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imachavel
I loved and lost but I loved-ftw



Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 31,375
Loc: You get banned for saying that
Last seen: 8 hours, 39 minutes
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: GenericHero] 2
#28166864 - 01/31/23 10:25 PM (11 months, 22 days ago) |
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Quote:
GenericHero said: Imachavel got a new dress for his birthday. He though it was really great. He decided to wear it outdoors. One afternoon, he left his house wearing the dress. He walked by the fire station. A group of firefighters were out in front of the building drinking beer. "I am appreciative of your service to the community" said imachavel. "Even though you guys spend lots of time doing nothing and get paid and stuff, I think you guys are heroes." The firemen looked at each other. "If you really want to show us your appreciation, you better do a nice cartwheel over there on the grass" said the fireman with a mustache. He pointed to a patch of grass nearby. Imachavel didn't know if he could do a cartwheel, but he was determined to try. "I can't disappoint those goddamn firemen" he said to himself. "What's that?" Asked the short fireman. "I need a Flintstone's vitamin" said imachavel. He walked to the grassy area indicated by the mustached fireman and took a breath. "Five, four, and then three more" sang imachavel. He raised his hands above his head and shot out one foot. He committed to his attempt. "I'm really doing it" he thought. Hands on the ground, feet in the air, he lost his momentum. His dress came away from his knees and fell over his face. He tumbled to the ground, his dress still over his face. He remained motionless for a while, unsure if he was injured. He suddenly became aware of heavy breathing and low gutteral sounds. "It's okay" he said. "I'm not hurt." He pulled the dress down away from his face and looked toward the firemen. They were much closer now, and he noticed they were red in the face with bulges in their pants. "We want you to come inside with us" said the fireman with parkinson's. "We are going to teach you how to use the fireman's pole." Imachavel went with them... Imachavel was late getting home that night. "Where were you today?" asked imachavel's mom. "I don't want to talk about it" replied imachavel.
The end
You see how much more fun that is then just writing a sentence or so?
By the way I didn't read a bit of it
Edit: actually that was pretty damn funny
--------------------
I did not say to edit my signature soulidarity! Now forever I will never remember what I said about understanding the secrets of the universe by paying attention to subtleties!
I'm never giving you the password again. Jerk
Edited by imachavel (01/31/23 10:26 PM)
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GenericHero
one howdy stranger


Registered: 07/07/20
Posts: 1,487
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: imachavel]
#28166867 - 01/31/23 10:28 PM (11 months, 22 days ago) |
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Yes, I enjoy the long writing.
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halfass mycology
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor

Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: GenericHero] 1
#28166874 - 01/31/23 10:31 PM (11 months, 22 days ago) |
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-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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GenericHero
one howdy stranger


Registered: 07/07/20
Posts: 1,487
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: split_by_nine]
#28166876 - 01/31/23 10:33 PM (11 months, 22 days ago) |
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You don't need to say it. I know you can't read more than four words.
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halfass mycology
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor

Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: GenericHero]
#28166878 - 01/31/23 10:34 PM (11 months, 22 days ago) |
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one two three, drink my pee
-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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GenericHero
one howdy stranger


Registered: 07/07/20
Posts: 1,487
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: split_by_nine]
#28166879 - 01/31/23 10:35 PM (11 months, 22 days ago) |
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Eighteen nineteen twenty I'll do it for money
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halfass mycology
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KetaminePeen
ruthless



Registered: 07/09/18
Posts: 3,647
Loc: this is hell
Last seen: 9 months, 15 days
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: GenericHero] 1
#28166893 - 01/31/23 10:51 PM (11 months, 22 days ago) |
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sucked cock for bus money, then walked
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imachavel
I loved and lost but I loved-ftw



Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 31,375
Loc: You get banned for saying that
Last seen: 8 hours, 39 minutes
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: GenericHero] 1
#28166895 - 01/31/23 10:54 PM (11 months, 22 days ago) |
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One day generic hero is asking his mom "hey mom how do I know if I'm gay or not?" His mom replies "do you have a boyfriend at school?" To which generic hero replies "no I don't." To which his mom says back to him "well then you're not gay." But he says back to his mom "are you sure it starts out to obvious?" So his mom comes up and sits right down next to him and says "ok we need to have a talk. We are going to go over some things and based on how you answer these questions I will probably be able to tell you if you're gay or not son. Know that no matter what I won't judge you and will always love you. But I am going to tell you if you're a flaming faggot."
So she begins "when you watch movies and the man and the woman are about to have sex and you see them taking off their clothes are you staring more intently at the man's naked body than at the women's?" So generichero says "well to be honest mom I appreciate the naked human form so I'm usually looking at both of the male and the female is they are taking off their clothes." So his mom says "ok we are going to figure it out that easily then. I mean it sounds like you're a little in the closet but that doesn't necessarily mean anything Michelangelo painted naked men and he was as straight as it gets. We're going to have to go a little deeper than this."
"Next question" says his mom "when you have dreams I'm sure sometimes you have dreams you are falling in love. Is it of a girl you like at school or a boy you like at school?" Generichero replies "to be honest mom to tell you the truth I always have these dreams I'm falling in love with fairies and we are flying around and they turn me into a fairy and give me wings and we go flying around together." His mom says "boy faeries or girl fairies?" Generic hero just replies "just fairies in general sometimes they don't even have a gender." So his mom says "I can tell we are not just going to figure it out that simply just with this question. We're going to have to go a little deeper then.
"Next question" says his mom. "Son when you take a shower do you ever touch yourself and have fantasies until you feel a pleasure in your penis?" Asks his mom. Generichero replies "actually yes mom." His mom then asks "and are you usually thinking of a guy or a girl when you are touching yourself in the shower?" Generic hero replies "I'm actually usually thinking of animals having sex." His mom asks him "two male animals humping each other or a male and a female animal?" Generic hero replies "to be honest mom just the thought of animals having sex in general. I can just imagine all sorts of animals having sex and it just really turns me on and gives me an erect hard penis in the shower when I decide to touch myself. Sometimes it's rabid sometimes it's dogs sometimes it's Bears sometimes it's deers sometimes it's raccoons sometimes it's Birds sometimes it's mice sometimes it's well what else is there sometimes it's wild Bobcats. I even like to think on the level of other animals raping each other. Sometimes I don't even picture a gender I just picture two animals one animal that doesn't want to have the Sex and the other one that's going to force the other animal to have the sex and they just start humping each other over and over and over. This really gets me going when I'm in the shower by myself."
At this point his mom's getting kind of frustrated. "Its just really hard to get a direct answer about this." So his mom calls up the neighbor and The Neighbor comes over and pulls his mom's panties down and shows his cock up inside of her riding her pussy doggystyle." His mom is moaning and crying and she looks at generic hero and says "son AGH OHH AHH AGHH UGGHH OOHH AHH!! Does this sort of thing turn you on?" And generic hero replies "oh gross Mom I don't want to picture you doing this!" So is Mom gets up off the cock and pulls her panties up and says "fair enough."
Her mom is sitting there thinking and thinking and thinking of a way to help her son figure out if he is gay or not and help him prove if he's actually gay or actually straight. She calls up his friend Adam. Adam comes over and holds out $100 bill. She then says to generic hero "son if your friend Adam was to give you $100 for you to put his cock in your mouth and for you to suck his cock and at the same time for him to reach around and put his thumb up your ass would you be tempted? Now I know this is $100 and you're usually so poor it's hard for you to get even $10 for a crack rock. Remember it's not like Adam is giving you $500. And it's tempting is $100 maybe don't you think you should stop and think about it for a minute? I mean I guess there's people that would do it for the money but do you have to hesitate or are you absolutely sure that this $100 is worth you sucking Adam's cock and him putting his thumb in your ass at the same time?" Generic hero looks over at his mom and says "$100????? Why hell I do it just for five bucks just give me one of those $5s and walks over to Adam and sucks his cock will he shoves his thumb up his ass with no hesitation and a big smile on his face."
Generic Hero's mom looks at her son's face with a satisfied look that she figured things out and says out loud to him "yep after this last test I'm pretty 100% positively sure that you are absolutely as gays as it gets."
--------------------
I did not say to edit my signature soulidarity! Now forever I will never remember what I said about understanding the secrets of the universe by paying attention to subtleties!
I'm never giving you the password again. Jerk
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imachavel
I loved and lost but I loved-ftw



Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 31,375
Loc: You get banned for saying that
Last seen: 8 hours, 39 minutes
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: KetaminePeen]
#28166897 - 01/31/23 10:55 PM (11 months, 22 days ago) |
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Quote:
KetaminePeen said: sucked cock for bus money, then walked
That's another way to tell
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I did not say to edit my signature soulidarity! Now forever I will never remember what I said about understanding the secrets of the universe by paying attention to subtleties!
I'm never giving you the password again. Jerk
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor

Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: imachavel] 1
#28166898 - 01/31/23 10:55 PM (11 months, 22 days ago) |
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-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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GenericHero
one howdy stranger


Registered: 07/07/20
Posts: 1,487
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: imachavel]
#28167444 - 02/01/23 11:34 AM (11 months, 21 days ago) |
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Quote:
KetaminePeen said: sucked cock for bus money, then walked
That's how it works. You can't just walk up to someone and ask to suck their dick. They will get weirded out and leave. If you have a pretense, like needing money for the bus, they are more likely to let their guard down.Quote:
imachavel said: One day generic hero is asking his mom "hey mom how do I know if I'm gay or not?" His mom replies "do you have a boyfriend at school?" To which generic hero replies "no I don't." To which his mom says back to him "well then you're not gay." But he says back to his mom "are you sure it starts out to obvious?" So his mom comes up and sits right down next to him and says "ok we need to have a talk. We are going to go over some things and based on how you answer these questions I will probably be able to tell you if you're gay or not son. Know that no matter what I won't judge you and will always love you. But I am going to tell you if you're a flaming faggot."
So she begins "when you watch movies and the man and the woman are about to have sex and you see them taking off their clothes are you staring more intently at the man's naked body than at the women's?" So generichero says "well to be honest mom I appreciate the naked human form so I'm usually looking at both of the male and the female is they are taking off their clothes." So his mom says "ok we are going to figure it out that easily then. I mean it sounds like you're a little in the closet but that doesn't necessarily mean anything Michelangelo painted naked men and he was as straight as it gets. We're going to have to go a little deeper than this."
"Next question" says his mom "when you have dreams I'm sure sometimes you have dreams you are falling in love. Is it of a girl you like at school or a boy you like at school?" Generichero replies "to be honest mom to tell you the truth I always have these dreams I'm falling in love with fairies and we are flying around and they turn me into a fairy and give me wings and we go flying around together." His mom says "boy faeries or girl fairies?" Generic hero just replies "just fairies in general sometimes they don't even have a gender." So his mom says "I can tell we are not just going to figure it out that simply just with this question. We're going to have to go a little deeper then.
"Next question" says his mom. "Son when you take a shower do you ever touch yourself and have fantasies until you feel a pleasure in your penis?" Asks his mom. Generichero replies "actually yes mom." His mom then asks "and are you usually thinking of a guy or a girl when you are touching yourself in the shower?" Generic hero replies "I'm actually usually thinking of animals having sex." His mom asks him "two male animals humping each other or a male and a female animal?" Generic hero replies "to be honest mom just the thought of animals having sex in general. I can just imagine all sorts of animals having sex and it just really turns me on and gives me an erect hard penis in the shower when I decide to touch myself. Sometimes it's rabid sometimes it's dogs sometimes it's Bears sometimes it's deers sometimes it's raccoons sometimes it's Birds sometimes it's mice sometimes it's well what else is there sometimes it's wild Bobcats. I even like to think on the level of other animals raping each other. Sometimes I don't even picture a gender I just picture two animals one animal that doesn't want to have the Sex and the other one that's going to force the other animal to have the sex and they just start humping each other over and over and over. This really gets me going when I'm in the shower by myself."
At this point his mom's getting kind of frustrated. "Its just really hard to get a direct answer about this." So his mom calls up the neighbor and The Neighbor comes over and pulls his mom's panties down and shows his cock up inside of her riding her pussy doggystyle." His mom is moaning and crying and she looks at generic hero and says "son AGH OHH AHH AGHH UGGHH OOHH AHH!! Does this sort of thing turn you on?" And generic hero replies "oh gross Mom I don't want to picture you doing this!" So is Mom gets up off the cock and pulls her panties up and says "fair enough."
Her mom is sitting there thinking and thinking and thinking of a way to help her son figure out if he is gay or not and help him prove if he's actually gay or actually straight. She calls up his friend Adam. Adam comes over and holds out $100 bill. She then says to generic hero "son if your friend Adam was to give you $100 for you to put his cock in your mouth and for you to suck his cock and at the same time for him to reach around and put his thumb up your ass would you be tempted? Now I know this is $100 and you're usually so poor it's hard for you to get even $10 for a crack rock. Remember it's not like Adam is giving you $500. And it's tempting is $100 maybe don't you think you should stop and think about it for a minute? I mean I guess there's people that would do it for the money but do you have to hesitate or are you absolutely sure that this $100 is worth you sucking Adam's cock and him putting his thumb in your ass at the same time?" Generic hero looks over at his mom and says "$100????? Why hell I do it just for five bucks just give me one of those $5s and walks over to Adam and sucks his cock will he shoves his thumb up his ass with no hesitation and a big smile on his face."
Generic Hero's mom looks at her son's face with a satisfied look that she figured things out and says out loud to him "yep after this last test I'm pretty 100% positively sure that you are absolutely as gays as it gets."
Hmm, I'll give you a B. Better make that a B minus; there are many spelling errors. You need to proofread your work before turning it in. Good effort though, I don't want you to get discouraged. You really went above and beyond with the sheer number of words.
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halfass mycology
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imachavel
I loved and lost but I loved-ftw



Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 31,375
Loc: You get banned for saying that
Last seen: 8 hours, 39 minutes
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: GenericHero] 1
#28167554 - 02/01/23 12:56 PM (11 months, 21 days ago) |
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It was a bit much yes. Needs lots of revisement. It's the effort that counts though.
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I did not say to edit my signature soulidarity! Now forever I will never remember what I said about understanding the secrets of the universe by paying attention to subtleties!
I'm never giving you the password again. Jerk
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Pickle Rick
Gherkin



Registered: 07/24/22
Posts: 864
Loc: Jar
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: imachavel] 2
#28167584 - 02/01/23 01:15 PM (11 months, 21 days ago) |
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shits each time he sneezes
-------------------- P i c k l e R i c k
Pick Rick's Mushroom Chocolate
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Hyebrid
Resident Falconer



Registered: 11/28/22
Posts: 333
Loc: Mars
Last seen: 2 months, 6 days
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: Pickle Rick]
#28167597 - 02/01/23 01:25 PM (11 months, 21 days ago) |
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Trusts farts
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🆃🅴🅰🅼 🅶🆁🅰🅵🆃🅸🅽🅶 🆃🅰🅿🅴 HyEbrid's Curated List of Valuable Links
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GenericHero
one howdy stranger


Registered: 07/07/20
Posts: 1,487
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: Hyebrid]
#28167812 - 02/01/23 04:23 PM (11 months, 21 days ago) |
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Quote:
Pickle Rick said: shits each time he sneezes
Know this can happen from his own experience.
Quote:
Hyebrid said: rust art
Beautiful
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halfass mycology
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GenericHero
one howdy stranger


Registered: 07/07/20
Posts: 1,487
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: GenericHero]
#28168102 - 02/01/23 08:18 PM (11 months, 21 days ago) |
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Picture of imachavel. relevant to the story.

The story: Imachavel didn't ask where the strange gentleman had acquired the item; Imachavel didn't care. His voice cracked with tension, "Here is the money." "Thanks gramps" replied the stranger. Imachavel reached a shaky hand into his coat and removed a crumpled, yellow envelope. He hesitated for a moment, then thrust the envelope into the other man's hand. "Heh, thanks gramps" slipped from behind the stranger's yellow teeth as he turned to walk away. A small package remained where he had been standing. Imachavel looked around, and with a sigh, picked up the package and concealed it within his coat. He began walking.
"I wonder where he is" thought Ethel. She looked at the clock and then out the window. It was nearing midnight. She noticed Imachavel's trash still had not been set out. "Imachavel wouldn't miss trash day, he's always so regimented." Ethel frowned. Just then, she heard an enormous thud from the upstairs unit. "I hope he is doing alright up there." Her frown deepened.
With a trembling hand, Imachavel held a scrap of paper up to the light from a burned-down candle. "I've done everything to the letter, I don't understand." Imachavel's mind raced frantically. "The coming of the morning marks two weeks exactly. At midnight I will try once more before I succumb to madness." When the clock began to chime out the arrival of midnight, Imachavel rose and steadied himself. A sharp inhale, then held his breath. He walked towards the chair he had assembled from the esoteric instructions. He placed his hand on the backrest and let the air out of his lungs. His other hand came to rest on the chair. With a small grunt he lifted the chair and let the backrest down on top of his head. He fixed his eyes ahead and began to chant in monotone, "Hair, hair. Hair from nowhere." His chanting continued, with each repetition his voice became stronger. "Hair, hair! Hair from nowhere!" Imachavel was screaming. He had been trying to ignore the growing mass under the rug. "Hair, hair-" his voice faltered. There it was, again. Heart-sunken frustration turned into a boiling rage. He brought the chair down on the lump as hard as he could.
"I just don't understand it." Ethel sobbed. Detective Mann looked up from his notepad. "Unfortunately, these things do happen. Most likely the work of some lunatic, seeing that nothing has been stolen." "Why would they murder him? He never bothered anyone" begged Ethel. "He probably put up a fight with the intruder and the chair was used by the assailant as a weapon." Detective Mann clicked his pen and put it and his notepad into his breast pocket. His left hand came out of a pant pocket with a white business card which he handed to Ethel. "Here is the number for our crisis hotline. I think it would be a good idea for you to get in touch with them." Detective Mann closed the door behind him as he left Ethel's apartment. Ethel stood still for several moments. She turned and stuck the card to her refrigerator with a small magnet.
the end
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halfass mycology
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Hyebrid
Resident Falconer



Registered: 11/28/22
Posts: 333
Loc: Mars
Last seen: 2 months, 6 days
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: GenericHero] 1
#28168120 - 02/01/23 08:30 PM (11 months, 21 days ago) |
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TLDR.
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🆃🅴🅰🅼 🅶🆁🅰🅵🆃🅸🅽🅶 🆃🅰🅿🅴 HyEbrid's Curated List of Valuable Links
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imachavel
I loved and lost but I loved-ftw



Registered: 06/06/07
Posts: 31,375
Loc: You get banned for saying that
Last seen: 8 hours, 39 minutes
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: GenericHero] 1
#28168285 - 02/01/23 11:19 PM (11 months, 21 days ago) |
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Quote:
GenericHero said: Picture of imachavel. relevant to the story.

The story: Imachavel didn't ask where the strange gentleman had acquired the item; Imachavel didn't care. His voice cracked with tension, "Here is the money." "Thanks gramps" replied the stranger. Imachavel reached a shaky hand into his coat and removed a crumpled, yellow envelope. He hesitated for a moment, then thrust the envelope into the other man's hand. "Heh, thanks gramps" slipped from behind the stranger's yellow teeth as he turned to walk away. A small package remained where he had been standing. Imachavel looked around, and with a sigh, picked up the package and concealed it within his coat. He began walking.
"I wonder where he is" thought Ethel. She looked at the clock and then out the window. It was nearing midnight. She noticed Imachavel's trash still had not been set out. "Imachavel wouldn't miss trash day, he's always so regimented." Ethel frowned. Just then, she heard an enormous thud from the upstairs unit. "I hope he is doing alright up there." Her frown deepened.
With a trembling hand, Imachavel held a scrap of paper up to the light from a burned-down candle. "I've done everything to the letter, I don't understand." Imachavel's mind raced frantically. "The coming of the morning marks two weeks exactly. At midnight I will try once more before I succumb to madness." When the clock began to chime out the arrival of midnight, Imachavel rose and steadied himself. A sharp inhale, then held his breath. He walked towards the chair he had assembled from the esoteric instructions. He placed his hand on the backrest and let the air out of his lungs. His other hand came to rest on the chair. With a small grunt he lifted the chair and let the backrest down on top of his head. He fixed his eyes ahead and began to chant in monotone, "Hair, hair. Hair from nowhere." His chanting continued, with each repetition his voice became stronger. "Hair, hair! Hair from nowhere!" Imachavel was screaming. He had been trying to ignore the growing mass under the rug. "Hair, hair-" his voice faltered. There it was, again. Heart-sunken frustration turned into a boiling rage. He brought the chair down on the lump as hard as he could.
"I just don't understand it." Ethel sobbed. Detective Mann looked up from his notepad. "Unfortunately, these things do happen. Most likely the work of some lunatic, seeing that nothing has been stolen." "Why would they murder him? He never bothered anyone" begged Ethel. "He probably put up a fight with the intruder and the chair was used by the assailant as a weapon." Detective Mann clicked his pen and put it and his notepad into his breast pocket. His left hand came out of a pant pocket with a white business card which he handed to Ethel. "Here is the number for our crisis hotline. I think it would be a good idea for you to get in touch with them." Detective Mann closed the door behind him as he left Ethel's apartment. Ethel stood still for several moments. She turned and stuck the card to her refrigerator with a small magnet.
the end
All right you got me. I'm going to be trying to figure this one out for awhile. Maybe I'm done with the insult thread. I mean probably not because I love making jokes about how people are forced to have sex with each other.
But really I just can't beat this story. Well done
--------------------
I did not say to edit my signature soulidarity! Now forever I will never remember what I said about understanding the secrets of the universe by paying attention to subtleties!
I'm never giving you the password again. Jerk
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Gray Hound
Trash


Registered: 05/24/21
Posts: 161
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: imachavel]
#28168333 - 02/02/23 12:06 AM (11 months, 21 days ago) |
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Invites his friends over for tea parties. but before theY drink tea out of their asshole they fist each others assholes out. than drink tea through their anus. they call it "bon apetit"
Edited by Gray Hound (02/02/23 12:23 AM)
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Skinflute
NOOB


Registered: 04/26/16
Posts: 189
Last seen: 6 months, 25 days
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Re: Give the poster above you a serious hurtful insult [Re: Gray Hound]
#28168617 - 02/02/23 06:48 AM (11 months, 20 days ago) |
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You need to take that shit somewhere else. The compliments thread is not here. Everybody here LOVES anal tea
-------------------- Be Kind to Everyone Nobody can take away your Joy, you have to give it away willingly. Instead, give them Mercy, give them understanding But do not give away your Joy
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