5 grams of liberty caps prepared as tea
Hi, I'm just going to try to type out a trip report, though as I'm sure many of you can attest to, there really aren't any words to describe it.
Background: I've tripped five or six times before. I started out with difficult trips (wouldn't call them bad because the after effects were fantastic and the reason I decided to do it again). Five grams is the most I've taken before, and this gave me about a level 3 trip.
I had decided that what I would like to learn from this trip was how to enjoy myself and live in the moment. I'm the kind of guy who'll have a fantastic meal and think "ooh, it would have been even better with this wine or that sauce or whatever," instead of just enjoying it. Earlier I've successfully used tripping to learn to let go of pain, bitterness and fear. I prepared myself for about a week beforehand, guarding my thought life and what I put into me both pysically and mentally. Stopped reading the news and watching violent movies etc. Meditated for a while the night before to calm my nerves, drank the tea on empty in the morning and went out. I live in the countryside and have a secluded, beautiful spot with a fantastic view and little chance of company.
The trip: Felt a little uneasy on the comeup, slighty nauseous, but that passed quickly and I reminded myself that it's normal to feel a little uneasy coming up. I also reminded myself that I had chosen to do this voluntarily and that I wasn't going to try and control the trip. Like "here I am, show me what you want."
I usually get a little sleepy after the initial nausea, so I laid down and expected CEVs as before. I didn't really get any, but I got some weird bodily sensations, kind of like an orgasm in my legs(!). I could feel tight muscles here and there and stretching felt absolutely fantastic. I lay down again and waves of pure happiness coarsed through me. At one point it felt like my body was physicall melting from pure joy. I had no idea it was even possible to experience bliss and contentment like this. I have often tried to imagine what heaven must be like; this surpassed that by a thousandfold. I really can't imagine anybody, ever experiencing something more wonderful than I did.
I can't describe it, but I can make metaphors. It was like having been blind and suddenly being able to see. Or like having ever heard music through an old school desktop PC, and then getting 1000 $ headphones.
Sitting up and opening my eyes I saw the most beautiful landscape. It was like I'd never seen colours before. So beautiful it made me cry. I realized that this single experience, though it'd last only a few hours, was worth every single bad thing I have ever experienced. I've been a drug addict, I have multiple suicide attempts, been so down for most of my life, but if that was the price I'd have to pay for this experience, it was worth it. I truly feel like I've been to heaven and back.
I had planned to meditate during the trip, but forgot about it. I thought about my family, how fantastically fortunate I am to be loved, and that I get to love them. I've always known I love my wife, but now I could really feel it. Pure, real love. I realized I could die for her. Mindblowing. Heartblowing.
The comedown was sudden, and left me feeling strangely bored. I guess because of the extreme contrast between what I'd just experienced, and the "real" world. It kind of put me down, but I remembered that the trip isn't over yet, put on some music and tried to digest what had happened. Music, strangely, didn't do much for me this time, it was distracting even though it sounded spaced out.
I walked home with a sense of awe and a determination that I have to stop wasting so much of my time and ability to make the world a better place. As I got home I cleaned the house and did some long-postponed chores (I often get that way after tripping) and declared my love for my wife to the point where she started to cry. I have her blessing to trip because she's seen how much good it does me.
Afterwards: As I know many others do, the days and weeks after a trip are often filled with a greater appreciation of life and a clearer view of what matters. I put my laptop away and took my kids biking, swimming and playing. I'm having the most harmonious days of my life and enjoying every moment I get to spend with those I love, investing in their and my own future by simply being with them. I know the after-effects of shrooms fade after a while, but that doesn't make them any less precious. I guess I won't be tripping againg for at least half a year. This has been the most intense, special and probably the most important experience of my entire life, and I'm going to need months, maybe years, to digest it all. I'm beyond grateful that I got to experience this.
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