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Anonymous #1

Pussy on the pedestal * 1
    #23659434 - 09/19/16 05:16 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I feel like i do this in pretty much every relationship i have had with women

i would call it an inferiority complex

like letting them walk all over me, thinking im not good enough for her, feeling like i need to treat her like a queen and pamper her and shit or she will leave me

I tried to pursue a chick recently after a fair dry spell and pretty much blew it cause of playing weird fucking mind games with myself

how do i fix this shit?


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OfflineThe5thElement
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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23659517 - 09/19/16 05:46 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

if you think your shit, people will treat you like shit?

Stop giving any fucks what anyone else thinks, just be you and learn from every experience.

In an actual relationship if i thought i had to be someone other than myself, and put on some kind of show then I would expect that relationship to never work. Why would you even put yourself into a situation that you felt this way about yourself in the firstplace?


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OfflinePsilosoulful

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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: The5thElement]
    #23660299 - 09/19/16 11:23 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah, he's right, just be you. Don't overanalyze every situation you find yourself in with the girl you're talking to/dating.

Make strong eye contact, smile, relax your shoulders, and treat her with respect.
But to make her desire you and subsequently want to sleep with you, you must play hard to get, aka the "hot and cold" tactic.

If you make yourself too available from the start, she will look at you more like a needy friend, rather than a potential lover.
You must play the game or the game will play you.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23660437 - 09/20/16 12:37 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

sounds like u got Anxious-Ambilivent attachment style. As the name suggests, you are "afraid" she will leave u, so you put a lot of emphasis on the lady and hold her in high regards as u are anxious that she will leave u if you dont act that way.

My advice is seek a woman with this Anxious-Ambilivent attachment style and the two of you will "worship" each other and there will be much more harmony in the relationship.

In a stable enough relationship, it will turn to a Secured Attachment style, the best type.

I used to be really anxious-ambilivent attachtment type but grew out of it cause my GF has it too and we matched up nicely, and i got comfortable over time.


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Invisiblevandago
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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 2
    #23660496 - 09/20/16 01:19 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

If you put the pussy on a pedestal, when she's on her period, does it rain blood?  Cause I'd keep it there if so. That's metal as fuck.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: vandago]
    #23661311 - 09/20/16 10:53 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Deep vandago. DEEP.


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InvisibleMojo
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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 3
    #23662117 - 09/20/16 03:21 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I think it helps to understand the world that women live in..  Think about this for a minute.  An attractive girl is hit-on almost everyday, in short she has options.  Think of it like this, a pretty woman is like your average middle class consumer shopping for something, we have so many fucking options that we start picking each option apart, nitpicking, reading over countless reviews before we select the item we want, be it a smart phone, a laptop, or anything else.  Let's imagine someone offers a middle class consumer a free smart phone, what's your first reaction? Probably something like "what kind is it, how old is it, does it work? ect...."  This is a perfectly natural way to act for anyone with options, which all pretty women have.

Now think about you, the average dude. Average guys are happy to have just about whatever piece of hot ass walks by, right??  So how does this fit into the above metaphor?  Lets imagine a dirt poor person in a third world country, and someone offers them a smartphone, do you think they are going to react the same way?  No, they are just going to take it, no questions asked, right?  Even if it doesn't work, isn't up to date ect...  They will find a use for it because it's their only option!  They cannot afford to buy one themselves.

Now let's say we put the average consumer in a room with a third-world child that is absolutely destitute.  What will the middle-class person feel?  Maybe pity? Or  Guilt?

Funny isn't it that women feel these same emotions when dealing with someone that they view as pathetic?

Would you as a middle class citizen have trouble viewing a destitute starving person as an equal, as a potential love interest?  This is precisely what many men ask a woman to do when hey act desperate.

So how do you flip the script?  You have to show women that you are selective and desirable.  Only then you will be playing on a level playing field.  If you act pathetic, overly anxious, overly available.  Your just going to be that poor destitute pathetic boy, and the only emotion that you will evoke in her is pity..


Edited by Mojo (09/20/16 04:19 PM)


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InvisibleJohnnieYen
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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: Mojo] * 1
    #23662151 - 09/20/16 03:34 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

great explanation. I used to be the pathetic boy wondering why women didn't want me. The moment I shook that off and started not giving a shit, I had women asking me out.

Even had a situation where there were two girls I worked with and they both invited me out on a date. I think they wanted me to pick which one I liked better. I picked neither and they just wanted me more.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: JohnnieYen]
    #23664069 - 09/21/16 03:45 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

So in order to get women, u have to act like you dont want them at all?

How paradoxial... :strokebeard:

The problem with me is im a terrible actor! :rofl:


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InvisibleMojo
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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #23664317 - 09/21/16 07:53 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

I wouldn't look at like that..  It's not that you need to act like you don't want anyone.

Think of the consumer model again, how do we act as middle class citizens.:  pretend your looking for a vaporizer, you know you want a vaporizer, but your not sure which one.  So you need to become familiar with multiple vaporizers, and get to know a few of them well, maybe even trying-out a variety of them before you know which one is right for you.  Picture your actions throughout this process, do you get overly excited about any one vaporizer before you know some details about the product, i.e. How it hits, battery life, vapor quality, maintenance, reliability ect? No, as good as it looks in the packaging it might be a total piece of crap on the inside and not worth your time or money.

Now replace vaporizer in the above paragraph with woman.  That's how you need to act, and by the way, is it really acting?  If women were falling all over you, isn't this likely how you would act naturally?

I'm not trying in anyway to objectify women here or compare them to shitty products, I just think the consumer metaphor is relatable.

Ask yourself this, why should the fact that a woman is attractive automatically make her "the one".  As men we seem to think women are "the one" before we know anything about them!  If you can really get your head wrapped around these concepts you will come to find the aforementioned is a crazy way to go about any of life's choices.


Edited by Mojo (09/21/16 09:56 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: Mojo]
    #23664473 - 09/21/16 09:23 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

i am the starved african clay cookie eating kid that ate the first marshmallow instead of waiting for 2


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InvisibleLackToast
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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23675572 - 09/24/16 11:47 PM (7 years, 4 months ago)

Hey if you have low self esteem and you say you put women on a pedestal. Then you shouod stop dissing yourself and thinking it's OK or cool. Try instead thinking of yourself as better and capable of great things.

You should practice meditation and listen to Alan watts lectures and read some books. I can give you a list of the last books I've read over the past few years that really helped me out. I still waste my time and still hate my job. But I'm perfectly content with my decisions and I believe I don't take anything from anyone; such as their time, validation, approval, nor do I try (and heavy emphasis on try because im pretty sure im a huge asshole) and take the their reaching out to me for granted, so I've for the large majority never been needy or desperate.

I hope this helps you some. I know it's hard to exist in a state where you feel like you need someone and nobody will recognize you, or further still you manage to get in your own way every time and then you just feel like you're some fuck up who won't figure it out.

It's not true, you alright as you are and anyone who tells you otherwise only believes that same lie that they tell themselves aswell.

Anyways there not much more I can offer you than just to say give it time and try to think of yourself as awesome and then you'll only let other people in your life who look at you the same way.

Peace


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OfflineEzuma
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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23675711 - 09/25/16 01:24 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)

smoke some weed, chill out, stop over thinking it and also maybe possibly lower your standards at least for a little while (if that seems likely to be part of the problem)

think about things that make you feel good about yourself, or have done, and do those things, and cultivate that feeling where you can find it and hopefully you will gain some confidence gradually in other areas as well


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InvisibleDark_Star
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Re: Pussy on the pedestal [Re: Ezuma] * 5
    #23675884 - 09/25/16 05:34 AM (7 years, 4 months ago)



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