I woke up and decided to write it down, in the hope to retain as much of it as I can. English is not my native language so excuse the clumsiness.
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At 4PM I made up two mugs of minestrone soup (from powder) into which I added the dried and powdered Liberty Caps. I didn't cook it; I just added the powder together with the soup powder and covered it with hot water. I added slightly more into one mug I surely wanted to go with no matter what, and "in case I want more", some into the other, without weighing the two, but the total amount was around 3g. 3g because it was my first ever so I didn't want to blow my mind completely, not quite knowing what I'm about to get into. Even the 3g I couldn't weigh up properly as my scale isn't sensitive enough so what I did, I weighed up 6 which was the smallest amount I could measure with precision and halved it by volume. So that went into two mugs.
I drank the first mug relatively fast and a flushing sensation of energy burst hit my body at around the 10-minute mark. I got so excited I managed to pour out the other mug. I got a bit upset and thought now I must have set myself up for a bad trip because of getting angry while already starting to get high. I rushed into the kitchen and made up another mug with just eyeballed amounts of powder. I think I might have taken way more than what had been in that mug originally (not being able to weigh that small amount). I call it 4g total.
In bed, with my headphones on, with very obvious bodily feelings already (that reminded me of the mescaline I took once in my life but it was too small of a dose), I read my list I'd prepared. It was questions, or things I wanted to understand. I copy my list to the end of this trip report. O kept reading and reading them aloud as the trip intensified. I did one more thing; I asked for protection and guidance from Archangel Michael. This is a long story. I don't consider myself religious but once he saved my ass while I was doing OOBE and ever since, I always call on him when meditating, let alone doing OOBE.
For a good while, the visuals came only when I closed my eyes. The moment I closed my eyes I was traveling in fractal worlds. It was as though the sky a bove my head was a "membrane" and on the other side of that membrane, there was another type of Life, pulsating, breathing. I realized that every movement of mine, every breath of mine made a difference for THEM on the other side of my membrane, my bubble. If I moved too fast I might have "hit" some of them. If I exhaled, the other lifeforms were swirling around the air I just exhaled. I'd never realized that Life was literally everywhere and that it's all so interconnected that whatever I do in this 3D reality of mine affects the other lifeforms so mucch. I simply have to be gentle not to disturb them too much. Precious beings!
Before the trip, I prepared some crystals in the last moment; a natural quartz prism and a smoky quartz "pyramid", and some other smaller ones. I've always been intrigued by crystals but it never happened to me to look into them, through them. As I was getting higher, something happened to me that made me look into the big quartz prism at the base and to my shock, every side of it took me into yet another different world, another dimension that all exist in their own "membranes" if you will, simultaneously. I soon discovered that the way of traveling between the worlds is set by my intent. I direct the pointy end of the crystal to wherever I want to go and it will clear the way for me to go there straight. The crystals seem like entry points to these other worlds.
I then found myself turning the small smoky quartz prism around and figured that despite it having only 4 sides (or so I thought), I can rotate it infinitely and in this world, it has much more "sides" and they're all different. I couldn't stop playing with it, discover new and new sides (which were characterized by how translucent the sides were), set my intent and just go there and enjoy the colors and the different levels of density and translucency.
I was playing with the two crystals, switching them from time to time and visited many of the worlds they took me into. Then I asked myself, this is great but where are the People? I've always been such an introvert with very limited human contact; would it be that the Real World consists of just crystals and fractals and colors and all but no people? I was quickly shown as people were sitting in each and every corner of this universe, in small, what looked like crystal "cells". All cells were part of a central construction, but the people sitting in them were sitting there picking always one and the same side of their crystal cells and insisted on looking the world through that side. I realized that the Light is ONE but the crystals break it into different spectra and each human being "represents" one specific wavelength. They all think what they see is the absolute truth, not quite realizing that they're sitting in a crystal cell and the cell has so many "walls" available, with all different colors and translucency and they never lean against another side to see the world through that! I also realized that I also see my world through certain crystal surfaces and the meaning of Friendship is simply that, probably determined by very similar life experiences, we see the world through the same surfaces and therefore, we sit in the same cell. I was feeling immensely grateful for my friends and (in my waking life, shit -- alcoholic and dysfunctional) family for having shared a cell with me. That I'm not destined to sit in a cell forever but actually there are human beings sitting in the same cell or right next to me, and also that each cell has so many sides and we can freely choose to watch the world through another wall at any moment!
Random people started to pop up in my mind and as I thought of them I saw them in their crystal cells. Some cells were a color I at first didn't like (= wasn't familiar). Like there was a deep purple cell but a bit muted and muddy, with a person in it I don't like (and is a daily contact) and as I was sitting in front of her I was just asked, now do you think it's "her" color, or is it possible that it's your color and you project that onto her so she reflects your… intent? It struck me that we live in a world of mirrors and we see the others through what we project onto them. MAYBE she lives in a muddy, purple cell. Maybe I live in a muddy purple cell and maybe that's why she lives in a muddy purple cell because I "put" her there. I remember I opened my eyes at this point_; I still had a fragment of my waking consciousness and I just wanted to check I was not getting insane. But my room looked so warped and so colorful, with fractals everywhere that I concluded it didn't matter if I had my eyes open or closed, because the only thing that mattered was my intent; where I wanted to be, so I decide to close them. Time was 17:20 I *think*. I'm saying I think because I checked the time a couple of times during this trip and sometimes the two clocks I checked weren't in sync (5:44 and 5:48 I recall).
Then the whole thing started to pulsate to a rhythm of breathing. Like the whole universe was breathing to the same rhythm. The next visual image that struck me what that all people are just like the fruits growing from the same mycelium. Connected at the base level. The mycelium is like a huge carpet right underneath the surface of "the outer world" as we see it. We, humans, tend to forget that we are all growing from the very same mycelium. "Disconnected", isolated, fragmented are an illusion. How could one forget that we're all connected at the very base…
The true nature of the world is Joy. It's simply energy that exists and at times, bursts into music and rhythms and creates something we call a "new life", be it a child, or a … mushroom (fruit). Life itself is the mycelium and the fruits are when they Joy accumulated so much it just bursts. Protect the children and the small mushrooms while still very tender and be proud of each and every big one that's got the chance to grow a bit older because they've been through some tough stuff. And it they fall and "die", that's just that that particular energy burst that created them has been dissolved again in the mycelium which still exists and we're still connected to it - there's no such thing as death, only returning to the mycelium which will burst again at random places and times. "We" as such may not be recreated exactly as we were but it doesn't matter because "we" are just one tiny mushroom or kid or tree but our True Nature is the mycelium which we attempt to represent in a million, slightly different ways just so that we get all the colors of the universe that make it fun when the universe watches its own dance. Sex is like music. Sex is the how. When the universe, at some time and space becomes so charged that it must burst, it results in "sex" and a new growth (for an analogue, a mushroom) is created. I did not get a clear answer to whether mushrooms are a higher order species that embody the true nature of the universe, or whether we all are like them, except we don't realize that we're also part of the mycelium and we all are just individual growths, which in the greater scheme of things doesn't really matter because we are all connected at the base anyway. There is no such thing as me or you; there is only the mycelium. Maybe mushrooms are simply the most perfect graphical representation of what it really is about and that's why we call then sacred, or maybe they are the ultimate lifeform to remind all others in which case they are a higher order species. I'll ask next time (I'm genuinely curious). At some point the realization made it onto my recorder (I recorded the whole trip in mp3): but then isolation is simply NOT POSSIBLE! I can't, even if I wanted to, be "alone". I'm never alone. We are all connected. HOLY SHIT! We live in an illusion. "Music" is the inherent language of the universe; a way the universe expresses itself. It exists for no purpose. It exists simply because this is how energies manifest; in notes and tones. When it manifests, it has the power to remind us of what's going on underneath in the mycelium -- of how the universe pulsates.
About humor and persistence... I saw a range of people, most of them I know, some were fictional, all growing from the mycelium, then forgetting about it, growing up, and acting their own ways while I could see their connection to the mycelium. And I was explained that when they do something I find stupid is because they have the freedom to express something that's just theirs, their very own quirks, which may cause them suffering OR joy for that matter, and all these quirks, that they're so unexpected or out of line, are simple the manifestation of humor in the universe. It's like when you have one beat in the music that in your mind doesn't belong there but you hear it over and over again. THAT beat that doesn't belong there is the humor in the universe and that it shows up again and again is simply the universe playing a game and enjoying itself. One should notice and acknowledge those beats - even if they seem to be so off. It's like a person that's doing his or her quirks again and again that used to annoy me but those quirks are the very things that make it so much fun, and so FAMILIAR. Familiarity is that creates a sense of communion. When I saw the different quirks I sometimes asked, buy WHY this? And the answer was, just because! I understood it was a stupid question. NO reason.
I then saw beings crawling on the surface, standing up and falling again. I realized that this represented the mistakes we all make. I felt the deepest compassion ever for all those people - and myself - that keep falling and falling and falling and yet getting up and trying again! I then asked, what's the meaning of it all? Expecting something like "every time you try you get better and better at it" as if there was a place to arrive to, a final place when you've reached perfection. But I was told, no, the meaning is simply to remember your nature (of belonging to the mycelium) and grow again, try again, and again, and again, giving your very best every time, and yes you'll get better at it every time but there's no such thing as OK, now we can stop, we've reached perfection because the Breathing, the Pulsating keeps going on. The mycelium never dies and it will never cease to have fun and burst into new energies and new growth and new lifeforms and we'll keep playing its beautiful game because we ARE the mycelium. So it's a forever-game, forever-manifestation, forever-joy, forever-trying game. Wow. Astounded, I just decided to tune in completely and enjoyed the rhythm of the pulsating that is pure Joy.
Then more images came as I saw people fall and fall again. People who forgot that they are the mycelium themselves and thought they "failed" in a way… I could see their core, their true nature and decided to step next to them and raise them up. I told them, to my own alcoholic family and people I normally consider as failures that you need to try again, remember, there's no separation, you need to keep going, that's what it's all about. I also saw myself in them: I remembered all the times when I was there and I had failed as I told them "I know your pain, I know how you feel, I've been there, and yet, get up, you need to keep going." I saw myself in a million copies, like in a hologram as I was approaching many people and raised them up to keep them going. And I saw many of me holding my hands around tiny lives (plants and mushrooms) and hugging many children to protect the tender ones until they can get a bit stronger. I think at this point I ceased to exist. First of all there was a million of me, and second, I realized I myself am not any special or unique, just another helper like so many other "growths of the mycelium" that have been lucky enough to have been allowed to see its inner workings so they can raise up others that are about to fall. The MP3 recording is full of I'm so grateful, I'm so grateful, thank you for allowing me to see this. I was sobbing and crying throughout the whole trip – which, by the way lasted for about 4 hours ("only", although my pupils were dilated for another three).
At the 4-hour mark I went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I saw a beautiful human being (note that I have* serious issues with myself, such as "ugly", unattractive, bla bla) and all I could see was that despite all I've been through, my hair was growing thick and lush, like mushrooms after the rain, my skin was glowing, I was strong, and my eyes were like crystal prisms. I remember I told my reflection, you see, you're badass, you've made it! You're fucking amazing! Pity you can't hug your reflection. The only open-eyed hallucinations at this point, that still persisted, were that everything was so small, my toilet and my bed so low, the spaces so huge (when did I move to this huge apartment?) and I felt like a giant. I crawled back to bed, ate a banana and drank a liter of water, closed my eyes, and decided to sleep to process all this. Sleep didn't come on fast and easy; my mind was still too busy. It took about 2 hours for me to fall asleep, exhausted ("buffer overflow").
I woke up without alarm clock at five (unusual for me). See what I can keep from this trip; see if I can look at all those people "failing" and falling as... part of the mycelia, with humor, and appreciate their persistence even if it's so "off" to me. I also checked the forecast and felt genuine happiness now that I see overcast skies (no rain here since several weeks, only dew) because I'm thinking of my little mushrooms that want to grow from the mycelium. By the way, I have some I'm drying at the moment and after the trip, I thanked them. I held them in my hands, one after the other and I just couldn't believe how lucky I was to have been guided to them (I'd read about the first at about ten years ago and they have been on my to-do list for six years, but only now have I pulled the trigger.)
________ My list was (without editing): Then ask yourself, what’s holding me back in life? How does my behavior compare to my goals and self-beliefs? What would I like to change about my life? Don’t just think through the questions; feel them. Focus on your deepest emotions before, during, and after the trip, and you will wind up with extraordinary lessons from the other side of the psychedelic frontier. “The baggage and the weight of past negative experiences and mistakes are fading and the realization that the remainder of my life is sacred and that every moment should be treasured grows with each entheogenic encounter and I am thankful.”
How I treat myself Build self-love Understand self-sabotage Self-trust and self-unity
*Update 27 November: These issues are completely gone. They have never returned since that trip.
Edited by purplegills (11/27/16 10:20 AM)
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