fears. you are truly fuckered. nothing outside of you can have power over you. you have been hijacked by your own energy. you must make the toughest choice of all: live in fear or change it all. nature, and the FULL understanding of its processes, is the best cure -------------------- i like you...
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Space Nomad Registered: 06/18/13 Posts: 1,808 Loc: PHX Last seen: 5 years, 3 months |
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I think there is some truth to what I have experienced. To what degree, I don't know. Regardless, I appreciate your thoughtful reply. How can I change it all?
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master of fire Registered: 12/15/10 Posts: 289 Last seen: 6 years, 7 months |
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expectations are the path to sadness and death. they keep you from pursuing your right life. they are born of ignorance or desperation, an attempt to force right to come from wrong. you must abandon the life you have now, let it peel off like a snake skin.
i often say, "make a sandwich, make it yourself, no store bought shit, make it with love and ability and concentrate hard on doing your best. make it the best sandwich evar. now go out and find someone to give it to, doesnt matter if you live in the middle of nowhere, someone will appear and need your sandwich. dont expect anything, i mean fucking nothing, in return, and if thats what you get, then fine. you are now on the right path, do right from now on. do what is the greatest right you can. then do better." if you are poor, reverse the roles, go out looking for a sandwich. take whatever comes and offer nothing if you must. accept the other is doing their part and accomodate them. if they are intolerable, brush it off and move on. you are now on the path. do right -------------------- i like you...
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Space Nomad Registered: 06/18/13 Posts: 1,808 Loc: PHX Last seen: 5 years, 3 months |
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Thank you for the reply and advice.
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Registered: 09/27/16 Posts: 315 |
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You need to stop doing drugs. Even weed. Preferably even alcohol, if you drink. Every time you do drugs, you are thrusting yourself further into this nightmare world. Drugs are just the phone call that introduces you to the fact that stuff like energy exists. You've already made contact, you need to hang up the phone now.
As for the weird dark shit that's happening: since this has only been going on for 1.5 years, you might be going through an astrological Pluto transit. These involve boundary invasions, power struggles, and often criminal activities. They are very dark, everything is suspicious and intense, and bad things happen to you, for the purpose of transformation and empowerment. They do function as an initiation, but it's not any particular person or group doing this to you, it's just a universal mechanism of evolution. It's a 3-year-long trip to the Underworld, basically, and it sucks. The fact that you feel like you have to battle the energy inside you suggests that you are naturally more inclined to the physical than the spiritual. If that's the case, you will be learning to set boundaries with this energy during the dark times in your life. Spirituality comes at the expense of physicality and vice versa, so if you want to lower the intensity of that overwhelming internal energy, keep yourself occupied with physical stuff as much as you can. Dancing, sports, making stuff, housecleaning, etc.
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L'une Registered: 09/17/11 Posts: 11,309 Last seen: 3 days, 17 hours |
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Information at 4:44am (13:1313)!
18 more months of this! You could write a book OP.
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Space Nomad Registered: 06/18/13 Posts: 1,808 Loc: PHX Last seen: 5 years, 3 months |
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I've already thought of an hbo like tv series about it....greatly exaggerated obviously. I fleshed out season 1 for the most part. That's a pretty lofty goal, I know. It was just for fun though. To be honest, I'm feeling pretty strong since I shared this. I shared it on other places on the web, too. Not as many responses as I had hoped....oh well. Sharing with people who (mostly) don't automatically say its all in my head is very refreshing.
It's been a very strange journey and I feel that no one can relate to it. There are so many more instances and details I left out of the story. If I made it any longer no one would read it. Life is stranger than fiction sometimes. It is a little crazy how just a few years ago I was just a normal guy. The festival instance was in August 2012, the ritual LSD trips were in may 2014. I think a lot of whats happened since then; I attracted due to paranoia and the fact the memories are really hard to shake..and the dreams too. I think I have a minor case of PTSD from it all. Sometimes one little thing triggers a memory and my days aren't quite as good anymore. I think I can come back from it all..not sure how. I need some good books to read to remind me how I can reclaim my space and thoughts. Any reading suggestions?
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Space Nomad Registered: 06/18/13 Posts: 1,808 Loc: PHX Last seen: 5 years, 3 months |
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Quote: Thanks for the thoughtful reply. There are some things I disagree with. I used drugs quite a bit long before any of this happened. I was already pretty spiritual..I was already feeling energy and I knew there was a whole world of possibilities. I think someday I can get back to the point where I can do fine on some non-addictive drugs. I have done fine on them in most instances since all of this shit happened. When I have these episodes it is my own fault. Just one little thought....yet sometimes I have arrest time and nothing bad happens at all. I can't say much about the astrological things...I don't know as much.i need to look at my natal chart in detail. One of my main goals in life is to be spiritually strong again. I think I can get there but I need to heal properly instead of avoiding and pretending it never happened. Distractions have helped me a lot though. Any suggested reads?
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L'une Registered: 09/17/11 Posts: 11,309 Last seen: 3 days, 17 hours |
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"I've already thought of an hbo like tv series about it...."
You have the content...1/2 the work is done. "It's been a very strange journey and I feel that no one can relate to it." I can relate...I've seen more than a few comments here in that vein. "If I made it any longer no one would read it." It's real, people will read the novel. " I think I can come back from it all..not sure how." Forget it man, you're in deep, Take notes and we'll follow you down the rabbit hole." "Any reading suggestions?" The riverboat in Conrad's 'Heart of Darkness', we're the pilgrims that shoot too high and you're Marlowe investigating "The Horror".
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Registered: 09/27/16 Posts: 315 |
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Suggested reads
Anything about trauma I guess I don't read books anymore The last thing I read was a Teal Swan book a few years ago She comes from a trauma perspective cuz she was pretty hardcore ritually abused as a child, but it's a bit too watery/emotional (squishy) for me For me to get through my own stuff, I had to get off stuff like drugs/meds/alcohol, abstain from all sexual activity (including masturbation) and figure out who I was, which I did by looking at Jungian functions and my natal chart Not that it's over yet, but I'm a lot better off now than I was
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Space Nomad Registered: 06/18/13 Posts: 1,808 Loc: PHX Last seen: 5 years, 3 months |
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I'm already feeling better. What happened will always be a part of me but I'll find a fulfilling life
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Elder Registered: 12/09/99 Posts: 14,279 Loc: South Florida Last seen: 3 years, 3 days |
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I agree with 100_the_cat with regard to you stopping all substance use ASAP.
You have used words like paranoia, suspicious, and crazy, and I observe that you are 'connecting the dots' so-to-speak in such a way that your concert experience was rife with occult conspiracy. It appears that taking LSD under poor circumstances, on your first occasion, with people who abandoned you, resulted in a psychotic episode replete with several delusions. You state that you "had unfavorable forced experiences with Voodoo, psychic vampirism, satanism, and possibly luciferianism," which screams paranoid ideation, along with 'ideas of reference,' meaning that you believe that YOU are at the center of some conspiracy. No, the universe is not fucking with you personally. Paranoid ideation IS a creative process just as imagination is, but its nature is typically negative and threatening. So is anxiety. If shaking a blanket out (as obnoxiously as that might have been) evoked the idea that some ritual drug had been administered to you, such a thought should have been dismissed by you when you came down from acid-induced paranoid delusions, but not if the paranoia you experienced was a psychosis triggered by the acid.Taking repeated doses of LSD and using cannabis are just reinforcing your concert experience which appears to have been traumatic from your description. As a hypnotherapist, I saw two therapy clients in the past few months whose symptoms apparently began as psychedelic-induced traumas years earlier! I gained whole new insights into the term 'flashback.' You need to ground yourself, and if symptoms continue, you may need to seek out professional assistance. One can no more practice a spiritual discipline to end a psychotic episode than my hypnotherapy clients are able to eliminate a trauma by themselves. These things just don't resolve themselves by self-effort.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Registered: 07/01/12 Posts: 939 |
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Quote: Quote: I keep warning people about all this "spiritual" meditation stuff. NooOoOOoO they wanna open their 3rd eye. It's all Luciferianism. Everything you're into is everything YHWH says is abomination. Yeah some spiritual stuff!. You got possessed by the negative demonic energy. Real or not you got possessed by your own actions. Vampirism? YHWH is against the drinking of any blood. Quote: Lucifer aka Jesus would say other wise. Yes, jesus was a vampire. Quote: This is what YHWH, my God says ok? Quote: So you were into all this satanic luciferian garbage, negative shit, you're only option is to do the exact opposite of all that crap.... I'll let you figure it out.
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Space Nomad Registered: 06/18/13 Posts: 1,808 Loc: PHX Last seen: 5 years, 3 months |
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Thank you for taking the time to read and reply everyone.
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Elder Registered: 12/09/99 Posts: 14,279 Loc: South Florida Last seen: 3 years, 3 days |
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You're a case of the pot calling he kettle black!
Your statements about Jesus being a vampire is bizarre in the extreme, and entirely misses the meanings of the saying quoted. As for "Luciferian," that is an overlay of your own conceptual biases. Lucifer means 'light-bearer' in Latin. The Greek word is Phosphorus, from which Hennig Brandt named the element he isolated from his own urine. Lucifer is a New Testament adaption of the Latin name, just as Pan (which means 'All,' as in All of nature) was adapted from Greek myth into the image of the Christian Devil. It is a psychological fact that symbols are never fixed and neither are their names. That is a Freudian error and why those dictionaries of symbols are misleading. It is your conceptual mind which is fixed and rigid. The opening of the wisdom-eye is a universal experience. "The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light." - Matthew 6:22The opening of the so-called third eye and the center above it as described in Hindu and Buddhist Yogas (or the two wings and the sphere on the caduceus of Mercury in the Latin symbolism), constitutes a universal human experience in which the ladder set up between earth and heaven is a externalized mythic rendering of an internal mystical physiology found throughout the worlds cultures and religions, including among the Hebrews. The inner ladder traverses to spinal column from coccyx to the brain. Much if not most of mythic writings are projections of inner psychospiritual experiences upon worldly events. The following is from a unpublished book that I am writing: "In the book of Genesis, we have Jacob’s dream at Luz (which means light, almond and coccyx in Aramaic) which he renamed Bethel – House of God. It is interesting and worth noting that the organ which processes emotional reactions and memory in the brain is called the amygdala, which means almond. Jacob’s dream blows his mind! AND Jacob awakened out of his sleep, and he said, Surely the LORD is in this place and I knew it not. And he was afraid, and said, How dreadful is this place! This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven. And Jacob rose up early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put for his pillows, and set it up for a pillar, and poured oil upon the top of it. And he called the name of that place Beth-el: but the name of that city was called Luz at the first. (Genesis 28:16-19) One can read this passage with interest at every level, but the mystical level of Pardes is also the most inward interpretation. The amygdala is in the limbic system of the brain and is proximal to the pineal body which secretes powerful neurotransmitters such as the potent psychedelic Dimethyltryptamine (DMT). These limbic structures together comprise a physical correlate to the brain centers of the Yogic chakra ladders that were described earlier in this book. Conversely, the coccyx, or the sacral-coccygeal complex at the tip of the spine, is recognized as the gateway for the universal energy (Shakti) to enter the human being. That interface is referred to as the Kundalini-Shakti, described in Chapter 3, where in Hindu Tantras, the goal is to raise the Kundalini-Shakti from its entry point in the sacral-coccygeal region (Muladhara chakra) and cause it to unite with its opposite pole in the brain (Sahasrara) in the region of the limbic system. The results can be visionary experience, paranormal or extrasensory phenomena, and mystical experience. That the city of Luz can be read on the most literal level is obvious. It means ‘light,’ and reminds one of ‘lux’ in Latin, and derivatives like lucid, lucent, or even Lucifer (light-bearer). Not so obvious are the two additional meanings of the word Luz. We can correlate those definitions with the two poles of a mystical physiology (‘coccyx’ and ‘almond’), and the energetic pathway between them which forms a ‘ladder of ascent.‘ Now consider the ladder upon which angels were ascending and descending as a description of the internal mystical ascent and descent, with the earth (or coccygeal Muladhara region at the base of the spine), heaven (or the amygdala at the center of the brain), and the vertebrae column as the ladder between them! Here is a dream which amounts to a personal revelation, an epiphany in the Hebrew tradition, of the archetypal sacred axis between earth and heaven, man and God." - p. 99 -------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Stranger Registered: 08/18/10 Posts: 440 |
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Please, listen to me.
What you are, You are in a bad trip. Do you know what it takes to escape the bad trip? God. Anyform of god. Jesus Christ, Budda, Aliens, Something spiritual or religious. Buddy, I Started out my first mushroom trip and my first acid trip gone wrong and horrible. I suffered for about 10 years. I would keep seeking out the love I had for drugs. This is because I knew that drugs in reality are not bad for you, as apposed to what your told your whole life. I was probably the most popular and loved kid in middle school, And partly in high school, Until I started to mess with psychedelics. I had my own vision of what I wanted, And there was nothing that could stop me from getting my "perfect picture" I kept using mushrooms and psychedelics no matter how bad it got, I literally would eat more than any persons reasonable amount of mushrooms, and OD by myself and enter the worst state of a trip you could ever imagine, full of anxiety fear, and paranoia. I am super skeptical and paranoid, 24/7 just as you are. If anything your paranoia is what is your comfort at this point. I know that. I too had good experiences with psychedelics at times, but, We both hit our fall through. But you don't ever hit anything, You just keep falling friend. And I honestly have to tell you, That is where you have to find it within you to love drugs with all your heart, But man, know that you are not going to have a good time if you chose to trip. You need to let that stuff go, Imagine how much more there will be without that stuff. Well, Ill tell you this. I had been very lost after a few OD's and bad trips. I really thought people of the world are out to get me. People acted just the same way. They'll make stupid ass remarks that are supposed to be funny, but they're not. And that only makes you more paranoid. I experience that all through college. I ended up almost fighting several people because I always thought they were talking about me or following me, etc.etc. You need to come to somebody, Higher up, In the skies. I promise you, If you come to god, and keep coming back to him, He will guide you out of your bad trip. He will show you who you really are. And thats real pal. I would never be going somewhere in my life "happily" if I stayed the way I was. Please, If you need anything message my inbox. I have a slight skitzo problem, and I also have a high anxiety, both from the bad trips. I know exactly where you are "coming" from.
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Stranger Registered: 08/18/10 Posts: 440 |
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Quote: I wouldnt share any of my stories here for, they are far fetched and nobody will understand me. But just understand, people love you, and people miss who you are before you entered this bad trip state. "You dont know the story about the man who fell into a bad trip and never came out of it?"
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Space Nomad Registered: 06/18/13 Posts: 1,808 Loc: PHX Last seen: 5 years, 3 months |
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Thank you for your empathy. Some days are better than others. It helps when I stay busy. Ive been getting better at realizing that the capability for positive living is just as strong as the negative..it just depends on what I decide to influence.
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Chemical in the body Registered: 02/25/05 Posts: 1,061 Loc: Green Country Last seen: 12 days, 7 hours |
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Sounds like some of the "weed" was some dissociative synthetic..... reason this based on effects noted and smell noted etc..... just a guess ,could be wrong....
Great posts in this thread, really are, and hope you do well.... try to read with an open mind..... Most importantly, save the thread. Revisit after time passes. I mean, a good amount of time. Like 5 or 10 years. Good luck man. You'll be alright. Stay clear of darkness man. Darkness is real, and it'll fuck you up for good..... that's one thing someone said above..... there are no outside forces , etc. I feel like there are, but you still are your own personal and have ability to hold on and keep control. -------------------- This was an experiment.
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Stranger Registered: 08/18/10 Posts: 440 |
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Quote: Ee Oo ii Aa It means Have a wonderful day.
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Paranoid ideation IS a creative process just as imagination is, but its nature is typically negative and threatening. So is anxiety. If shaking a blanket out (as obnoxiously as that might have been) evoked the idea that some ritual drug had been administered to you, such a thought should have been dismissed by you when you came down from acid-induced paranoid delusions, but not if the paranoia you experienced was a psychosis triggered by the acid.
Your statements about Jesus being a vampire is bizarre in the extreme, and entirely misses the meanings of the saying quoted. As for "Luciferian," that is an overlay of your own conceptual biases. Lucifer means 'light-bearer' in Latin. The Greek word is Phosphorus, from which Hennig Brandt named the element he isolated from his own urine. Lucifer is a New Testament adaption of the Latin name, just as Pan (which means 'All,' as in All of nature) was adapted from Greek myth into the image of the Christian Devil. It is a psychological fact that symbols are never fixed and neither are their names. That is a Freudian error and why those dictionaries of symbols are misleading. It is your conceptual mind which is fixed and rigid. The opening of the wisdom-eye is a universal experience. "The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light." - Matthew 6:22
